CHAPTER THREE

After sending the crates with the files and artefacts through the wormhole, Elizabeth smiled at Teyla. "You're sure you don't want to come along?" she asked the Athosian woman.

"There will be other opportunities for me to visit Earth, Doctor Weir. You will all be busy. I shall remain on Atlantis to assist Doctor Zelenka in the day-to-day affairs of the city until you return," Teyla said with a gentle smile.

They had all been through the same conversation at least half a dozen times in the past few days, and Sheppard knew that Teyla was not going to change her mind. Teyla knew that someone needed to stay and lead those remaining on Atlantis, and, though technically the chain of command didn't include Teyla, those who would have been put in charge had made it clear that they were more than willing to let Teyla run the show in Elizabeth's place for however long the Senior Staff was on Earth. She was, after all, an experienced leader.

Knowing that the longer they kept the Stargate open between galaxies the lower the ZPM's power supply would go, Sheppard decided to cut in before Elizabeth could try to convince Teyla to come back to Earth with them. John wasn't sure why Elizabeth wanted Teyla to go to Earth with them so badly, but he wasn't about to ask. The last thing he wanted was to get someone mad at him for a reason that he was sure he would never be informed of, which was what he was sure would happen if he asked Elizabeth about her constant re-inviting. "If you need anything you know where our allies are, but try to keep 'Gate travel to a minimum until we get back."

"Yes, you have previously instructed me to do so," Teyla said, a ghost of a smile spreading over her lips. "I shall see you when you return."

John smiled. "With popcorn," he said.

Teyla smiled widely. "I would enjoy more popcorn. And perhaps another movie with that distinguished… actor… that I like?" she asked innocently.

"Who?" Elizabeth asked.

"Teyla's got a thing for George Clooney," John said, rolling his eyes.

Elizabeth smiled. "I have all the ER DVD's. I'll make sure I bring them back with me," she promised. "We'll see you in about a month," Elizabeth said before following McKay through the Stargate.

"I hate this," Carson grumbled, looking at the wormhole with a look of fear before John gave him a shove to get him to move.

"Be safe," Teyla said softly.

"You too," John replied before stepping thought the 'Gate.

Once the wormhole had shut down Teyla turned to Doctor Zelenka. "What is an E-R?"

"Welcome back," O'Neill said, smiling at the four people who had come through the Stargate.

Elizabeth smiled. "It's good to be back, General," she said. She looked at the older General, a two-star, who was standing next to O'Neill, his arms crossed across his chest, a frown on his face.

"Doc, Doc, Major, Doc," O'Neill said, nodding to each of the Lantians in turn. "This is Major General Hank Landry," he said, nodding to his companion, "as of two days ago he is the commander of the SGC. I've been waiting for you guys to get here before I head to Washington. Think of me as the transition team." He clapped his hands energetically. "Okay. First stop, Infirmary," he said cheerfully—cheerfully, Elizabeth assumed, because he wasn't the one who had to go through a medical exam by a total stranger.

John frowned, but didn't complain. He knew the drill—through the 'Gate, to the Infirmary, then to debrief. That was SGC law in any galaxy.

The medical check took a lot longer than any of the Atlantis personnel anticipated—the SGC doctor had been exceptionally thorough, making sure that everything in their medical files was up to date, including every detail of their records from the past year on Atlantis, especially damage done during the recent Wraith siege—but, finally, the four were released. Elizabeth and Rodney had had lunch in the Commessary, though Rodney left when Jack sat down with a slice of lemon merange pie, muttering something about killer Generals and going to find Carson. John had disappeared with his laptop to the quarters that he had been assigned, though he refused to tell anyone what he was doing. After lunch they all went to the briefing room for a basic debrief with Generals O'Neill and Landry, a procedure that took nearly four hours, then they were told to get some rest. They were restricted to the base until they were fully debriefed; VIP quarters having been made ready for them in anticipation of their return.

"Where is Doctor Jackson?" Elizabeth asked Jack as the debriefing broke for the day.

"P6M-681," Jack replied. Elizabeth arched an eyebrow at him and he chuckled softly. "He's wrapping up a relocation project with SG teams 4, 7, and 15. Something about a decaying lunar orbit or something… honestly I've been letting Hank deal with the day-to-day stuff around here for about a month so I'm not as up to speed as I'd like on where my people are. I'll find out, though, and get back to you."

Elizabeth shook her head. "That's okay. There are just some artefacts and tablets that I thought he would be interested in looking at."

"Are you kidding? Daniel actually tried to restrict himself to base until you guys got back so that he'd be here waiting when you came through the 'Gate with all your Ancient doo-dads and whachmacallits. He's gonna pout like a little kid when he finds out that the first mission he's been on since we got back in touch with you guys happened at the same time that you got here," Jack smiled. He genuinely liked Elizabeth, except for when she was lobbying to get Daniel onto the original expedition, and he was glad that she was safe. "You should go get some rest. Tomorrow is going to be another long day," Jack said.

"When isn't it?" Elizabeth asked ironically. "See you in the morning," she called after Jack as he headed out the door. She looked over at John, who was still in his seat at the table, staring blankly at the stack of files in front of him. "John? Are you okay?" Elizabeth asked gently.

Sighing heavily, John pushed back from the table and grabbed the files. "Headache," he confessed.

"Well, you did skip lunch… for some reason," Elizabeth said. The role reversal is not lost on either of them—it's usually John who is pestering her about skipping meals, among other things. "Why exactly did you decide that using the computer was more important than eating actual honest-to-god fresh food for the first time in months?"

John's eyes met Elizabeth's briefly. "I was trying to find Ford's grandparents. But I couldn't remember where he grew up. I'm not even sure I ever knew. I mean, he probably told me… but I obviously didn't remember. It just got me thinking… I treated him like crap most of the time."

"You treated him like he was a little brother, John, and Lieutenant Ford admired you more than you know," Elizabeth said.

"Don't," John said sharply.

"Don't what?" Elizabeth asked, confused.

John started moving toward the door. "Don't talk about him in the past tense," he said before leaving the room and disappearing into the maze of hallways that was the SGC.

Though the SGC commissary was hardly known for its gourmet cuisine, Sheppard had to admit that it had better coffee than Atlantis. Though, he supposed, that was probably because the coffee on Atlantis was weak instant crap while the SGC actually got fresh ground coffee beans. He wasn't as much of a caffeine addict as McKay or Elizabeth, but John did like his coffee strong and hot, two things that the coffee back home—he wasn't entirely sure when Atlantis became home, but it was—never managed to be.

"Mind if I join you?" a woman asked, jolting John out of his coffee-induced stupor.

Looking up, Sheppard smiled brightly at the familiar face. "Long time, Samantha," he said, pushing a chair out with his foot. A second later the connection was made in his head. His Samantha was one and the same as Lieutenant Colonel Samantha Carter, Rodney's infamous brilliant tall blonde. Immediately he sat up straight, military training, something that he didn't have to worry about much on Atlantis, kicking in. "Sorry. Ma'am," he added. The last time he had seen her they had both been Captains, both freshly promoted. He wasn't sure why he hadn't seen her when he first came to Cheyenne Mountain, the same day that he first stepped through the Stargate ten months earlier, and he thought it was a little strange that he had never caught on to the fact that the Sam Carter he'd served with, she of the brilliant astrophysics mind, blonde hair, blue eyes, and bright smile, was the same Samantha Carter that Rodney McKay was constantly drooling over.

"Cut that out," Sam frowned as she sat down. "And, yes, it has been a long time. Last time I saw you I was being transferred to another fighter wing, we were both covered in six months worth of desert dust and, if I recall, you were dripping with jet fuel for some reason."

"Jet fuel and crumbs from those god-awful homemade cookies that Archer's girl kept sending him," John laughed, nodding. "Not exactly my finest hour," he admitted.

"No, not really, but from what I hear you've had more than your fair share of those in the past year," Sam said. "You've got some pretty hardcore enemies on your hands, John."

"That's quite the understatement," John said, his good humour fading. "Got any advice? From what I hear you're a seasoned veteran at dealing with big time larger-than-life evil enemies."

Sam smiled softly. "It's all about trial and error. You try something, and if it works, great, but if it doesn't you try the next thing. One mission we went through plans A through T before we found a tactic that worked," Sam said. John smiled at that, though he was sure it was true. "Don't let a failed plan throw you. There's a certain amount of a glass-half-full mentality that you've got to adapt. Otherwise you'll burn out, or worse."

"Anything else? Other than back up our back up plans, I mean," John said.

"Yeah. Trust your team," Sam said.

John looked down at his coffee, thinking about Ford.

"What is it?" Sam asked.

"I forgot how impossible it is for me to hide things from you," he said, smiling softly. "Nearly twenty years and you can still read me like a book," Sheppard said.

Sam cringed. "Don't say it like that. It makes me feel old," she said. John smiled softly. "So… you gonna tell me what's eating you or do I have to force it out of you?" Sam asked, only half teasing.

"Lieutenant Ford, one of my people, he was drugged by the enzyme the Wraith use to immobilize their victims while they feed. He… I guess you would have to say he got addicted to it. He stole a Puddle Jumper and took off through the Stargate."

"I'm sorry," Sam said softly. "Did you know him well?"

Shrugging, John leaned back in his chair. "Better than I know a lot of people there. He was kinda like a little brother, annoying but you don't have the heart to get rid of him."

"There's still hope, right? You might be able to find him, bring him home," Sam said. "If he's addicted to the Wraith enzyme… he'll need a supply. You find the supply, you find your man. Bring him home, detox him, and go from there."

"That's the glass half full thing talking, right?"

"That was me being supportive. Now here is me being completely honest," Sam said. "Lieutenant Ford will be looking for a supply of this enzyme, and as I understand it, the only way to get it is directly from the source. That means he has to actively search out the Wraith. He might survive a few days, a few weeks, hell, he could make it a few months, I don't know, it depends on how resourceful and how lucky he is. But you say he's addicted, and addictions all work the same way, no matter if they're terrestrial or alien. Over time the same dose won't have the same effect. He'll need to increase the amount of the enzyme he takes. He'll begin to grow reckless, he'll take risks, he'll get cocky, he'll think he's freaking invincible. And if you do see him again the things he says won't be things that the person you know would say, they won't be things that the person you know would even think. It's going to break your heart. But you're going to have to ignore that because all you have to be able to focus on getting him better."

Sam took a slow breath, and John could see her actually shaking.

"Hey, Samantha, talk to me," he said, reaching across the table and putting his hand on her quivering hand. "Someone you love… dealt with an addiction," he said. Sam nodded shakily. "Who?" John asked, tangling his fingers with hers and not letting go, offering what comfort he could, knowing that it would never be enough.

"Daniel," Sam said softly. "It was… almost eight years ago. The Goa'uld have these sarcophagi based on stolen Ancient technology. They can bring you back from the edge of death in just a few minutes, which is a great concept, except there's… there's a catch. It takes away your soul. Bit by bit, it takes away the parts of you that make you human."

"And… Doctor Jackson got addicted to the sarcophagus?" John guessed, his voice gentle.

"We were on a planet… and we were captured and put to work in Naqueda mines. The king's daughter decided that Daniel was her destiny and she saved his life with the sarcophagus. But then… she asked him to use it again, when he was healthy, and he did because he thought it was the only way to get her to trust him so he could get the rest of us out of the mine," Sam said. She shifted her weight, clearly uncomfortable with the subject, but she didn't stop. That was something John had always admired about her. She never gave up, even when things got really tough. "We didn't have a clear understanding of Goa'uld technology back then… but it turns out that when you use the sarcophagus when you're healthy it just makes you stronger. We didn't realize the other thing, that Daniel was losing his soul, until later. It… it got real bad for a while. But what was harder was watching him deal with the withdrawal, knowing that there was nothing we cold do to stop the pain he was in, knowing that he had to go through the torture before he could be himself again."

After a minute Sam shook her head, shaking away the memories of that dark time in her past. She gave his fingers a squeeze before untangling their fingers and pulling her hand away from his. "I just want you to be aware of how hard this is going to be, John. Both for you and for him. And that's if you even find him, which is a big if considering the number of planets with a Stargate he could go to," Sam said.

John nodded. "I know," he said, looking down at his coffee. "But he's just a kid. He joined the expedition before he even left the Academy."

Sam nodded. "We started recruiting directly from the Academy pretty early into the program. It's easier to train for non-terrestrial thought processes before you've locked yourself in to the terrestrial. Plus, if you just keep bringing in senior officers with field and command experience…"

"No new blood to keep the legacy going," John nodded. "Still… he's just a kid. When we sent those files and letters a few weeks ago all he wanted to do was tell his grandmother how much he missed her." He sighed heavily. "And… now I'm waiting to finish all this debriefing crap so I can leave the mountain and tell his grandmother that her grandson, who she raised since he was a little kid, is missing in action." John looked at Sam, his hazel eyes telling Sam just how much it hurt him to know that he had to break a grandmother's heart. "I've never had to deal with this part of being a leader before."

"It never gets any easier," Sam said. "Which is good," she continued. "It shouldn't be easy."

"No, it shouldn't," John agreed.

TBC...

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