Shawn had tried to sleep, but he couldn't. He had the scene running through his mind, for one of the first times in his life he hated having a photographic memory. He didn't know how he had ended up at Carlton's, but he couldn't help feeling suddenly safe when he walked past Carton into his apartment.
"Do you want a beer?" Lassiter asked closing the door.
"Sure," Shawn replied. Lassiter smiled at Shawn as he walked past. "You have a nice place here."
"Thanks," Lassiter shouted from the kitchen. "I bought it after the divorce." He came out of the kitchen with two beers. Shawn turned and looked at him. Lassiter handed him a beer.
"Thanks." Shawn said. They walked towards the sofa and sat down on it.
They both sat there in silence staring into the darkness.
"It won't stop, it keeps repeating it over and over again in my head." Shawn admitted to Lassiter, Lassiter looked at him. "The feel of the gun against my head, his breath against my ear, his hand on my hip" Shawn chuckled to himself "Of all the men I wanted to whisper in my ear and put their hands on my hips it especially was not him" Lassiter sat up and stared at Shawn. Shawn raised his eyebrows when he saw Lassiter staring at him.
"What?" Shawn asked.
"You're gay?" Lassiter exclaimed
"Well I wouldn't say gay" He sighed at the look Lassiter was giving him "Fine...Yes I'm gay, I know there is no point in threatening you not to tell my dad but please do not tell my dad he will literally kill me"
Lassiter was speechless he had always had a slight crush on Shawn and had tried to cover it up by shouting and growling at him, he always believed he never had a chance, Looks like he was wrong. He sat their staring into the darkness, he had not noticed how Shawn had stood up and was staring out of the window. Lassiter looked at Shawn. Shawn looked beautiful. The light from outside lightly glazed Shawn's skin, it made him look like he was glowing.
"Make it go away" Shawn whispered "the feelings please Carlton please" Shawn dropped his head to his chest. Carlton stood up and walked slowly towards him trying to figure out what the hell he was going to do.
Carlton gently put his hands on Shawn's hips. He heard Shawn take an intake of breath. Carlton lowered his head and lightly kissed the back of Shawn's neck. Shawn leaned back into the kiss. Shawn put his hands on Carlton's hands and entwined their fingers. Shawn moved so his body was pressed against Carlton's. He leaned his head on Carlton's shoulder and snuggled slightly into Carlton's neck. Carlton looked down into those bright blue eyes. Carlton gently kissed Shawn. The feelings of loneliness and pain vanished. Shawn kissed back. Shawn slowly pulled away. He suddenly felt all those emotions coming back. Shawn moved around so he was facing Carlton. He kissed Carlton again. Carlton wrapped his arms around Shawn's waist and pulled him closer. Shawn ran his arms around Carlton's neck. Shawn now felt completely safe and whole again.