What makes a father good? With Jack (Sarah's father) showing up again, I have to ask myself that question. I can't imagine my dad would meet anyone's definition of a good father. He left us when I was 17, but he wasn't really all that present even before he left. He was always buried in his work or in some new experiment he was working on. He never really raised me.
But I guess I turned out OK. So did Ellie. Maybe the time he spent did matter. If the measure of a father's skill is in the children that he raised, maybe my dad wasn't so bad. I mean, Ellie turned out wonderfully. I've had my issues, but I think I'm a pretty OK guy. Compared to the others I know well, I'm better than OK. Not that Jeff or Morgan had ideal childhoods. Sure, I'm no Captain Awesome, but nobody really is.
Then there's Jack, who apparently raised Sarah to be the consummate con artist. Listening to him talk at dinner the other night revealed so much about Sarah. He taught her more than either of them realize. While she might be on the right side of the law now, at least in some terms, she still is more than able to pull the con, fool the mark, get what she wants, and not become emotionally involved.
"A good con man can leave town whenever he wants." Leaving is the constant theme in Sarah's life, isn't it? It's been a theme in my life, too, now that I think about it. Mom left. Dad left. I worry about Sarah leaving. Though, at least I've had Morgan and Ellie, who have never left me.
I wonder what kind of dad I'd make. I know I wouldn't desert my kids like my dad did. I know I would be with them as they grew up. I know I'd tell them that I love them. But would I be able to raise kids like the Captain? Or even like Ellie? I don't know. A lot would depend on who their mother was. Which I guess is a rather critical first step.
How am I supposed to find a soul mate? Every move I make is watched. Every person I might potentially be interested in becomes an immediate suspect. Just watching Ellie and Awesome or Morgan and Anna, I know how complicated relationships are. And that's without worrying about national security or keeping secrets from each other, under orders or threat of being forcibly separated. How am I supposed to find someone real to be with, forever?
I'm not cut out to be Casey, married to the job and separated from people. It's not who I am. I want to be able to come home at the end of the day and relax with my family – play some games together or watch TV and talk about our days. Help the kids with homework. How do I get there from here?