Disclaimer: I will never own Death note. Be thankful.

Warning:Well...it is possible that L is OOC in this chapter...but he is grieving!

Chapter 2:Invisible glass

Kira Yagami was an intelligent child. She had an intelligence quotient far above other five-years-olds and an extraordinary ability to comprehend. Her vocabulary was great and she could read and write almost like an adult thanks to what her parents had taught her.

But whenever a stranger spoke to the little girl, they actually got the impression that she was retarded because she refused to say a word to them. She wasn't much for talk even with people she did know. She was too busy thinking.

At the moment, she was thinking about her father who sat across the room and gave orders through his computer. Kira knew that L, or Ryuuzaki as he was named before strangers, was a very busy man. He had always been. But it seemed to her as if he had grown even more busy after her other fathers death. She had come to the conclusion that it was because he couldn't stand to spend time with her.

In fact he seemed to hate her. He never looked her in the eye. He rarely spoke to her. And he never, ever touched her. No hugging, no kissing on the cheek, no patting on the head, no holding hands. When second father had been alive, she had experienced plenty of those things almost too often.

When Kira had learned to stay on her feet at four years of age her fathers even used to dance with her. Father Light usually complained a lot about it and said that his social life would be ruined if someone saw that act of childish stupidity that father L called dancing. He complained, but he always danced with them when they asked and he always smiled.

Now, no one danced anymore. And no one smiled.

Not only one but both of Kira's parents had gone to a place where she couldn't follow them. Father L didn't seem to care about her anymore and she couldn't reach him.

Sometimes, when nobody was around, Kira cried. She just couldn't understand why she and father L had to be lonely when they had eachother.

She just missed their dancing too much.

The doorbell rang. Kira followed her only remaining father to the hall.

"Hello!" A woman saluted with a voice that could shatter glass as father L opened the door. Behind her were three other young women. All of them were bringing gifts. "We are neighbours! My name's..."

"Come in,"father L interrupted and attempted to smile but wasn't very successful. "What a...pleasant surprise. My ladies...?"He backed off as they entered the apartment and Kira could tell that he was terrified. She quickly hid behind him.

"What a pretty little daughter you have," one of the women with dazzling white teeth and blonde hair that obviously had been coloured said."No need to be shy, sweetie."

"She is a bit antisocial," father L explained and led them into the living room."She has it after me. I am Ryuuzaki, by the way. And this is Kira."

"Kira?" One of the women repeated. This one had glasses and seemed to have lost her bra judging from her low neck. "Isn't that the killer who killed criminals for some years ago?"

"May be so," L agreed absently and shut his computer as he sat down. Kira hurried to hide behind his armchair.

The women looked embarrassedly at eachother as L seemed to forget their existence and started sucking at a peppermint rock instead.

"Excuse me, Ryuuzaki," the first woman said after an awkward silence.

"Yes?" L looked at them for a second with eyes that made several of them wish they were somewhere else. Then he understood what she meant and made a gesture towards the three-piece suite in front of the only windows of the room. "You can sit down if you feel like it. But you can not have any of my candy and I can not allow you to stay for long since I have got work to do."

"Do you work from home?" A woman with curly dark hair and big silver earrings wondered. "What are you working with?"

"Yes, I do. I sell bonds over the Internet, " L answered and made another failing attempt to smile.

"Do you live here alone?"the teeth-woman asked and pouted her lips. L couldn't help but think that she appeared painfully stupid. "I'm Claire, by the way."

"No, I live here with Kira." L pretended not to understand what the question really meant.

The rest of the conversation continued in the same way. The women introduced themselves but L forgot their names as soon as they were done saying them. The low neck-woman tried to speak to Kira but gave up quickly.

Two of them made up bad excuses and left. The earrings-woman just glared and left without excuse but with her gift, clearly not impressed by her new neighbour.

"Do you believe in love?" The teeth-woman, who was the one left, leant over the table and tried to take Ls hand. He pulled away and got on his feet.

"I will walk you to the door," he said coldly. The woman frowned.

"I'm sorry, mister," she said and sounded offended. "I thought you were attractive but if you can't handle innocent flirting then I apologize."

L didn't speak until they had reached the hall.

"To answer your question," he smiled a bit apologizing."I do believe in love. But I do not believe in happy endings. And I am not interested in women so I advice the lady to stop looking as if I have assaulted her. Goodbye."

To Kira's surprise, when the last neighbour had left, her father spoke to her.

"We handled that pretty well, did we not?" he muttered ironically.

"They spoke to me as if I were five years old," Kira complained. Father L actually laughed at that comment.

"You are five years old," he reminded her and started chewing on his thumb.

"I'm no usual five-year-old," Kira reminded him and sat down on the mattress on the living room floor, that was her bed.

"I see you have your ego from your mother," father L scolded her. "Or from the father that gave birth to you more exactly."

"Is it true that I have father Light's eyes too?" Kira wondered thoughtlessly but got no answer.

Father L went back to his computer and the moment was over.

In the middle of the night L woke up. He could feel the tears coming to his eyes as he remembered the dream that had awaken him. Why did he always have to dream about Light-kun?

This time, they had been in their bed, kissing and talking and caressing as they had used to do those rare days when none of them had to work. Then, their bed had turned to a coffin. Light-kun had turned to a corpse-the corpse he now was- and L had fought to get out, but he'd been stopped by the chain to the handcuffs and then someone had closed the coffin and L knew he was being buried along with his lover...and he had no air but it didn't matter because he held Light-kuns cold hand so he wouldn't need to die alone...

He got out of his bed and looked out on the street without seeing it. Cold glass chilled his very feverish forehead as he pressed it against the window. He wanted to forget the dream but knew he would never succeed. It was by far the most symbolical dream he had ever had and he wasn't quite sure how to handle it.

"What did the dream tell you?" he asked himself. "That you should breakaway from the chain that connects you to Light-kun because he is dead and you are not? No..that sounds way too cheesy for your high-class subconsciousness. Why are you talking to yourself, L ?" He smiled at his own stupidity and proceeded, whispering so he wouldn't awake Kira."Maybe because your thoughts are so messy you have to say them out loud for them to make any sense? Or maybe...you just do not have anyone else to talk to?"

Maybe it was because he felt separated from the rest of the world. Dead, as in his dream. A ghost, a restless, homeless spirit that couldn't make contact with the living any longer. Not even his neighbours that solely tried to be nice to him.

Not even his own daughter.

How much he wanted to hug her when he saw her sleep, turning in her sheets and snoring loudly for such a little girl, how much he wanted to hold her and tell her that he'd only loved one person more than he loved her in his entire life. So why couldn't he?

Why did he let anything come between them?

This bubble...these walls of invisible glass that keeps me apart from everyone else in this world.

"It has been a while since your last call. What owe me this pleasure?"

L sighed and looked around in the kitchen with the phone to his ear.

"Hello, Watari," he said at last. "I am sorry I have not been returning any of your calls." He heard the old man sigh too.

"Don't be. I am happy you finally want to talk again," Watari said simply. "I respect that you needed some time to grieve alone. It was only three months ago, after all."

"Three months, four days and about fifteen hours ago, I believe."

"Very likely, yes. However, I am relieved that you have come to your senses." Watari made a brief pause and L could tell he was about to give one of his infamous advices that he kept for moments like this."Because if people try to help you and you just keep turning them down, you won't get any help in the end."

"I am happy you are not that tired of me," L laughed a bit anxiously.

"So am I," Watari muttered and L could see before him how the old man twinned his mustache as he used to do when he was disappointed in someone but didn't say it out loud. "But let's forget that. I'm thankful for your call. Now, how are you?"

"I feel...I really do not know how I feel," L tried to explain and felt like an idiot. How was he feeling? "I do know one thing and that is that I am worried about Kira."

"What?" Watari exclaimed and then gave an unexpected laugh. "You startled me there. I forgot that Kira is the name of your daughter. Please, remember that I am an old man and don't scare me like that." His voice sounded familiar and warm and L suddenly realized that he missed him. "What is it about your daughter that makes you worry?"

"She seems so lonely," L answered and then started coming out with things he didn't even know he felt. "And I can not seem to take care of her in a way that she deserves. I am a dreadful excuse for a father. Maybe I should give up my custody while there still is time left to save some of her future." Not until the silence fell did L understand his own words-and that he meant what he said.

After a while, Watari spoke.

"Don't you love her?" he asked carefully.

"I do," L answered energetically. "But when it comes to social relations, I must be the dumbest genius ever."

"I have worked with orphans my whole life," Watari reminded him."I know how hard it is for a child to grow up without parents and I imagine you do too." L listened to his calming voice and held on to the phone as if it was his only lifeline. "Sure, some parents can not handle the task of parenting and both them and their children is better of separated but to split a family should always be a last resort. First you should try to solve the problems, don't you think?"

"Of course I do," L ensured him slowly.

"What is your problem with little Kira?" Watari wondered. "What is it that you think you are doing wrong?"

"Nothing," L said tonelessly."I do nothing to her. I never speak to her...It is just.." Quickly he looked around to make sure that Kira wasn't in the kitchen so she could hear him."...every time she talks to me...every time I see her it just.." He felt the tears blind his eyesight again. "She reminds me so much of Light-kun and it hurts and I really, really do not want her to see me cry." He was very glad she wasn't there when he finished that sentence.

Because then he cried, he cried so much he couldn't breath and so violently that, when he shoved his hand in his mouth to silence his own sobs, he bit his skin so hard it started to bleed. And it was the first time ever he let someone hear him cry, because thinking had always been the main priority in his life,not feeling. He wasn't good at feeling. It was just too painful.

After another tactful moment of silence Watari continued their conversation.

"I'm not very good at comforting," he said in a low voice. "But you should know how deeply it hurts me to hear you cry."

"I am sorry," L dried his eyes with his sleeve and tried to regain some control over himself."I... will pull myself together."

"Good," Watari considered."As an adult you can't let a child pay for your incapability to handle a loss. Pull yourself together and spend some time with her. I promise you it will heal faster that way."

"She is a good girl. I would not want to lose her too," L smiled a little. "It has done me good to speak to you. I miss you, and I am sure Kira wants to met her "grandfather" again. Can you please come over?"

"Just tell me what country you are in and I will be there," Watari promised. "Is there anything else you want to talk about before I go? I have some work to do."

L doubted for a long time before answering.

"Yes, actually I have had a thought that has been bothering me,"he admitted at last.

"What is that?" Watari asked patiently.

"What if..." L couldn't find the right words at first. "What if we are being punished?"

"What do you mean?"

"Light-kun was Kira and I let him go free. What if this is our punishment?"

"I didn't know you believed in a higher judgement."

L shrugged even though Watari couldn't see him.

"Well, I do believe in justice. Maybe Light-kun dying was just."

Watari sighed again.

"I honestly don't know what to say," he apologized tiredly.

"But in this case, the justice does seem a bit unfair," L continued without listening to him." Light-kun was not...no, he did not even remember ever being Kira...when he died. I would not think so much about this if it was not for the way he did die."

"Do you still have that surveillance tape?" Watari wanted to know.

"Yes, I do," L answered truthfully. "But I have not watched it for nearly a week."

After finishing the conversation and making sure that Kira still slept, L sat down to watch a certain tape which he hadn't seen for six days and thirteen hours.

In the next chapter you will learn how Light died!Please review if you want to know sooner...