I can't believe Sarah did that. How could she do that? How could she shoot that guy when he had surrendered and was ready to be taken in? And then she came in all calm and collected and told me that he was going to a secure CIA facility.
I've heard those words before – 'secure CIA facility'. I always thought they meant some kind of underground bunker like where Lazlo was, or where I always worry I'm going to end up. Has she meant a coffin in the ground every time she's told me about a secure CIA facility? Have we left a trail of bodies behind us every time somebody has gotten close to me?
How could she just do that, though? I mean, I knew she has killed people before. I've flashed on at least two different instances. One was clearly self-defense and she told me the other one was, too. I believed her. Was I a fool to have believed her? Is she just a cold-blooded killer?
I can't believe that about her. I just can't. There has to be some reason she shot him, other than that he's a fulcrum agent. I don't know what it is. I don't know what it could be. But, if I'm going to be able to work with her and Casey again (Casey surely has to know, doesn't he?), I have to believe that there was some other reason.
Because if there's no reason for her to have done that, then what makes us the good guys? Sarah seems like such a good person. Even Casey, beneath that gruff and ugly exterior, and beneath an angry core, has good qualities. He genuinely seems to like helping people. Sarah, too, as I learn more about her, appears to be really concerned about helping people.
Or am I underestimating them? Is this all part of some elaborate plot to get me to believe they're good and right? But with what purpose? The powers behind Sarah and Casey could have easily just grabbed me and made me do what they want without worrying about trying to let me keep my own distorted view of a normal life going. It's well within their abilities. And I'm not egotistical enough to believe that they need me for me and not for the intersect.
So I have to conclude that they are the good guys. Bryce told me that fulcrum is made up of cold-blooded killers who will do anything and that we have to be the same to fight against them. I didn't believe him now. I still don't. There has to be another way. Maybe Sarah can't see that right now. But I have taught her other things. I'll teach her that, too.
I wish I could just believe I am reading too much into this. Maybe last night was an isolated incident. Maybe they don't kill everyone and there really is a secure CIA facility. I wish I really believed that.