Now I was with Edward and everything was alright. My life, everything it was ever meant to be, and everything it now was, made sense. But there was still a throbbing ache in my heart that I couldn't explain; something that had nothing to do with blood hunger, nothing to do with physical pain, nothing to do with my coven, and nothing to do with the Cullens.

I had what I wanted. No, scratch that. I had what I needed. It didn't matter how selfish I was, how many lives it would destroy…

…no. I couldn't let myself think that. It would be fine, of course it would be. He can handle himself on his own; I have every right to suppress this very haunting memory that stalks me night and day. I cringe, frozen, as I remember that very day when he chose to give away his life, to leave the ones who cared about him so much to follow me, make sure I was alright, back when I didn't have a coven; back when I was dying from a broken heart that couldn't heal.

Flashback

"She's a vampire now, you can't follow her. If you do, you can never return. Never, Jacob. Do you understand that?" Sam said.

"I don't care!" Jacob screamed, tears rolling down his eyes. "I don't care! She needs someone! I can't just leave her alone to try to figure out a way to kill herself. I can't do it, Sam. I need to find her," Jacob said.

He did. He went searching for me, but Sam followed him and attacked him. Sam left him to die. His body usually healed very fast, but the damage Sam did was too much for Jacob's body to bear. It was hard for him to keep moving, to find me, but by the time he did, he didn't have that much time left. He was dying, and I couldn't bear it.

I realized that I couldn't live without him.

I hoped it would work – it was a huge risk, really – but I bit him, and he changed. Since he was a werewolf, the change lasted longer than three days. He still retained his werewolf properties, intensified by the change, very much like the vampire "powers."

I didn't know how that worked. Being two beings at the same time; two beings that were supposed to hate each other; two beings with the sole – well, not sole; not in our case that is – purpose of killing each other. But somehow, it did. It was hard for Jacob at first – turmoil with his soul, and all of that. Especially since I still only loved him as a brother. Eventually, we had to part ways because his lust for me was simply too much and I didn't feel the same way. I was still in love with Edward, and I still am today.

But the guilt still haunts me. It always will. Now Jacob can't even choose to stop phasing. He has to live forever.

Back to present

I hope he's okay. I hope he can still imprint, or find love in some other manner. Of one thing I am positive, Edward Cullen, not Jacob Black, is my soul mate. Edward Cullen is my soul mate and beyond.

Right now we are sitting in the back porch of the new Cullen house, staring at the pale blue sky. Edward is softly humming my lullaby while I absentmindedly skim through my old, weathered copy of Wuthering Heights. I lean in and kiss Edward. His lips collide with mine, with a gentleness that has such a ferocity that fate or God or gods or whoever is up there in the sky directing how life will go and who is meant to be with who, must have something to do with this. I drink in Edward's beauty and even today, immortal and beautiful, I am dazzled by his presence.

I couldn't ask for anything more.

In the distant, I think I hear a loud rumble, a growl, but it is so far off that it may just be my imagination. A small pang of sadness shocks my cold skin, but I ignore it. I can't be perfect. I'd like to pretend to, and hate myself for every wrong move like Edward does, but I can't keep it up. I can't. I guess, in that way, I'm sort of like Alice and Ileana. I can't let anything haunt me for too long. I want to, oh, how I want to. But it doesn't make sense, when I can just accept the happiness that is sitting right here, in my arms.

Edward Cullen is the only thing that makes sense, right here, right now.

Right here, right now, that is the only thing that matters.

"Hey, you love birds, come in the house!" a cheery Alice calls. "And stop hogging Bella, Edward. I missed her so much. I need to take her shopping!"

I grunt, but it doesn't really bother me that much. In every way that matters, Alice Cullen is my sister and my twin and my best friend and everything to me. I simply nodded my head.

"I missed you too, Alice," I say.

I didn't miss Alice's foggy eyes. "When she zones out, it's time for you to zone in, cause something big is going down" (She is Brighter lyrics by Mitch Hansen).

"So when's the wedding? Are you gonna let me plan it?" Alice asked, jumping up and down.

"I didn't hear anything about a wedding," I remark.

"Oh, but you will," Alice says.

And then we go shopping. It's Alice, Rosalie and I. Maybe I should have asked the females from my coven to come with, but honestly right now I just wanted it to be like old times, before Jacob Black ever meant anything more to me than my dad's best friend's little son.

"Ooh! This blue shirt would look great on you, Bella," Alice squeals, throwing it into the pile of 50 some outfits that she is forcing me to try on.

And life goes on. This is my life, for now, forever. Until forever intervenes, I am here sitting in a pile of clothes, listening to Alice AND (surprisingly enough) Rosalie complement me on how good I look (even though I still can't quite believe it). Before I moved to Forks, Washington, I never had a sister; I never had a friend. I had always been an outcast. Now I had everything and more; more being a half-dog of a friend waiting on the outskirts of the forest, still willing to do anything for me, sacrifice anything for me, even as I endlessly and timelessly hurt him; his hopes never die, even though deep down he probably knows I will always love Edward.

It has been almost as long as I missed Edward for that I haven't talked to Jacob, but I don't care right now. He's not dead – he still exists. Concerning Jacob, that's what matters. Concerning Edward, well, I have him for an eternity, just like I had always dreamed of.

"Come on, let's check out, I'm sure Edward is dying for you to return home," Rosalie says.

Home. The Cullens are my home. Not the actual house they live in – moving is something that must happen often, leaving physical things behind to embark on new adventures, but home – home lies in the people – the friends, and the bonds between friends that is stronger yet than that between brothers and sisters.

"Yes I suppose he is," I say, walking up to the cashier, holding a bundle of clothes that would have been extremely heavy to a human. It was very light, barely a feather, to me. I shiver as I hand the clerk my credit card, knowing that the price he rings up - $2300 – is a price I can very well afford. The idea makes me uneasy.

The clothes Alice bought for herself (not even including the clothes she bought for Jasper – that is $4000 by itself) is $8770. Wow, is all I can think. After wearing an outfit, Alice must throw it away and buy a new one. Literally. Again, I shiver.

Its only clothes, but to Alice, I can't imagine what it is. The solar system, maybe, or the universe. Who knows.

And then we return home, and I of course remember my coven, and I think about how I would rather stay with the Cullens, and so much is swirling back and forth in my head that, if I could, I would faint. Maybe it is time for me to part with my old coven. I know that the truth is, I belong with the Cullens. They are my family and my soul.

But I have forever to decide…

To Be Continued…