The next thing the books recommended was to identify the obstacles to reaching my goals and then figure out how to bypass those obstacles or neutralize them, so that my goals can be successfully reached. Showing how little they really know, the books' experts say that identifying the obstacles is usually the difficult part, while resolving them once identified is usually straightforward. It takes effort, but it's easy to correctly direct that effort once obstacles are identified. Ha!
The two biggest, most obvious obstacles in my life are the intersect and Sarah. But they're not going to be easy to resolve once identified. Since I had three goals, I'll balance it out with three obstacles and list Morgan, too. He's not an obstacle on the same scope as the other two, but he does complicate things.
I am who I am and I know what I know. I'm a constant target. I'm in constant danger. How am I supposed to eliminate that obstacle or turn that obstacle into a strength? Everywhere I go and everything I do is influenced by powerful organizations. Unless I can remove information from my head, which seems unlikely, that's never going to change. That means I have to find a way to fit being who I am into my goals, but being under constant surveillance and danger is mutually exclusive with a good night's sleep, not to mention careers and love. Unless I could somehow learn to deal with that and become immune to it, it's a problem. But that seems dangerous, too – I don't want to become Casey.
Viewing Sarah as an obstacle is uncomfortable, but it's true. As long as we're in our kind of real but kind of not really real relationship, finding a deep relationship is going to be hard. I can easily imagine myself having a real relationship with her, the person, but our respective roles are then nearly-insurmountable obstacles. As long as she is my CIA handler, a real relationship is almost impossible. And removing her from that role would change who she is (and probably separate us). So that means it'd be with somebody else, but I can't imagine leaving Sarah and I don't think she would really let me find a new relationship. And how could I develop a relationship with a normal person? I would have to lie all the time. And a relationship with a spy is basically impossible. There has to be a way, I'm sure, but the only one that is acceptable is seeing Sarah in that role. But does she want that role? What would it mean? The obstacle is easy to see; the solution isn't.
Finally, there's Morgan. He just tags along behind me in so many ways. He's probably a biggest obstacle to a vocation – when I talked about leaving the Buy More, he asked "Where would we go?" I don't want to solve a two-body problem for a job, at least not with Morgan. He's a great friend and I want to continue to spend time playing with him, but I don't want to let him hold me back. I'm pretty sure I can prevent that, though. I know who and what he is and how to handle that.
So I've identified my obstacles, I think, and I'm no closer to a solution. I know everybody thinks their own obstacles are larger and more complex than the average, but I've never seen any book or real-life situation deal with issues like these. Maybe my imagination is too small.
Really, though, resolving things with Sarah would resolve so much. Either I'd be in a relationship with a future or I'd be truly free to pursue one. Neither has been the case since that first weird date with her, when I found out she was CIA. That's the primary obstacle to be dealt with. If I were smart, I'd pursue that first. I'm just not quite sure how to go about it. Direct doesn't work well with Sarah. I guess persistence is the key – she sure seemed excited about the bracelet. Maybe that relationship will become real. I sure hope so.