Author's Notes: Wow. I actually got some reviews. Thanks, guys. I never knew people would be interested in Myles and Beckett, too. –grins- Mild CSI hints are here, for all you CSI people. Enjoy.

I'd like to thank nabbi and Punkartgurl13 for their.. help. Yeah, I don't live in America. I don't know how to convert dollars to the currency I have where I am. AND THANK YOU, SO VERY MUCH, nABBI (see? I lower-cased the 'n' just the way you like it. xD), FOR THE WRITER'S BLOCK HELP. I'm trying it out, right now. Let's hope it works, and cross our fingers.

Disclaimer: IT'S NOT MINE. GET OVER IT.

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cookiegurl15: lawlz, thanks. I found it terribly difficult to make a good start for this. This is my first time creating a self-insert/first-person OFC FanFiction.

nabbi: I've been having writer's block for the past two months. Strange, isn't it, how I come up with things during them? Thank you, though. I'll try out the advice.

Punkartgurl13: Thank you for clearing that up for me. xD I barely know anything about America, so, yeah. Greatly appreciated. :D YES, I've only read the first and seventh. They are so far the only things I could find in this rotten country of mine. –waves fist lamely- I edited the first chapter's dollar amount just for you. :D It is now at four-thousand seven-hundred. I know it's still a little bit under, but it's good enough, right?

ByE ByE RobIn: I love you too. Yes, Beckett and Myles are awesome. I love them so much. –grins-

With love and with lip-gloss (although I don't wear any),

Reona-chan

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"And usually, when one is placed in a world unlike any other

They would move along and explore.

But this girl, she would only like to bother

The two twin males she would learn to adore."

-A Reona-chan Poem-

&&&&&&

I stared for a good lot of time at the place with which Butler was to put me in.

The prison cell, as some people would call it. The depths of hell; with no way out, no salvation, no food, no water, and worse – no television. But what bothered me most was that I was in the room Holly stayed in. I was ruining the awesomeness that Holly had left behind in her wake, and all because of a prissy, pompous, egotistical bastard, and his brother who had to do whatever he said.

Where was Artemis when you needed him? These damn clichés, it makes me feel hypocritical for one of them to actually appeal to me – no – actually make me hope for it to happen.

I was dropped rather harshly on my bum, and frowned when I realized that I had not changed at all. Of course, one could not expect someone like me to change mentally or emotionally, or psychologically (let me pretend that I know how to spell that), but, for God's sake, I could have at least changed physically!

You know how most of those girls in self-inserts or Mary Sues have outrageously appealing body parts, 'shining', 'shimmering' eyes and 'soft, silky, long, wavy' locks? Bugger! It did not happen in real life. Here I was, in a Mary Sue of my own (though I'd hardly call myself one, I'm a little craphead in an equally crappy manor), and I didn't change at all.

My eyes were still the same, dull brown, my hair still frizzy in cold air, and my body still disproportional. For the love of all things sane, I could have at least gained a little more 'up here' and a little less 'down there'. My butt was still huge (though not as huge as the cafeteria ladies you see at the school I used to go to – I think they're going through a race with whom will get the biggest butt sooner), and my breasts were still an A cup. I was a writer, for Christ's sake! I should have at least ended up sexier than normal.

"What seems to be the problem here, Butler?"

At the sound of that voice, I would have cheered, would have screamed; would have thrown my arms around the neck of that person and kissed him lovingly for finally arriving. For, before my eyes, I saw the shoes of Artemis Fowl, shined thoroughly; and his pants ironed to perfection. Yes, yes, yes! I told myself, resisting the urge to look happy (although I doubt he would see my face – I was currently looking downward), He's come to save me! My Mary Sue dreams are coming true!

My eyes trailed upward, expecting the Fowl boy to be there, smiling, offering his hand; and taking me on this boat trip where we'd kiss in the sunset with the birds squawking above our heads. At least such a horrid beginning would end like it was supposed to. I just hope there wouldn't be a crab there singing about the guy wanting to kiss me so bad. Even though my physical parts were still crappy, at least I'd still have my Mary Sue ending. Right, right?

I finally laid eyes on his face, and he wasn't even looking at me. Let alone smiling.

This was turning out to be one twisted hell of a Mary Sue fanfiction.

"She was found on the steps to the manor, sir. Master Myles and Master Beckett had taken it on their responsibility to wake her up, and due to her destructive-"

I snorted.

"-behavior, they had asked me to take her away," Butler finished, and looked at me with a slight raise of the eyebrows. I only crossed my arms over my (still unimpressive) chest, and turned away with a pout.

"Ah. Well, carry on, then, Butler. I have no use for her, either, should she have a certain distaste for my brothers," Artemis said, waving a hand as though it didn't matter.

Now, now, hold up!

Didn't he at least gain a little compassion? I mean, come on, in the past few books he changed! Shit, I told myself, wincing inwardly, I didn't read the books where he changed. Shit, shit, shit. Maybe this universe is based on how much I know about the books.. so Artemis is still a total dickwad who doesn't care about anyone but himself. Great.

Sucks for you, my conscience told me.

Shut up. You're not helping.

You shouldn't have spoiled yourself with the endings and plot.

I said shut up, douche.

You just insulted yourself.

I pushed the voice to the back of my mind, and looked up at Artemis with pleading eyes. I never thought it would have to come to this sort of behavior, though supposed that perhaps it would be the only way he would learn to relent with my request.

"YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME AND LET ME ROT HERE! I-I'M NOT ALL THAT BAD! I CAN CHANGE!"

I hugged his leg, and as though I were a rabid dog about to bite his head off, he shook me away with a slightly disgusted look.

"Change?" he scoffed, "I had given you two other chances before this one, and don't think I'm so stupid as to let you escape this manor again."

Two other chances?

This time it was my turn to scoff.

"Listen, I've never even been here, Mister I-know-it-all-so-obey-me. You don't have the right to speak to me about such ignorance."

"Indolence."

"Whatever," I waved it off, and stood up, getting in his face.

"Now, listen up, and listen well, because I'm not going to repeat this another time."

I would have stopped if Butler intervened, though it seemed like the man did not make a move to do so. As if he were on my side. Silently. I was about to ask why, then remembered that I should be angry.

Pretend Artemis banished kittens from homes.

I clenched my fists.

Oh, that little prick.

"I deserve another chance! Just because you think I'm someone else who was stupid enough to run away from this manor, doesn't mean you have the right to accuse me without the right evidence!"

Wow. I sounded like one of those CSIs. Grissom, think Grissom.

An image of insects mating crossed my mind.

Ewww.

"So, Mister Fowl, quit judging me because I look like someone you used to know! I'm someone completely different, and I doubt you'd ever-"

"-what's your name?"

I blinked, at the question. So much for me going on a roll, telling him off, and how much of a jerk he was. My name? Would I really tell him – my name?

"Er.. Mary."

And your last name is Sue! exclaimed my conscience, laughing and mocking me. This stupid thing just didn't have an off button, you see.

"Mary?" Artemis rose an eyebrow.

"Yeah. Mary. Mary.. Sanders."

Let's just hope CSI doesn't exist in this dimension.

"Mm," Artemis mumbled, and turned around, sighing, as though he couldn't bear for actually doing this.

"I will let Myles and Beckett take care of you, Mary. It is they whom you have to plead for being spared. Butler, let's go," and he beckoned with a hand gesture, and the Eurasian man followed, shutting the door after him.

Artemis was bad enough.

And now I had to deal with two twin Fowl boys.

I really, really, really had to learn how to keep myself out of trouble.

&&&&&&

A few minutes later, the door creaked open.

I lifted my head, blinking when I spotted the more gracious of the two. Beckett. Myles was probably in another room, watching our conversation. Artemis might have convinced Beckett to go instead, because he knew how much of an asshole Myles could be.

Note to self: Give Artemis lollipops when you get the chance.

I could thank him, but that didn't mean I couldn't thank him in a way he would dislike at the same time as appreciate.

"So, uh, Mary?" Beckett rubbed the back of his neck when he said my name, sitting across from me at the stool placed on the other side of this dreary, creepy room. My bed was plain, they could have put prison bars around me if they felt mean, and the door was locked. It could be locked from the outside, too, which really sucked.

"What?" I returned, looking at the boy through brown eyes that looked even more dead with the way my mood was crushed right now.

"Really sorry about Myles. He can be a total ass."

The speakers located in a far corner of the room, near the ceiling, crackled. "Beckett, stop with your tomfoolery and do tell our victim what we have both decided," Myles said through the microphone, before it squealed and died.

I almost grinned, and looked at the speaker with a small frown.

"Oh, but Myles, my friend, you cannot deny what is so rightfully true," I stated, a small smirk on his face, and the look on Beckett's face as I said that showed complete and total empathy. It appears like he was scared for me or something, which was actually really cute when you thought about it. Beckett would be way cuter to have a fairy-tale, Mary Sue ending with than two potheads like Artemis or Myles. Beckett was one of the few Fowls to actually have more than one-fourth of a heart.

"You, Mary," he put as much sarcasm in those two syllables as he could, "have no say in this. Therefore zip your lips, shut up, and listen."

I never knew adolescent boys could be this mean. Maybe he took it from Artemis. And they said grown-ups were supposed to be role-models! Tsk, tsk.

"You're all talk and no muscle," I stated, and wrapped my arm around Beckett's shoulder, pulling him so that our cheeks touched.

"I betcha twenty bucks that Beckett here can kick your ass!" I exclaimed, grinning cheekily, not quite noticing the squirming the younger of the twin boys was doing. I knew my ass was so going to be roasted over an open fire when Myles would get his hands on me, but the chance of insulting him seemed so hard to ignore. He thought he was all perfect? The next time he ever thought of that, I would be drilling something into his skull.

The speakers rasped again.

"Miss Sanders," Myles stated, and I could almost hear the distasteful frown on his face. Ha, in your face, mister I-think-I-can-do-everything, I just kicked your ass verbally. And they said college was necessary!

"Do prevent yourself from doing anything stupid," he started, and, using my amazing imagination, I pictured him rubbing his temples and squeezing his coffee cup, that is, if rich, pompous bastards drank coffee.

I looked at Beckett, with a silent plea that he would approve of my behavior, and surprisingly, he looked at me with a slightly shy grin. The kid was awesome, gotta say that. Shy, sure, but still, he wanted to go against this Myles guy as much as I did.

"I'll prevent myself the day pigs fly!" I exclaimed, silently starting a war between me and the soon-to-be Artemis Junior.

God, if I had to spend the rest of my life here, I don't know what I'd do –

"Miss Sanders," Myles said, gritting his teeth only slightly through the speakers; and Beckett blinked twice in slight confusion.

"In the name of all that is sane.." he paused, and I looked at the speakers with a mixed look of hope and fear. If they say yes, I would be happy, sure, but scared that I would end up being a slave or something – and you could tell, that wouldn't be very nice if your master was Myles Fowl. Shit, shit, shit.

Then again, if he said no, then I'd be kicked out, and probably be a hobo on the streets begging for money by dancing. Double shit, double shit, double shit.

".. you're staying. But, not because I feel pity for you."

And at this, I winced inwardly. Great. I brought myself into some deep shit, didn't I? Beckett pat my back in slight reassurance. At least someone in this rotten household cared, right?

"However, because you have started a war."

This time I could picture the guy smirking, hands folded; his body hunched over in front of the microphone.

"And I, will win it."

This was just peachy.

My Mary Sue ended up into Hairy Poo.

I was definitely in trouble now.