A/N I asked them nicely, but the words just didn't want to come! Sorry for making you wait. I hope you enjoy it.

"Nervous?" asked Scarlett, taking Rhett's hand in hers as they stopped in the hall outside her bedroom door. She gave it a reassuring squeeze when he nodded. "Don't be."

"I can't help it. This is a big deal." He inhaled deeply to calm his suddenly racing heart and smoothed a hand down the front of his shirt.

"It's not as if you're about to make a lasting impression, Rhett. Trust me, you look fine." He chuckled softly and shook his head as Scarlett reached to open the door.

"Wait," he said, putting his hand on hers to stop her.

"Why? What's the matter?"

"I don't even know what the baby is." She looked at him confused. "You haven't said."

"Did I not?" She frowned slightly, trying to recall.

"No, all I've heard from everyone since I arrived is 'the baby'. And from that third-hand story I was told this morning it might be a boy or a girl. He didn't really seem to know."

"Well, I know you've always had a preference, but does it matter?"

"Of course not, but I should like to know just the same." Part of him was afraid it would be another girl, thought perhaps it might be easier to distance himself emotionally from a boy. But if he were honest with himself he knew his heart would be lost once more the moment he laid eyes on his child, no matter what it was. "Well, were you right?"

"I'm always right," she replied airily. "About what?"

He smiled. "In your letter you said you had a feeling it would be a girl."

"Well," she said cryptically, "the baby's middle name is Colum..."

"So it's a boy then?"

She smiled coyly. "Would you be disappointed if it were?"

"Scarlett," he groaned.

She smiled up at him, slipping her hand into his and pushed open the door to her bedroom. "Come and see."

--

Scarlett leaned over the crib and lifted the baby gently into her arms.

"There's someone here to see you darling. Say hello to your daddy." The baby's eyes looked past her mother, curious as to the unfamiliar face above her, and into father's eyes.

"She's beautiful, Scarlett," he breathed softly.

"Would you like to hold her?" When he nodded she gestured for him to sit down on the bed and then handed the child over to her father. Scarlett's eyes never left Rhett as she watched the emotions play across his unguarded face as he took in his daughter for the first time, his feelings clear to her for once on his handsome visage.

The fears he harboured about not being able to risk his heart a second time he knew in that very moment were unfounded. How could he not love this perfect little being? Even if he had wanted to protect himself from possible hurt he would have been unable. In that moment he knew that once again he was lost. This tiny baby held his heart in her hands and there wasn't a thing he could do to get it back.

Cat's green eyes watched her father with interest. She wrapped a fist around the finger he offered her, and Rhett bent his head and kissed her tiny hand. As he took in the sight of her, her baby scent, the feel of her velvety soft skin, her feather-light weight in his arms, he was assaulted by the bittersweet memories of another time and place, of a different baby girl they would never see again. It threatened to overwhelm him.

Scarlett, who was watching his reactions, reached into her pocket and handed him back his handkerchief. Rhett carefully supported the baby's head and took the hanky, smiling ruefully at her as he dabbed his shining eyes. She soothed him by rubbing his arm. She had felt all the same things the first time she'd held the baby as well, that deluge of emotion, the rush of unconditional love that was all-consuming.

"What have you named her?"

"I call her Cat because of her green eyes," answered Scarlett.

Rhett repeated the word aloud as if hearing how it sounded from his own lips. "It suits her."

"She was christened Katie Colum O'Hara." Scarlett continued. "Colum's been a lifesaver these past 8 months or so. I don't know what I would have done without him after you divorced me." A look of guilt flashed across Rhett's face as she spoke and his lips tightened. "We'll have to change her last name to Butler, and she'll always be Cat to me, but if you like something else we could change it. After all it should be your decision too."

"No. I like Cat, but maybe we can discuss it later. She looks like you, you know."

"You think so?" She asked surprised, peering more closely at the face she knew so well. "All I can see is you. She's my little pirate baby, a miniature of her father."

"Well," he turned Cat in his arms and studied her critically, "she has Butler colouring I suppose, although her skin isn't sallow like Rosemary's, but those eyes couldn't be anyone's but yours. The long lashes, and her curly hair, that little rosebud mouth. Oh Scarlett, she's perfect." He stroked his hand gently over the baby-soft black downy wisps that covered her head, then ran his forefinger down her cheek. "She looks so like her sister," he said quietly. "Different in some ways but also the same. You can see they were family."

Scarlett put her arm through his and shifted a little closer, a sudden lump coming to her throat and tears to her eyes. The loss of Bonnie was something they had never really spoken about. After all the cruel words and accusations she had thrown at him following their daughter's death, it had become all but impossible. And once the initial hurt had begun to ease a little and she had wanted to apologise, to comfort him and assure him he was not to blame for what had happened, it had been too late. He had closed himself off to her, withdrawn from everyone, when the guilt had taken hold and refused to let go, and she had been unable to appeal to him. And the longer those words had gone unspoken the harder they had become to say.

"I miss her too Rhett, so very much." He made no answer, an iron grip around his throat, his breathing becoming shallower. His eyes never left the baby and he took a deep breath and swallowed hard to maintain control. Scarlett rested her head against his shoulder.

"After Cat was born I came to realise for the first time what it is to love a child, really love one. I loved all my children in my way - as much as I knew how at the time, but until she arrived I never knew what it was supposed to be like. How Melly could have risked her life to have another baby." How I 'd do the same if I could, she added silently to herself. "You were right about what you said, what everybody said, about my being an unnatural mother, Rhett." She put her fingers to his lips. "I know I was still a child myself when I had Wade, and then when the War came-" She trailed off. "But that shouldn't be an excuse. I know the fact that I didn't love their fathers had something to do with it, although there are plenty of woman who don't love their husbands that still love their children. I don't know why I couldn't do it. It just wasn't something that came naturally to me until now.

"Maybe you've just finally grown up." He reached over an tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear.

"Maybe." She smiled shyly. "She was a little part of you for me to hold onto, all that I had left really. That's why Bonnie was so precious to you, isn't it, because she was a piece of me that loved you when I didn't."

"I'm sorry for all those things I said about your parenting skills, Scarlett. It may have been true, but it was also unkind of me. I should have tried to help rather than criticizing you all the time. I was at fault too," he paused, "if I hadn't overindulged Bonnie the way I did, then maybe-"

"Rhett don't, please."

He turned to face her, suddenly serious. "Scarlett, things have to be different this time. I was wrong to give Bonnie the free rein I did. I'm not saying the outcome wouldn't necessarily have been the same, but I won't make that mistake again. Children need boundaries, discipline. Don't let me be a fool again." She reached out to him and he took her hand.

"Rhett, you only did that because of our relationship. I wouldn't let you love me so you lavished all your love on her instead."

"With disastrous consequences." His expression darkened. "I undermined everything you did, I wouldn't allow you to have a role in her life. It's my fault she died, Scarlett. I killed our child. And the one you lost when you fell down the stairs-" She didn't let him finish.

"If you weren't holding a baby I would slap you for that, Rhett Butler. I never want to hear those words out of your mouth ever again. Don't even think them, do you hear me. It was an accident, they both were. I know I said the most horrible, hurtful things to you after Bonnie died, but I don't blame you for what happened." She turned his head so he was facing her. "Look at me, Rhett. I never really did, you have to believe that because it's the truth. I just wanted to hurt someone worse than I was hurting myself and you were the obvious target. I'm so sorry for everything, I hope you can believe that. I wanted so to be able to comfort you later, to tell you I hadn't meant what I said, to be able to cry in your arms, but after everything that had gone between us- Can I have that back please?"

He handed the hanky back to her. It was damp, she laughed a watery laugh as she wiped her nose. "I'm sure I must have another one around here someplace."

He put his free arm around her shoulders and drew her a little closer, breathing in the scent of her hair as he kissed the top of her head. "Thank you, Scarlett. I needed to hear that. I don't know if I'll ever be able to forgive myself for what happened, but I do appreciate what you've said. It means a great deal to me to know that. I don't want things to go unsaid between us."

"Neither do I. I need someone to talk to about her with sometimes Rhett, I hope we can do that. I want Cat to grow up knowing her big sister, even if she'll never get to meet her. I know it's difficult to talk about Bonnie, but I'd like to be able to remember the good times we had together. Who else could I do that with other than her father? I know it's hard for you Rhett, but I don't want to banish her memory like she'd never been born as most people seem to do. It's not natural to just pretend she didn't exist. I don't want to forget those years we had together, no matter how much it hurts."

"I'd like that too Scarlett."

"I'm glad." She sniffed and smiled up at him, then turned her attention to the baby as she began to fuss. "Are you hungry, precious? She's such a darling little thing, she hardly ever cries. Can you pass her to me Rhett, I think I need to feed her," said Scarlett.

Rhett raised his eyebrows in surprise, as he handed Cat back to her mother. "I'll just wait downstairs, shall I?" He stood up to leave the room.

"No, Rhett, you don't have to leave. I won't mind if you'd like to watch," she said shyly, "just let me get comfortable." Scarlett moved to the rocking chair next to the baby's crib and sat down. She turned away slightly from his gaze and unbuttoned her shirtwaist, exposed her breast and guided the baby to her nipple. Once she had latched on and begun to suckle, Scarlett arranged herself to protect her modesty as best she could and then turned around to let Rhett watch his baby feeding. At her invitation, he moved a little closer on the bed. His eyes on her breast made Scarlett suddenly self-conscious and faint blush crept into her face. She cleared her throat slightly to break the silence that had descended and began to speak.

"Maybe we should talk about where we're going to live. I love the people here, but I've been feeling rather homesick for Southern voices and sunshine. Oh cornbread and grits. And coffee. I have to order it from Dublin." He smiled at her references to food. "I was planning to go home next year and bring Wade and Ella over here to live, but now I'm not so sure anymore. I stayed in Ireland because I felt I had no choice, but I'm so far away from everyone here and the cold and damp wreaks havoc with my hair."

"Let's discuss that later, Scarlett." He too was absorbed in watching her feed his child.

"What? You mean think about it tomorrow? I think I may need to lie down!" He chuckled softly. Scarlett leaned back in her chair and closed her eyes, rocking gently. Rhett marvelled at the look of love and contentment on her face as she did so, so different to what he had known from her before. They sat in silence for several minutes, the only sound breaking the quiet the small sucking noises the baby made.

"Maybe we could bring your mother over for a visit. Do you think she's up for it?" Scrlett asked as she turned away again to rearrange her clothing when she had finished feeding the baby.

"Wild horses wouldn't keep her away." He grinned, then became pensive as a frown crossed his face. "I don't think I want to invite Rosemary though."

"We'll have to see her eventually, Rhett," Scarlett prodded, as she handed Cat back to her father and refastened her buttons.

"I think later rather than sooner is in order, thank you. Things have turned out well, but they just as easily might not have. I'm not interested in forgiving my sister for what she did just yet."

He was silent for a moment, gently rubbing the baby's back.

"Were you ever planning to tell me about her, Scarlett?" he asked in a quiet voice. She had known this question would be asked of her, she had expected it, and yet she still didn't know how to answer him. Dangerous waters were ahead, but she knew she would have to brave them and answer him truthfully.

"Yes, I just don't know when." He looked away. "I'm sorry Rhett, I know this isn't what you want to hear, and I wish I could tell you different, but I'm trying to be honest with you. As long as I thought you were married to Anne and living a proper Charleston life I felt I couldn't tell you. I admit that to begin with I thought only of punishing you for divorcing me. I was so hurt and confused I wanted to hurt you back by keeping the baby from you. But I soon realised that it wasn't only your fault I was in the mess I found myself in. We were both to blame, besides the circumstances beyond of our control. You know I was a bad mother to my other children, Rhett, and I was scared you wouldn't let me prove that I had changed. I was afraid you'd take her and I'd never see her again."

Scarlett saw the muscles tighten in his jaw. He couldn't blame her for feeling as she did, but the knowledge that she would have kept his child from him for who knew how long angered him nonetheless. Thank God that letter had seen the light of day when it did or he may have missed out on years instead of just a few weeks. The relief he had felt at discovering they were both alive had dissipated somewhat and now there was room for righteous indignation and resentment that she should have kept from him the existence of a child he had every right to know to creep back in.

The reality of holding that tiny person in his arms made what she had done, what he might have missed out on, that much more real to him. This was his life she had been playing with, even if he hadn't known it at the time. For her to deprive him of something so significant made him angry. He stood up and lay the now sleeping baby down in her crib.

"I don't know how to feel about that, Scarlett. Damn it." He cursed softly to himself, and ran his fingers through his dark hair. "I can understand it, hell I can even sympathise, but I don't know how to forgive it right now. It makes me angry that you would knowingly keep my baby from me. I know you didn't ask to get pregnant, so maybe I should have assumed that risk when I divorced you, but I still had a right to know. And it's partly my fault you felt you had to hide. I accused you of poor mothering, I kept Bonnie from you, but the fact is you were a poor mother. You showed very little emotional interest in your children, you kept them clothed and fed, put a roof over their heads, but nothing more. And maybe that is all you were capable of a the time, but you never tried very hard to make an effort. The only reason you loved Bonnie more than the other two is because she was such a pretty, charming little girl and a credit to you." He stopped himself at the look on her face. He could see that hearing these harsh realities hurt her, even if she knew them to be true, and that wasn't his intention.

"I was scared Rhett," she pleaded.

"You were selfish," he countered quietly. Tears filled her eyes at his words and he took her hand. "I'm sorry, Scarlett. I know it's not what you want to hear and I don't mean to hurt you, but can't help the way I feel. I need some time alone to think."

He turned and left the room, and she helplessly watched him go as slow tears spilled down her cheeks.

She heard his footsteps on the stairs, then across the hall to the front door. It opened then was pulled shut behind him. She couldn't go after him, there was no appealing to him now. Besides, what could she possibly say? He was right, she had thought only of herself, even if her decision was justified in her mind.

A deathly hush descended on the empty house as Scarlett curled up on the bed and dragged the heavy blankets over her. It had been an emotional morning and she was suddenly exhausted by the disappointment that had followed her earlier elation.

He'd made her feel small and guilty for what she had done.

He would come around she told herself firmly. He had to. They would work through their differences. Of course it wasn't all going to be ironed out in the space of a few hours. She had to exercise a little patience, no matter how difficult she found it. Rhett would be back, he hadn't come all this way just to turn around and leave at the first sign of trouble. But even though he had promised her he wouldn't run away, she still feared he might leave her again. Scarlett tried to fight the tears as she buried her face in the pillow but they fell unheeded.

TBC.

Thanks for reading. J.