Harpie frowns as she looks out at the herd of reporters. She sighs and turns to Ryter who's fidgeting with the tie to her suit.

Ryter: Hate bow ties. Stupid things are impossible.

Harpie: Then why did you choose it?

Ryter looks at her like she's stupid.

Ryter: Makes me feel like James bond.

Harpie rolls her eyes and moves away from the curtain to fix Ryter's tie.

Harpie: Fine 00 what do you suppose we do about the scavangers.

Ryter raises an eyebrow and does a bad impression of Sean Connery.

Ryter: Relax H. I always have an idea.

Smirking Ryter calmly walks out to the podium in the center of the stage. The reporters go crazy asking thousands of questions at the same time.

Reporter 1: Ryter. RYTER! Many of your readers want to know where you've been!

Reporter 2: Is it true that you've stopped this story and your others?

Reporter 3: Is this a hiatus from writing or writers block?

Ryter is unfazed by all of the questions and calmly holds up her arms to silence them. The room goes deathly quiet.

Ryter: Thank you for all of your patience and well thought out questions. I think I know exactly how to answer each and everyone of them.

She takes a deep breath.

Ryter: I'm not wearing underwear today,
No i'm not wearing underwear today
Not that you probably care
Much about my underwear
Still none the less I gotta say
That i'm not wearing underwear today

With that she left the crowd in stunned silence. Harpie chuckles lightly to herself.

Harpie: Nice.

Ryter: I thought so.

Harpie shrugs at this.

Harpie: What now?

Ryter doesn't really pay attention to her as she struggles to pull off her tie. Snow starts to fall around them, irritating her a little more than the tie.

Ryter: Two days after Christmas and NOW it snows. Stupid weather. Ergh.

Harpie shakes her head and is about to say something, but stops as they pass a window. Grabbing a still ranting Ryter, She freezes in front of the open window.

Ryter: WHAT WAS THAT....ohh....

They stand transfixed as staring at what's inside the small house. Snuggling a basket full of small adorable kittens is the one and only notorious red headed step child Gaara of the Desert. A song is softly playing in the background as he sways with the basket of cute critters.

Harpie: Ryter...

Ryter: Yeah?

Harpie looks at her in concern.

Harpie: Doesn't this song sound WAAAAYYYY too familar?

Ryter's eyes go wide suddenly as she mouths 'no' silently, Gaara begins to sing.

Gaara: When the game of life makes you feel like quittin',
It helps a lot if you....

He takes one of the kittens out of the basket tossing the others off near the fire. Ryter and Harpie jump through the open window. Ryter snags the basket before it falls into the fire, while Harpie Grabs her foot and slides them both behind the couch just as Gaara turns around swinging the Kitten in the air.

Gaara: kill a kitten
Mark my words, cause from where I'm sittin,
You can't go wrong if you kill a kitten.

He tosses up the kitten and does a quick twirl. The cat yowls. Harpie's eyes go wide as she tosses out a pillow. The cat lands safely. She and Ryter let out a sigh of relief as it walks away. Gaara smiles down at it smirking.

Gaara: There's no crime that you'll be commitin'
I know the law, you can kill a kitten.
If you need yarn for that scarf you're knittin'
You'll get plenty when you kill a kitten

His sand swirls around it threateningly. Harpie throws a shoe at a shelf knocking a bottle to the floor, when Gaara turns to pick up the stuff on the floor Ryter grabs the kitten and dodges the spikes of sand being thrown her way. Gaara continues to smile as he reads the label of the bottle, hugging it to his chest.

Gaara: Feed it turpentine, or break its spine,

Harpie tries to crawl towards Gaara and hopefully trip him up, and break his concentration with the sand, but he steps back suddenly, his foot landing on her hand.

Harpie: MMMMEEEEOOOOWWWWW!!!!!

Gaara continues to grin as he steps down harder, thinking it's his feline friend.

Gaara: Crush it with your shoe, as long as you...
Kill a kitten.

Suddenly Gaara freezes as he catches sight of a picture of him and Lee together. While he's distracted, Ryter tosses the kitten out of the open window. Gaara doesn't notice. He picks up the picture of the one he loves and kisses it softly. Something rubs up against his leg. Looking down he sees a pink kitten purring against him. Ryter and Harpie's smack themselves on the head in annoyance as they notice the empty basket that held the kittens. The cats are all over the place now. Gaara doesn't notice any of this as he locks on the pink kitten that reminds him of a certain love highway roadblock with a huge forehead and pink hair. Growling he picks up the kitten and pets it surprisingly softly.

Gaara: If the one you love isn't quite as smitten,
He'll like you better when you kill a kitten
To quote the bible, cause that's where it's written
If ye loveth Jashin, ye must kill a kitten.

He lays the kitten down on a table, and picks up a large book labeled 'The Gospel of Jashin". He brings down the book hard. Harpie and Ryter flinch thinking the little girl doesn't have a chance, when they peek through their hands they see that the little thing jumped onto the shelf and was running for it's life with Gaara right behind it. Praying the little thing didn't get caught, the girls worked on getting the other kittens out.

Gaara: Flush it down the can, hit it with your van,
Drown it in a lake, bake a kitty cake
Throw it at a train, make it snort cocaine
Stick some TNT up its cat booty
Do what you must do, as long as you...
Kill a kitten.

Harpie throws a cat across the room to Ryter ducking when Gaara turns in her direction coming after the kitten. Ryter grabs the cat as it flies just out of his sight and tosses it out the window grabbing one sitting comfortably on a couch arm chair she sends it flying by its tail onto the street, diving under the coffee table only seconds before the cat and Gaara go crashing into the other side of the couch, not noticing her at all. Gaara huffs and rises to his knees holding the book above his head ready to deliever the finishing blow. Before he can, however the cat lunges towards the window sill and dashes out with the rest of it's brothers and sisters. Gaara pouts slightly but just let's it go. He sighs and walks towards a door not too far from where he is, bending over and searching for something. Harpie and Ryter fall out on the floor breathing hard, thinking they're finally safe.

Gaara: Killing kittens isn't easy,
And if the thought makes you feel queasy,
Grab a pitchfork from the shed,

Curious Harpie looks up wondering what the red head's up to this time. He returns from the closet and her heart stops cold for a moment as he grins happily at what's now in his arms.

Gaara: And kill a puppydog instead!

Harpie rushes him, making him drop the dogs as she tries to lunge for his throat, snarling as a pair of inu ears appear.

Gaara: WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOME?!

Harpie: WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL MY PEOPLE! GO KILL JAKE GYLLENHAAL! TAKE OUT THAT THREAT AND HELP THE GAMING COMMUNITY INSTEAD OF HURTING INNOCENT PUPPIES!

Ryter: We're gonna die. we're gonna die. We're gonna die. We're SOOOO gonna die.

Ryter grabs the forgotten pups and walks towards the door. She flings it open, ready to let the puppies go free until she's stopped by a pair of green clad arms. Dropping the dogs, who scamper off to safety, she's immediately wrapped in a bone crushing hug surrounded by green spandex.

Gai: AH! The ever youthful Ryter! Why are you present at our favorite Kazekage's home!

Ryter: Ca...Ca...Bre...ahhhgraagleaa!

Harpie frowns as she's pushed back by his sand. He growls and tries to lunge at her, but his caught by Gai in the nick of time. Ryter, is on her hands and knees gasping for air after her near strangulation.

Gai: How unYOUTHFUL Gaara-sama! I expect better of you. I know I would never be caught doing anything as unyouthful as trying to strangle such a blooming flower such as Harpie-chan.

Kakashi: I wouldn't be so fast to judge Gai.

They all raise an eye at the ivory haired nin sitting calmly on Gaara's couch holding the remote to his television. Gai goes strangely silent as Kakashi flips the remote in the air, catching it each time, flipping non-chalantly through his little orange book.

Kakashi: Because If I remember a Christamas oh...four or five years ago another person in this room was being very 'UNYOUTHFUL'.

Ryter flings her arms in the air in exasperation.

Ryter: COME ON! THE OLD LADY HAD IT COMING! WHAT KINDA NINETY YEAR OLD GRANNY TRIES TO PICK UP A 12 YEAR OLD! A KICK IN THE GROIN WAS JUSTIFIABLE! SCREW THE POLICE RECORD!

They all look at her in confusion. Ryter stops and scratches the back of her head nervously.

Ryter: H...He's not talking about me...is he?

They all shake their heads still staring at her blankly. Ryter nods and turns a bright red.

Ryter: Hehehe. Right then. I'm just gonna be hiding behind the couch if anyone needs me. Please. Please don't need me.

When she's ducked behind the couch and silently sobbing to herself, the room turns its attention back on Kakashi.

Kakashi: Riiiight...anyway...Gai, you can also get a little too...unyouthful.

Gai stands up to his full height looking rigtheously offended.

Gai: Kakashi! I am rightously offended!

Harpie rolls her eyes at him and knocks him down onto the floor.

Harpie: No you're not. You're Gai-sensei.

Kakashi spares her a bored look before smirking through his mask at Gai.

Kakashi: I have proof of your misdeeds! Friends of the court I present to you Exhibit A.

He clicks Gaara's remote and what looks like a girl from behind with a long ponytail wearing a long green nightshirt stretches and yawns on the television. Ryter looks over the edge of the couch to see what was going on and she shrieks at what she sees. Gaara joins her as he looks to see what's so interesting.

Gaa/Ryter: I KNOW THAT BACK! WHAT WERE YOU DOING VIDEO TAPING MY LEE-SAMA!

They lunge at Kakashi but are frozen mid-air in a water bubble. Kakashi rolls his eyes at them as they fight to seriously maim him.

Kakashi: What can I say. Kid has a butt, but that's not the point this is.

They look at the tape. Just as Lee gets into bed his door is slammed open by none other than the Great Green Sensei. Gai strolls over and runs his hands through Lee's long black hair. Lee hides under his blanket in fear.

Lee: Ga...Ga...Gai-sensei...Wh...What are you doing in my house?

Gai just shakes his head sadly, pulling out a guitar from seemingly nowhere he strums a bit trying to find the right cords.

Gai: Lee....I know you've been upset since I broke up with you mother...

Lee's big eyes go even wider at this, his mouth hanging open like a trap door.

Lee: You...You were...dating my...my mother?

Gai shakes his head vigiourously.

Gai: No. no no no. Well, yes, but that's not the point. I know it's hard when things don't work out between the person you love and...your mother...but I think I have a song to cheer you up.

Lee: But...But my mom's still married to my...

Gai puts a finger to his lips, quieting the child.

Gai: hush little girl
sweet baby dont cry, tonight

Lee: But I'm not a...

Gai: daddy is here and he'll sing you a soft lullaby, tonight

Lee: Gai-sensei! You are not my fa...

Gai cuts off his protest by playing the guitar and singing louder. He stares at the ceiling searching for the right words to comfort his young student.

Gai: Why can't it all be like it was before.
How can I explain why mommy's not here anymore.

He stands up suddenly dancing in a circle around Lee's bed, singing loud enough to wake everyone in Lee's apartment building.

Gai: Cause daddy likes women in thongs on the shore.
daddy gets wasted and robs liquor stores.
daddy likes rubbing against little boys on the bus.
I think that's why your mommy left us, mommy left us.

Lee blinks at a few of those choice statements, in the split second it takes him to open his eyes again Gai is gone. Lee stands up and gets out of the bed calling out to his sensei.

Lee: Gai-sensei.

Gai: hush little girl
there is no reason to fret, tonight.

Lee screams and falls backward onto his back as Gai appears behind him. He clings to the door knob for dear life. Gai calms turns his back lighting incense in the room.

Gai: Don't mind the smoke, daddy just wants to forget, tonight.

Backing further into the door Lee watches in horror, not knowing what to expect next. Gai calms slightly as he strums at his guitar.

Gai: soon it will all be like it was before
any minute, she will walk through that front door.

The youth is suddenly swept up into his sensei's arms and forced to join in his messed up comfort dance. They waltz around the room knocking over random objects as they go, Gai laughing merrily the entire time.

Gai: but daddy plays poker and drinks lots of beer
then he wants things that involves mommy's rear
daddy has sores on some hidden parts oozing with pus
I think that's why mommy left us.

Gai stops his slow torture as he notices Lee crying to himself. He stops and wipes the tears off of the boys face, kissing his forehead lightly.

Gai: Please don't cry
I swear I'll try
to be here by your side.

He hugs the boy to his chest. Lee sniffles a little before reaching up to hug his sensei back. He's dropped on the ground as Gai makes his way towards the door.

Gai: Right after daddy gets home from the bar
visits his bookee
and steals a new car
he'll drive to the dance club
and if daddy plays his cards right
he'll bring home your new mommy tonight.

He gave Lee a quick wink before running out of the door, leaving his student utterly confused. The camera does a close up as he pulls a small object out of the neck of his onesie grinning wolfishly.

Gai: HA! That'll teach him to steal my eyebrow trimmer.

The film goes black and everyone is staring at Gai. Gai coughs into his hand and backs towards the door.

Gai: :cough: Er...You see...What had happened there was...I had...and Lee...well it was...Urm...It was a prank! Yes, a prank. To make...make...Lee stronger...and....Oh, screw it!

Gai takes off at a run. Kakashi counts to ten before dropping the jutsu that's holding Gaara and Ryter. They take off after Gai without any further ado. Harpie Yawns and takes a seat next to Kakashi.

Harpie: How long you think it'll take them to actually ca...

Gai: NO! NOT MY KIDNEY! I NEED THAT FOR DOING...KIDNEY THINGS!

Gaara/Ryter: GONNA MAKE YOU AN EUNICE OLD MAN!

Harpie rolls her eyes and leans against Kakashi.

Harpie: Never mind. I'm gonna take a nap, you mind saying good night to the readers?

Kakashi: No problem.

He smiles sweetly and waves.

Kakashi: This was of course just a backstage bonus, and since Gai's dead anyway, he can't be hurt....

A loud falseto scream pierces the air from somewhere outside. Kakashi sweat drops at this.

Kakashi: Too badly....From all of us here at the musical We wish you a merry post-christmas, happy holiday, and Great new years.

Harpie: Don't forget to mention the songs were by Stephen Lynch, except for the underwear one. That was from Avenue Q

Kakashi: Thought you were taking a nap?

Harpie: I am. Good Night Folks!