When
she calls you to go
There is one thing you should know
We don't
have to live this way
Baby, why don't you stay
I've lost count of how many times I've spoken that one word. Has it lost its meaning? Almost.
He sits at the edge of the bed and I watch as he laces his shoes. I know it was her on the other end of the phone. His reactions give him away, no matter how hard he tries. It's useless, but I always ask him to stay. I don't understand why he has to leave. Yet I wait for him to come back every time. He slips back into bed, or stands against the counter in the kitchen, depending on what time it is when he gets back.
I don't think that they're sleeping together. Whether I'm being too naïve or just hopeful, I'm not sure. I'd like to think that I would know if he was cheating on me. That almost makes it worse. What is it that he's missing with me? I've given him my best.
It hasn't been easy. Elliot Stabler has never make it easy. It's hard to say when things started to go down hill. We had been everything, but perfect. I always thought that I was wishing for something unattainable. I've realized now that it is unattainable, at least for me.
He doesn't talk to me. Not just about the big things, but the little things too. You could barely call our exchanges small talk. That would be an improvement. The kids used to be the only unifying thing in our lives, but lately they've been more of a dividing factor.
I know they're the only reason he sticks around. I know Eli is the only reason that he's back. And all because I told him tostay. In that moment I was selfish, I know. I always feel selfish for wanting him to stay, but he's my husband. Shouldn't I want him to stay?
Now he's up off the bed without giving me a second glance. His steps aren't hesitant, but rather filled with purpose.
She is where he wants to be.
"Elliot?" I call after him.
He almost turns.
"Why don't you stay?" I ask him.
He continues out the bedroom door without a sound.
"… when you get there."