Chapter 16

"Kiba, are you awake?" muttered Eneres quietly.

"Yes," he replied softly. The makeshift snow-den that they had created glittered blue around them, sending soft sparkles onto the silver and white wolves' fur.

Eneres huffed out a breath of steam, watching it swirl before her nose and up towards her eyes, and she was comforted slightly by the warmth, even though it already was quite warm inside the den. The wind was howling outside, making it impossible for Eneres to sleep, and she envied Hige and Toboe greatly as they snored peacefully, laying on top of each other lazily. Even Tsume seemed at peace, but she could not rest. If she did, she was sure to open that memory drawer that was getting harder to close, and the tears would flow and that agonizing pain would once again return to her grief-stricken, exhausted body. It was almost too much to bear these days.

Hige snorted in his sleep, and Eneres suddenly felt claustrophobic, as the snow-den barely harbored all five wolves.

Couldn't we have made this damn thing any bigger? she thought gruffly, slightly rolling her eyes. She half considered getting up and scraping out the den entrance, which was also their breathing hole, to make it larger, but she felt too comfortable situated next to Kiba, her side pressed up against his to help create and maintain body heat. Just the thought of actually using her muscles to get up and put her paws in the frozen snow made her shiver.

She felt Kiba press next to her a little harder, as if he thought she was still cold.

"Are you cold?" he asked seconds later.

"No, just . . ." she trailed off, unable to explain what she had been thinking. She felt his strong neck muscles lift as he gently placed his head on hers, as if to comfort her, which she needed desperately.

Everything in her personality struggled and screamed at her to withdraw, but something new inside her kept her head there, and she listened to his breathing and his pulse as the minutes ticked by.

She was beginning to become bored, but had no intention whatsoever of moving, and had no desire to close her weary eyes and fall into blackness, so she began to hum a lullaby that her mother had sung to her and Citegrene when they were just little pups. All the words appeared mentally in her head, and the melody vibrated in her throat as she went through the one-verse song.

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are gray . . .

Eneres remembered that she had been jealous of that song, because Citegrene's fur was golden, like the sun, and Eneres hadn't liked that the song was only about sunshine, so she had made her mother change it once in a while to 'moonshine' so that Eneres wouldn't feel so left out.

You'll never know, dear, how much I love you . . .

Memories of Yngrina threatened to overpower her, as she remembered Yngrina's last words to Eneres before she threw herself over the cliff; it had taken years for Eneres to fully accept her sister's death, and even longer to force herself to exclude that terrible memory from her existence, because since that petrifying moment, Eneres had come to realized that her mother had favored her and Citegrene over Eneres' own siblings. Did Remoth know that there was something special about Citegrene and Eneres? If so, how? Was there something that Remoth didn't tell Eneres or Citegrene before she died?

A small trickle of Remoth's death flowed through the wall blocking Eneres' memories from flooding her mind, and Eneres shuddered even more, and she half-sensed Kiba tighten up beside her in apprehensiveness. He knew how touchy Eneres was these days. Some times Eneres would burst into a random fit of tears, and some days she would be angry as a hornet that had gotten a rock thrown at its hive. Some days she would sulk for hours in a corner, and others she would feel nothing at all.

But no one should have had to die the way that Remoth did. It was too cruel to even speak about. And now that it had been thought about absentmindedly, the trickle was becoming a stream, and the stream became . . . Eneres fixed up the crack in the wall, heaving a big sigh and picking up where her tune had apparently faltered when the memory tried to force itself forward.

So please don't take my sunshine away, she finished resolutely, her sorrow wallowing up again as she thought of sunshine and how it connected to Citegrene. How it connected to everything she held dear. Everything she had loved had been whisked away . . . no, not whisked, more like picked away from her, like the squirrel gnawing at the outside of a walnut shell. One by one, everything had been taken away from her, leaving the raw nut inside.

Nut, she told herself, in a dry humor fashion. That is what I've been reduced to: a nut.

She minutely shook her head, a wry smile appearing upon her face.

"What were you thinking about?" asked Kiba, his ears now pricked forward after listening to Eneres hum her lullaby.

The wall threatened to break open again, and a lump formed in Eneres' throat, so she was unable to answer.

Kiba sensed that, and he took his head off of hers, making Eneres immediately grow cold on the spot where it had rested; she wished that she wouldn't be so tongue-tied around him, especially when he asked such questions that could be answered with a butt-out answer like 'Something' or 'Nothing' or 'None of your business!'. He stared at her sympathetically, and asked her another question, trying to take her mind off of it.

"What was that song you were singing?"

"Just a lullaby that my mother used to sing to me and Citegrene when we were pups," she answered, staring out the entrance.

"I like it, it's pretty," he mused, and then he mumbled something unintelligible that Eneres barely picked up.

"What did you say?"

"Oh, it was nothing," he answered, trying to disguise the ashamedness in his voice. If wolves could blush, Kiba would have been flushed a deep scarlet. Eneres eyed him suspiciously, but scooted next to him a little closer, telling him that she was all right.

Toboe shifted uncomfortably behind them, making Hige grunt, but they made no signs of waking.

"How come you can't sleep?" Kiba asked, trying vainly to make conversation.

"Just a lot on my mind, I guess," she replied, nestling her nose in his fur and curling her tail behind him. "How come you aren't asleep? Your pals seem to be having a jolly good time in Dream World. They're hibernating like bears."

"I don't know, I don't feel sleepy, I guess," he replied, and she could feel him tense up as he fought to stifle a yawn that would give him away. She smiled in his fur, and huffed out a small laugh, closing her eyes in delight as his scent whirled around her nose.

"You don't have to stay up for me, I'm just fine by myself," she whispered.

He nudged his nose in her ear, a smile playing around his lips also. "Too many times I've woken up to listen to you whimper and cry in your sleep. When I can trust you to go to sleep and not cry I'll go to sleep, too."

Her smile faded as she remembered the many times she'd had to cry into his fur to make the pain subside. "Big girls don't cry," she said softly, mostly to herself.

He chuckled and licked the inside of her ear, making her tingle inside. She thought she should return the favor, so almost reluctantly took her nose out of his fur and gazed up into his confused eyes, for he thought she hadn't liked his affectionate lick. A smirk appeared on her face, and she reached up and kissed him. She struggled to keep it affectionate, not passionate, keeping her emotions in check as best she could, for she knew that they would rage later because she would eventually have to fall asleep.

He kissed her back, but it was she who had to pull away first, and delightedness radiated from them both.

"What was that for?" he asked amusedly.

She nudged him playfully, sinking her nose back into his fur and smiling contentedly.

"So how long do you think it will take to find Cheza?" asked Kiba after a while.

"Once my bruise goes away and the storm lets up we will be plowing on faster than full speed ahead, captain," she breathed. "I can even smell her now; it's very, very faint, but it's there, nonetheless."

"Even with your nose squished into my fur?" he laughed.

"Yes, smart ass," she replied.

"How come you can smell Cheza from such long distances?" he questioned her.

"It's a gift from Tor and Fenris," she sighed, and remembered that she hadn't thought about the wolf gods for quite a long time.

"You never finished telling me about them," Kiba said, gently nudging Eneres' head out of his fur so that he could look into her eyes to search for a reason.

"What more is there to tell?" Eneres responded irritably. "Once Paradise is opened, you can see them for yourself."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because they told me themselves."

"You met Tor and Fenris?" It wasn't really a question, it was more of a scornfully-said statement.

"Yes, yes I did, and so did Citegrene. They were the ones who granted us Cheza," snarled Eneres, her eyebrows furrowing together in a scowl. "She is the true Flower Maiden."

"But how do you know?"

"Because of the pr –" Eneres stopped short when she realized that she had been about to spill one of the gravest secrets that she had needed to keep. She sat up in spite of herself, curling her arms around her knees. "Because they told me so."

"What?"

"Nothing."

"No, what were you saying before?" Now Kiba had sat up alongside Eneres and was glaring at her curiously.

"About what?" She was completely disgusted at the sorry attempts she was making to try and evade her mistake.

". . . Nothing," he concluded, lying back down. Eneres looked at him for one long moment, then laid back down also, this time with her back to him. Her body was barely touching his now, and it wasn't long before she was shivering again. Her fur wasn't nearly as long as Citegrene's, for Citegrene had come from the far northern tundra, and Eneres had been from more of a southern pack. It wasn't long after she started shivering that Kiba was next to her again, holding her close; soon her shivering stopped.

"I'm sorry," he apologized, his whisper tickling her ear. She didn't respond, but curled tighter next to him, hoping that this action would make up for an 'it's ok.'

She fell asleep to him softly humming her favorite lullaby.

How much longer did that annoying song have to last!? Tsume had heard Kiba and Eneres go on about mushy gushy boring talk for what seemed like an eternity now, and things had finally started to get juicy and tense when Eneres had sat up and they had begun an argument. But now it was over, and Kiba had started humming that completely retarded tune, probably to get Eneres to sleep, no doubt. Why even bother? She was just going to have more nightmares anyway. It seemed like an endless circle; Eneres would fall asleep, then have nightmares, only to have Kiba there to comfort her, then he would make her go to sleep and the process would begin all over again. Tsume didn't see the point.

But, oh, how he wished that he was the one curled next to Eneres rather than that softy Kiba . . .

She was getting closer . . . so, so much closer . . .