Danny Phantom
Road to Ghost Hell (Also Known As "Danny Phantom's Totally Awesome and Yet Strangely Queer Crossover Special")
Chapter 4: Life on Spooner Street.
A/N: At the rate I'm updating this story, if I can get it done before Christmas Day, I may be able to start on a sequel, which, yes, will also involve the Family Guy cast, though clearly not as much as this one does, I can tell you that. (just think of the Jimmy/Timmy Power Hour, only better)
Enjoy!
TV-PG-DLV (This story is rated for some excessive violence, and a bit of inappropriate profanity)
So for the rest of the day, the Fentons mostly stayed inside, soaking in the luxury of their new home. They even had a hottub in one of the bathrooms, a broken one at that. They were unaware of the various misdeeds and advetures that took place on this street during the day, and that most of them are caused by Peter.
His first schinanigin of the day consisted of an elephant.
"Hey guys, come out here for a sec!" Peter called, summoning out Cleveland, Quagmire, Joe, and even Danny out to the streets. Danny was astonished to see such a great beast out on the streets. Cleveland, Joe, and Quagmire weren't because they've seen him do stuff like this before.
"Um, what is that?" Danny asked, pointing to the elephant.
"Um, this would be an elephant, Issac Newton." Peter replied, coldly. "I just bought it from the Quahog zoo."
(Cue Cutaway)
We cut to Peter walking up to an elephant cage. There was a sign next to the cage that read 'Environmentally Friendly Elephant for sale.' Peter seemed interested in this elephant.
"Um, excuse me sir," He said to Jim Kaplan, a local con artist, who just happened to be passing by. "How much is it for this elephant?"
"Oh, you like this elephant?" He asked Peter, hoping to make Peter a sucker out of him yet again (like he's done previously in the episodes There's Something about Paulie and Hell Comes to Quahog)
"Well, yes. I saw the sign said it's 'enviornmentally friendly', so I think it'll be great for the street crime. And...um, my car is a piece of junk so I'm looking to replace that as well.
"Well, if you love elephants, then let me show you this one." Jim led Peter all over the zoo to a different elephant. But this one was much bigger, cost more, and smelled like 4-day old underwear because it was exposed to its own urine and feces for months.
"But, but this elephant stinks! And he also sucks! Ehehehehehe! But all jokes aside, he smells like a fat woman after sex, and-and it's $9,000! Plus, how the hell could I climb onto its back? It-It's huge! I'd need like a stepladder or a jetpack or Dick Clark to climb onto him."
"Perhaps so. But, this elephant only had one previous owner...Michael Vick!"
Peter stared for a moment, and then opened his mouth because A) He had no idea who Michael Vick was, and B) He had to go pee. "Well sir, I may be a moron but what I am not is a moron. You've got yourself a deal!"
(End Cutaway)
"Watch what this thing can do. I taught it how to jump, sit, stay, roll over, and play dead."
But on hearing those words, the elephant soon started acting crazy. It began running around like a crazy maniac while Peter proceeded with screaming.
"AHH! AAAH! Oh god! Ah! OH, crazy animal! Ah! Oh god, AHH!"
The elephant ran around for a few minutes, running around everyone else's house. Miraculously, he did not smash any of the houses he ran around, despite his enormous size. He did, however hit the side of his own house, and when he did, a small bit of the wood chipped off revealing a large big hole. Then the elephant ran away.
"What is this?!" Stewie yelled, popping up through the hole in the wall. "There's something wrong with the house!" He looked around outside, seeing nothing that could've caused this. "I don't like change!" (From the episode 'Believe it or Not, Joe's Walking on Air)
Later that day, Peter was involved in another schinanigin. This time, it involved Indiana Jones and a lot of crappy wise cracks. Danielle was the first to see this after coming out of the front door of her house and wanting to take a stroll around the neighborhood.
"Hey kid, kid, come here!" Peter called from the roof. He was wearing an Indiana Jones costume carrying a play whip in his right hand. "What do you call a fat person who's willing to protest against taxes? Give up? A rapist! HAHAHAHAHA!"
"Peter, that doesn't even make sense. Rapist have nothing to do with Indiana Jones. How the hell does that qualify as a joke??" Brian questioned from down on the ground.
"Brian, be quiet! I'm busy! See? Hiya!" He unleashed his whip out several times, scaring the birds away. "HAHAHAHA! Die, die, die! I have everything, and you have nothing!Most of them didn't want to go near Peter, but one brave bird did. And just as he was about to unleash it again, he accidentally got it wrapped around the bird's neck. But he didn't notice until after he tried to pull the whip back, and snapped its neck. As the bird dropped to the roof, Peter saw at what he had just done.
Peter had no idea as to how to react to this. "Lois, dinner!" Peter yelled after a short silence. (This bit was done in the American Dad episode 'Choosy Wives Choose Smith' another great show made by Seth MacFarlane)
Later that night, everyone on Spooner Street except for the Fentons were asleep. It was a quiet night, and the Fentons hoped it would be a quiet night.
Danny was tucking in her 'sister' Danielle into bed. He was hoping that tonight they would get a good night's sleep.
"Well tomorrow's the big day." Danny said to her. "Tomorrow, you become an official Fenton, and we'll enroll you in school, and play pranks on Tucker-"
(Cue Cutaway)
We cut to the front door of Fentonworks. Tucker is just walking up to the front door. It was Tuesday, and Tuesday was the day that Danny and Sam would have a little prank ready for him. Though Danny quit this months ago, Sam has secretly been continuing doing this, and Tucker always thinks it's Danny. When he got up to the door, he saw a huge bucket of water on top. He was on to Sam's 'trick'.
"Nice try, guys. But you can't fool me!" He yelled as he kicked the door open and dropped the bucket. But as he did, a loud shriek was heard from inside.
Tucker immediately ran inside to see what the cause was. He looked around for a little while and suddenly realized he had accidentally slammed the door into Danny, who, ironically, had just phased into the house after having dealth with the Box Ghost.
"Danny, oh my god! Are you alright?"
"What the hell is wrong with you, you sick twisted skeeze!?" Danny yelled, clutching his chest in pain.
"But, but I thought...the bucket-"
"That wasn't me. That was Sam!"
"So you 2 are not doing pranks together anymore?"
"Are you kidding? Her pranks suck! Bucket on top of door? Jesus, do you really think I'd do that to you?"
"Oh nice try, Danny. I know it was you who did this!" Frustrated, Danny grabbed the bucket and showed the bottom of it to Tucker. The bottom had a logo on it with a picture of a black bat on it, and the word 'Manson' on it in small print. "Oh."
"Yeah, OH!" Danny then proceeded to punch Tucker's lights out, knocking him to the floor unconscious. He then left the scene with no regret.
(End Cutaway)
"Just wait, Danielle. Once we get you into this family, we're gonna have so much fun, you'll end up p-"
"Oh my god!!" Peter yelled from over the other side of the neighborhood. "OH my god! Oh god this is too beautiful! Too unfreakinbelivable! Meg, oh my god! She had her period! Oh this is too great-"
"Peter, SHUT UP!!" Peter's neighbor, Joe Swanson, yelled. "Peter, it is 2:00 in the morning, and I am very tired! I apprehended four people, two of the black in the murder of a 14-year old Jew! I am exhausted!!"
"What the hell is going on out there!?" Another one of Peter's neighbors, Cleveland Brown, yelled out to him.
"Dammit, Peter! We're trying to sleep!" Quagmire also yelled.
"I'm just saying I'm proud of her. She missed her period last month and it wasn't because she was pregnant! I was worried about her!"
"Oh god." Danny said. "Not tonight!"
"What is it? A ghost attack?" Danielle asked.
"Worse. Lousy and annoying neighbors."
"Well maybe she's a lesbian!!" Quagmire yelled, continuing from where the foursome left off.
"I'm jus-what?" Peter said, perplexed.
"I'm-I'm just saying. Maybe she's a lesbian. I read in 'Entertainment Weekly'' that lesbians stop getting their period at the age of 16."
"Quagmire, she was sixteen last year and still got her period!" Joe yelled to Quagmire. "In fact, it was her first period ever!!"
"Oh! Oh, maybe that was the Spanish chick I was humping that year."
"Is there any type of religious chick you haven't humped yet?" Cleveland asked.
"Um, yeah. I don't do athen chicks."
"Athen chicks!?" Peter yelled.
"Can't stand them. Never have, never will. They're repulsive, aggrivating, and non-God belivers."
"Wait a minute! Brian's an athenist!" Peter yelled.
"And, and so was Loretta!!" Cleveland yelled.
"Yes, and she cheated on you! So who's the loser now!?"
"Yeah, she cheated with you, Quagmire!!!"
"Oh yeah. I forgot that!"
Danny and Danielle were forced to sit back and listen to those four morons go on and on and on about useless things. It went on for about 2 hours, though there were a few 10 minute breaks in between.
"My god, at this point I'd welcome a ghost attack." Said a very exasperated Danny. He wasn't as tired as he was annoyed. "Those guys are even more annoying than spending an all-nighter catching ghosts."
"I know. But it's not like they're trying to kill each other, right?"
"Hey, did you just call my mother fat!!??" Quagmire yelled to Peter, as he, Peter, Cleveland, and Joe continued their squabble.
"What!? No, I didn't. I just-"
"Yes you did, Peter! You just called her a fat porkchop, you bastard!"
"OK, you wanna tussle or what?"
"Bring it, fatass!"
At that moment, the yelling had ceased. Danny and Danielle were relieved that it was over. But that was until they heard some punches and kicks being flown outside. Danny, assuming (rather, hoping) it was a ghost attack, ran to the window to see what it was. It turns out that all it was was Peter & Quagmire getting into a fist fight.
"You had to ask." Danny coldly told Danielle.
"Kids, whatever you do...!" Jack yelled from downstairs. "Do not leave your rooms! I'll handle this! With my new giant fighting robot!" Soon, outside, mechanical whirling filled soundwaves, and soon, the Fenton RV, which was parked in the driveway, started moving its parts around. The parts quickly took the formation of a robot figure, with the tires as its hands and feet. The robot stomped over to where Peter and Quagmire were, and grabbed the two of them, and threw them aside, right into Cleveland's house.
The entire front of Cleveland's house was destroyed when they crashed into it, and as they fell down to the ground, so did the debree from his house. It revealed that he was in the bathtub when they crashed into his house, and when they fell, so did the debree holding up the floorboard.
"What the hell!?" Cleveland screamed as the floorboard started tipping towards the ground and his bathtub started sliding. "No, no, NO, NO, NO, NO!" He yelled as his bathtub with him in it fell to the ground, the tub breaking in the process.
"Cleveland, why do you take baths in the dead of night?" Peter asked from the ground. "It's midnight for god's sake!"
"Baths always help me calm down and stay in a peace of mind when you get involved in another crazy shinanigin like this on-" Cleveland then looked up to see his towel rack, which was still attached to the dismembered wall, start tilting towards him. "NOOOOO...!" Cleveland yelled again as his towel rack fell to the ground, smacking him hard on the head, and leaving him unconscious.
"Boy, that was random." Peter said after a short silence.
"Yeah." Quagmire replied dryly.
"Hey, let's write all over him!"
"Alriiiight!" (The previous scene was just referencing the FG episodes "Model Misbehavior" with the whole argument between Peter, Cleveland, Quagmire, and Joe, "The Cleveland-Loretta-Quagmire" with the discussion of Loretta's affair with Cleveland, the episodes "Hell Comes to Quahog", "Barely Legal", and "Tales of a Third Grade Nothing" with the Cleveland's bathtub gag, and "The Perfect Castaway" with Peter & Quagmire planning to write on Cleveland.)
For the rest of the night, the fighting had died out, and Danielle and Danny and the rest of the family had gone to sleep...except for Jack, who spent half of the remaining night fixing the Fenton RV since it busted after it turned into a giant fighting robot.
Though it didn't make that much of a difference for Danielle. She was still uneasy the next morning because she had that same dream again, though this time it only popped up once while usually it pops up 3-4 times a night.
The next morning, Danielle, Danny, Maddie, Jazz, and Jack came out of their house at about 9:00 in the morning and were about to head out and have breakfast out instead of in. But they brought themselves to a halt when they caught a glance of Peter who was walking on the roof towards the edge, carrying Stewie.
"What the heck is he doing now?" Jazz asked, getting quite fed up with Peter's antics.
"Something stupid, I'm sure." Danny replied in a dry monotone.
Peter took Stewie to the edge of the roof, and then grabbed his legs and slowly let him down gently off of the roofs, close to the wall. The wall was full of leftover cobwebs from Chris's birthday party just 3 months ago.
"Come on Stewie, it's clean-up time." Peter said in a babyish tone. "Let's get these nasty cobwebs off of these sick walls."
"You know, fatman, I can read every word in the dictionary and I have a shooting range of a seventh grader. I don't really need to hear you talk like a baby."
Stewie then proceeded to start picking up the leftover webs. Peter had a tight grip on Stewie's feet so he wouldn't drop him. He made sure to hold his feet tightly and to make sure Stewie was close to the wall so in case he dropped him, Stewie would be able to grab one of the windows. In this scenario, Stewie was not in much harm's way.
The problem was that Danielle saw this a different way.
Even though Peter had no intentions of hurting Stewie in anyway, just by the way the situation looked, with Peter hanging Stewie by his feet over the edge of the roof, triggered that awful memory in Danielle's mind again. She soon had flashbacks of that little boy who was hung over the edge of the rood, and the burglar laughing in her face.
She was frightened once more. But the more flashbacks she got of that night, the more she'd picture Peter as the burglar and Stewie as the boy. And the more those images filled her head, the more anger built up in her. She clentched her fists hard to stop herself from getting angry. But she started scowling as well, but also trying to hold back her emotions. Some of the stress she's been suffering lately was finally trying to creep out, and let itself out in a rage attack. But Danielle couldn't think to harm an innocent person.
Then again, Peter wasn't as innocent as he was retarded.
"Heheheheheh. Come on, Stewie. Rake faster!" Peter said, leaning down on the roof and dropping Stewie further down. "We don't want the pigeons to attack us again, now do we?"
"That doesn't even make sense, you stupid toad!"
Danielle caught a glimpse of Peter dropping Stewie further down the side of the house, and immediately, her hands started glowing green with ghost energy. Her scowl turned into a frightening glare, her fists were clentched tight. By now, she was straining herself trying to hold back her rage, though evidently, it would've been a good thing since the stress was slowly killing her.
So after a couple of minutes of watching Peter "torture" Stewie, she finally gave up, and zoomed right towards Peter, screaming as she did this. She tackled Peter right in mid air and took his 250 feet into the air. Peter, however, had let his grip off of Stewie, as he fell to the ground. The only thing left from him was the sound of the brizzling leaves. But Danielle didn't care. All she cared about was taking Peter down. So she took a firm grip of his neck, and kicked him in the gut several times, before he punched him once and set him soaring down to the ground. Danielle followed in hot pursuit with only revenge in her mind. Her hand glowed green as she zoomed right towards him and gave him a big, juicy ghost ray right into his torso, and let him crash into the ground.
She then followed him into the hole she made, grabbed his neck, and started choking him, banging his head several times on the ground.
"Why would you do that to an innocent child!?" She kept yelling at him, even though Peter wasn't hurting Stewie. She continued yelling as she shook him like a British nanny.
"AHH! AHHHHH! Ah, this guy's crazy! Get 'er off me! Get er' off!!"
Danielle wasn't as strong as Danny, but she was quick and fierce, especially when she started punching Peter in the face. Finally, after about 4 minutes, and Danielle showing no signs of stopping, everyone else just ran after her and tried to pull her away from hurting Peter anymore.
"Calm down, Danielle! Calm down, everything's going to be fine!" Danny kept yelling to her, but she still wanted a piece of him.
"What the hell is wrong with her!?" Peter yelled in pain, after Danielle had finally settled, er...simmered down. Danielle was so enraged she managed to give Peter a broken arm, fractured shoulder, and several bruise markings and cuts all over the rest of his body. "Is she some kind of mutant or something!?"
"I'm...I'm sorry. I-"
"No, no, you know what!? I don't wanna hear it!! Thanks to you, I'm disfigured more than you could imagine! Thanks to you, guess how many sperm I got left?? Huh?? ONE! He's lonely in there, and he's scared. If I tried to masturbate right now, a flag would pop out reading 'BANG!"
"Ha!!"
End of Chapter 4!
A/N: Those last few lines were a joke once used in the episode 'It Takes a Village Idiot, and I Married One' by Quagmire.
Next Time:
"Hey, you." Stewie said angrily to Danielle. "Remember me? I'm the guy that the fatman was holding when you viciously attacked him. When you knocked him off the roof, I fell to the ground. And, uh....oh, this is where it gets good. You may have noticed there's a huge gash in my head." Stewie leaned his head forward to reveal a huge 3 1/2 inch cut in his head. Everyone in the room gasped, even Danielle. "Yeah. When I landed, my head smashed into some sort of spear that was sitting on the ground. Not sure whose it was, but it had the initials J.F on it."
"Oh dad..." Danny groaned, knowing clearly it was his dad's invention.
"Oh, and guess what else. You may have also noticed-" Stewie turned his head to the left to reveal that his right ear...well, it wasn't there. "-You may have noticed I'm missing an ear! A Rottweiler came by earlier and managed to rip it off. Grabbed it out of its mouth before it ran off and put it in an icepack I got from 7/11." Stewie then pulled out a cup and handed it to Danielle. "So when you ready to apologize or tell me what a filthy, stinking douchebag you are, just talk into this cup."
Expected update: December 24th, just in time for Christmas Eve.