A/N: Yes, third chapter...what the true Eclipse should have been like, shortened. Hehe...
Disclaimer: I am not Stephenie Meyer, I am a host in her body. My books are subliminal messages to the world. Be bewitched, and live in a parasitic peaceful world. (JK, lolz. Not Stephenie Meyer or a host parasite possessing her.)
" Oh Edward!
Oh Jacob!
Oh Edward!
Oh Jacob!
I love you, Edward! (sneaks away)
I love you, Jacob! (rides motorcycle away)
I love you, Edward! (rides off with Jacob into early morning)
I love you, Jacob! (punches in face and threatens to crowbar)
Oh Edward!
Oh Jacob!
Oh Edward!
Oh Jacob!
However am I going to decide?
I know, why don't you both stand in a line!
Edward's got the prettiest hair
And as for eyes, there's no compare
But Jacob's chest is more well muscled
He's also warm, sun's better than marble
Cold lips and moral agonies
Or warm body and jealous bitterness
Children or an eternity of perfection
So hard to choose, I just can't decide!
Stand there for a few hours while I mope and whine!"
Says Edward to Jacob "Let's split this place. She isn't that pretty anyways."
Says Bella to Edward "NOOOO! COME BACK, MY DARLING EDDIE-POO!"
Edward leaves, and Bella starts sobbing
Says Bella to Jacob "Comfort me, please! I need you, I need you, but only when Edward's a meanie!"
Says Jacob to Edward "You know leech you're right, she is kinda a nag, your sister Alice's really sweet, I'll hook up with her instead."
Says Alice to Bella "Sorry Bella, but Jacob is much better at wearing these dresses."
Says Jasper to Alice "HOW COULD YOU LEAVE ME?! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, MY DEAREST ALICE SWEET!!"
Says Alice to Jasper "Your endearments are lame as well as your sex, and besides you're gay so go away, les!"
Says japer to Alice "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU COULD BE SO MEAN! I'LL GO CRY MO TEARS AND SLIT MY WRISTS CLEAN!"
Says Edward to Jasper "I'll comfort you, sweetheart, you can shed your Emo tears on me. let's come out as gay Emos, my beautiful queen!"
Mike Newton appears, with bright crimson irises
Says Mike Newton to Bella "I got changed for you, my lovely, my sweet! I'll fight Edward for you, once I finish this speech."
Says Bella to Mike, sobbing uncontrollably "But Edward's gone, he's abandoned me."
Says Mike to Bella, looking 'round furtively "Oh. In that case, where's Esme?"
Says Bella to everyone, sobbing helplessly "Doesn't anyone still want me?"
Says everyone to Bella "Nope!! No one likes a crybaby!!"
Okay...hides in a corner from own randomness. No, I do not approve of the parings listed here (except maybe the gay emos Edward and Jasper...teehee). I just think that, through all of Eclipse, Bella needs a good slap in the face so she just stops whining!
Review, you know you want to...