Chapter 14

"Good morning, sunshine," Montana grinned the next morning.

Paul grunted in response as dragged himself to the coffee pot.

"Well, thanks, I love you too. What has you so grumpy?"

"Between Mimi getting up fifty times to piss and Spanky snoring like a bear, let's just say it wasn't one of my better nights. How the hell does anyone sleep through all of that?"

"Paul, all someone has to do is look at you and you're awake," Montana pointed out.

"You didn't hear all that shit? Christ, woman, between you and Spanky, someone could drop an atom bomb in here and neither would have never known what hit you."

"Yes, but that's only been since the kids got older and I didn't have a baby monitor glued to my hip," she smiled.

The cat jumped on the counter to greet Paul, curious of what he was pouring.

"Jesus!" he cried, jumping back a little. "What the fuck?"

"Squishy, no!" Montana shooed the animal off the counter. "Bad kitty."

She then dug through a box. "He's probably hungry. I'm sure there's cat food in here somewhere."

"Tell Brian to get his ass up and feed his own pussy," Paul replied, drinking his coffee.

"For Pete's sake, it won't kill us to put down one bowl of food," Montana shook her head, opening a can.

"Fucking hell, how does a cat eat this stuff? It stinks!"

Montana put the bowl down in front of Squishy, who dug in immediately. "Maybe to us, but he seems to like it just fine."

"Anyway, what's for breakfast?"

"Eggs, hash browns, toast, bacon and sausage."

"Ahhh, now that's what I call breakfast. What's the occasion?"

"We have guests."

"Where? It's just Spanky, Mimi and their kid. I could have picked up something."

"Yes, but breakfast burritos from McDonald's hardly qualifies as a nutritious breakfast. Besides, we have an expectant mother who needs decent meals."

"Who's eating for three," Paul reminded her.

"This coming from a man who wolfed down no less than three plates of stroganoff last night and wonders why he's gaining weight."

"I'm getting fat?" He sounded disappointed.

Montana grinned, amused that even after all this time, he was still a little vain.

"Actually, you're filling out nicely," she reassured him before giving his middle a playful poke. "And I like your little pudge; it beats feeling ribs any day. Look at it this way, I still have baby weight from having Michael and Naomi, and they're almost eleven and nine years old."

"I beg to differ. You're still holding up pretty good for a mami."

She gave him a hug and poked him again. "Hmmm, I knew I kept you around for some reason."

Brian gave a loud yawn as he came in the room. "Greetings, fine people."

Paul made a face. "Oquela, look what the cat dragged in."

"Good morning to you too, PL. Holy hell, Mon, what did you do, make a buffet, or is this just for the old man?"

"Very fucking funny, Spanky. I don't eat that damn much," Paul replied.

Montana chuckled. "It's for all of us. Where's Mariah and Leif?"

"Should be down shortly. Mimi's getting dressed and she ordered the kid to brush his teeth. Apparently she could see his breath down the hall."

"Sure that wasn't yours she saw?" Paul joked.

"Now who's being a smart ass? This coming from a dude whose pits I can smell in the next room when he hasn't showered for a whole day."

"I can vouch for that," Montana added.

"Stay out of this, woman," Paul laughed, "or no love for one year."

"Like that would ever happen with a horny toad like you," she responded with a giggle. "Breakfast is ready, gentlemen. Dig in at any time."

Mariah came in, followed by Leif and the other kids. "Looks like we're right on time," she smiled, eying breakfast.

"Yeah, I wanted to get mine while there was still food," Brian said. "You pregnant chicks are expensive to feed."

She gave him a look. "Jesus, Brian, couldn't you at least combed your hair before you came down here? It looks like a rat's nest."

"PL said to make ourselves at home," he replied, "so I did."

"Which explains the theory of him looking like something Squishy dragged in," Paul teased.

"Speaking of which, you could use a shave, fuzz face," Montana reminded him.

"What is this, Nag the Men Day?" Paul asked. "Oquela."

"I ain't ever getting married," Leif announced.

Brian patted his shoulder. "Smart boy."

"Me neither," Michael agreed, digging in his eggs.

"Good, because you and your sisters aren't dating until you're forty anyway," Paul said.

Mac gave him a look. "I beg your pardon?"

"I think your father is exaggerating," Montana reassured her.

"I can see it now," Brian chimed in. "Naomi coming in from a date, and there's Papi on the front porch, walker in one hand, shotgun in the other."

"Now who's exaggerating?" Paul raised an eyebrow.

"Now that I can believe," Montana nodded. "You were about to slit the throat of that boy who took Mac to the homecoming dance because they got back ten minutes late."

"Wow, that's a common threat from a Latino papi," Brian answered. "Nice way to scare off your daughter's dates, old man."

"Really, Papi, that was embarrassing," Mac said.

"Midnight means midnight, not ten after twelve," Paul replied.

"Ewww, I'm not going out with no boys!" Naomi protested.

"Good hija," Paul grinned down at her. "Anyway, what's on tap for today?"

"Meet with the cops, for one," Brian said, "and then see about getting that damn window replaced ASAP before some fuck-o or three decide to loot the place."

"Not much chance of that happening," Mariah said. "The Bosches have been tying their Dobermans over there since the break in."

"I'm telling you, Spanky, you should look into a dog," Paul insisted.

"Just what I need, something else that eats, shits, and makes noise. I already have one furball whose box has to be scooped every day, two human shit factories on the way and one that's almost ten years old."

"Hey!" Leif spoke up. "I heard that!"

"Well, maybe this 'shit factory' will tear apart the next ass wipe who breaks in," Paul replied.

"Nothing was taken anyway, thanks to a good alarm system. I can always teach Squishy to be an attack cat."

"Now there's a scary prospect," Paul laughed.

"Oh man, I forgot to feed the cat!" Leif gasped.

"No worry, honey; I took care of him," Montana said.

"Hey, gee, thanks a lot, Mrs. L.," Leif smiled.

"Mami, can Leif and I go outside?" Michael asked. "We're done eating."

"Put on a jacket," Montana nodded, "it's chilly outside yet, and don't go anywhere without telling one of us first."

"You boys stay together," Mariah warned.

"We will, Mom," Leif sighed. "Gee."

Everyone else finished their meals once the boys went out. "I never knew getting my house broken into could be so rewarding," Brian grinned.

"You should get that more often," Paul smiled back. "I don't see your happy ass often enough."

Brian let out a loud belch. "Whoa, compliments to the chef."

"Thanks," Montana chuckled. "I think."

"Jesus, Brian," Mariah said, annoyed. "You're just taking this whole making yourself at home thing literally."

"Be thankful he didn't fart," Paul replied. "Yet."

"You mean like you did last night and blamed the dog?" Montana gave him her own look.

"That was the dog," he responded. "Mine are much louder."

"Well, that's our cue to exit," Mac said, as she and the other girls stood up. "Feel free to continue that lovely conversation, though. Papi, I'm taking the car and we're going to the mall. I'll stop for gas on the way home."

"Good idea," he nodded. "That thing doesn't exactly run on fumes. And don't be going nuts with my credit card."