A/N: Filled with revelationy goodness. Enjoy!
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The Problem with Ryan
Chapter 9: Lights!
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"Rehearsing scene four," Mrs. Darbus called out, "Lights!" she yelled at the crew.
A spotlight fell on the blond, a soft red and purple blend. He wore a black suit and black dress shirt with purple pinstripes covered by a black vest and a deep purple tie. He gripped the microphone in front of him and started to hum. Soft music started to play, a slower tempo began.
Kelsi smiled, this scene was so important to the play, it portrayed all the uncertainty of Ryan's character's thoughts and actions, the resistance of the older more experienced professors and the insecurity of the new and inexperienced teachers.
His whole demeanor changed, his pale blue eyes held a serious look, darkening a degree, "I feel a pair of eyes burning me into submission," he took a deep breath, "And the heat, it's making me think , it's making me question."
His voice rose as he gripped the microphone tightly, "I don't know what to do, I don't know what to feel," he closed his eyes as he calmed, "I'm chasing these rules, I'm chained to these boundaries."
Everyone stopped their work to focus on Ryan, the tempo started to heighten, his voice was soft but insistent, "And my thoughts are being thrown," he sang, reopening his eyes. Troy couldn't help but take in the sight, the blond strands almost glowed above his blue eyes, "And my thoughts, they're no where to be found."
The entire auditorium quieted as Ryan sang, his dark suit created an aura of light around his form.
Gabriella and Kelsi both took a deep breath as Ryan's voice progressively rose as the tempo peaked, his uncertainty turned into frustration, "I'm being tied," he shut his eyes as he poured out his sudden anger, "I'm being intertwined around a finger."
He looked up suddenly, eyeing the audience that wasn't there, "I'm chasing these rules," He sang as if he was talking to someone just ahead of him, "I'm chained to you."
Troy felt pulled into Ryan, taking a shaky breath as the blond rose his voice, reaching the back of the auditorium, vibrating through his chest.
The blond seemed desperate, his clear voice turned breathily, "But my heart, it's telling me something different," he took the microphone in both hands, "It's pulsing through me, it's making me question," his anger was turning into fear, his eyes became pleading.
"All these questions, they're haunting me."
His fear shook his voice, "I don't know what's right."
His voice rose slightly as he became anxious, "Please," he begged, "Please, tell me what it is I need," he kneeled slightly before standing up straight.
He looked out into the empty audience seats once more, "Should I take a chance?" he sang as if asking the audience.
Ryan's voice became clear, as he hummed into microphone before singing again, "But I sway with the knowledge of self-preservation," his hips swaying, "And I sway with the instincts to go with me," he smirked slightly.
Troy felt his face heat as he watched Ryan cutely half-smile into microphone, his hips jerking with the music's sudden intense beat.
"I want to go with me," Ryan narrowed his eyes in defiance as he raised his voice, "I'm going with me!" He sang out as the music slowed to a stop.
The spotlight disappeared and the stage turned dark, followed by light clapping from the few people present for rehearsal. The stage lights returned revealing Ryan, who blushed slightly before bowing and stepping off stage.
"End scene four," Mrs. Darbus called out, "Wonderful Ryan," she smiled, before yelling, "Scene seven is in five minutes!"
"Wow, Ryan that was—"
Gabriella was interrupted by Sharpay's clipped tone, "You're pitch was off on the third line," Gabriella glared at the blonde girl.
Kelsi walked over quickly, "Ryan! That was just what I wanted!" She smiled up at the blond.
"It doesn't matter, if he doesn't have the correct pitch it's worthless, you need perfection." Sharpay said matter-of-factly.
Troy started over to the other side of the auditorium trying to slip away from the group, "Troy what did you think?" Gabriella asked, Troy halted, turning to the group looking at him expectantly.
Ryan looked at Troy anxiously, Sharpay raised an eyebrow, Kelsi looked curious, while Gabriella silently pleaded with him to agree with her, "What do I think?" he asked, he looked at Ryan again, "It was great," he nodded, "Really good, I thought," Troy winced at his own words, Ryan looked slightly disappointed. Great? Was that all I could come up with?
"I mean, I really felt Dr. Mathew's fears and anger," Troy saw Ryan smile and suddenly he felt his chest lighten, "It was like everything you were singing was from your heart."
Ryan's smile widened, "Really?" He stepped closer to the brunet, his heart beating rapidly, "Because I was afraid—"
"Well, it still doesn't change your pitch," Sharpay cut in, walking over to stand between both boys, "I only want you to do your best, Ry, and your pitch was lacking," Ryan watched with a clenched jaw as her fingers grazed over Troy's shirt as she spoke, she smiled up at the brunet before walking away.
Gabriella walked over, shaking her head at the blonde drama queen, "Don't listen to her Ryan, you were great," she smiled.
"No, she's right," he smiled sadly, "I guess I need to work on it a bit more," he half-smiled.
"It was exactly the way I wanted the scene and exactly the way I wanted the song sung," Kelsi said in a rush, "Remember, it's my play," she stated firmly.
Ryan's eyes widened, "Well, I guess I just have to listen to you then," he smiled, "Playmaker," Kelsi blushed.
Gabriella smiled, "Yeah, Kelsi's the boss around here!"
"Yeah, playmaker, you call the shots," Troy added, grinning when he made Kelsi blush even more. Ryan found his gaze lingering at the brunet boy's mouth and suddenly his gaze was averted to Kelsi, who just started to talk.
"You guys are too much," she said shyly.
And suddenly everyone's attention was directed at another shout from Mrs. Darbus.
"Rehearsing scene seven!" She called out, "Lights!"
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Ryan was a very vivid dreamer, often times he would dream of different scenes, some from movies others from plays.
He never thought much about them, just that he awoke with a sense of being somewhere, leaving another world and entering reality. He loved his dreams, the images were clear, they were sensory, they were of another world.
His dreams were never sexual, and now this dream, that was very much sensory, among other things, was making him question exactly what it meant and why it even occurred.
Ryan had a sexual dream.
The blond blushed as he remembered it.
He felt the brunet all around him, his mouth brushing against his ear, Ryan felt him groan, felt his body respond to his own as he grinded into Ryan.
He could feel the faint prickles trail down his abdomen. His blush reached up his ears.
He cleared his throat, enough of that.
And yesterday, he shook his head as he reviewed it. It was so uncomfortable and awkward, especially around Troy. That dream ruined everything, he thought, it made it impossible to be around the brunet without feeling his heart tighten at any remark the brunet made, especially about him.
"It was like everything you were singing was from your heart."
Ryan smiled. That was the best compliment he's ever heard.
As an actor/singer he has to have tough skin, critics will never be gentle. And about a year ago he wouldn't have cared what Troy thought about his singing, but now he found himself wanting approval from the jock.
Oh god, 'I have a crush on Troy Bolton.'
It seemed like he's never going to stop blushing.
"Oh, it seems like someone is thinking of a certain someone," Sharpay's sing-song voice snapped Ryan out of thoughts.
Ryan felt like groaning, "What are you talking about?" he asked, slightly annoyed at having his quiet reflection time taken away.
"So, how was your date with Michael?" Sharpay asked, smiling sweetly as she leaned her head on her brother's shoulder. Ryan had been avoiding this conversation since that night at the restaurant. And now Sharpay had him cornered in the entertainment room.
He sighed, "Sharpay, why would you set me up with him?" he asked, "You know how he is," he said exasperated.
"He's cute, gay, great sense of style, and he likes you," she counted off each of her points with her fingers, "What's the problem?"
"He's arrogant, annoying, selfish, and narcissistic," he counted off each of his points with his fingers, imitating Sharpay, "That's the problem!"
"Oh, please," she rolled her eyes, "Just be happy he likes you," she said, flipping through hundreds of channels with the remote.
"He only wants to get in my pants!" Ryan replied irritably. He couldn't understand his sister sometimes, it's like she was speaking a different language, why could she be like him, weren't they twins?
"What's the problem with that?" she looked over at her brother, "He's hot."
"You can't just—I mean that's not how I form relationships Sharpay!" Ryan said slightly wound up and a faint blush forming.
"Aw, you're so cute sometimes Ry," She pitched his cheeks.
"Shar," Ryan struggled out of his sister's grasps, "I'm not a baby." He crossed his arms over his chest in a huff. Suddenly he felt as if they were five-year-olds again.
"All I'm saying is that you have a cute guy that wants you, why not accept it?" She asked, her eyebrows raised.
Ryan thought it over, "Well, he is good-looking," But he's not Troy.
Sharpay smiled triumphantly, "Well then it's settled! We'll have a double date, once I get Troy of course," She smiled wickedly.
And suddenly, Ryan's smile turned strained, "Oh?" he looked at her and found she was smiling to herself, that is never good, he thought.
"Yes," she jumped up slightly on the couch, causing Ryan to bounce along with her, "Don't worry Ry, after everything we'll all be double dating in the new yacht daddy is getting me for this summer."
"This summer?" His eyes widened, "But it's only October, and—"
"Ry, please," Her hand went up, Ryan's eyebrows knitted at the interruption, "There is no way next summer is going to be ruined like the last," she stated firmly.
Ryan looked away, bringing up last summer always brought odd feeling out of Ryan. The first was soreness with his sister and the second was happiness with the wildcats. He could never really balance the two and he wished he didn't have to.
Now, it was as if he was placed in an odd position that put him between his sister and the wildcats. He didn't really know where he belonged.
"Yeah, this summer won't be like the last," he said quietly. And he didn't know if that was a good or bad thing.
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Troy found himself in the school garden after classes ended. A soft breeze made its way through stands of his golden brown hair, lifting them slightly before settling back on his head.
He sat back on the wooden bench and started thinking, thinking of last summer, thinking of last year, thinking of everything that has brought him to this point.
And suddenly, the memory of showing Gabriella this garden for the first time made its way to the front of his mind, her utter happiness, her glow, and he shook his head at how she made him feel. She was his first relationship, his first kiss.
And as the summer passed it took their relationship along with it. She started to drift away, she started to kiss him less, until finally they had the "talk."
He sighed as he remembered her words, "I love you, and I'll always love you …as my best-friend," And it hurt, it squeezed his heart, a sharp tact-like pain piercing his chest, he remembered it well.
Troy took in the fresh air, the sweet smell of the flowers drifting in the breeze, and he wondered how Ryan would react to this small garden on the roof, would he show him that brilliant smile? Would his pale blue eyes light up in amusement, in happiness?
Troy didn't really know, and a sad smile formed on his lips.
He hated this confusion, he hated not knowing what he was supposed to do, he was a planner, he needed finality, and he needed reassurance. Yet, thoughts about the blond made him falter, it made him confused, then scared, then angry. All these emotions made his heart constrict, thump wildly, then swell, and he feared he would a heart attack soon.
He tried to pin point a moment where these feeling first occurred. Last summer he couldn't remember feeling anything but slight resentment towards Ryan, he was fighting with Gabriella and suddenly it seemed like Ryan was replacing him, even befriending Chad, taking over Troy's role in the wildcats. Then the brunet realized how silly was acting, Ryan wasn't like Sharpay, he wasn't a schemer, he wasn't vengeful.
Yet, when Gabriella broke up with him, she explained how she didn't feel the way she should as his girlfriend, that she didn't see him in that light anymore. It confused Troy at the time. It made him question his own ideas of what you should feel for someone you love. 'What does love feel like?'
Then summer turned into fall, and school began, everything seemed to be going back to normal. Gabriella and Chad were his best-friends and always will be, he thought, he was happy.
Until he noticed Ryan, he started to really pay attention to the blond. Not a passing glance as the blond followed his sister but an actual good look at Ryan. And what he saw made him feel, it sent his heart into different spasms as different emotions flared within him.
At first, he was jealous, his ex-girlfriend seemed so fond of Ryan, and it made him slightly bitter at how easily Ryan could come into his life, even Chad seemed to find Ryan cool.
Then he realized he wasn't jealous of Ryan but jealous of his friends for being closer to the blond than he himself was. He internally berated his own messed up logic; Ryan was not an object to be owned. He was a person.
Ryan. And now when he thinks of the blond, he thinks of his pale blue eyes narrowed in concentration, his light eyebrows up in puzzlement, how his hat covers his eyes when he looks down, how he blushes cutely when he's embarrassed, how his cheeky smile shines brightly when he's happy, and suddenly Troy raised his head as a thought rushed through him fast and smacked itself across his brain in an instant.
Gabriella was right.
What he felt for her wasn't what he thought it was because it was no where near how he feels for Ryan at this moment. And the pain he felt in their break-up lightened rapidly as he took a deep breath.
And suddenly, he realized he's not denying it anymore.
I like Ryan.
He felt something within him lighten and clear.
He took a deep shaky breath, "I like Ryan," he said into the breeze, "I-I might even—" love him.
x x x TBC x x x
A/N: Finally, it took 9 chapters for Troy to admit it to himself and accept it. You know, this story was originally supposed to be a one-shot, I can never seem to write those.
Also, I want to thank everyone for reviewing last chapter :D
And please if anyone has suggestions or ideas I'll try to put it into the story. Sometimes your reviews make me change or add something into later chapters, whether you liked something or not or even if you point out something, really, so don't be afraid to let me know what you thought.