"Okay, so I've got the family down, now what about us?" Jack asked, glancing over at Ianto as he screwed the cap back onto his bottle of water. They were only about thirty miles from Bangor.
"Well, I'm Ianto Jones, and you're Jack Harkness. I'm sorry, but I didn't think that needed going over." Ianto retorted.
"I meant how am I supposed to behave? If I'm supposed to be your boyfriend to keep this Gwenys girl away, we should know the basics."
"What type of basics?" Ianto frowned and glanced over at Jack.
"Well, same things as usual when you go into this kind of thing."
"Do you regularly pretend to be people's boyfriends for Christmas dinner?" Ianto shot back, but Jack ignored the comment.
"Back story, characterization, interaction standards. An established relationship."
"Well, I suppose the back story isn't hard. We met at work." Ianto supplied.
"Where do we work?" Jack asked.
"Oh, well, Mum thinks I work at the tourism and trade bureau for Cardiff."
"Office job then?"
"Yes. In a building near the Millennium Centre."
"Okay good. It's best to keep close to the truth as we can. Easier to remember."
"Yeah, I suppose so." Ianto nodded.
"How long have we been dating?"
"Um, I don't….four months?"
"You're bringing me to Christmas dinner after four months?"
"Eight then? I don't know."
"Eight works. Long enough to be visiting the family, and established enough that the girl won't be thinking she has a chance to break up something new."
Jack tapped his fingers on the arm rest, and thought for a moment before posing his next question.
"How should we act? You know, couple behaviour and affection and stuff." Jack asked, looking out the window as several cars passed in the opposite direction. Ianto bristled a little for some reason.
"I don't know really." He replied shortly.
"Well, I suppose we'll just have to act naturally then." Jack determined, fiddling with the vents for the heating ducts.
"Well that's the problem." Ianto muttered, scanning the road sign they were passing by.
"What's the problem?" Jack frowned.
"Proper social behaviour isn't really our thing, now is it." Ianto replied, checking his mirrors and speed, and anything except Jack. "So unless your plan is to take me over my mum's parlour table, I don't think us "acting naturally" is really going to work in this situation."
Jack was staring at him. Ianto could tell without turning his head to look. He shifted his hands on the wheel uncomfortably.
"Sorry."
"Ianto-"
"No, forget it. I think I've been in the car too long. I'm sorry." Ianto said firmly. The last thing he wanted to do before showing up at his mum's with a fake boyfriend was to get into some row with him because he made a girl of himself.
"Well…why don't we just have a signal. You can…rub your ear if I'm being too…much. And pick your teeth if I should be more attentive."
"Yes, because I really want my family thinking that me picking my teeth is my idea of a come hither look." Ianto joked. It came out a bit weakly, but Jack laughed at it anyways, trying to dispel the awkwardness.
"Well then wink at me or something."
"Last time I winked at you, Jack, Gwen found your pants hanging from her desk drawer knob."
Jack grinned at the thought, and then nodded.
"Good point. Just grab my hand then. Easy, direct."
"Okay."
"Okay." Jack sent him a smile, and leaned forwards to turn up the temperature knob on the console.
They had entered into the main streets of Bangor about fifteen minutes before and the car had been mostly quiet. Ianto had slipped into the familiar route that took him towards the street of narrow row houses.
"Which one is it?" Jack asked as Ianto pulled up to the kerb.
"The black door." Ianto replied, shifting into park. It was a tall red brick house, with a scrap of front garden and a paved car port. A wreath of evergreen branches was hanging overtop of a brass knocker and the number 56.
"It's nice." Jack commented as Ianto gathered together his gloves and scarf.
"Ready then?" Ianto looked over at Jack, who clapped his hands together and nodded.
"Let's go then. No time like the present."
"Speaking of, do you mind giving me a hand with the box of gifts in the back?" Ianto said, opening up the door and climbing out. Jack followed, buttoning up his great coat and meeting Ianto at the trunk. It was already popped open and Jack was able to see inside to cardboard box he was meant to be carrying.
"Um, Ianto."
"Hm?" Ianto glanced over from trying to balance his overnight kit and several garment bags on one arm.
"Were you the one who wrapped these?" Ianto could see the badly concealed amusement on Jack's face.
"Yes."
"Oh. Well that's just…" Jack's smile got wider and wider. "Wonderful." Jack snorted in laughter. "They're very….charming."
Ianto frowned at him.
"Look, not everyone's good at wrapping. And I like to think I have other skills that make up for it." Ianto replied, punching at Jack's arm. Jack's hands went quickly to Ianto's hips in response.
"Well I can't say I disagree with that."
"Jack." Ianto muttered, glancing at the house as though they could be heard from inside. "I'll thank you to keep that sort of talk to a minimum inside. Last thing I need is you scandalizing my mother on Christmas Eve." Ianto lifted Jack's bag over his other arm and headed up the front walk. Jack lifted the box of gifts out of the boot and balanced them on his knee as he shut the gate.
"Just one question." Jack called as he followed Ianto's footprints in the light layer of snow. "How much tape did you really use?"
"Oh shut up Jack." Ianto shot back over his shoulder, lifting a hand to the door knocker.
"Coming!" A voice called out from inside and the lock scraped open. The door followed and Ianto was face to face with his stepfather.
"Ianto, son, come on in!" Roger clapped him soundly on the back and took the garment bags from his hand. "It's good to see you."
Ianto reached out with his freed arm and shook the man's hand.
"It's good to see you too Roger. You look well. How's work at the firm?"
"Busy, as usual, thank you for asking." Roger moved aside to give Ianto more space. "Can I take your coat?"
"Coming through!" A shout came from the doorway behind and a box entered, followed by Jack.
"Who's arrived, Roger dear?" Another voice came from the opposite direction, down the hallway that entered further into the house.
"It's Ianto, and his friend." Roger replied, and reached to help Jack with the box. He placed it on the landing of the stairs and turned back to the man. Ianto had moved towards the hall.
"Mum." Ianto broke into a small smile as his mother appeared before him.
"Oh Ifan, love." Her hand ran over his hair and down to the side of his face. "You look well."
"And you are?" Roger asked, as Jack pushed the door closed behind him.
"Oh, Mum, Rog. Sorry about that." Ianto apologized quickly and moved to stand beside Jack.
"Ifan?" Jack whispered out the side of his mouth.
"Quiet." Ianto replied. "Jack, this is Mr. Roger Wallace, my stepdad, and Mrs. Bethan Wallace, my mum. Mum, Roger, this is Captain Jack Harkness."
"Well it's very nice to meet you Captain Harkness." Ianto's mum replied. "And please, it's Bethan."
"Jack, then." Jack had on his charming smile as he gently shook Bethan's hand. He moved to Ianto's stepdad for a firmer shake.
"Call me Roger, son." There was something that struck Jack as amusing to be called son, but his grin came off friendly, rather than laughing.
"Thank you sir. Ianto only ever has wonderful things to say of the both of you. Is there anywhere in particular you would like me to put the gifts?" Jack spoke politely, but not coldly. Ianto could tell that Roger was already leaning towards a favourable opinion of him.
"Give Roger your coats boys, and there's a few spots under the tree left. I'll show you where." Bethan replied, peering into the box. "Well, I see you wrapped them yourself again this year, Ianto dear."
Ianto could only glare at the cheeky grin Jack shot at him as he followed Bethan down the hall.