Author's note: 122509 edited by my grammer beta Fainting Fancies
Chapter 5 – The Watcher
"Are you sure you don't want any more eggs?" Lily asked Severus, her smile returning. "You used to eat mountains of food. My mother used to think you had an empty leg."
"I am not a boy anymore, Lily. That was a long time ago."
"I suppose you're right."
With a sweeping motion of her wand, she swiftly vanished the food and removed the dishes as Severus waited awkwardly, a strained silence blanketing them for the first time since they had been reunited. As she stood by the sink, she tried to think. What should she tell him next? This was just the beginning of a very long story. Hopefully, he would understand.
"How about some wine or maybe some Firewhiskey?" she asked, trying to think what he might want. She knew he had both of those things tucked away in a drawer in his office.
"Perhaps, for Christmas, it may be appropriate to indulge in some Elfin Wine." Severus crossed his arms and sat back in his chair, stretching his legs out under the table.
As she reached up in the cabinet above for glasses, she stole a glance at him, but in doing so, she discovered that his eyes were glued to her form. Shyly, she turned away, his intense gaze unnerving her. Continuing with her task, she brought over the bulbous bottle of red, glistening liquid. She set the glasses down on the table and poured each of them a generous portion, trying hard to keep her hands steady. For some reason she had become extremely nervous, his closeness sending a wave of warmth through her lower body. It was a sensation that lately occurred only when she was close to Severus.
"Do you want to take this into the parlor? We might be more comfortable," Lily suggested, hoping that as the day progressed, the two of them could become more amicable. It was so strange speaking to him now, after watching him for so long as a she had, admiring, but never being able to interact with him.
"As you wish," Snape answered and then stood up. Smoothly, he moved to her side and placed his hand on her arm to turn her toward him. Delicately, he moved his hand along the skin before sliding his other arm around her waist. His eyes continued to bore into hers as he greedily pulled her to him. She did not resist.
"Severus," she sighed.
"I want you. I must have you, Lily." His voice was urgent and needy. He did not want to wait.
"It is too soon. You do not know enough about me yet." At the moment, the fear of rejection was overwhelming her judgment.
Reluctantly, Severus realized he must suppress his emotions as he had been forced to do for decades. This time, he did so gladly. If Lily needed more space or more time to consider this tumultuous situation, then he would bow to her wishes. And, he had to admit, he still held a small lingering pool of doubt. Certainly, Snape had enough convincing evidence to prove that this fragile and heavenly creature before him was indeed, Lily Evans Potter, but was he letting his love for her blanket his otherwise precise and cautious mind? Suspicion and distrust had kept him alive throughout his checkered past. Was he a fool now to toss those hard-earned lessons aside? Lily was right. He must wait.
Still feeling her warmth in his arms, he thought carefully about his reply. "Then, you must provide me with that knowledge so that we can proceed along the correct path. If you are, indeed, Lily, then you know me to be a cautious man. I do not make decisions lightly, but once made, my choices are usually correct. I will not make a mistake with you." He flicked his eyes to the bottle she was holding and smirked slightly. "Perhaps the wine will loosen your tongue, or do I need to go back to Hogwarts for some Veritaserum?"
Relaxing a bit, Lily smiled. "No, I think I can handle it with a few glasses of wine, although your presence seems to have intoxicated me already."
"The feeling is mutual, my dear," Severus replied, his eyes glinting mischievously. Releasing his hold, he moved away, a slight sigh escaping his otherwise controlled countenance.
They moved into the living room and seated themselves apart from one another. They both realized that a bit of physical distance would aid them to concentrate on the discussion ahead. Lily sat down in the faded old armchair she had positioned directly in front of the blazing fire. Severus settled on the loveseat, his body leaning forward slightly, his elbows resting on his thighs.
Staring at the reflection of the flames in his drink, Severus asked, "Now then. You were just about to be released form St. Mungo's when Headmaster Dumbledore came to see you. What did you do then?"
Taking a deep breath, Lily took a large swig of wine and began again, "Well, I had to make a living didn't I? Dumbledore tried to ask me questions about what I might want to do with my life, what career choices I had in mind, but I didn't have the least interest in caring about myself. Then, he suggested that I take up a position as an assistant healer at the hospital. He said he had already spoken to the minister about it, and there were plenty of positions available. They needed more staff in those days because of the war casualties, and I thought he was just being kind and doing his job as a headmaster for one of his old pupils." Lily paused and took another swig of wine, draining the glass.
Severus listened silently and let her continue.
"But, as it turned out, that was not the case at all. Dumbledore had a plan. He saw his chance to put one of his loyal supporters to good use. I was to become a spy."
"A spy? You? Why would he even suggest such a thing? Didn't he realize the trauma you had just endured? Did he have no heart?" Severus was beside himself with anger and frustration. The old manipulator had come from the grave to goad him once more.
"No, Severus. He was right. I was in a perfect position to spy on everything that went on at St. Mungo's. I was already familiar with most of the staff on my wing and as a trainee; I could move about and eventually position myself to monitor all of the inner workings of the institution. Not only could I oversee the patients, watching for any Death Eaters that might be admitted, I could also make sure to keep tabs on any suspicious staff members. Remember that everyone thought I was dead, so it was a simple procedure to change my name and add a simple disguise. The color of my hair was important to hide, as well as my eyes. In the end I became Hyacinth Baker. With my hair a mousy brown and my eyes a pale blue, no one ever recognized me."
"I can't believe that! I would have known you in an instant."
Lily laughed. "Oh, sure. What if I told you that I was right next to you as you stood by the bedside of Arthur Weasley? Remember when you and Dumbledore came to see what assistance you could give him from Nagini's bite? I was working with another healer at the time, not the one assigned to Arthur, but I had a patient in the same wing. A newly afflicted werewolf, if I remember right. Well, when I saw you and Dumbledore come in, I waltzed right over and pretended to add some supplies to the cabinet close to his bed."
"I don't believe it!" Severus scoffed.
"Yes, you were standing there with your arms crossed, arguing with Arthur about the wounds and how to go about cleaning them. It was just too much of a temptation for me. I snuck right up next to you, but Dumbledore saw me. Oh, my, was he furious. The look he gave me was … well, wicked to say the least. I had never seen him so mad. When I reported back to him the following Monday, I was scolded like a child. I didn't understand at the time why he was so angry, but when he finally calmed down, he decided to tell me."
"Tell you?" Snape asked softly, "About me? Was that it?"
"Yes, Sev. He finally told me about why you had changed your mind about Voldemort and the Dark Arts, and why you were helping the cause. Before he told me, I had just assumed you'd finally come to your senses and that Dumbledore took you in. He was always doing that, being someone's father figure."
"But, then you knew. He told you how I was the one that told the Dark Lord about the prophecy." Severus's voice had dropped to almost a whisper.
"To tell you the truth, Severus, I was shocked. Remember that almost fifteen years had gone by. I never knew you still had feelings for me. It just didn't make sense. I had rejected you and gone on to marry your enemy. How could you still think I was … well, good enough for you to risk your life to save?"
"Because I loved you, Lily. I still do. Nothing will ever change that."
Lily gazed at Severus, her own eyes filled with love for him. They stayed that way for several moments before Lily tore her eyes away and poured herself another glass of wine.
"I'm sorry, I jumped ahead. I was saying that I became a spy for Dumbledore, but I won't go into detail about my missions—let's just say that he kept me very busy. But, I was required to come to Hogwarts once a week, usually on Mondays and report my activities. It was on those visits that I … um …"
"What?" Severus asked curiously.
"I … watched you," Lily said a little fearfully, afraid of what he might think of her.
"You spied on me? For Dumbledore?" Severus was immediately suspicious.
"No, no. Not like that. I just wanted to be near you. Dumbledore had told me you were working for him too and spying on the Death Eater activity, at least what little was going on at the time. I think you and I and quite a few of the spies Dumbledore had enlisted – we were all just waiting. So, on Mondays I would come down to your office or your classroom and watch you work or read." Lily smiled shyly. "I had a day off from my hospital duties, so I spent the whole day with you. No matter what you were doing, I watched."
Severus's eyebrows had flown upward, and his mouth was hanging open. "That's –not – you shouldn't have done that." The shock and surprise were displayed like neon on his face as the anger started to grow. Even though he loved Lily, the idea of someone watching everything he did for over 20 years had deeply unsettled him. His privacy had been compromised.
"Please forgive me, Severus. I couldn't show myself, and I just wanted to be near you. Please, you must understand."
"I do not know what to say." The anger showed like acid in his voice.
"Don't be angry. That's not fair. What about the time right before we met when you spied on me from the bushes by the playground?"
"I was a boy then. You are an adult female trained in spy tactics. It's entirely different." Severus's voice had gone as cold as a glacier, and Lily felt the pain stab her heart. This was what she had been afraid of.
The two fell silent. Severus leaned back and lowered his head, letting his long black hair hang over his face hiding his features. The fire crackled noisily in the background, but it was the only sound in the room.
After a few minutes, Severus leaned forward again and poured himself another serving of wine. He looked toward Lily and studied her face. It was almost angelic. Her cheeks seemed to glow in the firelight, the pinkness of the skin and the delicate freckles nearly sparkled. She was looking down at her wineglass, the sadness clear and distinct on her features.
"How?" he asked. "How did you accomplish this deed? Why had I never noticed?" His tone had lost some of its coldness, but he still sounded wary and suspicious.
Lily cleared her throat again and drained yet another glass of wine before she proceeded. Would he believe her and more importantly, would he ever forgive her?