Author's note: 122509 Edited by my grammar beta Fainting Fancies

Chapter 6 – Confessions

Lily had to be very careful. The things she had revealed to Severus so far were so unbelievable that it was a miracle he had even listened, but the next part of her story would be even more difficult to swallow. But, perhaps he would understand. After all, Voldemort had taught him to fly. Why couldn't Dumbledore teach Lily to disappear?

"Okay," Lily tried to explain. "Now, you have to listen and keep an open mind. First of all, do you believe that there are magical spells completely unknown to most of the wizarding world? That the spells we witches and wizards use in our everyday lives are only the tip of the iceberg of potential discoveries?"

"Obviously …" Snape answered.

"So, it would be reasonable to think that some witches and wizards have a few spells up their sleeve that may seem difficult to believe – that is to the ordinary wizard?" Lily was clearly struggling with how to express herself.

"If you would simply tell me, then perhaps I could decide for myself. How were you able to spy on me without detection?" Severus narrowed his heavily lidded eyes and leaned even further forward.

"I can make myself invisible—at will. I'm sure you're quite familiar with a Disillusionment charm."

Severus raised an eyebrow. "Of course, but it is usually cast upon something or someone else. It is very difficult to cast upon yourself."

"True, but Dumbledore taught me to do it using a special technique of his. And there is absolutely no shimmer. Over the years, I have perfected it so that I no longer need to actually cast the spell. I don't even need a wand. I just … vanish …" and with that last word, she disappeared from view.

Severus stood up and walked to her chair, studying the spatial area where Lily had occupied only moments before. There was absolutely no trace. No shimmering or color distortion occurred to betray detection.

"Actually, Sev, I'm over here." She giggled that young girlish laugh that he remembered so well, the laughter that had erupted when they had stuffed a Muggle water hose into Petunia's bedroom. The sound came from directly behind him, right by his elbow.

He turned quickly and tried to feel the air to get a grasp on her, but she had already moved away.

"Try over here." She giggled again, realizing that Severus was beginning to believe her. She had reappeared on the love seat, her feet pulled up on the couch, and her head on the decorative green pillow.

Severus crossed his arms and an appreciative smirk appeared on his face. "I must admit that you are exceedingly talented. Wandless magic. And you say that Dumbledore taught you that?"

"Yes, he had perfected it as a tool to observe the students. He told me that as a headmaster, you needed to be everywhere at once. Since I needed to be on patrol, so to speak, at St. Mungo's, he felt I could use the special ability. Actually, it took me years to master it. For the first ten years, I used James's invisibility cloak. But when Harry arrived at school, I was good enough with the Disillusionment spell that I didn't need the cloak anymore. I asked Dumbledore if we could give it to Harry and, well, that's just what happened."

The explanation was very easy to understand. All of the points she had made and the description of the events of so long ago truly convinced him that she was telling the truth. With one large stride, Severus approached her and sat down on the loveseat beside her. She did not move away. On the contrary, she sat up and slid herself closer, the attraction too intense to resist.

Severus was losing all of his doubts. The earlier hesitation had been replaced by a firm conviction that fate had gifted him with a new beginning. He was convinced that the gods had rewarded him with a fresh new start – a life that could be measured in happiness instead of misery, all thanks to the revelation of his one true love. Lily had returned to him.

"But, I have to ask you, Severus," Lily said softly. "Why did you treat Harry so badly? He never deserved such cruelty."

A small muscle in Severus's jaw began to flex, and he did not immediately reply. Instead he gazed into the fire and remained silent. Lily waited patiently for him to answer her difficult question.

"I was, perhaps … unfair to him at times." Severus began, his mind returning to those days when Harry appeared in his class, looking like an exact duplicate of his father. The messy hair, the arrogant attitude and the glasses all combined to irritate the Potions master like salt on an open wound. "I have no excuses. I can only explain. He represented all of my failures. The fact that you were stolen from me …"

"No, Severus. Not stolen. That is not true. I went to James of my own choice."

"But he did not win you fairly. He never followed the rules, and he was cruel. You said yourself he was a toe rag."

"I was wrong."

Severus stood up quickly, the anger and hurt arising like lava from a volcano. He balled up his fist and made to pound it on the hearth, but then he hesitated and lowered his arm, flexing his hand as if he had a muscle cramp. "No," Snape answered. "I was wrong. Harry was not James, and I should never have acted so …"

"Childish?"

"Yes, but that doesn't change my opinion of James Potter. I will hate him as long as I live." Snape spat out the words, feeling a sense of release. If he and Lily were ever to be together again, Severus would have to clear the air.

"None of us are perfect, Sev."

He stood before her with his arms crossed, his lips pressed together, and his eyes glinting menacingly as he remembered those days so long ago when they were at school. But as he looked at Lily, he realized he must let it go. The events that occurred two decades prior were not relevant to the future, except for the scars that had created their personalities and the way the two of them would judge each other.

"Lily, we can not change the past or how we dealt with the blows fate bestowed upon us. I am sorry for the things that I have done that have hurt you."

"Or my son?"

"I can only regret that I acted out of passion and not reason." Severus opened his eyes and his heart to her. "Lily, can we put this behind us? I have so many regrets, but the most important one is that …" He sat back down on the love seat next to her and wrapped his arms around her spontaneously. "I lost you. I lost your love because of my own stupidity. Can you ever forgive me?" His arms clutched at her desperately as he remembered that last conversation they had had outside the Gryffindor common room so long ago.

The hurt had been devastating for her too. That day was the beginning of the end for her. She grasped him back in her arms, clutching him as strongly as he held her.

"Yes, Severus, yes. Please, know that I have never stopped loving you."

"Lily? Are you telling me that you loved me then?"

A tear sprang up and trickled down her cheek. "Of course I did. It's just that you had changed and I … it broke my heart." Lily began to sob, her tears bursting forth in a torrent. She sprang up off of the couch and disappeared.

"NO! Lily, don't leave me now. I'm not - I'm not like that anymore. Please come back." The ache in his heart was almost too much to bear. He needed her now, needed her love more than anything in his life. "Please …" he said again softly, and then with what sounded like the whimper of a wounded animal, he put his head in his hands and hid his face. As always, the hair covered his features as he attempted to gain control.

A soft gentle hand touched the back of his head, and he raised his eyes silently. Lily had gotten down on her hands and knees before him, her face directly in front of his. With the tenderness of an angel, she gently kissed his lips and murmured, "I forgive you."

They sat there together for many minutes, silently holding each other, letting the pain flow away. It would never be gone, as long as the memory retained its wretched hold on them, but the future and a new hope was budding within the two of them.

After awhile, Lily stood up and asked Severus, "Would you like some more wine? Or maybe some tea? I have some biscuits."

"No," he said softly, his voice like sandpaper. "I think I've had enough."

"Well, I hope you don't mind, but I think I'll have another glass." Lily sighed and poured another full portion of wine into her goblet. "I normally don't drink, but it is Christmas." she smiled impishly up at him.

"If I recall, you were not very good at imbibing alcoholic beverages," Severus commented, remembering a night when they had stolen a bottle of whiskey from his father. "It did not agree with you." His mouth twisted into a smirk, his mood recovering a bit.

"It has been a very long time since I had a drink. Besides, I still have a lot more to tell you," she rationalized, holding the half empty wine bottle to her chest. "And you … have to listen." She plopped herself down on the couch next to him and laid her head on his shoulder. His arm wrapped around her, and they leaned back together, relishing the feel of each other's bodies as they touched so warm and inviting.

"Dumbledore was a great man. He and I spoke about you quite a bit. I think he knew how I felt, but I never told him in so many words," Lily confided.

"I killed him," Severus stated bluntly, throwing the words out like a piece of rotten meat for the wolves.

"I know. He was a great man, but he was also a fool," Lily replied. "You tried to heal him, but if he hadn't put that silly ring on his finger to begin with, the whole episode wouldn't have happened."

"But I wonder, if he hadn't been ill, would he have wanted me to kill him anyway, just to ensure my place by Voldemort's side and the placement of the Elder Wand?" Severus speculated about the events of that year.

"And then the question arises, would Voldemort have tried to kill you?" Lily asked, her head still nestled on Snape's chest, her head snuggled under his chin.

"He had killed almost everyone that was close to him. If it wasn't the confusion over the Elder Wand, then it would have been something else that would have caused him to kill me. It was only a matter of time."

"Severus," Lily began, "how did you find the courage?"

"I suppose it was stubbornness and anger. I channeled it all into one goal, and I failed."

"How can you say that? Harry could only have vanquished Voldemort by watching your memories. It was you that gave him the power to defeat the Dark Lord." Lily hugged Severus closer, and he responded by pulling her into his lap.

"I have to confess, I never really understood how I ended up in St. Mungo's," Severus adjusted his head so he could look in Lily's eyes. "Did you have anything to do with that?"

"No, well, maybe just a little," she answered, a small smile growing on her lips. "But most of the thanks should go to Hermione Granger. I just sort of showed her the way."

"I see," Snape replied, not really seeing at all.

"When you did get to St. Mungo's, I was assigned as your Assistant Healer. I tended you for that entire year." Lily giggled just a little as Severus gave her a questioning look.

"Sev, do you remember last night, when I said I'd seen you naked many times?"

"Yes, I was wondering about that."

"Well, when you were ill, I washed you and changed your clothes. I also took care of your wounds, of course. But I saw all of you, every day." Lily grinned up at him and then placed her hand on his crotch.

"That's enough, woman," he scolded and pushed her hand away. But she tried to touch him again causing them to wrestle wildly, her hands attempting to bypass his quick defensive moves. Finally, he had her wrists tightly gripped in his hands, her body lying right on top of him. She relaxed and simply molded herself to him.

"You were so ill, then, Sev," Lily said to him quietly. "I really thought I was going to lose you. I stayed by your bed, sometimes for days at a time. In the beginning, you were simply comatose, but then toward the end, when you had started to wake up, you talked in your sleep."

"And what did I say? Curses and Dark spells? Death threats?"

"Sometimes, when you were frightened, but …"

"Yes?" Snape asked, really wanting to know.

"You talked to me. You explained things, how you felt, why you did what you did. It was strange, as if you knew I was sitting there."

"And what did you think?" he inquired, his curiosity getting the best of him.

She came closer and whispered to him, just as their lips touched. "I thought about how much I loved you. How much I've always loved you, my brave, brave man."

They kissed long and hard, their desire flaming like a torch. Panting, Severus pushed her away just a few inches. He had one last burning question.

"Why, Lily? Why didn't you reveal yourself to me then? When I was well enough to leave? Why did you wait four years to come to me? We could have been happy - together, just you and me. Tell me, Lily."

"I told you before. I was afraid. It seemed sort of a comforting status quo the way it was. You loved me … the 'me' from long ago, and I could still watch you and be with you. There was no risk. If I had revealed myself and then lost you …" Lily tried to explain, the fear etched upon her face. Grabbing his chest with a grip like a squid's tentacles, she began to cry again. "Don't ever leave me, Severus. I'd just die."

Strangely, a laugh escaped him. How odd it was to hear Lily's voice begging him not to leave her. How joyous the sound of her commitment of love. This was the happiest day of his life.

But then it occurred to him. Why was she there with him at the edge of Black Lake on Christmas Eve? And more importantly, why did she only reveal herself at the last minute? Did this all have to do with his attempt to snuff out his life? Did she really love him or was this just a display of pity?

The explanation must come now; the story needed an ending, and hopefully a beginning.