title: ever after
pairing: ItaSakuSasuSakuIta—it's like a CIRCLE with no END. A CYCLE, if you will.
for: annieberry and XXDragonheart6XX
prompted by: a conversation with Annie, as well as the word Sasucakes, and and and, mirror mirror on the wall
summary: AU SasuSakuIta. Crack. In which Sasuke flushes fitfully, Shikamaru snarks snarkily, and Itachi plots prettily. Naruto just wants to know where the hearts keep coming from.
warnings: It's a parody. Of fairy tales. And I'm not a very big fan of traditional gender roles. Do I need to say more?
Also, I'm aware that the age difference between Sasuke and Itachi is not nine years. I know.
notes: I swear, I really do respect Itachi. I swear. I'm doing this out of love. Probably.
disclaimer: Not mine. :)
There was a rustling sound in the green windswept meadow, before a black-haired head bobbed up, adorned by a ring of flowers. Large, ink-black eyes blinked, as they adjusted to the sudden sunlight.
"Who's there," he asked, absently running a hand through his black hair to rid himself of the wreath of petals. There was a pink flush on his cheeks, and he rubbed at them irritably, squinting at the flash of sunbeams in his eyes.
His grey-haired nanny smiled benignly, lifting his skirts and stepping daintily, so as not to disturb the flowers.
"It's me, darling! Have you finished picking out the bouquets for tonight's ball?" His dark eyes were hidden by the sudden glare on his thick, wire glasses.
The banished prince sighed.
"Don't call me darling, Kabuto. Or Sasucakes. It's unbecoming of a man of my age," Sasuke said, waving a few twittering birds away with a pale hand. When they didn't retreat, he only sighed, allowing them to flail fitfully around his head as they wished.
Kabuto smiled benignly.
"Oh, but it's what we've called you all your life, Sasucakes. Why the sudden change?"
Sasuke sighed, and the breath seemed to carry with it the tinny sound of a thousand tiny violins.
"I've been feeling strange, lately," he began, arranging the clothing kindly assigned to him by the Benevolent Ruler—His Royal Prettiness, King Itachi—around himself in such a way that he didn't wrinkle it.
(Burlap was so very hard to iron after all, and he was only given one yard of twine in a month, so belts had to be rationed with care.)
Kabuto merely looked at him with a clinical eye, examining him for any signs of illness.
"Well, you are flushed," the would-be medic commented. "Maybe you've a fever."
Sasuke shook his head wearily.
"It isn't that sort of feeling. I can't explain it," he said, looking off into the distance, where a fawn was gallivanting with a grey-tufted bunny rabbit. A skunk joined the duo, and they scampered off into the woods, leaving Sasuke alone with his self-appointed nursemaid.
"Try," Kabuto said, moving to sit down next to him, after brushing off a swath of grass.
Sasuke opened his mouth to begin, before a whirlwind of bright orange barreled into the empty meadow, upsetting the flowers, and startling a few visiting monarch butterflies into taking flight.
"Hey, Sasucakes!"
Kabuto stifled a small chuckling sound as the junior butler, one Uzumaki Naruto—whom Itachi had banished for his horrible tendency to spread disorder, not the least of which starts in his wardrobe—skidded to an abrupt halt, plopping down next to the now disgruntled Sasuke with a heavy exhale.
"Whoo," he said, panting. "That was some run. But, then, I love exercise. I could have kept going," he blurted hastily, as though someone were questioning his state of fitness.
"Why didn't you," Sasuke asked, almost snidely. He'd long ago decided that he didn't much care for this boy. He didn't know why the blond continued to seek him out—he hardly encouraged their interaction.
"Aw, don't be like that, Sasucakes," Naruto said, drawing out the syllables so that they seemed reluctant to leave his lips. "I just wanted to see you."
"The feeling's unrequited, Uzumaki, and I'll thank you to stop calling me that name. What are you doing here, anyway? Your duties don't extend to this part of the grounds, you know."
Kabuto, seeing that he wasn't going to be acknowledged by the new arrival anytime soon, murmured an excuse to Sasuke, and hurried off to the castle to work on a poultice for Sasuke's red flush.
Naruto didn't even notice that he'd gone, too intent on badgering the quiet boy in the burlap sack.
"There was an invite from the kingdom of Konoha. They're holding a ball in a week's time, and everyone's invited! Even us servants!"
Sasuke's eyebrow arched in question.
"A ball," he repeated, almost doubtfully. "But, we're holding a banquet, tonight."
Naruto shook his head, clearly excited about the upcoming festivities.
"Cancelled," he said, as though he'd anticipated the question. "The King's got us all on notice—we're to prepare for departure all of tomorrow, and leave for the castle the day after."
Sasuke was silent, considering. A ball—he'd never been to a ball before. The closest he'd ever come to a night of music and dancing, was serving the King at the third anniversary of his crowning. He'd spilled the split-pea soup on him that night. Since then, he had been banished to the darkest corner of the attic for sleeping quarters, and relegated to only receiving the crustiest part of the bread loaf for his break of fast.
Still, he thought, a ball. It would be a change of pace, at least. Perhaps it would offset his sudden feelings of malaise—of not-quite belonging. He'd been feeling oddly lately—no longer content to frolic with the animals around the grounds. More quiet than usual, he'd taken to hiding out in his section of the attic after he'd completed his chores, content to sit in the darkness and wait for the day's end.
It was almost as though the things he'd once loved had been left behind, somehow, without his knowing—like a burlap sack he'd long outgrown.
Maybe this change would help.
"What's the ball for," he asked Naruto, who'd been watching his internal monologue with bored interest.
"I don't really know," the blond replied uncaringly. "The old bag's getting too senile to rule, or something, and she's auctioning her daughter off to the highest bidder."
"A daughter," Sasuke asked. "How old?"
Naruto shrugged.
"I don't really know—our age, I think."
"A princess, huh? What's her name," Sasuke asked, holding up a blade of grass so that it cut the sun in two. Naruto looked at him, eyes squinted.
"What's with you and all the questions," he asked irritably. "You can't honestly think she's going to pick you over—"
"—over who? Itachi," Sasuke interrupted, suddenly irritated with the thought of their King. "So what? What's so great about him anyway? What if she does?"
Naruto sat up, bewildered. He wondered where the hostility was coming from, but it was different from their usual mock fights. This time, Sasuke actually sounded angry.
"What's up with you, Sasuke," he said, using the other boy's real name as a concession to his concern. "You're not acting like yourself."
"I'm not feeling like myself," Sasuke retorted peevishly.
"Well," Naruto said, standing up to brush himself off, "you'd better get over it. The King will never let you come along if you act like that."
"Why are we going, anyway? If she's a princess, shouldn't she be looking for a prince?"
"I don't really know," Naruto said, as he turned to walk away. "Boss says the old bat's a supporter of meritocracy."
Here, he made a face.
"Whatever that is."
"Meritocracy, huh," Sasuke murmured, almost remembering himself learn the word, a lifetime ago. He shook his head to rid himself of the thought. That's ridiculous, he told himself. He was a servant—who would take the time to teach him such things?
It still didn't explain how he knew what it meant.
"Yeah," Naruto said, nodding. "And true love. Girly stuff like that."
Suddenly, without warning, a flock of bluebirds circled Sasuke's head, forming a twittering halo of feathers and song. They arced up and over him, their wings fluttering a beat every minute, swirling in lazy patterns, until they finally converged, interweaving their paths of flight.
Naruto watched, rapt with attention, as they stopped, enclosing Sasuke in a very familiar shape.
"Er, Sasuke?"
"…what?"
"There's a…heart. Around your head."
A sigh.
"I know."
"…Does that happen a lot?"
"…yes. Well, no. It only started recently."
"…oh. I'm just…going to go now. Good luck with your," Naruto started, waving his hand at the spectacle around the other boy's head. After a few moments, his shoulders slumped. "Your nesty thing," he decided lamely.
"Hn."
-
"I hope you'll be all right by yourself," Itachi told his Magic Mirror blithely, not really caring one way or the other. "We'll probably be gone for a fortnight, if not longer. Women are surprisingly tetchy about their wedding planning after all," he finished, shaking his head at the irrationality of the fairer sex.
Generally speaking, of course, he told himself silently.
Shikamaru regarded him, clearly unimpressed.
"You're so sure that she's going to pick you, then," he asked uninterestedly, looking up at the golden gilded border that surrounded his plane mirror.
Itachi looked at him, derision clear in his eyes.
"Pray tell, who else would she choose."
The mirror snorted.
"How quickly we forget this morning's poll results."
The King looked at him shrewdly, eyes narrowed, but face otherwise unchanged.
"Are you suggesting," he began silkily, "that she might choose my foolish little brother over me?"
"Well, obviously," Shikamaru said. "What else would I be suggesting?"
Itachi considered this for a few moments, allowing the thought to run unfettered through his mind. Then, he shook his head slowly.
"Perhaps, I overestimated you, Nara Shikamaru. Perhaps, I have nothing to fear from your intelligence if you are prone to making propositions as absurd as that one."
"Does this mean you'll let me out of here," the boy in the mirror said, the barest note of interest obvious in his words.
"Not at all," Itachi said. "You amuse me, if nothing else. You've your uses."
They remained quiet for a few moments, Itachi in contemplation, and Shikamaru in resignation.
Then, Shikamaru had a Thought.
"This might sound far-fetched," Shikamaru stated, in a tone that clearly reflected his own disdain. "But, has it ever occurred to you that maybe, you aren't every girl's wet dream come to life?"
The King's face did not change.
"Well, of course not."
"I see," Shikamaru said simply. "Never mind, then."
With a last withering look at his decidedly unhelpful oracle, Itachi turned away and called for his loyal retainer.
"Orochimaru!"
As he waited, his mind worked at Shikamaru's suggestion of Sasuke winning the heart of some trollop-princess, and the Kingdom of Konoha, to boot. No, Itachi decided. That would not do. He was confident in his own ability to…woo, he decided, ignoring the way his mouth twisted into a sneer at the thought.
Still, it did not hurt to be sure.
A few beats passed before a tall, pale man with startlingly yellow eyes and long black hair came to the throne, bowing low at his Majesty's feet.
"You called for me, My Liege," he said, his mouth stretched into a queer smile.
An answering smirk formed on Itachi's thin lips.
"Yes," he agreed quietly. "I did."
OMG WHAT IS HE PLANNING? WHY ARE THERE BIRDS AROUND SASU-CHAN'S PRETTY HEAD? WHAT'S WRONG WITH HIM?
D: D: D: D: D:
I have to figure out how long I want this to drag on. Not too long, hopefully.
So, yes! Plot snuck up on me, but there is still crack.
Review, yes?