Well thanks ever so much to everybody for reviewing and all that, umm... that's all I have to say.

I am NOT, in fact, doing replies to reviews this chapter.

Okay, yes I am. I lied.

Nope, I lied again, I'm not.

Okay, so I am. I keep lying which makes me feel horrible.

No, I'm not gonna do them... it's not like anybody READS them or anything!

But I should. Gotta keep up the tradition.

Not that there IS a tradition...

Okay, I'm gonna stop acting shizo and do replies!

Replies to Reviews!

Bitten by a cow: As I said, Vanna White is that lady on the Wheel of Fortune. She's had so many plastic surgeries and face lifts and Botox injections and all sorts of stuff. Doesn't look a thing like she did 10 years ago or whatever.

Cowgirl4Christ: Let's see... I don't know; Probably not; Maybe so; Unlikely. There! I answered all the questions, YAY FOR ME. Now I shall go throw myself a party.

ChampionHeartache: The smallest things make you laugh.

Mister Frodo: Oh joy of joys! Oh dream of dreams! (Sorry, just quoting The Producers. The original, not the nasty new one.)You reviewed! I shall now proceed to be happy. Even though you reviewed the 5th chapter and this is the 16 or something. Be warned, Chapters 11-14 are not all that great in my opinion. Of course, if you're reading this, you know that already. Who is that somone who shouts at Qui-Gon... well, I never mentioned who it was so either I never decided or completely forgot. Let's just call him Regis.

Now that I have finished those, I demand you review this chapter! And tell your friends!

So, while this chapter was supposed to be brilliant, I forgot all my really good ideas that I had like two months ago, 'cause I didn't write them down. Soooo... you know what we're(meaning me) gonna do? Spin out some insanity and disguise it as a story. Ha. Here goes.

Disclaimer: I do not own purple polka dotted penguins, Scott Farkus, colored contact lenses or men in suits.

Chapter 16

Midgets, Men, and Fish In Bowl

Ignoring the cliff-hanger of a knock, the Author proceeds to write more about Yoda's little situation...

It was a bright, sunny, green, lovely day. Well, it wasn't green. Or lovely. It WAS, however, bright and sunny, being as this chapter is set on a desert planet.

Little Being # 3(aka Pippin) coughed and looked at the sky. "That is a really sucky narrative."

Shut up.

The Little Beings, who, I suppose, the readers can now recognize as Hobbits if they wish, were still surrounding Yoda, but had backed away a couple of feet due to Yoda's shrieking claim of claustrophobia. When aliens like Yoda become claustrophobic, they tend to start seeing things, and once he was shouting about purple polka dotted penguins, the Hobbits backed away, perhaps more out of fear than anything.

"Again, I ask. Here, why are you?"

Taking 30 seconds to decipher the sentence and get it to a point where it was grammatically correct in their minds, finally Frodo answered. "Well, here's the deal. You know our director, Peter Jackson? Well, last week, he really ticked Gollum off. Called him an ugly mongrel Hobbit creature. Which, might I add, is also an insult to us." He added with a disdainful sniff. He continued on dramatically, "But, we have vowed to carry on, in spite of the horrific trials we have suffered."

Merry coughed and nudged Pippin, who held in a giggle.

Clutching his chest, Frodo continued on. "Alas, Gollum has vowed to never return. The pressure, it was too much! He left in a hurry."

"We saw him hitching the 10:20 to Los Angeles." Sam supplied helpfully.

Frodo glared daggers in Sam's direction, angry at the interruption. "So our fearless leader has sent us in search of a stand-in for Gollum, and by George, I do believe we've found him. What do you say, boys?"

Silence.

He glared more. "What I'm saying is, we'd like you to come and work for us. You get to be Gollum. You've got yellow eyes, right?"

"What?" Yoda looked insulted.

And from above, Gollum floated down, a parachute strapped to his frail little frame, shrieking all the way.

"Yellow eyes? YELLOW EYES? Who am I, Scott Farkus? Noo! I don't have yellow eyes! They are blue, darn you, BLUE! Every bit as blue as your BLUE CONTACT LENSES!!!"

"I DON'T WEAR COLORED CONTACT LENSES! MY EYE COLOR IS COMPLETELY NATURAL! NATURAL!!!" Frodo screamed, stomping his foot. Obviously this had been a previous source of conflict.

As Gollum and Frodo continued screaming at each other, Merry, Pippin, and Sam gathered together, whispering. Seeing that all of his visitors were distracted, Yoda took the chance of escape.

Unfortunately...

Meanwhile, at Shmi's house...

Qui-Gon whirled around quite suddenly at the sound of the knock. He had become quite paranoid over the last... goodness, how long had he been on this crazy adventure?

He looked at the ceiling, as if he expected an answer to come from above.

"Not on your life, buddy."

The author's voice floated down, but she refused to give an answer. Whether it was because she delighted in torturing him or because she had no clue, the world may never know.

"Oh, dear." A harried looking Shmi came from the kitchen, wiping her hands on a towel.

Small Random Padawan woke from his nap and yawned, rubbing his eyes with small fists.

Obi-Wan paused, Jell-O filled spoon halfway to his open mouth.

The knocking came again.

"You'd better get that." Qui-Gon supplied as Shmi made her way to the door.

She opened it a crack, and before she could get out a good 'What can I do for you' two men in black suits and sunglasses barged their way into the room.

"That's Will Smith!" Adi Gallia screamed, have emerged from Anakin's room to see what was going on.

Boris The Fish gulped audibly from his Sturdy Glass Bucket. "Oh, no.." he whispered, wishing he had somewhere to hide. But a Sturdy Glass Bucket really doesn't offer any hiding place, so he just sat there in the water, floating in his mini-bagel-turned-floating-device, and cowered.

"Will Smith" had just finished ridding himself of the clinging Adi Gallia, who, unbeknownst to nearly everyone, was pretty much a fangirl of every movie star to exist. It didn't matter who they were, as long as they were famous. That makes nearly no sense, but moving on...

"Boris? Do you know those guys?" Obi-Wan asked, the only one still sitting at the table and therefore the only one to have heard the fish's gulp.

"Ummmm, nooooo, of course not, why do you ask? Well I may've met them once or twice... okay, I did some undercover work for them a long, long time ago... just a smidge, really, and I haven't seen them since..." Boris babbled on nervously as the two men neared the table. He could somehow sense their eyes upon him, hidden though they were by menacing dark glasses.

"Boris. I believe we have some... unfinished business to attend to." "Will Smith" said, his voice deep and menacing.

Find out what happens to Boris AND to Yoda next time! It may be a while.

Midgets, Men, and Fish In Bowl Stars

Frodo Baggins as Pippin

Yoda as Yoda

Pippin as Frodo

Merry as Sam

Sam as Merry

Smeagol as Gollum(you can just work this one out)

Qui-Gon Jinn as Qui-Gon Jinn

Vanna White as Shmi Skywalker

Small Random Padawan as Small Random Padawan

Obi-Wan Kenobi as Obi-Wan Kenobi

Adi Gallia as Adi Gallia

Boris The Fish as Boris The Fish

Tyrone II as "Will Smith"

A/N: I wrote this like a week and a half ago, but FF was being stupid and wouldn't let me post it for FOREVER. But here it is. Was. Whatever. Since I'm already writing this, REVIEW!!!!!!!