AN: Songs used: I am for you by Waking Ashland and Walking Wounded by the Tea Party


Jay walked into Emma's room. Manny is right, she doesn't look at all like herself. She's super white, and I don't mean like Oh, you live in Canada white, I mean ghost white. Her hair is knotted and she looks like the plague hit her. But yet, I can't help but notice her as more than a friend, despite her current state. It's the first time that I can actually look at a chick and having any feelings despite lust. What is this girl doing to me?

"Jay? Is that you?" She whispers, and I swear, I want to hold her. Look at me, whipped by a girl I'm not even dating. How pathetic.

"Yeah, Em, it's me" I say, as I walk closer to her.

"You didn't have to come and visit me, I'm sure you had better things to do"

Typical Nelson, thinking of others before herself despite the fact that she's hooked up to more machines than a lab rat.

"Sprout," Jay begins, "Where did you go? Who replaced you? I know you're not the type of girl to get caught up in her looks and her weight. Your Emma fucking Nelson, girl who will take on the whole world"

"Jay.." She breathes, and I can tell its causing her pain just to talk.

"Stop talking, I'll never get the chance to shut you up again, so stay quiet" I say, trying to get her to stop fighting herself and me. "Just a little Hogart humor" She smiles weakly at that, and I can tell something's wrong. Emma Nelson lost her spark, the do-it-yourself attitude. She has that same look on her face as she did in the ravine, the look that screams 'I can't do this all alone, help'. Emma needs someone there to help her through all this, and I'm not ashamed to be that person.

"I just wanted to give you a heads up, because now that I'm by your side, I'm never leaving. I'm like a shit stain in some nice clean underwear" what the fuck am I saying? "You can try and try to wash it out, but I'm there, forever"

"Anyway, I wish I knew what to say in this kind of situation, but I'm not that smart, as you know" She attempts to say something but I take my finger and place it over her mouth, she giggles and writes down on a piece of paper, hands shaking: Yes, you are.

"Emma, you're so strong. I can't even imagine how you could end up in this place"

"I'm not that strong", she whispers back to me.

"You don't always have to be" I whisper, brushing the hair out of her face, "Goldilocks"

Something's very wrong here

Your heart has frozen over.

And something's very strange here,

You've lost all desire

The comfort we create to prove we're something,

But we're starving.

Screaming in the night 'cause you want answers, from the one

And there is hope again.

Don't give up, you're not thinking.

Don't give up, just keep seeking.

And I, I am for you.

And I, I will love you.

And I, I am for you.

And I, I will save you.

-xxx-

Manny just left my room. How could I do this to everyone? The look on her face was so painful. My own best friend, crying because she thinks I'm dying. Am I dying? Is this what it is like to die? Because, I don't think losing control over my eating will lead me to death. I gave up food for like a week, I'm not going to die. I'm just going to get skinny. I'm not going to be Mary Kate Olsen for gods sake. The way everyone is acting, who knows? I wish he was here so I could talk to him, he'd understand. He'd listen.

I hear the sound of faint footsteps, as I slowly look up expecting it to be my mom or Snake, instead it's him.

"Jay is that you" I try to say, but instead it just comes out as a whisper. He looks so upset, his brown hair hidden under that delicious hat of his, His blue eyes piercing through me, with concern and care.

"Yeah, Em, it's me" He says. He starts to walk closer to me, don't you understand, Jay? I need you as close as humanly possible? Oh my god, I'm in the hospital and I'm having sex thoughts about Jay?

To stop myself from any x-rated thoughts about Jay, I tell him, "You didn't have to come and visit me, I'm sure you had better things to do".

"Sprout" He says, I love these nicknames he has for me. It must be all the medicine making me dopey because I swear if he said Greenpeace in that caring voice of his, I'd probably have an orgasm right here, right now. "Where did you go? Who replaced you?" No one replaced me, it's the same Nelson. "I know you're not the type of girl to get caught up in her looks and her weight" How would you know? Just because you've made fun of them since you've known me, doesn't mean it didn't bother me. "You're Emma fucking Nelson, girl who will take on the whole world"

"Jay" I try to choke out, but this pain is too unbearable.

"Stop talking" how does he know all the answers? "I'll never get the chance to shut you up again, so stay quiet" he smirks, that devilish smirk I can't get enough of. "Just a little Hogart humor. I just wanted to give you a heads up, because now that I'm by your side, I'm never leaving." You're by my side? What? Is this one of those weird hospital dreams, because if it is, please don't wake me up. "I'm like a shit stain in some nice clean underwear. You can try and try to wash it out, but I'm there forever" No, this isn't a dream, I'm not that creative and that is definitely all Jay.

"Emma you're so strong. I can't even imagine how you could end up in this place" Those words, they're too much for me. I'm strong? You don't even know how weak I am.

"I'm not that strong" I whisper to him, he needs to know, I'm losing it.

"You don't always have to be" How does he know just what to say? He's my own personal rocket to the moon.3 .2. 1.

'Goldilocks" Blastoff!

Is it safe to look within,

And to erase all that's been.

And all that's been between,

Is it gone, tell me what went wrong.

'Cause baby, I'm not that strong.

And I'm walking wounded.