James Wilson stared at the will that was in front of him, trying to figure out just what he was getting into. He didn't even know what a civil union entailed, but he assumed it wasn't much different from any of his past, failed, marriages. The only thing was that this was a sham marriage, this was him signing his name to a piece of paper for an easy few thousand dollars. No, he wouldn't think of it like that. This was him helping a friend out, that's what this was.
Although if you had told him when he first met House that he'd wind up married to him-however briefly it would be, as he had no intentions on remaining married past however long was necessary for House to collect, he would have laughed in your face. He would have told you that you were absolutely bonkers.
But yet, here he was, having just agreed to do what he thought was the most monumentally stupid thing he's ever, and likely would ever do. He didn't even know where to begin. He assumed that it would be a nice, perfunctory service performed by a judge in the courthouse-although he wondered if they'd opt for Princeton Township or Plainsboro. Not that it mattered much. At least it wasn't going to be another lavish wedding that cost far more than he ever wanted to spend, in a church where he felt rather uncomfortable, with a wedding reception from hell.
Well, no, he was sure that if House was involved, the reception would be hell. Because knowing House, there would be quite a reception. It was one of those things that he knew House just couldn't possibly pass up. He didn't know what the service would be like, whether or not they changed the language from the traditional marriage vows. He gave a small snort of laughter as he pondered what "you may now kiss the bride" would become.
And anyway, House was going to be the bride, if need be. It was his harebrained scheme, Wilson was the one that was just along for the ride. He was just there because he was Wilson-the-Doormat, always willing to help out House in a time of need. And while this wasn't even a major time of need, it was still lending a hand. It wasn't even as though it would inconvience him. If anything, it was going to benefit him.
He was coming away with a year's worth of alimony for Katie, at least. One less ex-wife to deal with. He'd get out of his damned hotel, which he moved back into because he couldn't stand being in Amber's apartment anymore, and he was too proud to go back to House's couch. But now he had a reason to be House's couch. After all, the least a man could do for his groom-to-be was give him the couch, now wasn't it?
He wondered if he should call his parents or not. He didn't even know what he'd say. "Hi ma, guess what, you know that nice boy Greg that you're always doting over? I'm marrying him, but only because I'm getting a lot of money out of it. No ma, we're not in love. Why am I marrying him? Good question." Yeah, that would go over with his parents very well, he was sure of it.
But he felt guilty not telling them too. His mother could guilt the paint of a wall, and he knew that if she were to find out what happened, and that he hadn't told her, that she would kill him. Or rather, guilt him into killing himself. After giving him a thorough battering of course.
But to be honest, he was afraid of what his family's reaction would be. There wasn't a single member of his immediate or extended family that was gay. How would they react to being told that he was marrying a man? He needed to think this through. The sheer idea of it was overwhelming. He was comfortable with a regular marriage. He'd done enough of those to be able to walk through the planning with his eyes closed. But this, this was a completely new entity, and he was, in a word, scared.