A/N-This fic isn't progressing quite how I like it, but if I really change anything, it'll be known in further author's notes. It needs something, but I'm not quite sure what.

House sat behind his desk, tennis ball bouncing up and down off the carpeted floor, eyes, however, focused on the paper in front of him. He was really going through with this. He was, honestly, going to marry someone entirely for money. No other reason. Well, he supposed that he had always wanted to get married, just so that he could throw it in the faces of those who said he never would because he wat too much of an ass.

But saying he was marrying someone entirely for money, that sounded shallow even for him. Well, that and it would give him his personal manservant back. Someone who would cook, and clean, and go grocery shopping, and keep his apartment neat for him. Not because Wilson cared about him, but because Wilson was doing it all for himself. He liked being collaterally involved with Wilson's life, as it often benefited him.

But that felt selfish. While House had no objections to being selfish, he did need to come up with something good to tell his mother as to why he was getting married-to a man no less-that wasn't simply "Because Pawpaw will give me twice as much if I have a ring on than if I don't." He could already feel the pinching on his ear and his mother leading him around the house as she chewed him out over that. No, he had to find a much better excuse.

He pondered, and considered, and wondered, before deciding to follow a logical approach to this. There were reasons why the state had allowed gay couples to marry. Insurance rights, benefits, the ability to see the other in the ICU. There was a tax break, he supposed, even though his taxes didn't really bother him.

After a long while, he got up, heading down to the main floor. There was one person who could tell him what the benefits were. After all, she was the boss of the place, she had to know what the employee benefits to things were. He walked in, without knocking, and sat down across from her. She didn't even need to look up. "What do you want, House?"

"Civil unions are treated the same as marriages amongst the staff here, correct?"

"We chose to give our employees in non-traditional relationships the same benefits as those in a more standard relationship." It's a carefully practiced answer, one that's been rehearsed so many times she doesn't need to think twice about it.

"And what are these benefits?"

"Insurance applying to the spouse as well, visitation rights, putting children from before the marriage into our daycare-House, why are you asking this?"

"Just wondering." He felt Cuddy's eyes on him, and he stayed perfectly still. This was no different from being in the principals office. And Cuddy-well, he stopped the thought of Cuddy and school short, before his mind started thinking along the lines of "uniforms."

"You never just wonder. You're planning something, and if this something involves the hospital I would like a little bit of a warning. You know, so that I can get teams of lawyers lined up for the inevitable fallout that you insist on bringing with you."

"It doesn't involve the hospital in any way more than I work in the hospital." He felt Cuddy's inquisitive gaze, but refused to budge.

"I will fire you if I need to."

"Say that like you mean it, and I'll believe it."

"House-" The tone was warning, but they both knew that it was an empty threat.

"I'll be good mommy, I promise." She merely rolled her eyes.

"If you're not going to tell me what you're plotting, then get out, I will not be an accessory to the crime."

"As you wish, Principal Cuddy."

"Out!" The command was exasperated, and he obeyed. She wasn't going to follow along with his little tricks, she wasn't going to be another part of his plans and his crimes, and his systemic destruction of the Hospital. No, he always claimed that it was never lupus, because he was lupus. He was the constant ache and pain in every single person he worked with, he fatigued everyone there, he weakened the hearts of everyone, and left unchecked would completely destroy the place from the inside out.

She sighed, and attempted to piece together what he was plotting. The civil unions comment did pique her interest, and she had heard rumors about him from as long as they were in college at the same time. But rumors were rumors, and often had no basis in truth. After all, she had seen the evidence to the contrary with him, so the fact that he asked proved that he was doing something that was very likely going to lead to her needing to dye her hair instead of just cover up where the grey was starting to poke through.

"I said out!" She called when her door creaked open again, but when the figure didn't move, she sighed and looked up, finding Wilson there instead of the bane of her existence.

"House has gone crazy."

"Tell me something I didn't know."

"No, actually crazy. Worse than usual." She didn't say anything beyond a groan, and banged her head on her desk.

"What now? Do I even want to know?"

"He asked me to marry him?"

"What?!" It was nothing more than a strangled yelp.

"My thoughts exactly. Apparently it doubles his inheritance from his poor rich dying grandfather."

"He's doing this for money?"

"I don't know why he's doing this. He's House, attempting to figure out why he does something is like attempting to figure out whether Schroedinger's cat is alive or dead." She sighed, knowing he was right.

"Are you going to go through with it?"

"I'm-not sure."

"Not sure? You can't honestly be thinking about this seriously."

"I'm not."

"But you just said you're not sure."

"Right now I'm more shocked than anything. How would you feel if he barged in here and told you that he'd give you twenty five thousand dollars to marry him for all of a few weeks? I haven't even had a chance to think about it yet."

"He offered you that much?"

"Apparently I only get a quarter of the whole thing. But there has to be more to it than that. He's never done something simply because of money-it's not as though he needs it." It was true. It wasn't as though House spent huge sums of money every day-Wilson knew for a fact that there was more than enough stashed into bank accounts and stock options and retirement funds for House to live lavishly, and yet his friend didn't.

"There has to be something else to it. Knowing him, he just wants to piss off the rest of his family." The idea had yet to cross Wilson's mind.

"You think that's it?"

"It's House, who knows what it is." Wilson sighed, leaning back in the chair. She had a point. She had a very very good point.