A/N and this is where the plot actually picks up. Oh, and someone had left a review pointing out that gay marriage is illegal-NJ's got civil unions, which are supposed to be the same (even though in practice they're totally not). And it's just a catalyst for this whole thing anyway. Anyway, do enjoy.

Wilson was playing the part of Mrs. House in his mind, basing his reactions off of what House was saying. He could imagine the squeaked "what!?" Seeing as it had been both his and Cuddy's reaction to the news. But he was trying to figure out what else was going on on the other side of the line.

When is it? Is what you assume is the answer to"Not entirely sure yet, but soon?" It's sort of like playing a round of Jeopardy.

Who is it? Is the question that you know prefaces "They make me happy."

But the most important question-the Why? Goes completely unasked. He tuned out the talks of pleasantries, and focuses instead on the TV. It was only when the sharp beep of the phone being turned off hit his ears that he focused again on House, an expectant look on his face. "She wants to meet you for dinner." It's a gruff response, and he fought the urge to roll his eyes.

"She's already had dinner with me. Several times."

"Yes, but that was before you became the-" The wild gestures indicated very clearly that even House had no clue what to call him.

"You know, maybe before dinner with your mother, you should figure out what exactly this whole ruse is supposed to be." Ah, there was the calm, rational, Wilson, that could always be counted upon to provide logical discourse and discussion on any topic.

"It's just that, a ruse." Wilson rolled his eyes.

"That very well may be, but I doubt your family is going to take kindly to you showing up to say, your grandfather's funeral and introducing me as 'the guy who gives you twice as much out of the will'." He knew that look on House's face, and he knew that it was the look of deep contemplation.

"Partner?" House suggested. "In crime?" Wilson thought about that. Although there was the implication of what partner meant. And it meant a whole lot more than what they currently had. "The endless nag?"

"If that's the case then you're going to be paraded around as 'the eventual cause of my heart attack.'" There was a small pause before both of them laughed. And Wilson knew right then that his mind had been made up-he'd go along with this whole charade, if only because it was House. "You know, we really are an old married couple. We fight, there's no sex, we don't really do that much together, but yet we always wind up here talking about stupid things. How the hell did my life end up like this?"

"Good question."

"Did I really do that much damage to my karma that it was decided that I'd wind up married to my best friend?" Wilson saw the wall flicker, but he wrote it off as just seeing things. The stoic facade of his best friend never faded. It hadn't even when House had given up and given in, and dealing with his addiction. And House had erased the small pang of whatever it was he had felt as soon as he had felt it. Why would he be hurt, or dissapointed-the feeling hadn't quite lasted long enough for him to accurately decipher what it was-that his friend considered that this was a punishment? It was. And Wilson was a masochist.

"You're going along with it." House paused, and looked across the couch to Wilson. "Why?"

"For the same reason you do everything, curiosity."

"What are you curious about?"

"How different it is. To be married to someone based not entirely on my 'saviour complex' as you call it, based not on their ability in bed, but simply because you asked." House thought about that as he sipped his beer. "Besides, it lets me know what it feels like to be an old married couple without actually having to grow old with someone."

They lapsed into a comfortable silence, as they sat, channel surfing, working their way through the case of beer. By the time they finished they were comfortably tipsy, and finding that late-night television was far more interesting than it should have been. "House?"

"Hmm?"

"What will your mother think when she sees me?"

"That you are a fine, upstanding, clean cut young gentleman, the same thing she always thinks when she sees you."

"I mean when she finds out that I'm your partner-in-crime." He was liking that term. He watched the gears turn in House's head, and wondered, briefly if this would be the end of their very short engagement. What he wasn't wondering was if House was purposely trying to shield information. Because that wasn't a House thing to do. But House didn't want him to get the wrong idea about things.

"I-don't think she'd mind, actually." It was a convincing enough answer to anyone else, but this was Wilson, Wilson who'd known him for a good two decades, and most of his adult life. Wilson who knew him better than anyone. He knew there was something not being said.

"Really? Your mother's not going to mind having it sprung on her that her only son, who's only other serious, long term relationship was with Stacy, is going to be marrying a man?"

"It's not really springing it on her. Well, the marriage is, but-" This was what he hadn't wanted to admit, because it was a nonfactor in his motivation for this whole thing. Sure, he'd looked, but that had quickly gotten shoved aside. He couldn't say, without lying, that Wilson wasn't attractive, but everybody lied, and he had long since learned to ignore the actual features of his friend's face. He could recognize him on sight, but he never really bothered to notice when little things changed.

"You-you're-you" He saw the wheels spinning in his friend's head, and he could hear them squealing as they spun full-tilt. He knew that sound, and often when he heard it it was followed by the thump of Steve being displaced, unable to keep up. He decided to save the rest of Wilson's brain from being thrown off as well.

"Don't find you attractive." He saw the look of hurt that crossed Wilson's face, but he fought the urge to go into damage-control mode. He was House, he didn't have a damage control mode.

"You don't?"

"No. That would just be weird. Being attracted to your best friend." Another silence descended upon them, this one much more awkward than the first.

"If I wasn't your friend-" House sighed. This was not a conversation he wanted to have. This was a conversation that could lead nowhere good.

"What does it matter?" He snapped. "It has nothing to do with this whole charade." Wilson watched as House refocused his attention on the television. Well, that was something that he hadn't known about his friend. In all the years he'd known House, he'd heard rumors, but he had always discarded them, figuring that it was just idle gossip.

It was something that he'd just never considered. Something that simply had never crossed his mind. He could tell from House's reaction that he'd struck a nerve, and not a good one. Did that meant that House did find him attractive? Or would, if things hadn't worked out the way they had? He'd never even considered the occasional pang of attraction he'd feel when a good-looking man would walk by, writing them off as simply noticing that yes, someone was better looking than he was.

But this, this was a completely new revelation, and this was something that he had never expected to happen. And it slightly scared him, and slightly piqued his curiosity. But he settled on simply sitting on the couch, drinking beers, and watching TV, pushing all other thoughts of what had just come out from his mind, focusing instead on badly commentated Japanese game shows.