A/n: Hello everyoneeee! I apologize again for taking too long but I really like this chapter and I hope you guys do too. Leave me some lovely comments please; those are the ones that keep me going.
Warmth, almost too much warmth. I slowly turned in my bed, feeling the comfortable covers around my body. At first, I had no idea how I reached my house but, little by little, memories of what had happened flooded my memory. The clash of the cold water, the lack of air, the stinging in my throat, Jacob's voice. He had been the one who brought me here. If he did then he must be here still. Almost at the same time that thought reached my head I tried to sit up swiftly but I was stopped by hands pressing down of my shoulders and bringing me down into my previous position. My eyes opened to reveal the smiling face of Jacob, my Jacob. "Hold on there, don't overestimate your strength" he said with his usual playful tone which I had learned to adore, it made me laugh softly.
"You almost left us there" he added, his tome becoming a bit more serious as he gently ran his hand though my raven black hair. Pain showed in his eyes as he said those last words and, in that moment, I felt like the most stupid person to walk the face of the earth. How could I believe that I was doing him a favor by leaving him? I had been selfish, thinking only in what would make me feel better and giving silly excuses on why it was better to do so.
"I'm sorry, Jake. I really am" I tried my best to apologize but words seemed so superfluous at the time, there was nothing I could say to erase what I tried to do. I had been seconds away of committing suicide and that wasn't something someone who was perfectly sane did.
"There is no need to even begin to apologize" Jacob answered but there was something different in the way he acted towards me, it was more dry than before. Before I could even ask him what was happening he started talking again. "I just need to know what went through your mind, Leah" he demanded taking his hand away from my head and taking my hand, giving it a little squeeze "What made you jump? Wasn't I a good reason for you to stay alive?"
Now it all made sense, perfect sense. He had all the right to be mad at her, after all, she hadn't even given a good thought at what would happen to him if she died. Yes, she had told herself that he would be better off without her but, was that the truth. No, absolutely not. If she had stopped a few seconds to think things over then she would have realized that he needed someone by his side, that he had been rejected by someone he loved the same way she was. He was not only her support but she was also his.
"That's not true" I said before he could go on "You were the one who made me come back, Jake. When I heard your voice I…I cannot explain what I felt but…"
"But what?" he asked almost too suddenly "What made you jump, please tell me"
"Look at what I did, okay? I tried to attack Sam, I tried to kill him!"
"You weren't conscious in that moment, Leah, there was too much rage for you to control yourself. We have all gone through a moment like that in one moment or the other" he argued. I wanted to walk away from him, to shut him up somehow. It should be wrong how right his words were.
"Come on! I hurt Claire and, as far as I am concerned no one in the pack wants to even look at me anymore!" I yelled as I finally sat down on my bed, my eyes looking directly into his. Why couldn't he see the things the way I saw them? Was it too hard to understand my point?
"I want you here!" he yelled back as he stood up from the chair he had been sitting on. He did so with such strength that the chair fell back with a loud noise.
Silence fell between us as he stared into my eyes, a mixture of rage and hurt looking at my face but into my soul. Slowly, I lowered my eyes until they were looking at my hands which were resting on my lap; I couldn't handle looking at him anymore, not without guilt taking mercilessly over me. Was there something wrong with me? Why did I have to hurt everyone I loved? Perhaps it was a curse, a curse for never showing my affection to anyone before, a curse for hiding my true feelings.
He didn't wait for my answer. I heard Jacob's steps walking out of my room but didn't dare to raise my eyes to give one last look at him. My head kept telling me that I was crazy to let him walk away from me like that, especially when I had just realized that he needed me, probably almost as much as I needed him to keep myself from breaking apart. I knew I should have run behind him in the very second I heard him exit my room, when I heard him saying goodbye to my mother, when I heard him close the my house's way too harshly. But I couldn't.
Slowly, I brought my head down only to sniff a familiar scent that made my knees tremble, Jake's. My hands grabbed the collar of the sweater I was wearing and brought it to my nose, it was his. I cannot begin to explain what I felt in that moment, what jolt of energy ran through my body. But, in that moment, I knew I couldn't let him go. It is too late; I thought as I stood up and started walking out of my room not even caring to take a look at myself before I did so. If he had decided to run then he could be miles away from where I was already. I was a fool, ha, as if I needed to repeat that to myself.
As I opened the front door, my eyes widened in surprise. He was there, sitting on my porches' stairs, his dark eyes looking to the front, lost, completely lost in thought. Carefully not to make too much noise, though I knew he had already heard me coming, I walked towards him and silently sat by his side. I shifted my eyes from his face to the tress that could be spotted in the distance. Taking a deep breath, I fixed my eyes on him knowing that if I didn't spoke now I probably never would.
"I want to be here too" I finally said, my voice breaking slightly.
It took a while for him to shift his stare to my face. My blood could hhave easily be turned into eyes under his gaze, he was next to me and yet I saw him so distant. Where my actions that bad? Yes, it had been no game, I had tried to kill myself…kill myself.
"Then you will prove it to me someday" he said, his hand slowly rising to caress the side of my cheek, my eyes closing at the contact. A sensation of emptiness greeted me as he took it away. "But not now. You need to rest and I think I do too"
Standing up and placing a small kiss on my forehead, he was gone. Leaving me as alone as I had began. Many questions filled my mind as I watched his figure getting lost in the forest. The most important of them being the one Jacob himself had asked me a few minutes ago. Why did I jumped?