Unspoken
By mihoyonagi
Chapter 45: Confession
Sephiroth fell against the door for support, Aerith pressed tightly against him. Her hands clung to him as if he was the only thing that could sustain her life. He could feel her body shake as she chanted the same words into his shoulder.
"Don't go! Please, don't leave me!"
Her voice was that of a whisper, hardly audible to even him though he stood against her.
Finally, Sephiroth forced himself to draw breath.
The blood in his veins rushed through his body, igniting his senses while everything bombarded them at once. The world spun, and he found himself grabbing Aerith's shoulders for support.
He held his breath, again, standing completely still, as he waited for her to say that single, mind-numbing phrase one more time.
"I love you."
Sephiroth could feel himself falling. Aerith's hands pressed against his shoulders as she attempted to push him upright. His feet stumbled beneath him, and he found that he was unable to properly direct them as to where to step next.
"Lean on me, and we'll go sit on the couch."
Numbly, he did as he was told and let his bodyweight shift so that Aerith could help support him. He followed her blindly to the sofa and sat, leaning forward and burying his face in his hands, elbows set firmly against his knees.
She clutched the upper portion of his arm, leaning tenderly against him. Her face was still buried against his shoulder, though she had stopped speaking since they had sat down.
Slowly, Sephiroth reached into his pocket and procured his notebook and pen. He laid the book down on the coffee table, and set his elbow against the wood in order to steady his hand, and began to write. Though his body still shook and his mind still raced, he forced himself to write coherently.
After he had finished writing, he tentatively pushed the notebook toward Aerith.
Her eyes were fixated on the message for several moments, and Sephiroth knew that she was reading it over again and again.
'This isn't that easy, Aerith. For us to be together, you'd never be happy. We would always run, we would always hide: I can't force you into a life like the one we've been leading for so long. You belong with your friends, with the ones you held dear before I stole you.'
Sephiroth watched her brow crease. She looked at him, rage given rise to a look of indignation and disbelief upon her face.
"And just who are you to tell me what makes me happy?"
Sephiroth forced air through his nose, signaling his indignation over the matter. His head was beginning to clear as reason tried to reprimand passion for taking over his senses so forcefully. He wrote another message and passed it to her.
'And just how happy have you been in my presence for the past week?'
Color sprang to her cheeks. "That's not fair. You don't know what I've been going through."
He tried to make his features go cold as he raised an eyebrow at her statement. Slowly, he inclined his head, urging her to go on.
Aerith turned away from him, as if ashamed of something. He watched as she bit her lip, contemplating what next would spill from her mouth.
Finally, she sighed.
"I thought you knew. I thought you knew that your father had killed mine. I thought you knew of all the things Hojo had done to my family and those I cared about, and that you weren't telling me. I thought that you were keeping it from me out of spite. I thought that was why Vincent gave me the book; that he didn't think you would ever tell me."
Still she refused to meet his eyes. She looked, instead, to her hands.
She sighed again as she began to wring her hands.
"I knew you had changed since we'd been traveling together. I didn't know how much you had changed until I read your diary. I know it doesn't make much sense, after all that we've been through together, but I thought you still hated me."
Again, Sephiroth found himself stunned and unable to move.
"I was beginning to believe you thought of me as just a nuisance. When I offered up my feelings, you would always take a step backwards, figuratively at least."
He heard her swallow, as if she were holding back more tears.
"In Wutai, when we…"
She placed a finger to her lips, still refusing to meet his eyes.
"When we kissed, you pulled away like I had burned you or something: like you realized what you were doing, and were disgusted with it. When we were in Nibelheim, and you held me the morning you had woken, after you had found out about your past, I didn't know what to think. And then the ring, and…"
Slowly, she looked up and met his gaze.
"I was so confused; I didn't know what to think. I didn't want to push something on you that you couldn't deal with. I guess that I was the one who couldn't handle everything in the end. I let my fear get the better of me, and I denied myself happiness. I was so afraid that you didn't want me..."
Oh, dear Shiva, how he had been waiting for such a moment. Yet, no matter how his body ached, and his heart screamed for him to take her up in his arms, he forced himself to remain still.
How ironic it was that he had been so afraid of rejection, when all along she had been throwing advances toward him in hopes of catching his interest. So determined was he to brace himself for her rejection that he had never really given thought to the opposing option, other than giving her a life on the run.
He reached again for his notebook, wishing to make one last confirmation before he let his heart speak truthfully.
'We can't stay on the run forever, Aerith. What of Cloud? What of everyone else? Aside from those we have met, the rest of your friends would sooner cut me down than hear a word of what I have to say. Cloud would never rest lest I am in pieces, and you know it.'
Again, she shot him a fiery look of indignation. "I don't care if we have to run or if we have to fight, Sephiroth. If a time comes that we have to meet up with Cloud, then we'll tell him the truth. We have Vincent and Yuffie, and Red too, on our side of this argument, and you know they would help us any way they could."
He reached for his notebook again, but Aerith stilled him. She brought his hands to rest against her leg.
"I don't give a damn if I have to fight tooth and nail to keep what we have. Don't you get it? You are the only one in the entire world who could ever understand me, understand who I am and what I've gone through, and not try to lock me away like I'm made of glass. You've suffered just as much as I have, Sephiroth, and no one else will ever know what we've gone through to be here. I thought, at first, that you were turning me away because you didn't like me. After reading your journal, I understand that you pushed only because you were afraid that you'd break me."
She closed her eyes, swallowing hard in an attempt to keep her tears at bay. One, however, slipped passed her defenses and ran down her cheek.
"All those times I told you that I forgave you: what did you think it was for? I forgive you for your past. I forgave who you were, and what you did. I wanted to show you that there was more to life than what our past tried to make of us. When we were on the boat, just a few days ago, and I asked for your forgiveness in the middle of the night, it was because I was terrified I had placed you into a situation you didn't want to be in. I was afraid that you only traveled with me because of the ties our lives share."
She raised a hand to wipe away another tear that had escaped. Her hands shook with the effort of keeping from crying.
"I love who you are, not what you are, or what you were. Just like I'm the light to you, you're my dark. You're the only one who can complete me. I've already forgiven you. You need to forgive yourself."
He was on top of her before he realized what he was doing. Pinning her against the soft cushion of the couch, he pressed his weight against his elbows so as not to crush her. Pressing his face against her shoulder, Sephiroth took a deep breath, and then let it out in a trembling sigh into Aerith's hair.
She laughed against him, obviously not expecting such a bold move. He found her arms circling around his neck, as if it were at all possible to pull them any closer together.
Taking another deep breath, inhaling the sweet scent that lingered yet on her skin since the shower hours before, Sephiroth pressed himself back against his elbows and dared to meet her eyes.
No rejection.
No sadness.
No guilt.
She loved him.
Sephiroth found his body shaking with silent laughter, of which he knew had spread from his heart to his eyes.
Aerith combed a hand through Sephiroth's bangs, returning the adoring smile.
He leaned down and kissed her.
Letting his heart swell as he kissed her again and again, he smiled against her lips when he felt her fingers weaving through his hair. He paused, letting her rest, but only for a moment; in a split second his lips claimed hers once again.
She moved beneath him and he found his breath catch when he felt how soft she was. Her skin glowed with the light from the moon that illuminated the living room, and it nearly took his breath away.
He moved his kisses from her lips to her face, to her ears, and slowly trailed them down her neck. She gasped when he nipped at her collarbone, and Sephiroth was pleased to feel the sound go through him, curling his toes with devious delight.
She was happy, she was content, and she loved him: that was all that mattered. The world could be falling apart around him, and yet, so long as she was smiling, he couldn't give less of a damn.
As a matter of fact, if he were to-
The doorbell rang.
Sephiroth cursed every and any deity that came to mind. He wanted Aerith to be happy. He didn't want to be interrupted.
Aerith's face turned into a pout when Sephiroth looked up, toward the door. "It's three in the morning. Who the heck is knocking on our door at three in the morning?"
Sephiroth, sighing heavily as he lost the warmth of Aerith's body beneath him, stood and made for the door. It was quite possible that he had never before been so annoyed before in his life.
He reached for the doorknob, and yanked open the door in a fit of rage.
He was promptly punched in the face.
Not expecting such an action to greet him when the door was opened, Sephiroth fell to the floor, sprawled out upon his backside, staring dumbly up at the ceiling.
He lifted his head and immediately knew what he was in for.
Cloud stood in the doorway, eyes aflame with anger and hurt, cocking his fist back for another swing.