Disclaimer: See Chapter One.

Chapter Three - The Meat Market : Part One

Two weeks had passed, and the night of the auction - or 'X-Night', as John had started calling it - had arrived. During the proceeding two weeks, the Divas had all taken great pleasure in taunting the superstars about the auction, and most of the guys had gotten tired of it pretty quickly.

Still - according to DX, anyway - just because they had to go through with it didn't mean they couldn't have some fun with Vince. Even Glen and Mark got in on that part, leaving their tuxes in Mark's rental car, showing up backstage carrying their ring attire with them, and informing the boss that these were the only outfits they'd brought with them. Hunter and Shawn gleefully snapped pictures of the event coordinator popping a Vicodin and chasing it down with champagne, and also of Vince looking one step away from having a stroke.

Of course, right after that photo opportunity, both men conviniently 'found' their correct outfits. Mark, however, kept his trademark Undertaker hat with him, claiming that if he had to dress up for this event, he was going to do it his way. When one of the backstage assistants spoke up, protesting 'Mr. Callaway's' decision, Mark leveled him with his trademark stare, and Glen looked at him as well and gave him a demented Kane smile and trademark laugh. The poor assistant nearly wet himself before managing to squeak out that maybe the hat wasn't such a bad idea after all, and then ran out of the room as the superstars all laughed.

The Big Show came in, grinning. "Ready to face the music, guys?"

Glum murmurs and surly grunts were the gist of the response he got. Paul turned in John's direction.

"Cena, you're in big trouble...you know how many times I heard your name mentioned out there?"

John groaned in response as Hunter piped up, "Any celebrities out there?"

Paul nodded. "I overheard that at least three of the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders are gonna pool their money together and bet on a certain Legend Killer..." - he trailed off as the room burst out laughing and Randy put his head in his hands - "and I saw with my own eyes Jessica Simpson talking about how she's gonna be the one to win Cena."

The door opened and Stephanie McMahon walked in. "You guys aren't watching the pre-auction reception on the TV?" she asked incredulously, reaching over to turn on the big-screen plasma set in the room. "You guys are drawing a major crowd."

As the set came on, Todd Grisham was standing with an incredibly beautiful redhead that was wearing a dress that was cut very, very low in the front and had a slit in the side almost up to her waist.

"Holy crap, that's Kayla Landreaux...she's a model for Penthouse magazine!" Chris Jericho exclaimed, which caused nearly every superstar in the room to crowd around the screen and listen as Stephanie rolled her eyes at the typical male behavior.

"So who are you here to bid on?" Grisham was asking her.

The woman gave a seductive smirk into the camera. "Well, I'm not gonna come right out and say it, but let's just say I plan to win my bid...there's a certain Game I wanna play really bad."

Every head in the room whipped to Hunter, who was staring at the screen in surprise, a pleased smile spreading across his face. The moment was shattered, however, by a shout from the direction of the door.

"Oh, hell no!" Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley stormed out of the room, calling for her father.

"Still want me to go out on the runway, honey?" Hunter called after her, and the room dissolved into laughter.

The show continued, with Grisham interviewing Jessica Simpson, who smiled at the camera and blew John a kiss. Next came the Cowboys cheerleaders, three of them, who seductively informed the camera that each girl was wearing a thong that had one initial of RKO on it, a different letter for each girl.

"We'll let you discover who's wearing which letter, Randy," the girls giggled, causing the Legend Killer to slump down in his seat and groan.

Then the camera panned around to show different groups of people, and then two flamboyantly gay men walked into view, holding up a sign that blatantly invited Edge to be their 'Rated-X Superstar'.

The entire room laughed itself sick. John, Randy, Chris, and the Hardys nearly wet themselves, DX bent double they were laughing so hard, and even Glen and Mark cracked smiles. Edge looked like he wanted to throw up.

Then the moment arrived. The event coordinator came in and started handing out numbers, 1 through 20. The bigger fan base you had, the further down the line you were. Hunter, as it turned out, was no longer on the list, although he wisely kept silent about not getting to go out there.

JBL was actually number 1, with William Regal being after him. After a bachelor was auctioned off, he returned to the waiting area where the first ten bachelors would meet their purchasers during the intermission.

MVP was third, followed by Brian Kendrick and then Shelton Benjamin. Carlito, Primo, Kofi, and C. M. Punk were bachelors 6, 7, 8, and 9, and Ric was 10. The Nature Boy was a big hit, giving his signature yell several times, and doing the 'Ric Flair strut' as he walked the runway.

WWEWWEWWEWWEWWEWWEWWEWWEWWEWWEWWE

When intermission was sounded, the guys waited for the first purchaser to arrive. One by one the bachelors left, until finally only Brian, Phil, and Ric remained from the first ten.

The door opened again to admit a woman who was eighty-five if she was a day.

"C'mon, Naitch," she ordered, and snickers abounded throughout the room. The elderly lady turned to the door and rolled her eyes before walking back to it.

"You'll have to excuse my granddaughter...she's downright embarrassed that her grandmother got her a man for her birthday."

Adam's and Chris's snickers turned into outright laughter, but then the elderly lady reentered the room, dragging her granddaughter by the arm.

"Naitch," the elderly lady began, "this here's my granddaughter Valerie. She's twenty-nine, a yoga instructor, and is a big fan of yours."

Valerie just happened to be a redhead with ivory skin, emerald green eyes, and a supermodel's body. Chris and Adam were no longer laughing; like the rest of the guys in the room, they were one step away from drooling. Ric, ever Mr. Smooth, simply bent slightly and kissed Valerie's hand, causing the young woman to blush attractively and giggle. As the women proceeded out the door, Ric turned back to the guys, grinned, and silently mouthed 'Wooo!'. With a final wink, he was gone.

"Ok, that was the best stroke of luck I've ever seen," John stated, and murmurs of agreement resounded throughout the room.

The door opened again, and a middle-aged balding man looked inside and called out, "Brian Kendrick?"

Every guy in the room burst out laughing, while Brian looked like he was about to burst into tears. He raised his hand feebly, all the while looking like he was going to his execution.

The man at the door nodded and turned to look back down the hall.

"I found him, Miss Hilton...he's in here."

"Miss WHO?!" Adam squawked indignantly.

"No way...it's gotta be a coincidence," John assured everyone.

He had to eat his words when Paris Hilton appeared in the doorway and walked over to a dumbstruck Brian Kendrick.

"Come on, Brian...let's go have some fun," she grinned flirtatiously at him, and proceeded to drag him out of the room. As he neared the door, Brian turned back to the others.

"If I don't show up for Monday's RAW...well...don't come looking for me!" he giggled giddily and was gone.

Silence pervaded the room after Brian's departure, broken only by John's statement of, "Ok, NOT fair!"

The door opened again and every jaw in the room dropped when former Diva Torrie Wilson walked in.

"Oh, Phil...time to go," she grinned, trailing off as she stood in the doorway in a long, deep pink off-the-shoulder evening gown with a thigh-high slit down the left side.

C. M. Punk gave the others a goofy grin.

"Gotta go!" he said cheerily, and practically ran for the door.

The door shut behind him and silence enveloped the room, only to finally be broken by Chris Jericho.

"Wait...Punk and Torrie? When did Mr. Straight-Edge bag the Boise Belle?"

"Who cares about them?" Adam snapped. "Him leaving means intermission's over and the rest of us are gonna meet our fates next."

That statement was enough to make everyone in the room stop and think about what was to come.

Up Next: Bachelors 11 through 15 go on the block!

R&R!