Chapter Four – I Just Want to Celebrate Living In the USA
The sun was shining brightly, not a cloud in the sky; birds were chirping their morning songs and the lake was gleaming like a jewel as the sunlight shone down upon it. A light late spring breeze grazed through the Wisconsin woods. It was the perfect day for a graduation.
Laurie was the first to awake; she grabbed her clothes and began putting them back on. Fez slept soundly next to her. Smiling to herself as she watched him, she pulled her shirt over her head and pulled the hem down before leaning over Fez and gracing him with a soft wake up kiss. Fez stirred but didn't arouse. Shaking her head at him, she quietly scooted closer to the front of the van. Reaching for the keys Kelso left in the ignition, she turned the van on idyll so she could listen to some music. Turning the volume up a little, Laurie soon began to sway to the beat of the song and hum as it played on the air waves.
Summer breeze makes me feel fine
Blowin' through the jasmine in my mind
Summer breeze makes me feel fine
Blowin' though the jasmine in my mind
See the paper layin' on the sidewalk
A little music from the house next door
So I walk on up to the doorstep
Through the screen and across the floor
As the song went on, she began to slowly sing along with the chorus.
"Summer breeze makes me feel fine
Blowin' through the jasmine in my mind
Summer breeze makes me feel fine
Blowin' through the jasmine in my mind"
Fez stirred once again, this time fluttering his eyes open. Squinting as the bright sunlight hurt his eyes for a moment; Fez sat up and looked around trying to decipher where he was and what had happened. His eyes soon focused on Laurie and he smiled over at her. She lazily smiled back and continued to sing along with the song. Fez began to look around for his clothes and quickly found and put them on. As soon as he was clothed, he sat next to Laurie taking her hand in his. Bringing it to his lips, he lightly kissed the back of her hand and said, "Good morning jasmine in my mind."
Ruefully smiling to herself, Laurie returned the greeting. "Morning Fez."
"Well, today's the day," he said with nervous excitement.
"Yep, it sure is," Laurie nodded. "You ready to get married?"
"You bet my green card I am," he replied.
Sitting in silence with only the radio playing some advertisements, they sat there in Kelso's van holding hands letting the day's future events sink into their minds. Just then the disco jockey was back on air. "This is WFPP the Sound rocking you out this gorgeous Friday morning in May. It's ten to eight in the morning and here's Aerosmith with—"
"Whoa! Fez, did you hear that?" asked Laurie as her eyes widen.
"That we're being rocked out by Aerosmith this beautiful Friday morning in May?" he asked in response.
"No," she shook her head. "It's ten minutes to eight." Fez gave her a puzzled look. "7:50 a.m. We gotta leave now if we want to make it back to town in time to get to the courthouse."
"Well, let's shake a foot and get this hunk-a, hunk-a burning love machine going then!" Fez exclaimed.
Scurrying to the front seats, Laurie got in the driver's seat while Fez climbed into the passenger seat. Turning the engine from idyll to on, Laurie soon switched the gears from park to drive and sped out of the Wisconsin woods, following the path that would lead them back onto the blacktop park road which would in turn lead them to the state highway and to the county seat where the courthouse sat waiting for the crazy loveless pair to arrive.
Approximately two and a half hours later, the gang was still asleep . . . or quietly lying awake. The sun had risen higher in the bright blue sky, the wind still blew a gentle breeze, not a cloud had yet to be spotted in the clear blue sky, and the lake shimmered from the bright warm sunshine. Mother Nature was most definitely out and about, letting her little alarm clocks chirp to their hearts content.
Donna awoke to the sounds of birds chirping and the lake water lapping against the shore. Fluttering her eyelids for a moment, she finally and slowly opened them, letting her eyes adjust to the daylight. Staring up at the tent's ceiling as her eyes focused, Donna slowly began to recall where she was. Turning over onto her side, she faced a sleeping Eric. A smile slowly grew across her face as she quietly watched him sleep. His chest gradually rose and fell as he breathed; his eyelids rapidly fluttered. Clearly he was in a deep sleep.
After watching him for a few minutes, Donna began to reminisce on their past. She thought back to the day they first met; their first day of first grade; their fourth grade year when they were on the same kickball team and finally beat the fifth graders; the seventh grade Sweethearts dance when her parents made her go (and wear a dress) and she, Eric, Hyde, and Kelso slipped outside to play basketball on the nearby playground, only to sneak back in when the dance ended so their parents could pick them up; and sophomore year when they began to realize they had other real feelings for each other—the kind that went beyond mere friendship. She sighed as she recalled the next two years—their first kiss; their first date; their first time; prom; their breakup and attempts to being just friends; her parents separation and divorce; the Casey Kelso months; California.
Donna exhaled as she remembered last summer. Driving all the way there with Kelso at the helm of his van; her mom's (and Tina's) surprise reaction to her arrival; her lonely days spent with Kelso and Annette or her little sister, Tina; the day Eric arrived and the drive back with him and Kelso; her dad's thankfulness for her return yet determination to stick to his guns and punish her somehow.
Catholic school—she chuckled at the memory of it and that damn Catholic school girl uniform. She couldn't help but recall how all the guys ogled over her in that outfit, making her bend over to pick things up that they "accidentally" dropped; although, Fez was the most creative when he faked tripping and fell down only to sneak a snapshot up her skirt. The little perv was clever, she thought.
However, she was surprise that Jackie never acted or showed that she was jealous because Donna was getting all the attention from the guys when she wore her uniform. Then again, Donna thought, she is a cheerleader and has THAT uniform. But, maybe Hyde did change her. Donna thought about that for a moment.
Jackie and Hyde—who would have thought those two would make a good couple? Granted they were opposites, but lately they've become more the same. It was weird in a way, but now it was weirder for them to be apart. Donna recalled how upset she and Eric were when they first found out about them, and how neither one had the guts to tell Kelso. And when Kelso found out, he was mad (and rightly so); there almost didn't seem to be a large enough bowl of pudding for him to wallow his sorrows in. But the initial shock wore off, and after a good heart to heart with Jackie did Donna understand and realize things. Though, it was still odd there for a while. Then things seemed to calm down; everyone got along for a while, but looking back now, it was only the calm before the storm.
Annette, Donna recalled thoughtfully. Kelso had to bring out the big guns using her. In some small way, Donna did feel bad for the girl; after all, Kelso only used her in hopes to bed her and bag Jackie. Ironically neither happened, although he did cause a major split between the odd couple. They got back together, but only for two and a half months until Kelso flubbed it up again. Stupid Kelso, Donna couldn't help but think.
Then again, Jackie did seem to give Kelso mixed signals, whether she realized it or not. Granted the girl did like a certain amount of attention, but this wasn't exactly the type she needed. She needs to set them straight, Donna thought to herself as she noticed Eric stirring next to her. I'm gonna have to tell that midget she needs to tell Kelso that it's really over for good.
But just then, interrupting her thoughts, Eric awoke and smiled at her. "Hey beautiful," he greeted her.
Shaken out of her thoughts, Donna replied with a small smile, "Hey right back at ya handsome."
Stretching and yawning, Eric sat up. "Man, I don't know if it was the fresh air or the stick that was poking me in the back all night, but I had the best sleep ever."
Chuckling, Donna shook her head. "Good to know. Hey, you still have your watch on you?"
"Uh . . . yep, sure do," Eric replied as he turned his arm towards himself and looked at it.
"So, what time is it?" Donna asked after a minute.
"Well, it looks like it's a quarter past a freckle," he returned jokingly.
Rolling her eyes at his snarky reply, Donna said, "Give me your arm." Raising it before her, she peered at his watch. Wrinkling her brow and squinting her eyes, she focused them on the watch's hands. Widening them, Donna stared at the watch. "10:35!! Eric! We have an hour and fifteen minute drive back home, and we have to be at school no later than 5:30 in our caps and gowns!"
"Donna, relax," Eric reassured her. "We'll have plenty of time to get home and cleaned up."
"Eric, it's gonna take us almost an hour to break up camp and get everything packed and loaded."
"So, that'll take us to what? 1:15?" he asked.
"Yeah, but you didn't put into perspective that this is our group of friends," she returned as she folded her arms across her chest.
Silence filled the tent for a moment. "Did I say 1:15? I meant 3:30," he answered as if it was a silly thing to suggest in the first place.
Donna nodded her head. "Uh yeah," she retorted. "And that gives us maybe two hours to get ready."
"Yeah, so we should go and make sure everyone's up," Eric said as he got out of their big sleeping bag.
"Yeah, let's go do that," she agreed as she got out of the sleeping bag and followed him out of the tent.
Getting up and stretching, Donna and Eric looked around their campsite. It was peaceful—which was odd considering their company. Close to the ashes from last night's campfire, a stuffed sleeping bag lay. Looking at each other for a moment, Eric and Donna silently nodded their heads in agreement, a smirk gracing their lips. Just then Donna shouted, "Omigod, the Lady of the Lake!" Eric let out a high pitched scream.
Instantly, Kelso scrambled up and out of his sleeping bag, startled and disheveled, as he began to frantically look around his surroundings. "Dude! Not the Lady of the Lake!" Kelso exclaimed. Eric and Donna laughed.
Jackie and Hyde both poked their heads out of their respected tents; neither one looking all too pleased to be awoken in such a fashion. "Donna, some people are trying to get some form of beauty sleep staked out in the middle of freaking nowhere!" Jackie reprimanded her best friend.
"Kelso man, put some damn pants on for crying out loud," Hyde barked at his goofy best friend.
Eric snickered. "Yeah, we really don't need to see you pantless."
"Well, now that you all are up," Donna broke in with a menacing cheery smile, "we need to eat breakfast and dismantle camp. It's like quarter to eleven and we need to get moving people!"
"Fine," Hyde gruffly remarked, "but Kelso better get some pants on pronto!"
"Fine," Kelso replied with a roll of his eyes, "but if the Lady of the Lake took them, it's not my fault if I return pantless."
Arching an eyebrow, Hyde stared at the tall one for a moment before answering him. "Yes it is, you moron. You should have grabbed them last night when you came running back into camp."
"Well, if I would've bent down to get them, the scary Lady of the Lake would've gotten me. She screams then she kills, Hyde!"
"Michael! Just go and get your damn pants back on!" Jackie yelled at him.
"Alright, I'm going!" he returned as he turned to leave camp for the lake shore.
"Yeah, well she would've done the rest of us a favor if she had!" Hyde bellowed to Kelso's disappearing form as he got out of his tent.
Eric laughed while Donna crossed her arms. "That is so true, Hyde."
"Guys!" Donna shrieked in annoyance. "Great! That's gonna cost us a good thirty minutes because we know how Kelso is with directions."
"Uh Donna, I think you mean things in general," Jackie amended.
"Fine whatever," Donna replied with an eye roll as she uncrossed her arms and waved them in the air momentarily exasperated. "Look, you two dillholes can go down to the lake and make sure he finds his damn pants and puts them on. Then, you three stooges can get back here to help pack up. Think you can handle that?"
"We'll see you in a little bit, love bug," Eric answered as he walked towards Hyde. Putting an arm around Hyde's shoulders as he turned Hyde around towards the lake, they began walking.
"What's Donna's deal, Forman?" Hyde questioned his surrogate brother.
"Eh, she's just hungry. She can be a real bear if she isn't fed at certain times," Eric answered nonchalantly. "That and she's worried about getting back in time to get ready for graduation."
"So I see," replied Hyde. (a beat) "No campfire under the stars nookie, huh?"
"Yeah," Eric paused, "never happened. Y'know why? Because I had these stupid little images of Fez and Laurie doing it, which I really must thank you and Kelso for . . . all night long."
"No problem at all, man," Hyde chided him with a cocky smirk. "In fact, it was my pleasure."
Eric returned the smirk. "Yeah, well I wasn't the only one who missed out on some night moves last night, am I Hyde?"
Hyde's eyebrows narrowed knowing that Eric had his number. "Hey, that wasn't by choice," he returned quickly. "If she would just trust me—"
Eric laughed. "Um, yeah, I think she did, but uh, you didn't trust her. So who's calling the kettle black, huh? Oh yeah—the pothead!"
Glaring at his surrogate brother, Hyde defended himself. "I trust her."
"No you don't," Eric volleyed back, "especially around Kelso."
"Would you?" Hyde fired back as they neared the lake. "Always throwing himself at her; always throwing it in my face that he had her first. C'mon Forman, you dealt with a Kelso once before too, if I'm not mistaken."
Eric paused for a second as the memories of things gone past somehow rushed to the forefront of his mind. He closed his eyes briefly and exhaled as he began his pace again. "You're right, Hyde, I did. But the difference is Casey realized he really wasn't in love with Donna; Kelso, on the other hand, has unresolved and unrequited feelings for Jackie."
Hyde stopped walking for a minute. "Unrequited feelings?" he questioned Forman.
Eric stopped walking for a minute too and turned to face Hyde. "Yeah man, cos all she could babble on about last night was you."
"Huh," he ejaculated aloud. So I still have a shot, he thought.
"Look, she'll get over this in time," Eric reassured his best friend, "and yeah, she'll probably throw it in your face when you screw up big time, but she wants you, Hyde."
Just as Hyde was about to respond, Kelso came flying up towards them, tossing his pants at them as he zoomed past. "What the hell?" Eric questioned, but just as the words left his mouth, a small long cotton-mouth snake slithered out from Kelso's pant leg. Hyde's eyes widen beneath his shades while Eric's did the same. Ejecting a yelp of surprise, Eric pushed Hyde out of the way and followed Kelso's dusty trail back to camp. Hyde stood there for a moment longer before swiftly swiping the pants and darting away from the snake. Shaking his heads at the big babies, he cried, "Kelso, you big baby! You forgot your pants!" a mischievous smirk soon gracing his face. Barely nodding his head, he knew just what to do with Kelso's pants when he returned to camp.
Just as the boys came hurrying back to camp, the girls had all the sleeping bags rolled up and in a pile ready to be hauled to the van. They were about to take down a tent when they heard male voices. "Well, sounds like the three stooges have returned," jested Donna to Jackie.
Nodding her head in agreement, Jackie pretended not to notice Hyde wasn't with Michael and Eric. "So, the dumbasses have returned," she greeted them as they ran into camp.
Breathless, Eric heaved, "Huh?"
Both girls rolled their eyes. "Kelso," Donna said sternly, "where the hell are your pants?"
"Ah crap!" Kelso exclaimed. "Well, I would've put them on, Donna, but a snake was living in them," he explained to the girls who had now stood crossing their arms.
"A snake, Michael?" Jackie questioned.
"Yeah Jackie, a snake," Kelso established. "Eric, tell them it's true."
"Yeah, he had a snake in his pants," Eric confirmed, "but he pretty much scared the crap outta me when he flung his pants at me!"
Amidst the girls' snickers, Hyde rejoined the group and admonished Eric loudly. "Calm down, Erica. It was only a water moccasin," he said with a roll of his eyes as if it was no big deal. "Kelso man, I believe these are yours," he said holding up Kelso's pants. "I am not riding in a vehicle with you until you put the damn things on. So here," he directed as he chucked the pants at Kelso, "put 'em on."
Ejaculating a high-pitched yelp, Kelso jumped about three feet back; Hyde smirked. "Dude, where the hell did you get that?" he asked too scared to find out if a snake was still in a pant leg or not.
"Well, ahem, you dropped them and I believe you were told several times to PUT THEM ON!" Hyde cried unnerved.
"Well, would you put them on if a snake had been living in them?" Kelso questioned in reply.
"Yes!"
"Well, okay then," Kelso answered smally as he grabbed his pants off the ground and opened up the waistband. Sliding one leg into a pant leg, Kelso stepped into the other pant leg and pulled his pants up before fastening the button and zipping it.
"Now that you've got your pants on again, Kelso," Donna began as she pulled out a tent stake on the tent she and Jackie were working on, "you guys can help take down the tents."
"But what about breakfast?" asked Kelso as he began pulling up tent stakes.
"We'll eat after the tents are down and packed up," Donna answered as she pulled up the last tent stake.
"So, what's for breakfast?" asked Hyde as he pulled out a stake for Eric.
"Some of Mrs. Forman's blueberry muffins," answered Jackie as she gathered up Donna's fallen tent.
"Hey guys," called Eric as he wrapped up the rope, "last one to have their tent packed up gets leftover graham crackers for breakfast."
"You're on, Forman," cried Hyde as he pulled the last tent stake out. "And may the best man win."
As the guys began vying for the blueberry muffins, the girls folded up their tent. Looking over at the guys scrambling to get their tents down and packed, Jackie commented. "Look at those idiots go, Donna."
Donna looked over at the boys and laughed. "Oh the things they'll do for food."
Jackie smirked. "Yeah, too bad there's only enough for you and me."
"What?!"
"Yeah, there's only enough for you and me, Donna," she returned with an eye roll. "The guys are just stuck with graham crackers."
"JACKIE!" Donna cried in a loud whisper as they carried their tent supplies over to the sleeping bag pile and sat it down. "What happened to the rest? There was enough for everyone to have two."
"Well, I thought you'd have like twice that or something," Jackie admitted.
Donna rolled her eyes. "Thanks midget."
"Well, don't be such a moosey lumberjack then," Jackie returned.
"Midget."
"Moose."
"Midget."
"Moose."
"Bitch."
"Lumberjack."
"Bitch."
"Lumberjack."
"Bitch."
"Bitch."
"Okay, ladies," Eric interrupted them, "the tents are down and packed and we're hungry, so where's the food?"
Donna and Jackie stopped name calling and looked at each other. "The muffins?" Jackie questioned.
"Uh yeah, the muffins," returned Eric with a quizzical look.
"Oh well, uh, um," Jackie stuttered.
"The muffins are, uh," Donna began as she looked to Jackie again for help.
"In the van," Jackie finished for her. "They're in the van."
"WHAT?!" all three guys yelled.
Slightly shrugging to her best friend, Jackie stared at Donna wide-eyed trying to figure out what to do next. Donna barely shook her head at her and answered the guys. "Yeah, they're in the van. We just realized that's where we left them last night."
"Yeah, so if we haul everything to the van, we can eat and be on our way home," Jackie answered. "Cos whew! Boy do we need to shower!"
Furrowing their brows, Eric and Hyde looked at one another confused yet skeptical. Kelso remained out in leftfield for the time being. "Okay," Eric slowly replied.
"So you mean to tell us that the rest of the food's in the van?" asked Hyde as he looked at the two girls. They nodded their heads in the affirmative.
"Alright, so everyone grab some stuff," Kelso announced, "and the last one to the van is a rotten egg who gets nothing for breakfast!"
The guys quickly gathered up the tents or sleeping bags or coolers and raced off towards the van leaving the girls behind. Jackie and Donna stared after the guys as they headed for the van. Shaking their heads, they grabbed the last of the supplies, including the bag with the muffins in them. Just as they caught up with the boys and came up to the spot where the van was supposed to be, everyone stopped in their tracks and dropped their things. "Where's the van?" asked Jackie as everyone looked around.
"Dude, where's my car?" Kelso asked, perplexed by its disappearance.
"Kelso, where did you leave the keys?" asked Eric as he looked over at Kelso out of the corner of his eyes.
"In the ignition," Kelso answered not seeing what was wrong with that.
Everyone else rolled their eyes. "Kelso!" Hyde snarled with barely a trace of zen, "why were the keys in the van?"
"Because if I leave them in my pocket, it distracts from my natural bulge," Kelso returned with a roll of his eyes. "Duh, Hyde."
Hyde looked like he was about to kick Kelso's ass when Donna asked the obvious question. "Where the hell is Fez and Laurie?"
Standing in front of the Circuit Clerk's desk, Laurie and Fez just finished answering some questions as they were asked to produce a photo id. "Here you go," Fez said to the clerk as he handed him his driver's license. "Now, is there anything else you need?"
"Nope, that should do it," answered the clerk as he copied down the information he needed before handing Fez back his driver's license. "Now, do you crazy kids want to wait for a judge, or if you'd like, I can do the service for you too."
Laurie looked over at Fez and shrugged; Fez looked at Laurie before looking back at the clerk. "We'll wait for a judge," he answered with a small nod.
"You sure?" questioned the clerk. "I can see if one's available or when one will be available."
"Well, how long will it take for you to issue us a license?" asked Laurie as she stuck her hands into her back jeans pockets.
"Usually about thirty minutes and it's ready," returned the clerk. "And the wait for a judge could be just minutes or hours or days. Just depends on when one has a free moment."
"So what does this cost us again?" asked Fez.
"Well, for the license it'll be seventy-five dollars," answered the clerk, "and for the ceremony, it's another twenty for that."
"Ay! Ninety-five dollars?!" cried Fez. "Just for a piece of paper to get married?!"
"Afraid so," replied the Circuit Clerk. "At least it's cheaper than a full blown marriage ceremony. You kids are smart for taking the easy way out."
Laurie rolled her eyes at Fez as he slightly nodded his head in agreement and shrugged his shoulders in slight confusion, a goofy smile spread across his face. Sighing in annoyance, Laurie asked, "So can you see if a judge is available?"
The clerk nodded; picking up the phone, he dialed a number and waited for someone to pick up on the other end. Smiling at the patient couple as he waited, he heard someone pick up on the other end of the receiver. "Hello Ellen, do you know when Judge Andres has fifteen minutes free today?. . .I have a couple wanting to get married today." He looked down at the papers in front of him, tapping the eraser end of his pencil on the desk. "Uh-huh, oh sure. Hmm. . .about 2:30. Okay, let me check with them, hold on."
Looking up at Laurie and Fez, the clerk held the phone in his hand, covered the receiver with his hand and asked, "Will 2:30 this afternoon work for you two?"
Fez looked at Laurie and Laurie scrunched her face slightly as she shrugged her shoulders, obviously not caring. "I don't care; I don't have anything bet. . .uh, else going on."
Answering for them, Fez told the clerk, "2:30 works for us."
"Alright," said the clerk as he uncovered the receiver and talked into it. "Okay, it's a go. Schedule a marriage ceremony at 2:30 for him. . .Alright. Thanks."
"Okay, you kids are scheduled at 2:30 to see Judge Andres and get yourselves hitched," the clerk informed them. "Why don't you kids go across the street to the little restaurant and get you some lunch. Come back around two o'clock and check in."
"Okay," they answered and grabbed their jackets before leaving the courthouse.
"Well, wherever they are, they've got the van," answered Eric stating the other obvious.
"Very good detective dumbass," jested Hyde.
"Great," Jackie sighed in frustration. "We're stuck out here in the middle of freaking nowhere with no way of getting home."
"I can't believe the Lady of the Lake got Fez and Laurie," Kelso stated while everyone turned to look at him.
"Well, I can't believe we're gonna miss graduation," sighed Donna.
"Man, we need a plan," Eric stated as he tried to think of one. "Cos I'm not staying here and missing out on my graduation. God knows I'll have a foot up my ass if I don't show."
Pursing his lips, Hyde nodded in agreement. "Yeah, and if you get one, I'll get one because we're both graduating."
Donna snickered. "Yeah, Mrs. Forman will want a picture of her 'baby boys all grown up'."
Jackie snickered too. "Ah, won't that be cute!"
Kelso chuckled. "Yeah, it'll be just like that time Eric and Hyde had to take that bubble bath together."
Eric and Hyde shared a looked. Nodding their heads in silent agreement, they walked over to Kelso, standing on either side of him. Taking his cue from Hyde, Eric curled his hand into a fist and simultaneously they frogged Kelso. "Damn guys!" he shrieked. Both Eric and Hyde smirked. "That's what happens to people who mention that God awful story," replied Hyde sternly.
"Well blame Eric cos he's the one who told all of us about that," Kelso returned in his defense as he rubbed both of his biceps.
Eric raised an eyebrow at Kelso. "Okay, let's focus here. We need to find a way to get home and get to graduation on time. So let's stop worrying and figure something out."
"Why don't we take all of this crap up to the main road and try to hitch hike back," suggested Hyde.
"Ugh! I am not hitch hiking a ride back to town with some freak," Jackie stated flatly.
"Well then you can stay right here, princess," Hyde sneered in return.
"No way man, we need her and Donna to flag someone down," Kelso matter-of-factly stated to the group.
Donna furrowed her brow. "Whoa, whoa, whoa. What do you mean, 'we need Jackie and Donna to flag someone down', huh? Why don't you," she pointed at Kelso, "stand next to the road and stick your thumb out to hitch hike?"
"Wait, that's not a bad idea," he replied thoughtfully. Snapping his fingers he added, "But only if there's a hot babe driving a car or something."
Donna rolled her eyes in disbelief and annoyance. "Kelso, you're the king," she muttered.
"Okay, I agree with Hyde," Eric announced trying to get the conversation back in focus. "Surely we'll be able to find a ride there. I mean, it's our only hope."
"Unless we go to the convenience store and use the phone to call one of your parents up," suggested Jackie.
"Have you learned nothing from us?" questioned Hyde. "We can't call the Formans; they'll freak."
"And Red's foot would be up all our asses," Donna joined in. She chuckled, "He'd probably think Fez kidnapped Laurie to explain why they're not here with us or something."
"To be fair, they are a pervy couple, if you stop and think about it," Eric added.
"Yeah, Laurie likes to do it, and Fez would like to be doing it," laughed Kelso.
Jackie rolled her eyes and huffed before grabbing her things and walking away.
"Jackie!" Donna cried. "Where are you going?"
"To the main road, Donna!" she yelled back. "You guys can stand here all day and talk all you want, but I'm getting home and showering!"
Nodding their heads and shrugging their shoulders, the others decided she was right and picked up their belongings and followed her to the main road. Once they reached the main road, Kelso dropped his things, clapped his hands together, and said, "Alright ladies, turn on you foxiness and get us a ride home!"
Glaring at him, both Donna and Jackie smacked him hard on the arm.
"Michael!"
"Kelso!"
"What?" he innocently asked.
Rolling his eyes not quite believing his choice in friends, Hyde noticed a vehicle coming down the road towards them. "Hey guys, here comes a car."
Stopping what they were doing, all eyes shifted to the approaching vehicle.
"Dude, is it a woman or a man driving?" quietly asked Kelso.
"Who cares!" shrieked Eric. "We need a ride home, man!"
"Well, I don't know if I need to anti-up my foxitude or not," Kelso merely stated. Peering at the oncoming car, Kelso announced, "It's a guy. So, Donna, Jackie, it's all up to you."
Jackie narrowed her eyes and furrowed her brow in disgust at him. "God, I can't believe I ever dated you! You're such a pig!"
Donna nodded her head in agreement. "And a stupid tool," she added.
"Well, will you two just flag down this car?" Eric asked impatiently as the car grew closer to them.
"Fine!" the girls shouted at him. Turning around to face the oncoming car, both girls instantly transformed from the ticked off not too thrilled look on their faces to a pleasant, innocent, and almost sultry looking one. Turning on the charm, the girls gave their best smiles just as the car approached them. Tilting their heads almost seductively, curling their lips into cute pouty smiles, and standing akimbo they extended their arms and stuck up a thumb each. The driver of the car acknowledged them by nodding his head and waving at them as he passed by. Soon after he passed them, he honked the horn and slammed on the gas.
"Super jerk!" hollered Jackie after the driver waving a small fist at him.
Donna glared after him. "Moron!" she screamed.
"Okay, so that didn't go too good," Eric pointed out.
"Did you see the way he was checking them out though?" questioned Kelso. "He definitely thought they were hot."
Hyde socked Kelso hard in the bicep. "Damn Hyde!" exclaimed Kelso as he grabbed his upper arm.
"Kelso, shut up!" Hyde instructed his moronic friend.
"Okay, I think I see another car coming down the road," Donna informed the gang as she shielded her eyes from the mid-spring sun. "It looks like a farm truck."
"Well, you know the drill, Donna," Kelso told her. "Get your thumb out, stick out your chest, and smile."
Shoving him as hard as she could, Donna informed Kelso via yelling, "Y'know what, Kelso, get your dumb ass on the side of the road and stick out your damn thumb!"
"Ah!" shrieked Kelso. "First off, everyone knows guys drive trucks, not women, so just go ahead and do it, Donna."
Eyes emblazing, Donna's look was to kill. "Kelso, god you're such a chauvinistic dillhole! No wonder the women's movement took so long to get moving! Idiots like you keep holding us back!"
Not paying attention to the ensuing argument going on behind them, Eric, Jackie, and Hyde all stepped to the side of the road and stuck out a thumb. The truck visibly began to slow down up ahead. Jackie sighed and rolled her eyes as Donna and Kelso continued to go at it. Eric and Hyde nodded their heads in complete understanding. As the truck slowly approached them, Hyde turned and gave the fighting duo a stern glare. "Will you two shut your pieholes?!"
Stopping their argument, Kelso and Donna stared confusedly at Hyde as he turned his attention back to the road. Just as they were about to ask what the hell, the farm truck pulled up next to Eric, Jackie, and Hyde stopping to see what they needed. Ready to turn on his charm, Eric stepped up to the truck. Slowly the passenger side window rolled down in front of him. Ignoring Eric, the driver gave a nod to Jackie, and then one to Hyde.
"So," the female driver casually said to Hyde as she was still leaning over the passenger seat of the truck, "what are you doing out here at this time of day?"
Clearing his throat, Hyde replied, "Well, my friends and I were camping out here last night and one of my friends took off with my other friend's van leaving the rest of us here."
Chuckling to herself, she returned, "Good burn."
Smirking to himself, "Yeah, it was. But the problem is we're graduating tonight and we need to get back to town for the ceremony."
"So you need a lift?" she asked.
"Yeah, we sure do," Jackie chimed in, not liking how this chick was ogling over her Steven.
Pursing his lips together in a tight smirk, Hyde softly nudged Jackie before answering, "Could you give us all a lift?"
"Well," she said with slight hesitation in her voice as she looked over at Kelso and Donna and then to Eric and Jackie before looking back at Hyde, "I could do that. I don't have a whole lot of space, but you could probably squeeze in tight or something."
The gang looked at each other and shrugged. Letting out a light exhale of air, Hyde turned and faced the friendly driver. "That's cool."
Smirking to herself for a second then seeming puzzled by his remark, the driver replied, "Okay. So where are you all heading?"
"Point Place," answered Hyde.
She whistled lowly. "Wow, you guys really got screwed. Well, I can get you as far as Franklin, and that's about thirty minutes from here."
"Hey, that'll do," Hyde returned.
"Alright, then hop on in," she said as she reached over and opened the passenger side door. "Put everything in the back. Some may have to ride back there too."
"Cool," muttered Hyde as everyone grabbed their things and packed it in the bed of the truck. As soon as the gang's supplies were loaded, Donna and Kelso hopped on the back while Hyde climbed into the cab of the truck. Jackie squeezed her way between the truck and Eric and hopped inside the truck, sliding in next to Hyde.
"Jackie, what the hell?" exclaimed Eric as he stood in the doorway looking in.
"Sorry Eric, but you snooze you lose," Jackie replied with a pout and a shrug.
Hyde arched an eyebrow and smirked in mild amusement. "Well Forman, you're skinny enough so you just might fit," he told his best friend having a hunch that this could be an entertaining truck ride.
Eric made a face at Hyde. "Yeah, whatever man," he replied slightly annoyed as he got in the truck scooting in next to Jackie before slamming the door shut. "Jackie, scoot over or something, I'm squooshed."
"Uh, Eric, if you would sit in the back, you wouldn't be squooshed," Jackie returned with a flash of don't mess with me right now look in her eyes as they began to travel down the highway.
"Well maybe if you didn't squeeze yourself in here next to Hyde," Eric began to throw back at her before another nasty look stopped him from finishing his sentence.
"Look, I'm fine," their female chauffeur commented. "In fact, there's a little room over here. Hyde, scoot over so your jealous girlfriend and your friend will stop arguing."
Hyde's eyes widen in shock and horror; for he knew what was going through Jackie's little obsessed mind about the friendly female driver sitting to his left and flirting with him. Trying to play it cool, he replied, "She's not my girlfriend."
Jackie seemed slightly hurt, but she dared not show it in front of some stranger; some stranger who happened to be a cute little farm girl driving a truck and hitting on her boyfriend — ex-boyfriend. And if Steven wanted to play Who's More Zen, then she would show him. Casually rolling her eyes, she replied, "He's not my boyfriend."
Eric eyed the two for a second. Obviously they're playing their favorite game, he thought, Who's More Zen. Shaking his head to clear his mind, Eric looked out his window to the wide open fields passing by as the warm late spring breeze blew into the truck and muttered, "This is going to be a long ride home."
The truck driver snickered. Biting her bottom lip, she asked, "So you're not dating each other? Funny cos the way you two are acting, there's more sexual attraction between you to power a KISS AND Aerosmith concert tour."
Hyde and Jackie knitted their brows and turned to look at each other. If someone had a Kodak camera and took a picture with it, that picture would have been worth over a thousand words. So much was said in just one look that as soon as their blue hued eyes stop talking to one another, Jackie and Hyde looked away.
"Pft. Whatever," Hyde replied all zen-like as he folded his arms across his chest.
Jackie rolled her eyes in disgust. "WE were never 'whatever', Steven," she said icily. "WE had a real relationship; a relationship that you," she pointed accusingly at him, "ruined by cheating on me with some slutty nurse."
"Oh God," Eric sighed in a sing song voice as he closed his eyes momentarily.
Hyde let out a heavy sigh. "Man, you just don't get it, do you?" he asked as he turned to face her. "I made a mistake, big whoop. I've apologized for it like a thousand times. What more do you want, Jackie?"
Jackie held her breath for a moment then slowly exhaling it through her nose before answering him. "Look, I just want you to trust me. Trust ME," she said as she placed a small hand on her heart.
Trust her, Donna said in his mind. Hyde inhaled sharply before exhaling heavily again. "Why don't you get that? I trust you, I just don't. . ."
"Don't you dare say Michael!" Jackie fired back quickly, "because that's bull. Your actions always speak louder than your words, Steven."
"Fine, y'know what," Hyde breathed at her, "just believe what you want to believe. I'm tired of arguing with you over it."
Next to Hyde a low whistle was heard. "Oh man," their driver whispered to herself. "That's a fine pickle you've gotten yourself into."
Eric chuckled. "Man, will you two just shut up about your dysfunctional relationship?"
"Oh please, like yours is any better," Jackie scoffed. "Who wants to be married straight out of high school?"
"You most likely," Eric spat back.
Jackie glared at him. "Well, at least I'd pick a better fiancé than a scrawny neighbor boy."
Hyde's mouth instantly formed an 'O' as he was impressed by Jackie's sweet burn on Forman as his chest slightly reverberated from small chuckles.
A leering smile spread across Eric's face. "Such as who? The scruffy orphan boy who lives in the scrawny one's basement writing angry letters to the government under a single sixty watt light bulb? Cos good luck tying him down," he returned in a jeering remark.
Jackie gave Eric the evil eye. "Oh, just you wait," she barely whispered.
The driver shook her head trying not to laugh. After all, it was comical to hear these three argue and burn one another even if the subject matter was a sore one.
"Look," she said as she kept her eyes on the road and continued driving, "I know you're all trying to solve the mysteries of the world, but could you keep it to a minimum? It's kinda distracting."
"Distracting?" Jackie asked as she leaned forward to look at her. "Why so you can keep ogling at my boyfriend?"
"Don't you mean ex-boyfriend?" returned their driver as she glanced over at Jackie and then Hyde.
Taken aback by her remark, Jackie scoffed. "Whatever." Falling back into the seat, Jackie crossed her arms over her chest and stared out the window. The rest of the trip was silent.
Just as they were within Franklin city limits, Eric sighed, "Man, I'm starving!" All eyes landed on him.
The driver snickered. "I'll drop you guys off at the local restaurant so you can eat some lunch," she announced. "You shouldn't have a problem finding a ride back to Point Place from there either."
As they pulled into Franklin, houses and the downtown businesses passed them by. Slowing down to a stop in front of the restaurant, their driver shifted the truck into park. "Well, this is it," she informed them. "I highly recommend the cheeseburger with the works, minus the pickles though." She winked.
Hyde, Jackie, and Eric nodded. "Thanks," they all said.
"No problem, and good luck getting home in time for graduation," she wished them as they began to pile out of the cab.
"Thanks again, man," Hyde turned around and said to her.
"Like I said, not a problem," she smiled. "And, a word of advice, make up with that girl. Do whatever it takes. But if it doesn't work out, look me up."
Hyde smirked as he chuckled and shut the door. Walking round to the back end, he helped the others unload their supplies. As soon as the last of it was unloaded, Hyde waved to their driver signaling they had everything unloaded. As she pulled away, Donna said, "Guys, for the love of God, don't leave me alone with Kelso again. I started having déjà vu flashbacks from last summer. And it was scary."
They snickered and sympathized with her while Kelso looked on. "What?" he questioned them as they broke out into laughter.
"Guys, let's eat," Eric said as they piled their stuff just outside the door and entered the restaurant without Kelso who lost to rock, paper, scissors to determine the guard of their belongings. "Fez and Laurie suck," he muttered to himself wondering where they disappeared to.
Sitting in the hallway waiting for the judge, Laurie and Fez sat idly with nervous anticipation. Laurie sighed as she looked around the dimly lit hallway at the different wall hangings; her arms folded across her chest as she lightly tapped them with her fingers, obviously bored out of her mind. Fez sat next to her in his chair, his hands folded together and resting on his thighs; his legs open and his feet tapping a beat to a disco drum. Bopping his head to the music in his mind, he began to sway his hips in time to the music. Softly at first then rising with a crescendo, Fez began to sing, "Guantalamara. La la la Guantalamara. Guantalamara! Yo soy. . ."
Laurie looked at Fez and nudged him with her elbow. "Fez! Cut that out!" she hissed at him.
Just as Fez was about to remark, the judge stepped outside his office to greet them. He was a big man with chocolate milk colored skin, a bald head, and a neatly trimmed beard that had a touch of silver frost on it. His long black robe hung off his shoulders and flowed around the circumference of his waist. He looked down at the odd couple in front of him and smiled. "Ah, the young couple who is getting married today. Shall we step inside my office?" he greeted them as he gestured a hand in the direction of his office.
Fez and Laurie looked up at the big man, their eyes widening in surprise. Not wanting to upset him, Fez nodded his head yes and stood up; grabbing Laurie's hand he pulled her up next to him.
"Good," said Judge Andres as he followed them into his office. Once inside it, he offered both of them a seat as he maneuvered around them to the opposite side of his desk. Sitting down, he searched through the stack of papers on his desk, looking for a file folder with their marriage certificate and the Bible and the little black ceremony book he had for occasions such as this. Sifting through the second pile, he found them at the bottom. "Ah, here we go," he said when he found what he was looking for and pulled it out from underneath.
"Boy, you need to be better organized," Fez commented as he looked at Judge Andres' desk. "Your desk looks like a garbage can threw up all over it."
Furrowing his brows, Judge Andres scowled at Fez. Laurie noticed this and nudged the foreigner next to her. Whispering harshly at him, she said, "Fez, don't poke the bear."
"Sorry," Fez muttered as he darted his eyes between the judge and Laurie. Laurie rolled her eyes.
However, their actions did not go unnoticed by the judge. Sitting back in his chair and crossing his arms over his chest, he asked, "So, why are you two in a rush to get married?"
Fez and Laurie looked at one another wondering what they should say. Fez shrugged his shoulders at Laurie; she let out a small sigh before answering the judge's question. "Well, Judge Andres, we just couldn't wait any longer, and we wanted to be together. So, we thought getting married was the best option for us to stay together."
Fez nodded his head in agreement. "Yes," he said finding his voice, "that and I wanted to become an American."
Laurie cringed slightly and closed her eyes. The judge nodded his head in complete understanding now. "Oh so I see," he replied as he leaned forward in his chair. "I assumed that was the proposition. Well, nothing wrong with that," he said with a frank grin.
Fez sighed in relief. "Oh good; for a moment there you had me worried."
Judge Andres chuckled quietly. "So," he said as he opened up the file folder and looked at their information on the license, his brows furrowed as he looked at Fez's real name, "is that your real name?"
Fez smiled sheepishly. "Yes?"
"Good Lord that's unpronounceable!" the judge cried.
Fez again grinned sheepishly at the judge.
Looking at the license again, the judge read Laurie's name. "Forman. Laurie Forman. Is Kitty Forman your mother?"
Putting on her sweet little grin she only used for her father and moments like this, she answered, "Yes, she is."
"Lovely lady. Took care of my mother when she was sick in the hospital," he replied nostalgically.
"She is a sweetheart, isn't she?" Laurie agreed hoping perhaps she could sweeten the deal.
Judge Andres smiled at Laurie. "She really is. Well, let's make this official and get you two hitched. Do you have any rings?"
Laurie looked puzzled and shook her head in the negative; Fez also looked puzzled and then dug into his jacket pockets to see what he had. "A ring?" he questioned as he searched his pockets nervously. "Well, let me see."
Laurie looked at him. "Fez, y'know you really don't have to have a ring," she quietly said to him through clenched teeth.
"Oh, but I must for you, water lily," Fez said as he continued to search.
Laurie rolled her eyes. "Fez," she groaned.
"If you don't have a ring it's no big deal," Judge Andres remarked. "We can do the ceremony without rings."
"No," said Fez as he pulled out a handful of things from his pocket. "In my country, the bridegroom gives his bride something in exchange for her. It is my people's tradition. In America, you give her a ring, so I will give my bride a ring," Fez said as he picked through his handful of stuff. In the midst of M&M's, candy wrappers, and double bubble gum, lay a Cracker Jack box ring. Picking it up and shoving the rest back in his pocket, Fez held it out for all to see. His eyes shone at the treasure he found; Laurie's face looked appalled. "A Cracker Jack box ring?"
"Hey, anything for you, my lady of love," he said as he gave the ring to Judge Andres.
"Alright, fine," Laurie shrugged giving into him.
The judge softly shook his head. "Alright, we have a ring and no witnesses, correct?"
They nodded their heads in agreement.
"Okay," he said as he stood up and walked around his desk to them. "Let's get it on."
"I'm with you on that Marvin," Fez exclaimed as he rose out of his seat, clasping a hand on the judge's shoulder.
Judge Andres eyed Fez's hand and shrugged his shoulder, nudging Fez's hand off. "Get off of me," he said sternly; Fez removed his hand. "Laurie?"
Laurie stood up in front of him now too, awaiting what the judge had to say. "Normally," he began as he looked at the pair, "you have to take a premarital preparation class, but I'll let it slide for you two." A sigh of relief was unleashed by the two. "And since you're Kitty Forman's daughter, I'll cover the cost of the license and the ceremony for you two as well."
Laurie and Fez couldn't believe their luck. "Thank you, sir," Laurie said with a gracious smile.
"Oh my first and last big break as a foreigner in America," Fez said as he shook the judge's hand; the judge weaseled his hand out of Fez's grip. "You're creepy, you know that, right?"
Bashfully, Fez did the only thing he could think of—he smiled that goofy smile of his.
Shaking his head again in disbelief, Judge Andres sighed. "Okay. We are gathered here today. . ."
Kitty Forman looked at the clock hanging next to the sliding glass door. 3:30pm it read. She sighed, wondering where in the world the kids were. "Surely they would've been back by now," she muttered to herself as she spooned out some chocolate chip cookie dough onto a cookie sheet.
Red walked into the kitchen from the living room; the swivel door flapping slowly back and forth until it stopped. "Is screwhead, dumbass, and their goofy friends back yet?" he asked as he took a cooled cookie off the counter.
Kitty sighed as she put the spoons down, grabbed the cookie sheet, opened the oven door and slid the sheet onto the bottom rack. Closing the over, she patted her hands and wiped them on her apron. "No, not yet," she replied. "I would've thought the kids would be home by now. It's 3:30; they have less than two hours to get ready for graduation and get there on time. I hope everything's okay."
"I'm sure they're just fine," he reassured her with a hug. "They just lost track of time or something."
Just then the sliding glass door opened and Steven, Kelso, Donna, Jackie, and Eric came walking in with their supplies reeking of pigs.
"Oh my," Kitty exclaimed with her little giggle. "Well, you kids look awful, and you smell awful too."
Red, however, took a different approach to their entrance. "Where the hell have you dumbasses been? Eric, your mother's been worried sick about you and Steven. What happened?"
"Well sir," Eric gulped as he looked around to his friends for moral support, "Kelso's van was stolen and we had to hitch hike back to town."
"Oh goodness! Should we call the cops, Michael?" Kitty asked.
"Nah, Fez and Laurie have it," he answered, "I'll get it back when they get here."
"Kelso," Red sternly said as he rubbed his forehead, "why does my daughter and the foreign kid have your van?"
"I don't know," Kelso replied honestly with an innocent look on his face, "but I bet it was because they were being chased by the Lady of the Lake."
Red rolled his eyes while Kitty cringed. "Kelso," Red said as calmly as he could without shoving a foot up his ass, "go home."
"Alright, but if they miraculously return, tell them I want my van back," he said before turning around and heading for the door.
As soon as Kelso was out the door, Donna remarked, "To be fair, Mr. Forman, he left his keys in the ignition because it 'distracts from his natural bulge'."
Red rolled his eyes again. "He's an idiot. Why do you keep him around for anyway?"
"He's our entertainment," Hyde answered with a curt nod.
Red seemed to understand that. "Yeah, there's one in every bunch. Well if you morons don't get cleaned up and ready to go for your graduation ceremony, my foot's going to be entertaining all your asses."
With a quick look around at each other, Eric, Hyde, Donna, and Jackie all hurried out of the Forman kitchen. Eric headed upstairs while Hyde headed for the basement. Donna and Jackie headed for the Pinciotti's.
As the girls left, Kitty and Red heard Jackie comment to Donna, "God I stink. I can't believe I had to sit next to some pigs. I'm taking a long shower for that." The older couple chuckled. "Well, they're back," commented a slightly disgruntled Red as he sat down at the table ready to read the daily paper.
Kitty smiled. "Yes, and my cookies are done," she returned as she grabbed her oven mitt and opened the over door to pull out her tray of cookies. "I've got one more tray to go and then I'll clean up the kitchen and get ready for my baby's graduation."
Red couldn't help but roll his eyes. "Yeah, and soon he'll be out on his own. Then we'll just have two more morons to get rid of."
"Oh Red, you don't mean that," Kitty admonished him as she moved the fresh cookies off the sheet. "I mean Laurie, yes, she needs to move out and be on her own, but Steven—"
"Yeah, I know, Kitty, I know," read groaned. "He's special."
"Well, we're the only parents he's got," she reminded him. "And I think he deserves to stay here as long as he likes."
"Yes dear," Red agreed as he turned the page in his newspaper.
"Good," she returned as she spooned the rest of the dough onto the sheet.
Point Place High School's cafeteria and lobby was packed with graduating seniors, yet it was five shy. The graduates were hanging out—chilling, relaxing, mingling, talking, joking, laughing, remembering, and waiting. Most went to school together for thirteen years—Kindergarten through twelfth grade—and as exciting as it was to finally be done with school and to be able to get the hell out of their Podunk town, it was also bittersweet. And that's what the guys who hung out in Eric Forman's basement figured out in the boys' room.
A-checkin' out the halls
Makin' sure the coast is clear,
Lookin' in the stalls
No, there ain't nobody here.
Oh, my buddy Fang, and me and Paul
To get caught would surely be the death of us all!
Smokin' in the boys' room,
Smokin' in the boys' room.
Now, teacher, don't you fill me up with your rules
But everybody knows that smokin' ain't allowed in school.
The guys were sitting on stools taken out of the science lab, which was next door to the boys' room. A cloudy haze filled the small room.
Eric chuckled. "Man, I can't believe we're graduating tonight. I mean, finally we can leave this Podunk town."
Kelso nodded in agreement. "Hell yeah. Cos now we're free to do what we want any old time."
Hyde raised an eyebrow at Eric and Kelso. "Man, don't ruin a Stones' song like that again. It's bad for your health."
"My health? Like what? Doing it with your mom?" Kelso joked, which earned him a quick jab in the arm. Kelso laughed it off. "Man that hurt. But y'know what hurt worse? Your mom last Saturday night!" Another jab from Hyde to Kelso's arm was given as Kelso laughed about his back to back burns.
"Guys, this is the last circle we're going to have as high schoolers," Donna commented as Hyde glared at Kelso while Kelso rubbed his arm. "Wait," she said as she outstretched her arms in front of her as a huge thought came to mind. Donna's eyes grew big while the sleeves of her black graduation gown flowed in motion. "This could be our last circle together forever."
Eric's jaw dropped open as Donna's words sunk in. "Oh my God, Donna; you're right! This probably is our last circle together. Cos, y'know, Donna and I leave tomorrow for Madison, and Fez leaves for his homeland."
"Dude, where is Fez?" asked Kelso. "And where's my van? Cos I'm getting a bit worried about it. I could use it tonight to shack up with some hot chick."
Hyde sneered. "Yeah, that's why I'm glad the skank and the perv don't have my car. Now, all I need is the hot babe."
"Well, good luck doing that," Donna interposed. "Cos they'll have to go through a ninety-five pound brunette cheerleader first." She paused for a moment as if thinking about something. "Man, I'm gonna miss the fiery midget!"
Eric looked at Donna as if she had green hair and purple splotches on her face. "The devil? Pft! I'm gonna miss sneaking into the boys' room and having a circle. Man, we should've done this more often!"
"Yeah, Eric, we could've done this during study hall and lunch," Kelso added. "Man, now I've got the munchies. Anyone got anything to eat?"
"Kelso, don't talk about food man," Hyde reprimanded him. "Then it'll make us all have the munchies." He paused. "Great, now I have the damn munchies."
"Hey guys, do you hear anything?" Donna asked as she tried to listen carefully.
"Hear what?" questioned Eric.
"That's just it," she said, "what happened to everybody?"
"You think they lined up without us?" Eric asked.
Kelso laughed. "Dude, they started without us!"
Hyde did everyone a favor and smacked Kelso upside the head. "Crap!" he exclaimed as they hopped off the stools. Eric checked the door while Donna and Kelso stacked the stools and carried them over to the door. Hyde opened the windows to clear the air.
Twenty-twenty-twenty-four hours to go
I wanna be sedated
Nothing to do, no where to go-o,
I wanna be sedated
Just put me in a wheelchair, get me to the show
Hurry hurry hurry, before I go loco
I can't control my fingers, I can't control my toes
Oh no oh oh oh oh
Ba-ba-baba, baba-ba-baba, I wanna be sedated
Ba-ba-baba, baba-ba-baba, I wanna be sedated
Ba-ba-baba, baba-ba-baba, I wanna be sedated
Ba-ba-baba, baba-ba-baba, I wanna be sedated
After sneaking the stools back to the lab, the four scurried towards the football field where they found their graduating class gathered together and getting the last few people lined up. Sneaking into their spots in line, the gang caught their breaths as their heartbeats began to slow down just as the band began to play, "Pomp and Circumstance".
As they walked in line, slowly making their way towards their seats, the graduating senior class looked out to the crowd gathered in the bleachers, lawn chairs, and folding chairs before the stage and their seats. For such a small town, a large crowd gathered for the Class of 1978's graduation. The Formans and Bob, Joann, and Jackie were all seated together front and center. Kelso's parents were seated just a few rows behind them off to the left. Kitty had her camera in hand while Red sighed and dug in his pocket for his handkerchief, knowing that Kitty would need it eventually. Soon the graduates were seated, and camera flashes began flashing throughout the gathered crowd. In the background, the setting sun was visible in the evening sky. Pinks and golds and oranges and purples radiated their magnificent colors for a backdrop to the evening's big event. It was almost as if it was a metaphor for the graduates; as one day comes to a close, another one would come in the morning just as bright with its greys and blues and purples signifying a change. As the evening wore on, many different people spoke—the principal, the superintendent, the class valedictorian, and finally the class president.
As the class president called each and everyone's names to receive their diploma, the junior attendants ushered the graduates to stand or sit and where to walk. As they waited for their names to be called, each member of the basement gang waited in their own patient way.
Fez sat up straight looking quite pleased and happy with himself. I'm an American! I'm an American high school graduate! I'm one very lucky fella! I wonder if Laurie will want to do it again tonight, he pondered as he watched his fellow classmates get their diplomas.
Eric was in line slowly stepping closer to the podium where the school board president was handing out the diplomas. Oh wow, he thought as he saw a girl just a few people in front of him trip and almost fall, God that's embarrassing. Man, I hope that doesn't happen to me. It'd be my luck. Okay, this is it. I'm officially graduated from high school! he happily thought as he took the diploma in his left hand and shook the school board president's hand with his right. I'm eighteen, I'm a man, and I think I like it.
About ten people behind Forman stood Hyde waiting in line. God, this is boring, he sighed and rolled his eyes which were hidden behind his aviators. Man, this better not last much longer, and nobody else better speak. Damn, I can't believe I'm actually here. I'm conforming to the man, man. He laughed when he saw that girl trip and almost fell. Ah man! She just burned herself at graduation! That's funny.
Kelso chewed on his tassel, arms crossed over his chest. Man, I'm hungry! They need to hurry this up. Ah, yeah. I'm the best looking dude here, he thought as he waited to get in line.
Donna sat a couple rows back behind Kelso, anxiously awaiting to be standing in line and hearing her name called to receive her diploma. I wonder if I packed everything I need? Let's see. . .clothes, shoes, shower stuff, bedding, dishes, glasses, utensils, pots and pans, posters, records, stereo, toaster. . .yeah, I think I've got the essentials. I can't believe tomorrow Eric and I leave for Madison! God, that's kinda scary . . . and exciting. Okay, no more depressing thoughts. Happy thoughts, happy thoughts.
Just as Donna began thinking of some happy thoughts, her row was ushered to get in line. In less than three minutes, Donna was accepting her diploma and shaking hands with the school board president. It was official--the gang (minus Jackie) had graduated from high school.
Once all the graduates had their diplomas, the principal declared them officially graduated from Point Place High School as he urged them to turn their tassels from one side to the other signifying their status as graduates. Soon after that colorful streamers and beach balls were tossed throughout the graduates. Fog horns blared loudly amongst the excited teens. A few wisecrackers dug out their lighters in an attempt to sway them back and forth as if they were at an Aerosmith concert. Then again, some were probably trying to catch things on fire. Yet the audience cheered and congratulated them. As the revelry died down, the band played a closing song as the graduates were dismissed from the ceremony. The gang quickly found each other and heartily congratulated one another.
Finding her crew of teenagers, Kitty couldn't hide her joy--or her camera. As she approached them, she snapped a few pictures and let out a joyful chuckle. "Oh, kids! I'm just so proud of all of you! Ha-ha! You all look so grown up now! Okay, get together, graduates. It's picture time!" she happily instructed them with a wave of her hand.
Just as she took the picture, Red, Laurie, Jackie, Joann, and Bob reached the group. "Kitty," Red said softly yet sternly to his wife, "stop acting like the damn paparazzi before you blind them. Then we'll never get rid of them."
Kitty chuckled brushing aside Red's words. "Oh fiddles, Red! They'll be fine."
"Okay gang, smile at the camera!" Bob said as he took a picture of the graduated gang. "Alright, Jackie get in there next to Donna and we'll have everyone in one," he instructed as he waved a hand from Jackie to the gang. Jackie obeyed directions and stepped over to Donna putting an arm around her best friend. "Congrats, moose," Jackie teased Donna as she gave her roommate a squeeze. Donna smirked and squeezed Jackie back. Reaching up for her cap, Donna took it off her head and placed it on Jackie's head. "Thanks, midget," she teased right back. Both girls snickered and turned to face the camera.
FLASH! Bob's camera captured the moment forever. Fez stood next to Kelso, arms draped over each other's shoulders; Kelso stood next to Hyde who stood next to Eric. Hyde and Eric had their arms draping over one another's shoulders too. All the boys smiled, except for Hyde who smirked at the camera instead. Obviously, he was the cool one in the group. Next to Eric stood Donna who had an arm around both Eric and Jackie as Jackie stood at the end with one arm around Donna and the other holding onto her cap.
"Ooh! Okay, hold your positions! I want a picture of that too!" Kitty exclaimed excitedly just before she snapped her very own. Chuckling afterwards as the kids disbanded, Kitty checked to see how many pictures she had left to take. Seeing that she had room for a handful or two, she looked up at the gang. Thinking quickly, she said, "Ooh! Jackie! Go stand next to Steven, and I'll take a picture of you two together."
"Oh, good idea!" exclaimed Bob. "Eric, Donna! Stand next to each other and I'll get yours."
Jackie's eyes widen in shock as she looked at Hyde; she truly looked like a deer caught in the headlights as it was trying to cross a highway late at night. Hyde looked over to Kitty and then Jackie; he shared her same expression. "Oh Mrs. Forman, I--"
"No, it's okay," Jackie quickly jumped in finding her zen, "it's just a picture."
Hyde hid the hurt he felt by her words. It's just a picture. She said it as if she said, "It's just the dog." Nodding his head slowly, he silently agreed with her.
Bewildered, Kitty blinked her eyes and shook her head. "Okay," she said as Jackie stood next to Hyde, "Jackie, sweetie, take a step closer to Steven. Uh huh, oh! There you go! Okay," Kitty said as she looked through the camera lens, "Steven, put your arm around her. Okay, happy smiles!"
FLASH! On the roll of film's negatives, that would later on be developed, was Jackie and Hyde's picture. They stood close together; Hyde's arm draped over Jackie's small shoulders while she tilted her cap donning head towards him and rested a hand on his chest. Hyde gave a happy smirk while Jackie gave a radiant smile; a happy yet bittersweet moment caught on Kodak film.
Once the picture was taken, the looks, hands, and arms were quickly removed from both of them as they scooted away from each other awkwardly.
"Okay, Eric and Donna let me snap one of you two now!" Kitty said as she headed towards them as Bob finished taking his second picture of them.
"Congratulations Steven," Jackie said as they walked over by the rest of the gang.
"Thanks," he replied. After a second or so of silence, he asked her, "Hey, what were you going to say last night before Kelso ran into camp all scared about the Lady of the Lake?"
"Oh, uh, I was just going to say, I think--" she began but was interrupted by Kitty.
"Okay kids, everyone group together again! One more group picture!" she instructed. "Laurie, get in this one too. I want all my kids together in one."
Not objecting to her orders, Laurie headed over to the group for the picture. Fez waved her over towards him. "Laurie, come stand by your husband," Fez suggested as she headed over towards him.
Heads turned in several directions to look upon Fez and Laurie. Kitty misfired and snapped a picture. "WHAT?!" everyone seemed to shout simultaneously.
Laurie tried to play it off as a joke. She laughed slightly nervously. "Oh Fez! You're such a kidder!" she joked as she slapped him on the arm.
"What are you talking about?" he questioned her, confused by her words and actions not understanding why she was acting the way she was. "I'm your husband."
Red's vein in his shiny bald head thumped excitedly as his eyes narrowed on his favorite daughter. "Laurie," he said very much in the way he did when he found out at supper one evening over a year ago that she was dating Kelso, "what's going on here?"
"Nothing daddy," she lied. "Fez is just joking around with me. Aren't you, FEZ?" she said rather sternly as she glared at Fez.
Fez met her glare; then realization dawned on him. "Oh, yeah! Right! Yes, I am joking with her!" he tried to laugh it off.
Red still glared at the pair, not quite believing their story. It just seemed too . . . weird. Kitty regained the gang's attention. "Okay, everyone look over here at me! Ha-ha! Okay, everyone smile! On the count of three say, 'Graduation!' Ready? One, two, three!"
"GRADUATION!"
FLASH! FLASH!
As soon as Kitty and Bob took the picture, Eric turned to his sister and asked, "So, what's this about Fez being your husband?" he asked with a knowing smirk on his face.
Realizing her dorky brother had an inkling suspicion of her afternoon activity, Laurie shushed him. "Shut up, Eric!" she hissed quietly. "I'll tell you later!"
"Hey, nice ring you got there," commented Hyde from behind Eric. "Looks like it came outta a Cracker Jack box," he snickered.
"BURN!" Kelso cried in excitement.
"Hey, don't make fun of my Cracker Jack box ring!" Fez scolded Hyde as he stood with his hands on his hips. "I found that this afternoon in my pocket and gave it to Laurie!"
"Why would you give Laurie a ring?" questioned Donna as Jackie looked on.
"Because . . . because," he stuttered trying to save himself, "because I thought it would look pretty on her?"
Jackie's eyes widen with instant knowledge as she looked at the guilty couple. "Omigod!" she exclaimed pointing at them. "You got married, didn't you?" she tried to whisper in excitement.
The gang stared at the guilty pair. Laurie and Fez shared a look. "Psh! What are you talking about, Jackie?" asked Laurie as she tried to shrug it off. "I wouldn't marry Fez if I didn't have to."
Suddenly all the adults' heads turned towards the group of teenagers. "Laurie, what do you mean if you didn't have to?" questioned her mother with confusion wavering in her voice. Red crossed his arms over his chest, ignoring that clammy feeling he'd been having on and off the last couple of days.
"Oh, well, uh," Laurie stuttered as she looked back and forth from her parents to Fez. Finally, she decided to be truthful. "Mommy, daddy . . . Fez and I got married."
"You what?!" bellowed Red as his eyes bugged out and the vein in his shiny forehead pulsed quicker, signifying his wrath.
"Oh don't worry daddy," Laurie added with sugar on top, "I don't love him! I just thought I'd help him out."
"You thought what?" he hollered at her, not caring if anyone standing nearby gave them funny looks, as his heart began extra palpations.
"Well, I married Fez so he could stay in the country," she quickly explained to everyone.
"Ooh," Red moaned softly as he grabbed his left arm.
"Red?" Kitty questioned as she looked at him taking his other arm.
"I'm okay," he told his loving wife as she felt his face with the back of her hand and noticed she started to take his pulse.
"Red," she said with concern thick in her voice, "honey, I think you're having a heart attack."
Joann quickly stepped in. "Kitty, I'll go call the ambulance," she informed her neighbor.
"Okay," Kitty said as she looked around for a chair for Red to sit in. But just before she could ask someone to grab one, Bob showed up with a nearby folding chair. "Here Kitty," he said as worry took over his soul.
Kitty gave a brief small smile, "Thanks Bob. Okay Red, have a seat and take it easy until the ambulance gets here."
"Hang in there, Dad!" Fez cried.
Red looked long and hard at the foreign kid standing before him. Turning towards his wife, he said, "Kitty, if I don't make it, kill the foreigner."
Kitty gazed at her husband as she continued to care for him until the ambulance arrived. The gang, meanwhile, stood motionless not sure what to do but stand there gaping at Red Forman—the tough as nails hard ass dad they all loved in one way or another. No one quite believed the events that had quickly unfolded in just one evening. It seemed as though time stood still and the bickering amongst some of them was minute compared to what was going on before them. Red Forman could leave them forever, and that fact—that life was too short—sobered them.
AN: Whew! Thirty pages and about three months later, I finally update! lol. I know, I know, but life gets in the way, yada, yada, yada. Thank goodness it's summer break! Now I can hopefully concentrate more on this than lesson plans. Anyway, the chapter's title, "I Just Want to Celebrate" is by Rare Earth on their 1971 album, One World, track # 4, and "Living In the USA" is by the Steve Miller Band on their 1968 album Sailor, track # 4. 1,000 points to the 1st five reviewers who can name the other Steve Miller Band album this song is on. (Hint: it's got the same track number.) "Summer Breeze" by Seals & Crofts is on their 1972 album of the same name, track # 4, or you can even find it on the album Even More Dazed and Confused, track #6 (which is an awesome must have album I must say). "Smokin' in the Boys' Room" by Brownsville Station is on their 1973 album, Yeah!, and "I Wanna Be Sedated" by the Ramones is on their 1978 album, Road to Ruin, track # 7. Don't forget—if you read please review! Thank you so very much!