…0…
Maybe I should learn to lose my inhibition,
And let my feelings make some noise
…0…
"Is this normal?" Nathan asked; an irritated and somewhat angry edge to his words. His arms were crossed over his chest and his jaw was tightly clenched-both signs that he was trying hard to reign in his emotions. "That he can't remember anything but Haley?"
Dr. Hammond, the psychiatrist that the cardiologist had called in, sighed heavily. "The truth is, Mr. Scott," he began; his voice overly calm and what Haley supposed was meant to be soothing, "what we know about how the human brain works is about a fifth of what we don't know. There really is no way to know why your brother's having any sort of memory loss after having a cardiac episode, let alone why it's only affecting him selectively."
A sound halfway between a grunt and a sigh came out of Nathan's mouth. He stepped over to the glass wall separating them from Lucas's room and gazed in to where his brother was having his vitals checked by a nurse, his mother in the chair by the window. It didn't escape his attention that his brother's eyes kept straying to Haley. Feeling his fists clench involuntarily, he turned and walked down the hall, calling out that he needed some fresh air.
Haley watched him go, her mind whirring with possibilities-none of them pleasant-of what he might go off and do.
There wasn't really much she could do for Nathan at the moment though. Dr. Hammond was still standing behind her. She turned; fighting to keep herself composed, and licked her dry lips out of nerves. "So what do we do now?"
He ushered her away from the front of Lucas's room into a small alcove just off the ICU. Haley recognized it as the spot where doctors usually took a patient's family to deliver the worst of bad news. She crossed her arms over her chest and braced herself for the words about to come.
"I would suggest," he began, "that you should try to be patient with Lucas. We don't yet know what caused his memory loss, or what exactly it is he remembers about his life. Once we have a better idea of what his memories are centered on…then we'll have a better idea of how to treat this."
"His memories are centered on me apparently." Pressing a hand against her eyes, Haley took a deep breath and ran a hand through her hair. "Do you think therapy would work? Hypnosis maybe?"
Haley's voice sounded a little desperate, naïve maybe, even to her own ears. A feeling of slight embarrassment came over her at revealing just how uncomfortable this entire situation had her to a complete stranger. And the fact that the look he gave was placating bordering on pitying didn't help matters much.
"We'll cross those bridges when we come to them, Mrs. Scott." A loud, repetitive beep began to emanate from his coat pocket, and he extracted a beeper, telling her he had an emergency on another floor.
With a sigh, Haley ran a hand through her hair and turned back towards the window of Lucas's room. The nurse was taking his blood pressure, chatting easily with him and Karen. She laughed at something Lucas said, making him smile. Haley's heart clenched. Lucas may not have remembered his life, but that didn't mean he wasn't the same guy she had known since childhood. Glancing up, he caught her eye and his smile shrank, the mirth leaving his eyes and his expression sobered. Another clench, this time in guilt.
"Haley."
She turned towards Brooke who was walking purposefully down the hallway towards her with what looked to be a picnic basket. "How's Lucas?"
"He's stable…Brooke, what is all that?" she opened the lid and peeked inside.
Brooke sat the basket, huge and wicker, down on the window ledge of the alcove and threw the lid open on either side. "Well, since hospital food sucks, I had Millie pick up and entire array of heart healthy foods and juices, not to mention some entertainment." She dug in and brought several items up to show Haley. "Magazines, portable DVD, Mad Libs-from Skillz, and I even went by and got his iPod."
"B. Davis?" Haley asked skeptically as she eyed the magazines in Brooke's hand.
"Seeing as he doesn't really remember me-a total shame by the way as we had lots of memorable moments if you catch my drift," Brooke grinned at Haley's grossed out expression, "I figured it would help him get reacquainted with moi."
"Brooke, I really don't think Lucas is going to be up on the merits of feathers for spring anytime soon," Haley said gently.
Looking outraged, Brooke held up another magazine. "I brought Sports Illustrated-it's a good balance!"
Haley chuckled. Brooke was already helping more than she realized.
"So what about you, Tutor Mom, how are you doing?" Brooke asked gently, repacking the basket and closing the lid.
Haley took a deep breath and blew it out slowly. Talking about herself was the last thing she wanted right then. But this was Brooke, and one thing Haley knew about Brooke Davis was that she was like a dog with a dog when she set her mind to something. "I'm…worried."
"About Lucas or Lucas's selective recall?"
"Do you think it's weird?" Haley asked. "That he can only remember me? I mean I don't even know exactly what it is he remembers but he's said that I'm the only thing he can remember. He didn't even recognize Karen but he knew my name…" her voice trailed off. She found she had trouble looking Brooke in the eye, the same way she had been with Nathan before he left. It felt wrong to say things like this to someone that was close to both her and Lucas, not to mention Peyton who hadn't been back to the hospital since she tried again to see Lucas and he hadn't even recognized her.
Shrugging, Brooke threw an arm around Haley's shoulders. "You two have a bond, Haley. I don't think it's as strange as everyone else does."
"Really?" Try as she might, Haley couldn't keep the hopefulness out of her voice.
Brooke shook her head, a small smile on her lips. "Nope. But Peyton and Nathan…that's another story."
"Great," Haley muttered. So not only was Nathan angry (with no real reason to be) but now Peyton was just as upset. There didn't seem to be an end in sight.
…0…
"Hey."
Lucas and Karen both looked up at Haley with weary smiles. She sat down the basket Brooke had brought with her on Lucas's tray and opened it. "Brooke stopped by with some food and stuff." She pulled out the magazines and iPod and handed them to Lucas. "She sends her best and promises to be helpful to the point of obnoxious once you're in a regular room."
Karen chuckled and shook her head, reaching for the copy of Brooke's magazine Lucas sat down on his bed. Lucas had the iPod in his hand, scrolling through the playlists with an intent look on his face. It took everything Haley had not to breathe a sigh of relief that he seemed interested in something other than her. Lucas was her best friend, and she loved him with all her heart, but she was more concerned about his inability to recall his life than she wanted to let on.
"So I called Deb," she turned to Karen with a fake cheery smile on her face. "Lily and Jamie have spent the morning in the pool and now they're slaughtering Skillz and Mouth at Guitar Hero. I don't think Skillz's ego will ever recover."
"You should hear her tell the story of when she beat Andy five times in a row," Karen told her. She flipped to a page with a gorgeous green evening gown with feathers trailing down the hem and grimaced. "Feathers. Of course."
"Mom?"
Karen's eyes shot up to her son, and it was obvious from the look on her face that she was hoping he remembered something-anything- about her. The magazine fell forgotten by the side of the chair as she leaned over and took Lucas's hand. "What?"
"Would you mind if I talked to Haley in private for a few minutes?"
No one could have missed the way Karen's face fell at his words and Haley's heart went out to her. "Of course," she said, gathering up her purse and walking toward the door. "I'm going to go get some coffee. Haley, would you like a cup?"
Shaking her head, Haley offered up a weak smile, hoping it would convey how sorry she was about the entire situation. It was all so unfair. "So," she began when the door clicked shut behind Karen, "what did you want to talk about, Luke?"
He inhaled slowly and his eyes rose up to meet hers, somewhat reluctantly. "Us."
…0…
Lyrics from 'Between the Minds' by Jack Savoretti.