Scene 7: The OCs
Bucko wrapped his arms around Martha. "Lily, will ye marry me?"
Martha's eyes were alight with stars. "Oh yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes-"
"This marriage must never take place!"
Bucko and Martha jumped and turned to see snaggle-toothed Dotti waving her arms about frantically. "It means nothing but tragedy and unhappiness for everyone!"
"Och, away with ye, ol' hag!" Bucko sneered as he idly shoved Dotti away with one paw.
Dotti opened her mouth to protest again, when suddenly:
Gypsy Queen, I'd like a wooooooord with yooooooooou
The three hares turned to see Sister Nasturtium standing there, holding a basket of flowers in one paw while the other paw pointed urgently towards the gateway.
Dotti blinked. "Uh, beh, go awayyy, this is not your cuuue," she sang, putting her paws behind her head.
Nasturtium hurried forward. "I knooow," she sang back. "But there's trouble backstaaage."
"Well, what seems to be the troubllle?" Dotti asked, swinging her hips.
Nasturtium did a little dance around the haremaid, singing, "There are some OCs backstage who are taking away the costumes and the sceneryyyyyyyy." The mousemaid finished by holding out a flower to Dotti.
Dotti accepted the flower, looking back and forth between the mouse and the gateway leading backstage. "Well, uh,I-I gave them the cheeeeeeeeck."
"It bounced," replied Nasturtium. She then repeated the phrase at a higher pitch. "It bou-hou-nced. Bou-hou-nced. It bou-bou-bou-bou-bounced."
". . . .It came back?"
Nasturtium nodded solemnly. "It was post-daaaaaateeeeeed."
Dotti gave a strained grin."I knooooooooooow thaaaaaaaaaaaaaat."
"Well what'll we doooooooooooooo?" Nasturtium asked, smiling as she glanced at the audience.
"Tell them to wait a minuuuuuuuttttttttteeeeeee," Dotti replied in a singsong voice.
Nasturtium shook her head. "But they won't dooooooooooooooo iiiiiiiittttt."
"Well, take a STAB at it!" Dotti snapped, pushing the Sister towards the Inn's door.
Nasturtium squeaked and dropped some of the flowers, but nonetheless hurried through the Inn's door towards backstage.
Dotti turned and looked at Bucko, who, along with Martha, stared wide-eyed back.
"Ah, er," said Bucko. "Ah, on wi' the wedding!"
"On with the wedding!" shouted Dotti, forgetting that her part was to try to prevent said event from happening.
From the Inn's door out came Southpaw and Bobweave, followed by the other maidens minus Nasturtium. Furmo brought up the rear. The hare-twins drew their swords and made an arch with them as Bucko, with Martha on his arm, walked up the Inn's steps under the flowery arches held by the maidens. Dotti followed Bucko and Martha, pounding on her tambourine, singing, "On with the wedding!"
Furmo had just started to "marry" the two hares when suddenly the OCs Nasturtium had warned Dotti of came marching out onto the stage.
The OCs consisted of two hares, two otters, and two badgers, all of whom were very large and therefore very strong, and had some very serious, no-nonsense expressions. One of the hare OCs jerked a surprised Dotti out of the way as Southpaw and Bobweave were relieved of their swords.
"I say, you rotters! Give us back our flippin' swords, you bally cads! This is an outrage, I shall report you to Sergeant- ARRGG! Hey! Take your bloomin' paws off of us! These are OUR tunics! Go an' get your own, wotwot!"
Dotti could only stare as the twins were wrestled backstage. The two otter OCs walked past her and grabbed the flower-arches the maidens were holding.
"AUGH! No! NO!" the maidens screamed, pulling back against the otters, but alas, like the hare-twins before them, the maidens were dragged backstage.
Dotti then saw the two badger OCs hoisting up the rocks and trees and tossing them backstage. The haremaid finally went into action, striding over to reason with them. But before she could get a word out, one of the badgers handed her a large rock that made her stumble and land on the bench.
Just then Brooky, Nasturtium, and Viola came running out from the gateway, screaming their heads off as they clutched at their costumes, one of the hare OCs chasing them. Bobweave came running out of the gateway too, the top half of his tunic gone as he was chased by the other OC hare.
"I say, go and get your own costume, or at least just politely ask for mine, you bally cad! Take that! OW! You're too hard to box! AUGH!"
Dotti then hurried over to Bucko, who marched straight over to the two otter OCs who came out of the gateway.
"Ach! Noaw look here, whit's the big idea? Whit do ye think yer - AUGH! Hey! Let go! Let go! Let go! Let go! Let go! Let go! Let go! Let go! Let go!" Bucko screamed as the two otters picked him up in a sitting position and carried him offstage.
The two badger OCs came out again and began sliding the well offstage as well.
"Oh, now, c'mon, chaps!" Dotti pleaded, running over to them, still holding the large rock. "You don't want to do this, can't we just settle this like civilized beasts, wotwot?"
The badgers ignored her, and soon the well was gone too. Dotti looked despairingly about her, and just barely managed to dodge the otter OC that came flying backwards from the gateway.
"Ach, ye great big waterdogs! Take yer paws offa me!"
Bucko staggered back out on stage, his tunic open, his crown, cloak, and pawrings gone, and the other otter OC on his back. The otter had the hare's arms pinned behind his back in a death grip. Bucko, unable to throw off his attacker or throw any punches, relied solely on kicking his opponents. However, for one second, Bucko stood still with both feet on the ground. It was all the otter OC needed. Quick as a serpent, the otter's rudder shot out and wrapped itself tightly around the hare's ankles, forcing Bucko to remain standing still.
As for the other otter, he regained his breath finally and threw himself back at Bucko and seized the hare's broad belt.
"ACK! No, that's mine! That's nae part o' the costume-!"
But it was too late. The broad belt came off, and Bucko's great big belly came shooting out, sending the otter flying backwards yet again (and forcing Dotti to dodge to the side yet again). This time, however, the otter wasn't as winded as he had been before, so within a second he lunged at Bucko a third time and slammed his fist into the hare's belly with bruising force.
"Oof!" Winded and no longer struggling, Bucko was then bore off backstage again.
Just as the march hare was carried off, Song came running out, clad in nothing but her costume's under-gown, screaming her head off as she was pursued by one of the hare OCs, who was being head-butted by Trimp.
Song bumped into Dotti as she ran by, causing the haremaid to drop the boulder - right on her footpaw.
"EEE-YOUCH!" howled Dotti, hopping about on one foot as she clutched at her sore one. "OW! OW! Owie owie owie owie owie owie owie owie!"
"Hey, what is going on?!" shouted Furmo, looking about, completely bewildered. And he became bewildered still as the part of the Inn he was standing on was beginning to be pulled away.
As for Martha, she was the only creature present that seemed completely unperturbed by the goings-on around her. In fact, she was actually leaning against the railing of the Inn's stairs, singing her little heart out, making dainty, princess-like gestures. And she kept on doing that even when the two badger OCs came and began to drag the staircase she was standing on across the stage.
(It might be noted that the two hare OCs escorted Martha backstage and allowed her the dignity of changing in her dressing room to get her costume.)
Dotti was irate about Martha's attitude, but she then decided, if Martha was still singing, then she might as well too! (After all, this was her chance of singing without any accompaniment!)
Dotti picked up her tambourine and set up a wail.
OOOOOHHHHHH, I am the queen of the gypsies
Dotti then sat down on the bench and banged the tambourine on her hip.
Gyp, gyp, gyp, gyp, gyp, gypsies
Just then the two badgers came back out and picked up the bench with Dotti still on it.
I am the queen of the gypsies
The badgers carried Dotti towards where the Inn's doorway used to be, but she grabbed onto the what was left of the frame and hurriedly screamed out the rest of her song . . . until the curtain was lowered.
FINE