A/N: I'm having fun writing these shorts. Hopefully I'll post one or two everyday...Who knows? Oh, and obviously, Marion is not exactly a well tamed woman and her mouth may run awry, if you haven't noticed. But...if the cussing is too much for anyone, just let me know and I'll try toning it down.

It's been five hours now.

I'm DYING.

I absolutely refuse to even think about going down stairs. The Impostor will never see me again, I swear on that. The Impostor is the strange man who ate my father and took his place. Evil man.

I rang for the cook to bring me up something to eat (I failed to grab a pastry on my way up here) and when the servant entered with the food, I tackled the poor sap down and interrogated him about the Impostor.

Here's what I found out:

1) His full name is Henry Jones Jr. but everyone calls him Indy or Indiana. I think I heard Abner mention this guy's dad who is well known for knowing stuff about the famous million year old object that everyone wants and blah blah blah blah.

2) He is 26 years old with a degree in Archaeology and History

3) He's my father's new pupil for the next three years, meaning I will be getting the boot for the next (I counted) 1095 days

See how this ass ruined my life?

I was getting along with Abner. We weren't arguing as much, we even had nice conversations over dinner instead of stony silences. But then this exciting, intriguing, prodigy comes and my father completely forgets the fact that his only child was BORN TODAY!!

So here I have been, holed up in my room all stinking day. I think I could get used to this, you know. Marion Ravenwood, the girl who lived in her room for three years off of pancakes and bacon while the Impostor destroyed the outside world. I believe I could work that title. And, you know, I wouldn't mind living off bacon and pancakes. But the way I inhale food, I might just eat all the pancakes and bacon in the entire Earth's population.

I eat like a pig, you know. Yet I'm as skinny as a stick. While all the girls my age get up early in the morning, put on their make-up and nibble on their celery sticks, I sleep in and then get up only to consume a feast that could serve all of the living dead. I can never gain any weight, its quite sad. I'm so petite that I can still fit into the play clothes that fit me at ten years old. This isn't good for me, because then all the guys at school try to take advantage of me and rape me in the school hallways. Not kidding. Well ha on them, because I happen to know exactly how to deliver a nasty upper left hook punch. This results in me being the most popular girl among other girls and the most unpopular among the guys. That's fine. I don't really give a crap about guys anyway.

Ugh, but this Impostor. I'd like to give him multiple blows to the face. It's because of him that my birthday is annihilated.

The top reason I want to beat this guy's ass?

The fact that he addressed me as 'the girl with green eyes' makes me angrier than ever. It's my birthday today for Christ's Sake! It's bad enough that no one remembers this, but he could have at least asked me my name, or if I would possibly like some sympathy or an ice cream soda?

I don't even remember what he looks like. I was in such a panic. My life is just...ugh...in shambles. My father is bloody losing his mind, talking about finding the Ark of the Covenant and how great it is. I can't seem to get that stupid history grade up, and I'm an Archaeologist's daughter! I screw everything up, I'm skinny as a stick. My life just doesn't need another reason for stress. Yet here it is, and I'm guessing it's the only present I'm going to get.

I never did tell Abner that I wanted Indiana Jones for my birthday, so why the hell is he here?

I'm sure he is plenty ugly. Fat, unkind and the whole sh-bang.

I'll bet he's stupid, not really deserving those degrees in archaeology and history.

I'll bet he's sexist.

And perverted.

I'll bet he's...

Hang on, someones knocking on my door.

If I just look under the crack...

Oh My God, he's outside my room. The bloody Impostor is standing outside my door!! And I'm still in my nightgown without my wraps!!

Crap.

Please review. Please please please. I need some thorough feed back. I would love you if you did.