A/N: Hey look, we get a tiny bit of real KakaIru in this one. Hooray! I'm throwing something in to the back story that I just came up with last night, so if it seems like it came out of nowhere…it did.
Special treat for all of you who read 'Doggy Style' and loved Bull's last line. I got the lull-a-bye from a very loose translation of "Akane's Lull-a-bye" from Ranma 1/2 . I adapted it slightly further by removing Akane from it entirely, but I love the song itself and translations of actual traditional Japanese lull-a-byes are hard to find.
Christmas with the Hatakes
By: Reggie
December 13th: Hot Cocoa
Iruka stared at his lover, his frown deepening ever so slightly. "A mission?"
Kakashi nodded, looking very apologetic. "It shouldn't take very long; I'll be back in less than a week."
Somehow, this didn't make Iruka feel any better. Short missions like this were the kind where you were sent alone, with instructions to get in, get out, and get back home as fast as you could. Usually very sensitive assassination or retrieval missions, both of which were very dangerous.
The chuunin reached out, pulling his lover close to him, and pushing his head under the Copy-nin's chin as he held the man tight. "I'll never forgive you if you don't come back safe."
He could feel Kakashi laugh deep in his chest, and a hand fisted in the back of his vest. "I always do my best."
Iruka allowed Kakashi to step back slightly, to tilt the Iruka's chin up slightly. Then Kakashi kissed him, and for a moment that was all that mattered. Lips, soft and sensitive from always being covered, moved against his, and Kakashi was here, and he was okay.
He didn't let himself think that this could be their last kiss, wouldn't allow himself to think of it as a kiss good-bye.
Only when Sayuri started to cry softly from her crib down the hall did Iruka reluctantly pulled away. "You'd better go, or you'll never get back in time for Christmas."
Kakashi stepped back, a soft smile on his face, and allowed Iruka to pass. Neither of them said good-bye, but then they never did. Good-byes were for the dead.
Sayuri was fussing in her crib, small hands bunched up in fists as she cried. Iruka bent down, scooping her up and holding here, perhaps a little closer, a little tighter, than normal. "Hey, little girl, sounds like you need a diaper change."
The infant didn't answer beyond a wet sniffle, but for once she didn't fight as Iruka changed her diaper and dressed her again. Once finished, Iruka immediately scooped her back up again and headed towards the living room. Iruka knew he should put her down in her crib, let her lull herself back to sleep, but he couldn't stand to just leave her there now.
Iruka was not surprised to see that Kakashi was already gone, but he was a little shocked to find Bull sitting in the living room, gazing curiously up at the Pakkun on the top of the tree.
"That was Kakashi's idea," Iruka offered by way of explanation. "He thought it was much better than a star."
Bull looked over at him, the large dog's tail thumping in excitement, "you brought the puppy!"
Iruka laughed under his breath. Bull was the only one of the ninken that insisted on calling Sayuri a puppy; no matter how many times Kakashi had tried to explain that she wasn't. "Just for a little while. She really needs to go back to sleep. Did Kakashi tell you to stay and watch us?"
With his tail thumping harder than ever against the floor, Bull nodded. "Kakashi said it was my turn to be guard dog."
In spite of Iruka's protests, Kakashi had developed a habit of leaving one of his ninken behind whenever he left on missions, rotating through the eight dogs one at a time. This served the double purpose of reassuring Kakashi that his two precious people were safe, and allowed him to get important information back almost instantly to Iruka, or the Hokage if need required.
Iruka reached out and scratched under the large dog's spiked collar, and he leaned in to the touch. "I'm sure you'll do a great job."
Sayuri whimpered pitifully in his arms, and Iruka held her a little closer to his chest, running his nose through her downy hair. "You miss your Dad already, don't you, little girl?" The only response was a soft, sleepy whimper.
Iruka moved to the kitchen, Bull following happily behind him. He didn't put Sayuri down as he puttered about the kitchen, heating up water on the stove. He didn't want to give his daughter a bottle of milk, as it was rather late, but Iruka felt he could use some hot chocolate himself. He instead filled a bottle with just water, and held her while she sucked on it and the water for his own hot chocolate heated up.
"I can't decide if it's easier or harder to have Kakashi gone with her here," Iruka told Bull though his eyes didn't stray away from Sayuri's eye—mini replicas of his lover's—as he spoke. "It's sometimes comforting to think that I'll always have part of him with me if something happens. But I'm afraid of what will happen the day he doesn't come back. I'm afraid I'll only see Kakashi in her, not Sayuri. I'm afraid she'll become a constant reminder of what we had, and it will only hurt us both."
"Will?" Bull asked tentatively, ears and tail drooping. "You keeping talking like it's a definite thing Kakashi won't come back sometime.
"Do I?" Iruka's laugh was a little out of place, a little bitter. "I guess I've already resigned myself to that fact. We're ninja, and people die all the time. Skilled ninja, innocent children, even…" Even little babies who had done nothing wrong, their only sin being too small to hold on.
"You're thinking of him, aren't you?" Bull whimpered, looking up at Iruka with sorrowful eyes.
"Sometimes I think I'm the only one that does." Little Sakumo, the baby they had lost. Kakashi didn't seem to realize how much it was hurting Iruka to do all these things for Sayuri and remember that there should be two babies celebrating their first Christmas. All these festivities only made his absence in their lives, something he'd never been part of but was at the same time, more keenly felt by Iruka. It was different for Kakashi. He hadn't felt both babies moving inside him, active and playful. He didn't feel like he'd failed somehow, when the baby died. "I couldn't stand to lose Kakashi too, but I know I eventually will."
Sayuri seemed to sense his dark mood, his bleak reminiscing about her twin that she would never know, and started to cry as she pulled away from the bottle. Iruka shifted her weight to hold her, one armed, against his chest while he set the bottle down. He prepared a mug of hot chocolate and, as and afterthought poured some in a bowl for Bull too. He placed it on the kitchen floor, the big dog nuzzling Iruka's hand before lowering to lap at the treat.
Iruka carried his mug and the still fussing Sayuri out to sit on the couch. When the whimpering didn't cease, the chuunin put his mug on the low coffee table. He dipped his finger in the foam of the chocolate, blew on it to cool, before giving it to Sayuri to suck on.
She pulled it in to her mouth, but didn't seem any calmer for the action.
With a soft sigh, Iruka shifted again so he was cradling the little girl. He hated to sing, particularly with a nin-dog audience, but Sayuri needed to sleep and he needed to drink his hot cocoa and forget. If it would help, he was willing to try.
Making himself a little more comfortable, Iruka began, "You toss and turn at night, there is tension in your arms. Surely you are weary of your daily battle. There is a soft feeling, when I see your sleeping face. So I'll sing, good night. Good night, good night. This song I sing for you. Daddy's lull-a-bye."
Sayuri was looking up at him, Iruka could see it through the tears that were starting to blur his vision, but she was quieter now, so he continued. "If I appear in your dreams…could I be that precious to you? If that's the case, I should be nicer to you. I know it isn't so, but tonight it's alright. So I'll sing, good night. Good night, good night. This song I sing for you. Daddy's lull-a-bye."
Iruka continued to hum the melody softly, until her breathing evened out into the steady rhythm of sleep, and the tiny fist that had clung to his shirt had relaxed.
"That's a beautiful song, Iruka-sensei," Bull whispered, his massive head lying on the coffee table.
"Kakashi sings it to her," Iruka whispered. There was only place he knew of that Kakashi could have learned a song called 'Daddy's Lull-a-bye' and the Chuunin felt his heart break just a little more.