I Promise I'll Never Let You Go
A/N- This is my first Yaoi, I never dreamed that I'd ever be writing one of these, but it actually seems pretty popular among the Beyblade world of fanfics lol. I read my first Kai/Ray like two days ago and I actually loved it, sooo, here my attempt at one (:
Summary- Kai keeps having hallucinations about his past and Ray seems to be the only one who can comfort him. Kai/Ray yaoi.
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The team formerly known as the BladeBreakers sat in the living room of the little house that they lived in together. Tyson, Max, Kenny and Ray were all lounging about watching a movie, while Kai sat in one of the reclining chairs, reading a book that was written in Russian.
"I'm surprised he didn't make us practice today," Tyson whispered to Kenny and Max as they watched Kai for a few moments.
"I think there's something wrong with him," Ray whispered back, joining in on their conversation.
"Nah, no way Ray. He's the almighty Kai Hiwitari," joked Tyson. "It's impossible for there to be anything wrong with him."
"I don't know Tyson, Ray's right, Kai has been acting strange lately."
"If you guys are going to talk the entire time, can I shut this crap off?" Kai snapped, referring to the neglected TV.
Tyson and Max stuck their tongues out at Kai, who rolled his eyes, as they went back to watching the movie.
Suddenly their attention was drawn back to Kai as his breathing became very shallow and very quick.
"Kai! Are you okay?" Kenny asked as he ran to where the crimson eyed boy sat, having dropped his book.
Kai didn't respond to him, instead he grabbed onto his head in pain, howling as the others came over to try and figure out what was happening to their captain.
Ray tried to steady Kai as he stood up, still grabbing at his head in pain, almost as if he was trying to get something off of him. The next thing the boys knew, Kai was on the ground, thrashing around, almost in tears.
"We need to calm him down!" Kenny yelled as he instructed Ray and Tyson to hold the older boy down.
Ray grabbed Kai's flailing arms and tried to pin them to the ground, as Tyson did the same with his legs, but Kai seemed determined to get out of their grasp, it was almost as if he thought they were trying to hurt him.
"Something is seriously wrong with him guys!" Ray yelled, "Any ideas Chief?"
Kenny looked like he was at a loss, he had no clue how they were supposed to help Kai. "I'm honestly not sure. I just know that we need to calm him down."
Kai suddenly got one of his hands free from Ray, and managed to punch the Neko-Jin square in the jaw, sending him back a few feet as he hissed in pain. Now having his arms free, Kai started thrashing his legs more violently, managing to kick Tyson off of him.
"Max!" Kenny yelled, "Go get some rope, Kai is obviously dangerous in this state." Max nodded as he ran off to the kitchen where he knew they had rope. When Max returned, Tyson and Ray once again tried to hold Kai down, managing to do it long enough for Max to tie his feet together.
The Neko-Jin looked down at his blue haired companion as his heart almost broke. The boy looked so lost and scared, tears streaming down his face and shouts of "No!" could be heard throughout the entire room. He managed to hold his hands together as Tyson helped Max tie them.
"I think we should get him upstairs and into his bed. Maybe he's just having some weird kind of dream?" Kenny suggested.
"If it was just a dream, I think he would have woken up by now. But you're right, he does seem like he's having some kind of dream or hallucination. I'll take him upstairs to our room and stay with him to make sure he calms down," Ray said as he picked Kai up bridal style, trying to ignore his flailing.
Ray slowly made his way up the stairs as everyone looked after him, very careful to make sure his legs didn't buckle under Kai's weight. When he made it to their room, he placed the older boy in his bed as he continued to try and free himself.
"Kai," Ray whispered. "You need to be strong, you need to come out of whatever you're going through." Ray sat on the side of the bed, trying to think of ways to calm the older teen down.
Kai suddenly stopped moving and low whimpering could be heard as more tears fell from his closed eyes. Ray laid himself down beside Kai, slowly taking him into his arms, careful not to startle the apparently dreaming boy.
Ray was surprised when his usually cold captain immediately curled himself into his embrace. 'He'd kill me if he knew what was going on,' Ray thought, almost jokingly to himself before he suddenly snorted. 'If only I had the courage to hold him like this when he was aware of what was happening.' Sighing, he slowly ran his fingers through Kai's hair, he loved his captain more than anything in the world, and he hated seeing him in so much pain like he was right now.
Figuring that it was safe to untie the boy who had finally stopped moving and was just lightly crying now, he let go of Kai and slowly undid the rope that was around his arms, but leaving it around his ankles. Lying back in his previous position, he once again held the crimson eyed boy, enjoying the feel of him in his arms.
It was true that Ray had always wanted Kai to be the one hugging him, but he would settle for what he could get at the moment, considering he would probably never get another chance like this. It was only about seven in the evening, but Ray didn't mind going to bed early, as long as he got to lie the way that he was.
Kai had his arms wrapped around Ray's stomach and his face buried in his neck as the Neko-Jin continued to run his hand through the blue hair and whisper soothing words, even though he was pretty sure Kai couldn't hear them. After about half an hour of Kai laying still, Ray slowly started to drift off to sleep.
-----
Kai woke up in the middle of the night, more comfortable than he had ever remembered feeling before. Groaning and wondering how he had gotten into bed, he began to realize that he was not the only one in his bed. Tensing, he looked up at the beautiful face of the boy who was still holding onto him.
'Ray?' Kai questioned himself, wondering how come he and Ray were in the same bed together, and why Ray was holding onto him. His eyes burned and his feet were tied up, it suddenly occurred to Kai what must have happened. 'Damn it, I must have started hallucinating and remembering things from my past while I was with them earlier. I don't even remember it happening, they're getting worse and worse.'
Shifting his body away from Ray, he frowned slightly as the other boy shivered, having lost his warmth. He untied the rope that was around his legs and slowly got out of bed, heading to the bathroom that was connected to his and Ray's room. When he returned, he debated whether he should go back to his bed or just take Ray's.
A slight blush arose on his cheeks as he thought about how he wanted to go back to the way he had woken up, it had felt so comfortable, so right. He berated himself for his thoughts, knowing that Ray was just being a good friend and making sure Kai was alright.
Deciding not to dwell on things too much, he walked back over to his bed, getting under the covers and slightly moving Ray's body so he could put the covers on the sleeping boy as well. He was slightly surprised when Ray rolled over and rested his head on Kai's chest, but he moved his arms so that they encircled the smaller boys form, happy when the Neko stopped shivering.
Kai's heart hurt, he was always so cold to his team, to Ray. And here the boy was, having spent probably the entire night looking after him. He cared more for the dark haired boy than he wanted to admit, but he couldn't deny how light and care free he felt as he lied there holding onto him. 'It feels so right. I wish I could let down my guard when he's awake though.' He ran his fingers through the boys hair and Ray emitted a soft purring noise, making Kai's heart do back flips. Slowly, the blue haired boy drifted back to sleep, noting that it was only 4:02am.
-----
Ray woke up and shivered slightly, knowing that his heat source was gone. Looking at the clock, he noticed that it was only 7 in the morning and decided he would sleep for a few more hours, no one else other than Kai would be awake yet anyway, and Kai would be off somewhere training.
Hearing the sound of the shower turn off, he realized that Kai must have only just gotten up a little before and was only just now heading out. Quickly he closed his eyes and pretended to be asleep as the older boy walked out of the bathroom, clad in only a pair of sweat pants.
Walking over to the window, he stared outside as Ray slowly opened his eyes, sneaking a peek at his captains well defined back muscles. He felt like groaning, now was not the time to be having these thoughts, especially while he was lying in the other boys bed, supposed to be asleep. If Kai were to look over now, there would be no way that he'd miss the blush that was ever growing on Ray's face.
He closed his eyes again as Kai turned around and headed to the dresser to grab clothes to wear for the day. Ray fought to keep his eyes closed as he could hear Kai getting dressed, he didn't want to freak the other boy out by being caught staring at him.
Suddenly, he could feel the other boys breath on his face from the close proximity. "You confuse me Kitty," he heard Kai whisper before he was suddenly up and gone, closing the door lightly behind him.
Ray's heart caught in his throat as he sighed. Mere moments ago, Kai had been close enough to kiss, and he had been whispering to him, it was enough to send Ray into a fit of blushing and giggling, although he refrained from doing so out loud.
Deciding to go back to bed since he hadn't slept well, -Kai kept waking him up with his fits- he slowly drifted off into sweet dreams that were filled with his blue haired, crimson eyed captain.
-----
Ray woke up again around 9 and headed downstairs to grab some breakfast. When he got there, he noticed that Tyson, Max and Kenny were already sitting down, eating cereal.
"Morning Ray," Kenny greeted. "How's Kai doing?"
"Better, I think," said Ray. "He was gone when I woke up."
"Probably off training somewhere," Tyson said with a roll of his eyes.
"Probably," agreed Max. "I'm sure he'll be back soon. I don't think we should question him about last night though, he might be a little sensitive if he remembers how vulnerable he was."
Ray nodded, "I think you're right. If it was something weird, he'll bring it up to us, asking what happened. But if this is something normal for him, then I think he should at least let us know so we know what to do next time."
The other three boys nodded in agreement. "Did it take long for him to fall asleep last night?"
"Not really. In fact, the moment we were alone he started calming down instantly. He had about 3 or 4 fits through the duration of the night, but none of them were as bad as the one we all witnessed, and he seemed to calm down when I said soothing things to him, it's like he could still hear me."
"Well that is a possibility," said Kenny. "He might not have had any clue what was going on, but some part of him must have been aware that his friends were right there with him."
Ray nodded, "Well I'm glad I was able to help him... I was really scared." Everyone gave Ray sympathetic glances, they all knew about his feelings for Kai, and wished that there was something they could do or say to make this easier on him.
"At least he felt comfortable enough around you to allow you to help him," Max supplied with a smile.
Ray nodded, "Yeah, but not before splitting my lip open."
The 4 boys laughed as they took note of the discolouring that was forming on Ray's jaw line and the little bit of dried up blood that was still on his lip.
"Well, it isn't that bad," said Ray. "I'm just glad he's okay now."
They all quieted down as Kai walked into the room and poured himself a bowl of cereal before sitting down with the others. This was weird all on its own, Kai usually didn't eat with them, most of the time he would just grab the bowl and walk out of the kitchen.
"Hey Kai," greeted Max with a big smile. "How was your run and training?"
"Hn," was the only response he received as Kai started eating his cereal, slowly flipping through the paper. Suddenly they heard him sigh as he looked up, "It was alright."
Nobody responded to him. They were all shocked that he had actually elaborated on his "hn". First he was eating with them, and now he was talking to him? Maybe that fit from the night before did more good than harm.
"Ah... ic. Well, that's good!" Max chirped since he was the first to recover from the shock.
"How did you sleep?" Kenny asked, wondering if it would possibly bring up the subject of the night before.
They all noticed as a slight blush crept over his cheeks before he recomposed himself. "Um, I slept okay, bad dreams." Ray frowned, he had really hoped that staying all night with Kai would have kept the dreams away. "Are you alright?" Kai suddenly startled him out of his thoughts.
"Um.. What?" Ray asked.
"Uh, your jaw. Did I do that?" he asked hesitantly.
Ray nodded slowly, and when he saw the slight look of panic cross Kai's face he quickly spoke up. "It's okay though, it honestly doesn't hurt, and you weren't in your right mind when you did it. I promise I don't hold it against you," he tried to joke.
Kai frowned, "I'm... sorry," he finally said as he stood up and left the room, cereal forgotten.
"WHOA!" yelled Tyson. "Did our ice captain just apologize?"
"Tyson!" scolded Max. "That was obviously really hard for him to say, and he'll never do it again if we tease him about it. We're obviously getting through to him and I'd hate for him to just go back to being mean and distant."
Ray nodded, "Max is right. We shouldn't do anything to jeopardize this new side of Kai."
Tyson wiggled his eyebrows up and down in Ray's direction, "You just want some lovin from him and you're lapping this up like milk."
Ray blushed furiously as he glared at Tyson, who was currently being hit upside the head by both Max and Kenny.
"Ah, Tyson didn't mean that Ray." Max tried to apologize.
"Yes I did," replied Tyson as he earned himself another smack. "Alright alright, I take it back. I just meant that you should take advantage of this alien Kai."
Ray rolled his eyes, still blushing. "For right now, I just want to focus on making sure he's okay. Thats really all I care about at the moment."
Kenny nodded his head, "Yeah, Ray's right, that is what we should all be focusing on."
-----
Kai sat in the living room, his head was starting to hurt again, he couldn't have another flashback so soon, he was really going to start freaking his teammates out if he kept collapsing and breaking down crying.
Slowly he dragged himself up the stairs to his room and flopped himself onto his bed as he allowed the pain to take over.
"No!" a little boy yelled as he stumbled backwards, tears falling quickly down his face. "Please leave me alone!"
A sinister chuckle was heard as a man with dark purple hair and goggle covered eyes approached him. "Now now little Kai, why are you so frightened?"
"Stay away from me!" the little boy yelled as he curled himself into a ball. "I'll do better next time, I promise! Please! Leave me alone!"
The chuckling continued as the man walked closer and closer to him, slowly running his hand along Kai's arm, making the little boy shudder violently.
"We don't tolerate failures here Kai. Everyone must learn that at some time or another. You're special though Kai, we won't be kicking you out, you'll learn things a different way."
The little boy suddenly screamed as he felt a whip connect with his body, burning as his sweat from running from the man dripped onto the open wound. He continued to cry and plead with the man, but it seemed useless. "Please," he whimpered. "Stop, please."
-----
Ray heard a muffled sound coming from upstairs and quickly ran to his room, the others had went outside to train for a while and he had opted to just stay in.
When he reached the room he instantly felt tears well up in his eyes, Kai was lying on his bed, once again in agonizing pain with tears streaming down his face.
"Not again," he whispered in worry as he quickly ran over to the bed. "Kai, what are you doing to yourself? You need to let us help you."
He picked his captain up and held him in a sitting position, rocking them both back and forth as he whispered into Kai's ear.
Almost immediately Kai calmed down, crying into Ray's shirt. Ray wasn't too sure what he should do next, should he let Kai sleep, should he keep just sitting there rocking him, or should he try and snap him out of it?
Sighing he lied the boy down, he was about to get up and go when Kai's hand grabbed his wrist. "Please don't go." He looked into his captain's face, his crimson eyes were still closed, Ray wondered slightly if he even knew who he was talking to.
Ray quickly obeyed and lied down beside the older boy, shielding him from the light with his body. Kai held onto Ray as if his life depended on it, all the while the tears were flowing freely from his eyes.
"I want you to let me help you," he whispered, hoping that Kai could hear him. "Please, just let me be here for you. I promise I'll never let you go."
Kai's sobs slowly dissipated and his grip on Ray loosened up a little bit, turning more into a loving gesture than the frantic one it had been just moments ago.
"Promise?" Kai asked, surprising Ray, who then smiled before nodding.
'I wonder if he's awake now,' Ray questioned. 'I really don't think he'd still be lying here if he was, but he's talking back to me so maybe he IS awake. Or maybe what Kenny said about him being able to hear me was correct?'
Ray sighed as he tightened his grip on Kai, it was weird holding onto the bigger boy, but it still felt good knowing that he was the one who could calm him down, and that it was him who his captain had given out his first apology to. He blushed as he remembered earlier when the slate haired boy had whispered about him being confusing.
Kai slightly shifted his body upwards, eyes still closed, but somehow managing to change positions with Ray, not that the Neko-Jin was complaining. Even if Kai was still asleep and had no idea what was going on, Ray was enjoying this. He felt guilty for finding some kind of sick pleasure out of Kai's pain, but he was just so comfortable now that Kai was holding him.
'So much for me comforting him. But he is the only who moved us, so obviously he's more comfortable like this too. And it's good that the fit seems to have passed. I'm going to have to ask him about that when he wakes up, it can't go on, I need to help him. For now though, I'm just going to enjoy this.'
-----
Kai was awake. He had snapped out of his flashback to hear Ray whispering promises to never let him go. 'I wish he knew how much I want him to mean those words,' he thought as he sighed.
He had switched their positions so that he was the one holding Ray. Being fully aware of what was going on, he didn't like appearing so vulnerable as to have someone holding him, rather than the other way around. He was thoroughly surprised when Ray didn't protest and instead just got comfortable.
'You really do confuse me Kitty,' he thought to himself. 'I tried so hard this morning to be nice to you guys and interact in the same way the 4 of you do with each other, I even went as far as to apologize, something I have been trained never to do. Maybe that's what is causing my flashbacks, I'm doing things that I've been restricted from doing my entire life, and my body is remembering the pain I went through every time I ever tried to care for someone or let them care for me.'
Kai smiled slightly as Ray traced his hand along Kai's arm, he knew that the other boy thought he was still sleeping and had to fight the urge not to squirm as his arm became ticklish.
"You confuse me too," he suddenly heard the boy whisper. He was surprised to know that Ray had heard him earlier that morning when he had whispered that, he had thought the boy was asleep. It seemed that they both liked to pretend.
Kai tightened his grip on Ray, he couldn't admit that he was awake, but maybe the boy would get the hint.
It seemed that he didn't though, but he nuzzled his head under Kai's chin, his hot breath making Kai tingle as it hit his neck.
"I want you to let me help you. Please, you don't even understand how much you mean to our team, how much you mean to me. I hate seeing you hurting like this,"
Kai opened his eyes as he stared down at the mess of black hair with a blush, Ray cared about him? He could feel something wet hitting his shoulder, was his kitty crying?
'I don't think anybody can help me Ray, this has to do with my past, I can't just get over it by talking about it.... although I've never tried.' Kai sighed, he wasn't sure if he was ready to open up to his team yet, including Ray.
"I don't know if I can open up and let you help me," he whispered as he felt Ray tense.
"I didn't know you were awake," he said as he quickly scrambled to let Kai go. Surprisingly though, Kai tightened his grip on Ray.
"You promised not to let go," he whispered.
Kai could see the immediate blush that over took Ray's entire face, "I uh... wasn't aware you were awake when I said that. Heh," he coughed nervously.
"Well I was," Ray could hear the smirk in Kai's voice. "If you want to take back your promise... you can."
Ray immediately looked up at Kai who was frowning and avoiding his gaze. "No!" he almost yelled, startling Kai. "I mean, uh, no," he said more calmly. "I didn't make the promise just because I thought you couldn't hear me, I actually hoped you could."
Kai smiled slightly, still not facing Ray.
"You need to let me help you Kai," he said as he held the other boys cheek in his hand, forcing him to look at him. Ray noticed the blush that appeared over his face, wondering what was going through his captain's mind.
"I already told you, I don't know if you, or anyone, can help me. They're my demons to face."
"Does this happen often to you? I mean, the fits, do they happen often?"
"No, not usually. Only when I'm doing something against my programming." He said with a sneer.
"Programming?" Ray asked, confusion evident in his voice.
"I was trained to be a certain way, to be the perfect warrior, and to do it alone. When I start letting people in, or even just taking a small liking to them, I get a load of flashbacks. I'm not completely sure why it happens, but I guess I'm... scared."
Ray tightened his grip on Kai, "It's okay to be afraid Kai, you went through a lot in the abbey. They're the reason why you're like this, they're the ones who made you believe that you can't have friends or care about people. But you can Kai, I promise that none of us are going to hurt you. Your body is more than likely reminding you of the pain they inflicted on you when you would have those types of feelings, but we won't do that to you, we wouldn't let anyone hurt you, not ever again."
Kai felt a tear roll down his cheek, maybe Ray was right? Maybe he was finally free of the people from the abbey, and he was here now, with his friends, with Ray. "Maybe... maybe you're right," he stuttered out.
"Of course I'm right Kai! We took Biovolt down, they won't ever be able to hurt you again. I know you're prideful, but you must be able to see how much we all care about you, how much I care about you. It's not a terrible thing to have friends and to feel love Kai, it's quite the opposite. I know you can't just change everything you've ever known, but I made you a promise, and I intend to keep it. I promise I'll never let you go or leave you on your own. I'll help you through everything."
He smiled slightly as he hugged Ray's body closer to his own. He had a feeling that they were both finally on the same page. He didn't know for sure if the flashbacks would stop, but he was sure that with Ray's help, he could eventually get over the pain that his past was filled with. After all, it was no longer about the past, but about the future.