I wake up and I can instantly tell that it's not Itachi's bed. It's all wrong.
"Morning sleepy head."
Huh? I sit up in what is not Itachi's bed.
"Naruto?"
Strangely enough, I don't find his toned, tanned body, wrapped in only a towel, as distracting as usual.
"What happened last night?"
"You came," he announces with a grin.
My heart skips a beat. Then another.
"What?"
"Then you passed out. Aw, don't tell me you've forgotten already!"
The alarm and confusion must be pretty evident on my face for Naruto quickly adds, "I know how you like to sleep in Itachi's bed and I tried to wake you, but man, you were out cold."
I fall back on the pillows, throwing an arm over my eyes. Did I just dream that Itachi was here? Do I need my brother so badly I conjure him?
"I'm going to go see if breakfast is ready, okay?"
He leaves and comes back with a platter of pancakes. They smell divine and I tell Naruto so. I can't help shooting him an incredulous look; Naruto's never been much of a cook.
"Well." Naruto scratches his head, "I had a little help." He offers a sheepish grin. "I'll go get you something to drink."
He shimmies into a pair of jeans sans underwear. I smirk inwardly. Such a sex addict, I think fondly. But he's mine. All mine. "Thanks." And I mean it. I try to push the guilt away, but I know it'll just come back in a minute.
*
Naruto enters the kitchen and is surprised but not really that Itachi is still here. He's sitting at the table, looking out the window.
"Does he buy it?" Itachi asks quietly.
"Yes. Quite ingenious, I didn't know how we were going to explain last night."
Itachi jerks his head, nodding. He shrugs and absently pushes a strand of dark hair behind his ear. Naruto can see me in his every movement.
"You didn't have sex," Naruto says, hoping to clarify the situation. It's a question and a desire.
Itachi looks at him then, eyes dark and piercing. They're like two chips of ice, so unlike my warm ones. Naruto can't stop himself from thinking that Itachi's glacial looks are love filled when looking at me. He fights down the jealousy, knowing it shows anyway.
"That was our deal, was it not? I spend the night with him and you get the sex."
Naruto's pretty sure Itachi's voice could be more emotionless, but he's not sure how. He sighs and sits down at the table across from Itachi.
"He still won't come," Naruto confesses.
Itachi doesn't even blink. "Do you love him?"
"Yes." The answer is firm and given without hesitation. Itachi appraises him.
"Call him Angel," Itachi says quietly.
Naruto, usually slow on the uptake, understands immediately. The name will remind me of Itachi. Which confirms Naruto's suspicions- that I still love, would probably always love, my older brother. He hadn't been sure if the nature of our relationship was incestuous, but now it's clear. The answer is a resounding yes.
"I've never seen him smile like that," Itachi says to himself more than to Naruto. "In his sleep." He looks Naruto straight in the eye and Naruto fights to not look away.
"He's happy," Naruto snaps, unable to help himself. He knows he sounds defensive. "You made him all messed up, but he's getting better. He's healing."
If Itachi feels any guilt for abandoning me, he doesn't show it.
"You make him happy." It's a question and while reasonable, it makes Naruto bristle.
"Yes."
Itachi nods to himself. "Last night was the last time. I won't be back." His expressionless face is grim for a moment before smoothing back into blankness.
"News on Madara's whereabouts." A feral grin. "He's going to die."
Naruto doesn't disbelieve his words. Itachi has told him everything.
"And after?"
"I'll send word. You can explain everything to Sasuke then."
"Why not now? He deserves to know."
Itachi looks at him with flat eyes. They've been over this a million times before.
"Fine, when you're done avenging your clan-"
"It's not about our clan. It's about Sasuke."
Naruto gets the subtext loud and clear: It's always been about me.
"Tell him yourself. He'll want to hear it from you."
Itachi says nothing and Naruto finally gets it.
"You're not coming back." Naruto's voice is incredulous.
"No."
Naruto stares, at a loss for words, mouth open. "B-but you're his brother," he splutters. "He needs you."
"He has you now." Itachi's tone is cool, reasonable.
Naruto closes his mouth. He isn't stupid enough to ask why Itachi's not coming back. So all he does is bow and says thanks.
Itachi stands in a fluid motion. "It's no problem. Pancakes aren't hard to make."
Naruto wisely chooses to say nothing. Thank you for leaving Sasuke with me. For not taking away my heart's companion. He'll be safe with me. I promise.
"You love him," Naruto concludes. He can't imagine a life without me and marvels at Itachi's strength.
"He's my brother." Naruto stares his confusion: is that an argument or a reason.
"But not just that. You've killed for him. You've –"
Itachi stops him with a cutting glare, eyes flashing. Enough. The room is several degrees cooler.
"Hold on," Naruto pleads, "I've got something for you."
He hopes he's doing the right thing as he yells suddenly, "Sasuke, come in the kitchen!"
*
I yawn and arrive in a couple seconds. I've put on my red and black plaid boxers. "What?"
"Your brother-" Naruto stops, scanning the room for Itachi.
"Hmm? What about Itachi?" I start to stretch then stop. "He was here, wasn't he? I didn't imagine him last night." My voice rises and I'm sure I'm wearing an expression of equal parts excited and fearful.
"Those pancakes…"I shake my head. "Only nii-san can make pancakes that wonderful. So where is he?" I cross my arms, staring at Naruto. Then I realize how ridiculous I sound. Of course Itachi wasn't here. That's wishful thinking on my part.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry, okay?"
I rub my eyes tiredly, offer a shaky smile. "Last night's dream has me a bit on edge."
Naruto's eyes sharpen. Itachi said nothing sexual happened, but maybe the encounter didn't have to be to make me remember, regret, and pine.
"That dream last night wasn't a dream. Itachi visited." He takes a deep breath. "He made the pancakes, you're right."
My entire body jolts. What? "What? Why'd he leave?"
"To find Madara."
My jaw drops. Naruto lies a hand on my shoulder, pushing me down on the chair. He explains everything. The reasons for the massacre, Itachi's bravery, Itachi's abandonment. His deal with Naruto. Whenever Itachi was in town, he'd swing by the old Uchiha house at night. He'd just stay by the window, watching me sleep.
I can only stare blankly at my knees.
"You're taking this better than I thought you would."
"What, did you think I'd run into the streets, yelling for my brother? No. If Itachi doesn't want to be found, he won't be. I get it. He's gone." My voice peters out but my thoughts spiral around and around, He's left me again. I'm alone. I-
"Sasuke."
"Don't get me wrong." I hold my hands up. "I don't care," I spit, eyes crackling, hands trembling and balled into fists, fingernails biting deep into my palms. I almost choke on the next words. "Did…did he say anything?"
There's only one thing Naruto can do to make things better. Lie. "That he loved you. That he'd be back." Deep breath. "He said, 'I'll be back for my Angel.'".
Naruto knows he did the right thing; I was looking dangerously close to shutting myself in my room and never coming out.
"You're lying. Itachi would never say stupid shit like that," I mutter but the use of my nick name has jarred me.
"He's changed," Naruto insists.
"No."
I rock back and forth on my heels, glancing helplessly around the room. Naruto has never seen me looking so lots.
I tried to help, Naruto thinks miserably, but did I just make things worse?
Naruto sees a folded note on the table. He knows instantly it's for me from Itachi. "Sasuke, look."
I open the note. The message is short. My eyes skim over it.
Forgive me, Angel
It's unsigned but I know it's from my brother. Naruto sees a gleam of desperation, anger, remorse, and most prominent, Love.
I clutch the paper in my hand, determined never to lose it. But later that night, "Where is it?" I turn Naruto's place upside down searching for it. I sink to my knees when I can't find it. "It's all I have left…"
That night, I agree to move in with Naruto.
The way I figure, Itachi's most likely to return to Naruto's place. It's a logical decision, I tell myself.
We lay together on the bed, comfortably intertwined in the sheets.
"Itachi…He's coming back, right. He has to."
Naruto has heard the name mentioned in tones of hatred, fear, confusion, admiration. But never with so much love as this morning.
"Not that I care," but my voice cracks and tears slither from out and under my closed lids. My eyes sting.
"Yes, he'll come back."
What a pair, me and Naruto. Me so in love with my brother, so lost without him, I'm willing to believe anything.
And Naruto, the jealous best friend cum boyfriend but never lover, not in the way he wants. Who, try as he might, would never be more than the eternal rebound, the best friend too in love to let me go.
And the Uchiha brothers. One brother complex. One savior complex. Both extremely good looking. Incestuous, desperate.
Which was worse? Naruto spends many sleepless nights contemplating the two relationships. Though incestuous, the Uchiha's love was pure.
Naruto can't tell me Itachi isn't coming back. Not because he wants me to himself, but because it's the only way to save me from my self destructive love. he can't tell me that I'm waiting in vain for a man who will most likely die and never come back even if Itachi survives. Each day the fire dims in my eyes but as long as there's hope, the slightest chance of Itachi's return- I can sleep, eat, breathe easier.
Naruto, who was abandoned countless times, is still waiting. His relationship with me was built on lies, in trust that the lies would hold.
I lie every time I tell Naruto I love him.
Naruto lies every time he says he wants Itachi to return.
I live in a dream world where the lie exists that someday Itachi will find his way back to me.
Naruto lives in a lie too. He hopes that one day, I'll put him first. But my wish can still come true, so the light is still present.
Naruto is too far gone, too isolated. He's built a fortress of lies around him, not unlike Itachi. They're similar, I suppose. But the difference is that with Itachi, I can still reach him.
Naruto doesn't know lies from honesty, from the truth. But I'll give him this: he knows that the bond between Itachi and me is everlasting.
~Fin