Today I am going to act like a mature adult.
I'm not going to drop and break anything. I'm going to wear mature, womanly clothing. I'm not going to climb trees. I'm going to walk slowly and speak in a soft tone.
I start the mature day by walking out to breakfast clad in a skirt and blouse with nylons and high heels. Abner nods in approval. I glance at Jones and he is blinking at me confusedly, as if he's never seen a woman before.
Yes, I am a woman.
A mature, sophisticated, woman.
But suddenly, as I stand up from my chair, I hear a ripping sound. My skirt was caught on my heel and is now split up the side. I try to undo the skirt from my heel and my heel brakes. I start top topple over, but not before grabbing the table cloth in a vain attempt to stay upright. But of course, I bring the entire breakfast down with me.
My hair is mussed, my heel is broken, my skirt is ripped, and I'm covered in fried eggs. I try to keep from resorting to immature behavior. But, I just can't help it.
"SHIT!!" I wail, looking disgustedly at my ruined outfit.
I stand up, muttering about the suckishness of life.
"Don't worry Abner, I will clean up the mess." I say gloomily as teacher and pupil leave the room.
Figures. The one time I try to live up to Abner's expectations, I embarrass him immensely in front of Jones.
I guess I wasn't ever cut out to be mature and womanly.
Besides, who would want to be mature and sophisticated when you can be immature and wild?