Maid Number 167 Bitch Number One, a naruto fanfic

Alright, this is the chapter where I'll start inserting random 'eye-catches' which I haven't done for ages. Enjoy enjoy.

Warning: Language as always. Sigh...I really need to work on my potty-mouth.

YOO! The new and improved eyecatch is here! I present thee... I-catch! The latest unofficial cousin of ipods but still highly entertaining to one's eye! –Cough- It's going to be a little different than the other I-catches because it's going to be a mini-story itself! Unless a new version is published!

I-Catch v.1: A pink haired rebel stood high and almighty in front of her mirror and smiled at her reflection, shouting: I. AM. LEGEND!

Credit: Will Smith

N U M B E R O N E

"That stinkin no good Uchiha..." Sakura growled trying to blow off all the heat from her face. First off, Sasuke had invaded her air bubble. Second, he officially popped it! And third, he isolated her off from fresh air while she was in his room. That he-bitch...

Knock! Knock!

"Sakura, it's me!" Banana called from behind her bedroom door.

Sakura jumped and quickly wrapped a towel around her head to prevent the girl from seeing her real hair.

"Wow, you're all red." Banana commented as she opened the door with a nervous smile.

"Haha, really? Yeah, I thought it was a little hot in here. Whew, I think I'm going to the bathroom to take a cold shower." She said quickly, holding the big turban on her head securely.

"But it's almost twelve." The plain girl noted and adjusted her black oval glasses.

"That makes it all the more reason to go! Byee!" She chuckled nervously, grabbed her clothes, and darted out of the room. Since they were all divided into sections, each section had to share a bathroom of their own. Fortunately for her, no one was using the bathroom and everyone was probably asleep so she had it all to herself.

After finishing the longest shower ever in history, she slowly peered out of the hallway and sighed happily when she found it empty. Not for a lookout for peeping toms though, since the maid sect only ever had females walking around. So during shower hours, one could see a lot of women clad in only a thin white towel walking around in the hallway. It's a guy's heaven of course.

Anyways, Sakura hurried over to her room and quietly stepped in. As expected, Banana was already sound asleep in her bed which made her free to do anything she wanted. During these times, it was normally her study hours but today, because of that damn chicken and bitch number 1, she had a more important thing to accomplish.

Sakura hated her next actions but she had to do it no matter what. Slowly and painstakingly, she pulled out her wallet from her little hoard of treasures in her small closet and sneaked out of the mansion. Mina was just as hateful as Sasuke was. Maybe even more distasteful. If she hadn't ruined her wig, she wouldn't have to spend her salary to buy a new one.

"Alright, the coast is clear." She whispered to herself as she went to the only window that doesn't set off the security alarm in the west wing. Only a few people know about the window and the only reason why she found out about it was because she saw Sasuke sneak out of it once when she crept downstairs to get a drink. It was against the policy to go out after curfew but it was urgent for her. So far, she had only used the window twice. If anyone was to blame it should be Mina.

Little by little, she opened the glass window with great care and crawled over it as quietly as she could. Even though she knew the window didn't set off the alarm, she was still paranoid and listened intently to any noises inside the building. Good...no alarm, I'm saf- She froze.

"Well, well...you know about this window too huh."

Damnit...I curse my luck...

"Because I saw you climbing out of it once sir." She replied tersely and looked at Sasuke who was by the window doing who-knows-what. However, judging by his attire, she expected that he was just about to set out to meet another girl. Sasuke had an unbuttoned shirt on which revealed his 'sexy' abs and a pair of black loose shorts. It was simple but very suggestive.

Whoever he's meeting is truly dense...she thought, fixing her eyes on only his head. His body sure was distracting...

"You weren't stalking me by any chance now were you?" He inquired teasingly.

"N-No." She replied hastily in surprise and avoided his gaze.

"Hn..." Sasuke crossed his arms and contemplated for a moment. "You know, I can get you fired. You broke a lot of rules today Haruno."

Sakura stiffened when she heard her name. It would be nice if he called her by her first name properly.

"Let's see," He counted playfully, "Out of bed after curfew, mishandling your boss's property, commenting bad things behind your boss's back, talking back at your boss, and making the head maid pissed."

"Are you going to fire me?"

Sasuke smiled slightly and looked at her with a few dark evocative glints in his eyes. "Do you want me to?"

Aargh...why is he so good with words?! Always catching me off guard like that...

"N-No."

"Heh... so I won't." He shrugged which made Sakura sort of taken aback. "Where are you going?"

"To a store."

"Shopping? This late?"

"Yess." Sakura gritted her teeth.

"Alright, I guess I'll go with you."

"What?!"

"You heard me Haruno." Sasuke smirked coolly.

"B-But you can't!"

"Is that an order?" He raised an eyebrow.

"N-No!" Sakura tried not to growl and glare at him. Sasuke just kept that dignified smirk of his and followed her. Why can't he just follow some other girl and make her dreams come true?! She asked angrily in her mind. Sasuke was really the total opposite of what she first imagined him to be.

When she saw Sasuke for the first time, she thought he was a quiet reserved person and she instantly got attracted to him. But who knew in that fateful month, she caught Sasuke making out with another maid in her section. After that, she caught Sasuke playing with different girls each time and found out just how manipulative he could be with that tongue of his.

"Aren't you meeting with someone?" She asked out of annoyance.

Inner Sakura: Like meeting a whore!

Maybe she could shake him off by annoying him. His presence beside her only made the atmosphere tense.

Sasuke clicked his tongue lightly for a second before replying casually. "Nahh, they could wait and play without me."

Sakura's jaw almost dropped. They?! Play?!

Inner Sakura: Dude?! How many vaginas do you have to enter until you're satisfied?!

"I mean, it's only basketball." Sasuke finished.

She cast him a shocked look before cranking her head forward feeling extremely stupid. Of course! He meant basketball! But still...that doesn't mean he's clean...whatever...yeah yeah, he's a playboy and I still don't trust him...

"You seemed shocked by my response." Sasuke smirked. "How's that?"

Sakura looked at him tilting his head to one side like an innocent little boy which he was far from his actual evil self. Psh...she thought he knew that she wasn't interested in him so why is he even talking to her right now?!

Inner Sakura: Hello? Earth to Uchiha and that brain of yours that's only filled with sex positions! Take a hint!

"You thought I was going to meet a girl didn't you?"

Damnit… Sakura cast her head aside and gritted her teeth. Who knew chickens could read minds.

"That hurt." He commented playfully, stuffing his hands inside his pockets.

She forcefully closed her jaws and swallowed her saliva with difficulty. They were almost at the convenience store which was the only store that was still open around midnight. The faster she finds a wig, the faster she could get out of the place. "You can't blame me for thinking that way." She muttered and continued walking.

"True." Sasuke said thoughtfully surprising her once again.

"Then why do you do it?" She blurted without thinking.

She couldn't believe Sasuke actually paused for a minute to think before replying. Maybe he really had a good reason…

"Because, I think its fun."

-Shatters-

Sakura suddenly felt this unexpected hope inside her drop down to hell as if it could never be retrieved again. She didn't know why she expected a decent answer from him so much. Or why she even bothered expecting or hoping at all. His answer in the end was none other than a typical one from a playboy like him.

Chickens...they never fail to surprise me...

They arrived at the convenience store and Sakura immediately began searching for a wig. She knew it was ridiculous to ask for a wig from a convenience store but she had to try. Sasuke followed behind his maid closely and noticed the cashier was a guy. It was no surprise to him that the guy was gawking at Sakura's pink hair with wide eyes. However, with one of his famous Uchiha glare, the cashier nervously looked away. It wasn't a possessive glare or anything like that, but it was piercing enough to make the guy gulp in fear.

"Found it!" Sakura cried happily in amazement as she found a short black wig from a rack.

"A wig?" Sasuke looked at her questionably. It was his turn to be surprised.

"Yes." She replied and pointed at her hair. "You don't expect me to walk around like this tomorrow do you?"

He stared at her for a long time as a little bright light bulb started forming on top of his head. "What if I said yes?" His lips curved into a grin.

Sakura looked at him in horror and found herself completely speechless. She should've just ran away from him the moment she saw him by the window.

What if I said yes?...

His words echoed in her mind over and over again until her mind went completely blank. How she hated the evilness behind the grin of those lips.

God, can I chop this chicken's head off and cook him for tomorrow's stew? Chicken noodle soup...my favourite...

The answer from heaven's above:

Blank.

Amen.

Mina hesitantly yet excitedly knocked on her beloved master's door. She hoped Sasuke stilled favoured her as his favourite maid. Hearing no reply, she smiled crazily to herself and fumbled around her chain of keys to every room in the mansion. As head maid, she had been presented with handling the important task of keeping the keys safe.

It was early in the morning and she knew that Sasuke was still asleep. But she had something 'urgent' to tell him even though she didn't like the news one bit. Still, she twisted the ten karat golden key in the silver knob and gently pushed the door open. To see her master's sleeping face was absolutely heavenly delicious. She knew that Sasuke had a nasty morning temper if he didn't get his sleep but again…the matter was 'urgent'.

Plus, she wouldn't mind being a stress toy of his where he can blow off his anger every time. She gladly accepted anything that allowed her to spend more time with him. Mina crept closer with pure joy as she saw Sasuke comfortably sleeping on his bed...shirtless. She took a long while savoring every yummy data and dreamt of having raw sex with that hot body of his one day.

Mina then shook her head quickly and remembered what she was here for again. She called out her favourite name loudly and saw that cute perfect face of his stir. Daringly, she outstretched her hands and touched that smooth skin of his to shake him awake. However, her mind instantly went off tangent again as she dreamed of wild ecstasy and remembered their first real make-out.

Mina licked her lips and felt a little bit wet; just wishing she could taste those lips of young master's again. She knew Sasuke was just playing around her at that time, but she felt something special firing inside her and she was sure Sasuke could feel it too if he searched hard enough.

"What is it?" Sasuke mumbled coldly and pulled his hand away from her.

Mina felt a twinge of disappointment by this but answered anyway. Even though they were drifting farther and farther apart, she still believed Sasuke had feelings for her. It hurt her to see him making out with other maids months after months but she refused to believe that Sasuke really liked any of them.

Their kiss didn't last as long as theirs did.

They didn't make-out as much as they did.

But mostly, he didn't praise them or tell them how much he liked them.

You're a pretty good kisser...want to be my head maid? He teased her as they kissed a long time ago. She couldn't tell him how happy she was at the time. But then, weeks after, Sasuke started to distance himself and go off playing with other girls. Anyways, he wasn't as passionate about them as he was to her...and she will always hold that fact deep inside her heart.

"Master Sasuke," She bit her lips, hating the next few words that were about to come out of her mouth. "Miss. Karin called and she's coming for a visit."

Sakura rolled around groggily with her eyelids still tightly shut. A thick blanket covered her whole body and head making the sleep comfortably warm. But something still wasn't quite right. She wanted to sleep in a little bit more but she suddenly had this gut feeling that she was late for work. Wasn't Banana supposed to wake her up?

"Sakura..."

Finally...she thought. So she was still on time for work but how come this bad feeling still lulled around?

"Sakura wake up." Banana called again.

"Mmnn..." She stretched a little under her bed and wondered why Banana was so stoic today. Normally, she was either cheerful or hyperactive when she woke her up.

"Thanks Nana," Sakura yawned, pushing her covers off and got ready for work like every other day.

"Saku-you..."

"Yeah?" She turned around meeting a gaping Banana who was pointing at her and had abnormally large eyes behind her glasses. She was confused at first and shot back a confused look at the girl but then slowly remembered what happened the day before. "Oh...umm..."

"You-"

"Yeah err...Nana, I've been wearing a wig all this time you see... and um...this is my true hair colour... I hope I didn't freak you out?" Sakura chuckled nervously and mentally slapped her forehead. Of course she was freaked out!

"..."

"A lot of things happened yesterday-"

"Right." Banana cut her off shocking Sakura. "A of things happened yesterday. I think..." She paused to choose the right words, carefully avoiding her roommate's gaze. "I need sometime alone to think."

With that, the red-head quickly exited the room leaving Sakura clueless and stunned.

Inner Sakura: What just happened?

"Did Nana just walk out on me?" Sakura asked herself disbelievingly. She knew pink-hair wasn't exactly normal but did it freak her out that much? Nana didn't seem like those types to judge people by their looks. She shook her head hoping it might get rid of all the thoughts that are suddenly flooding in and got dressed. Something clearly was up.

As she walked to the bulletin board to find out what her daily job was she couldn't help but notice all the stares she got from everyone. It was all because of that stupid chicken... after Sasuke found out about the wig, he forced her not to buy it and escorted her immediately back to the mansion. Afterwards, she thought he was going to do something to her again but Sasuke just ordered her to go to sleep and said nothing more. She thought it was weird but didn't say much back because she was so mad at him.

And now... the moment that she had been dreading ever since she came to the mansion has come. Total humiliation. Think on the bright side... your social status was low ever since you came here so it can't get any lower than this right?

"Look, the bitch number one is here."

WHAT?! Sakura immediately snapped her head towards the source of the voice and saw a maid she hadn't seen before glaring at her straight on. Ok...so her hair colour was weird, she knew that. But what did she do to get labeled as bitch number one? She could totally understand freak but bitch? I'm the bitch? Mina was supposed to be the bitch!

"Oh my god?! Did she go dye her hair?"

"I totally bet she did...psh...how shallow...wanting to get attention."

"Such a total bitch."

Sakura forcefully cranked her head back into her place and walked hastily to the board. So I'm the bitch because of that chicken?! She wanted to growl and punch those maids who were purposely talking in a loud voice so that she could hear them.

Oh, add Uchiha Fuckface into that punching list too...

Chill...chill...

Inner Sakura: How can I be chill?!

Just concentrate on your job!

She quickly found her name on the board and ran her fingers across the list of chores she had to do.

Maid 167 – Polish the dining room, sweep the west garden, and pluck weeds.

Sakura sighed but was half relieved that a part of her work was outdoors. Maybe she'll get fewer stares there. But now readers, you see... if Sakura really did get those chores, she would've been in Lalaland already. And we know that Sakura clearly wasn't in Lalaland. So Sakura reread her chores for the day again because maids sometimes misread their jobs.

You're too kind God. She thought sarcastically finding out she had indeed read the wrong line and the job that she thought she had, belonged to Maid 168. Thus, she repeated the process.

Maid 167 – Wash the family room hall, wipe Uchiha Madame's China collection, and clean the cellar.

And readers, if Sakura really did get those job she would've been in heaven already. But we also know that she couldn't be in heaven either because she's obviously alive.

Not wanting to misread again, she read it once more.

"What is wrong with me? Why can't I read properly today?" She growled under her breath and placed her index finger under Maid 167. Once, She had accidentally did another's maids job and got her salary deducted in half. She sure learned her lesson. It was a maid's responsibility to know what her job is and the Uchiha household will not allow such a mistake because it decreases the efficiency of workers.

"Maid 167..." She read with extra care. "Ma-WHAT?!"

She wasn't hallucinating this time.

She wasn't dreaming either.

Nor was she mistaken again.

And she definitely wasn't in Lalaland.

"Maid 167 – Master Sasuke's PERSONAL SERVANT? For...for...UNTIL HE SAYS SO?! What the fucken shitty hell?"

Sadly, dear readers once again. Little Sakura was mistaken because this wasn't hell. Because if it was, Satan would be there and everyone would have this arrow-shaped tail sticking out of their butthole. No readers, this is Earth we're talking about and things on Earth don't always go heavenly or lala-ly or according to plan. And since this is Earth, life on the planet was cruel.

Too cruel.

On top of the list, Sakura read in horror and wondered why she never noticed it in the first place. It read:

Miss. Karin is coming this afternoon. (In big bold red font) Will the personal servant please report to Master Sasuke. A.S.A.P.

Sakura's heart really smashed into pieces this time.

Behold!

Miss. Karin

Alia: Sasuke's girlfriend.

Other alias: The Ultimate Bitch Number One

Fin

I thought this chapter was pretty long and cliché-ish. Sorry about that. Anyway, this chapter was updated for Valentines day so Happy 2007 Valentines! Lotsa Lurv!

Re-edited on December 25, 2008