Disclaimer: I own none of the characters in this story.
A/N: Links to this chapter are in my profile. The story is almost over, so the next chapter will probably be the last one :( I was going to combine it with this one but it got too long. Thanks to everyone who has been reading this story and reviewing. I appreciate you. Now...Chapter 5!
I knew I should have stayed home. At least at home, the only emotions I had to deal with were depression self loathing and rejection. Now I could add embarrassment, jealousy, and frustration to that list.
On top of everything I was angry. I was angry that Edward was here with Tanya. I was angry that he didn't want to see me anymore. I was angry that Rosalie brought me here so that I could experience first hand just how over me he was.
I wanted to scream! I was normally a peaceful person, but tonight I wanted to do nothing more than to find Tanya and rip her hair out.
Too bad the chances of me getting away with that without having to face any repercussions was slim to none.
James was offering me of a somewhat acceptable alternative. He was offering me a chance to drown all my feelings away until I felt numb and dull.
So I took him up on his offer. I would get drunk tonight and James would be my catalyst. The fact that my actions would spite Edward was just an added bonus. What I really wanted was to be so impaired that I would forget everything about this awful night.
I allowed James to steer me away from Edward and into the kitchen. It was a beautiful kitchen, very modern looking with slick black appliances, cream colored walls, and granite floors to match the counters. An island separated the kitchen from its adjacent dining room.
There were two large coolers on the floor near the sink which I assumed held canned beer and soda, and large selection of liquor and wine bottles set on top of the counters.
"So what'll it be?" He asked.
No idea.
Edward was right of course. I didn't really drink. It was a rare occasion and only under extreme circumstances (I think tonight would count). The reason being for one, I didn't like the taste of alcohol too much, and more importantly, it didn't take much to get me drunk.
The last time I'd had an alcoholic beverage was this past summer. I had a glass of champagne at a wedding. I felt fine at first, a little warmer than usual, and a little lightheaded but otherwise I was good. But as soon as I stood up from my table the whole room tilted sideways. I took one step and fell crashing to the ground. I went home that night with a bruised elbow and a twisted ankle.
I cringed at the memory, while at the same time trying to smile and appear confident in front of James.
"Surprise me." I said, "The stronger the better." It would be better to get this over with quickly. If I only had to endure one or 2 drinks to achieve what I wanted that would be perfectly fine.
James went to work then, pulling bottles off the counter and mixing a variety of different liquids into the cups he'd set out for us.
"Here you go." He said as he handed me one of the plastic red cups. He raised his cup in the air and said, "Cheers!"
I lifted my cup the same way James had.
Wow. It was very strong. The smell of it alone caused my throat to constrict. I almost changed my mind. Almost.
James swallowed his drink in one long gulp and was staring at me, waiting for me to do the same.
I can do this. I chanted over and over in my head, mentally psyching myself up to ingest whatever drink James has concocted.
I took a deep breath.
Here goes nothing.
"Cheers!"
To Edward.
And then I poured the contents of the cup down my throat.
Arrgg!
It was the grossest thing I'd ever tasted! It felt like I had just swallowed a lump of hot coal doused in vinegar. My throat was on fire! And it wouldn't go away. I had to bite down on my bottom lip to restrain myself from spitting my drink out all over James. I closed my eyes and forced the stuff down my throat.
I did it. It was awful, and a little painful, but I did it. The drink had the desired effect. I felt warm and fuzzy and my muscles immediately began to relax. When you put your mind to it…
"Good?" James asked.
Are you crazy? The drink was terrible, but it was a means to an end.
"Oh Great, remind me to send you a thank you note in the morning." I said sarcastically rolling my eyes.
James laughed and then said, "Man, I'm starting to think your boyfriend is right about you being a lightweight."
"Huh?"
Okay. I can't be sure, but I think he was making fun of me. There was no way it was that obvious that…wait a second.
"He is not my boyfriend!" I corrected.
"Okay okay." James said, at the same time holding his hands up to show he meant a truce. "Then how about another?"
I answered his question by handing him my empty cup. I was surprised that it took some effort to line up the plastic cylinder with James' hand. My arm felt like it was detached from my body and I couldn't get it to cooperate, like a young child trying to insert a square peg into a triangle shaped hole.
After a few (unsuccessful) attempts, James grabbed onto my wrist and took the cup from me.
He mixed another drink.
The liquid went down easier this time.
Had I been in my right mind, I'd have gone to look for Rosalie and demanded that she take me home. Instead I hung around James for a good portion of the night. I was the social butterfly I'd never been while I was sober. I was funny, and witty, and charming. I giggled, and joked and mingled with James and his friends.
The night was going good, and I was feeling good. It felt amazing to let go of all my reservations and just live in the moment. I felt so light and free.
I was acting as referee for an intense game of beer pong (a drinking game where you have to bounce a ping pong ball across the table into the other person's cups. If you score they take a drink and vice versa) in the dining room between a tall brown haired guy and an average looking read head. I couldn't remember if they were James' friends or if we'd met them here at the party.
After several rounds of hitting the ping pong ball back and forth, and back and forth, the read head, knocked the ball into his opponent's cup.
"Whoo hoo! Alright!" I yelled, and threw my hands up in the air. I was also doubling as cheerleader apparently.
James strolled over to where I was standing and draped his arm over my shoulders. "Having fun?"
I nodded in affirmation.
"Me too….Do you know what would make tonight even better?" He asked.
No. Another drink maybe.
And then before I could answer he leaned in to kiss me.
It took me a minute to figure out what he was doing. My reflexes were a little slow tonight to say the least. Fortunately I managed to drop my head and turn away just in time. His lips connected with my forehead.
His friend, the read head, yelled " BURN!" and started laughing hysterically.
Awkward!
James moved away from me and smiled. He seemed to be cool with what transpired between us, even if he did look a little uncomfortable.
This has to be a joke, I thought. We were in one of the least romantic settings on the planet surrounded by his 2 drunken friends and a room full of strangers. Not to mention that I'd given him no inclination that I was romantically interested in him. There was no way he could have been serious that kiss.
And then I started laughing too. The more I thought about the situation, the funnier it got.
James didn't look amused anymore.
I took a few deep breaths to try and get my laughter under control.
A few more.
And then I started laughing hysterically again.
"So…um… yeah! I'll be back." I said between giggles.
I didn't know where I was going until I ended up in the kitchen. "Technically" I didn't need another drink, but I seemed like the appropriate thing to do.
I had every intention of making myself something fabulous and exotic. Didn't happen. I grabbed the first bottle I saw of the counter and combined it with plain old coke. That in itself was a task. I was still feeling silly and I kept knocking things over.
I saw Edward approach out of the corner of my eye. I chose to ignore him. "Finally." I murmured to myself when I'd completed my task. Not bad.
"What do you think your doing?!"
"I'm getting trashed man, isn't that what you're supposed to do at a party?" I laughed.
"No! Not you. You shouldn't be drinking."
"I can make my own decisions. I'm not a child." I said coolly. And I was tired of him yelling at me and bossing me around.
I stared directly at Edward, daring him to interfere, as I lifted the glass to my lips. Rage flickered across his face as I took a deep breath and poured the liquid down my throat.
"Cheers." I smiled. "Lighten up. You're being way too serious."
I moved past Edward and went back to my newly acquired group of friends.
"You!" I said, pointing at James. "Where have you been?"
"Right here?" He said looking puzzled.
"That's right!" I exclaimed, happy again now that I had figured out the answer to my question.
Lightweight? Ha! I could hang in there with the best of them. I'd had one more drink than James and I was feeling just…
"Oh my gosh!" I exclaimed. The top 40 CD that spun in the stereo was no playing Disturbed's Stricken. Suddenly I had an epiphany!
"We have to dance!" I said to James and then stumbled through crowds of people before he could respond.
The family room of Sharon's house was set up for dancing. It held two sofa's a coffee table, and the stereo. The sofa's had been pushed back against the wall to allow space for the homemade dance floor.
I climbed onto the sofa, stood up on the cushions, and willed my limbs to move to the music.
….. Another hole in the wall of my inner defenses
Leaving me breathless, the reason I know
That I am stricken and can't let you go
When the heart is cold, there's no hope, and we know
That I am crippled by all that you've done
Into the abyss will I run, Into the abyss will I run…
I was such a good dancer. Everyone was watching me because that's how good I was. I tried to show off a bit by doing a cute little twirl. My heel got stuck on the fabric of the couch and I fell. I landed halfway over the arm of the couch and bumped my head against the wall.
Ouch.
I hope nobody saw that. I pushed myself up and twisted my body around so I was sitting on the couch.
"Really Bella? Really?" An irate female voice scolded.
Now she shows up.
"Where were you?" I yelled at Rose. She was standing by the edge of the couch, towering over me. Emmett was standing next to her and there was someone else staring at me from over Emmett's shoulder.
"Oh Um, Emmett got lost so I went out front to flag him down. I hope you're not mad. I told him what happened last night and we talked for a bit and then we—uh got a little pre-occupied." She smiled sheepishly. Bella who's your friend?"
I strained my neck so I could get a better look.
Oh.
"This…ah…this is—wait don't tell me—"
"James."
That's right! That's who was standing behind Emmett.
"A few more seconds and I would have had it."
Rosalie looked at me bewildered.
"Bella! Are you drunk?" She asked while she glared at me through narrowed eyes.
"No way!" Emmett said, grinning at me. "Way to go dude." Emmett raised his hand in the air, eliciting a hi-5 from James. "I thought I'd never see the day."
"I'm not drunk." I responded defensively. I wasa little tipsy maybe, but not drunk.
"Look at me." Rosalie said as she kneeled down in front of me on one knee and grabbed me by the shoulders. Wow, I'd never noticed before that she had such beautiful eyes. The eye make-up she was wearing really made them stand out. So blue…
"Oh My Gosh you're totally drunk! What happened? I though you were going to talk to…well you know."
That's right. The last time she'd seen me I was on my way to talk to Edward and declare my undying love for him. I was too late. He'd moved on.
"That didn't work out." I said defensively. "But it's okay now, because I have James." So there!
Rosalie gave James an odd look, almost like she was mad at him for something.
"Bella you know I'm the last person to tell you what to do but— Emmett! What the hell!"
While Rose and I were engaged in conversation, Emmett had moseyed on over to the stereo and changed the disc in the CD player. The intro to N'Sync's "It's Gonna Be Me" blasted through the speakers.
"Yeah." He yelled, bobbing his head up and down, "Now it's a party!"
"Umm…has he been drinking?" I whispered to Rose.
"Not a drop." She sighed. I looked back at Emmett who was now pumping his fists in the air and doing pelvic thrusts.
"Oh No! People are staring. Sorry Bella, I have to go take care of this! Be careful. Don't do anything I wouldn't do." Rosalie said before she stood up and charged towards Emmett.
James slid into the space next to me on the couch and wrapped his arm around my shoulders.
"You didn't get to dance." I sighed.
"It's okay," James responded, "As long as you promise to make it up to me later."
"Of course!" I smiled, "I really liked that song and Emmett had to go and change it."
"I can play it for you sometime." James stated.
"Really?! You play?"
"Yeah, on guitar hero."
Before I had time to question that, James added "You know, Bella I've always had a crush on you since that first day you walked into class."
"Oh yeah." I responded not really listening.
The music in the room went back to the Top 40 mix that was playing earlier. I assumed Rosalie managed to pull Emmett away from the stereo. I glanced over my shoulder to look for them, and as I suspected, they were no longer there. I wonder where they went?
"Yeah," James continued, "I always wanted to talk to you, I just never knew what to say before…"
Okay, who do we have here…guy talking on cell phone… girl fighting with her boyfriend…couple making out on the stairs, eww…guy in red shirt dancing…girl in blue shirt dancing…Tanya…Tanya!
She was standing in the corner of the living room talking to a guy who was definitely not Edward. She had Edward back all of 2 hours and she was already cheating on him. Again. And he broke my heart for her?! She's not going to get away with this!
I gripped James' shoulder and used it as a vault to prop myself up to a standing position. Then without saying a word to him I climbed over his legs and walked away from him.
I moved towards Tanya.
"Lose your date much?" I shouted angrily when I reached her.
Tanya turned away from her newest victim, to look at me over her shoulder. "What?" She asked as she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and smiled at me in a condescending way. She didn't take me seriously. Well she would.
"Edward one of the nicest, sweetest, most trusting people I know. Why would you do this to him?" I made a hand motion toward the guy she was talking to.
Tanya looked at her male friend, and then she laughed. "You have no idea what is going on do you?"
"I know exactly what is going on! I don't like it. And I don't like you! I hate you!"
You're a horrible drunk." She said dismissively, and then she turned her back to me and focused all of her attention on her new boyfriend.
"I am not Drunk!" I shouted. "I am looking out for Edward. Do you know how much this is going to hurt him?!"
Tanya twisted so that she was facing me head on. She was at least 5 inches taller than me and to be honest, a little scary, but I wasn't going to back down.
"You should be one to talk." She said coldly, "You've hurt him more than I ever could. I've never seen him so low and it's all your fault."
As if I needed another reason to hate her.
"You're a liar!" I replied, "If it wasn't for you Edward and I would be together right now!"
"Listen honey, I had nothing to do with your little break up. So why don't you grow up and start taking some responsibility for yourself."
"You have everything to do with it. You are the reason he can't trust anyone anymore. You are the reason he won't forgive me. Because deep down, he is afraid that I, or any other girl he is with for that matter, will turn out to be a slut just like you."
Tanya glowered at me through narrowed eyes. She jabbed her finger at me and said, "Now you wait a minute—"
"Don't touch me!" I yelled and at the same time slapped her hand away from my face.
"Tanya!" a cold menacing voice scolded from behind me. Edward's voice.
Tanya took a step toward me and came so close that we were nearly touching. My hand balled into a fist in preparation to defend myself against Tanya.
Before either of us could make a move, Edward wrapped his arm across my stomach and pulled me away from her.
"Let me go!" I shouted.
"Yeah Edward let her go. It was her own stupidity that put her in this situation, let her get herself out of it."
That's it!
I did everything I could to get around Edward. I tried to pull his arm away. I tried to jump over him and go around him.
Tanya laughed, enraging me more.
Edward glared at her, and then he lifted me off the ground and carried me away until we were out of hearing range of the crowd that had gathered around us.
"Why are you doing this?" He asked angry, as he set me down in the hallway.
"Why are you?" That's right, better to answer his question with another question than to let him see how much him hanging around with Tanya really bothered me.
Edward groaned, frustrated.
"Bella…I—I'm concerned about you. You are going to get yourself hurt. I don't like you drinking. And definitely not with him."
"Something wrong with my friend James." I said sarcastically.
"I don't trust him. You just met and he's already trying to get you drunk!"
"So what! You are here with Tanya! Do you know how I feel about that?"
Seeing them together made me want to scratch my eyeballs out.
"She was all over you Edward! All over you didn't do one thing to stop it! Are you trying to make me jealous? Did you want to hurt my feelings? If so it worked. I hope you're happy now."
There! Now I was feeling bad again. All the emotions I worked so hard to repress came flooding back to the surface.
"Hey there you are? I wondered where you'd gone off to." James said as he curled around the corner into the hallway where Edward had taken me to get away from Tanya. Edward glared at James like he wanted to murder him.
"Well you found me." I said. My voice was shaky and I could feel myself getting close to tears.
"Thirsty?" He said, smiling deviously. It was a blatantly obvious attempt to steer me away from Edward, and right now it was what I wanted.
"Parched."
I glanced at Edward who looked forlorn and sadder than I'd ever seen him. My first reaction was to grab his hand and apologize to him for….
NO! He didn't care about my feeling so why should I care about his.
I brushed past Edward and went with James.
This time he only filled my cup about half way with one of the beverages. Tequila? I though it said, but couldn't be to sure. The letters on the bottle were starting to blur and muddle together. Well at least the room wasn't spinning. Yet.
James handed me the shot and he grabbed himself a soda.
Okay, so maybe James did have less then noble motives for wanting me to drink with him. It didn't matter anyway.
I held the drink in my hand and before I could do anything with it, another hand snatched it away from me. "Why don't you let me have this one?" Edward said and then slammed the cup on the counter.
"Wh—what are…?" I was confused.
"Dance with me!" He ordered, then he held on to my elbow and pulled me away from James.
Edward stormed through the house. I had nearly had to run to keep up with his pace and tripped over my feet a couple of times. He led me to the back of the house, through a sliding glass door and onto the patio.
We were the only two people outside. Sharon had a pool, which was fenced off and covered up, and a stone bar-b-que grill at the far end of the yard. The music from the stereo cascaded down on us as clearly as if we'd still been inside.
"Are you following me?" I asked quizzically.
For someone who didn't want to see me anymore, we seemed to be running into each other a lot tonight.
Edward released my elbow and his hands fell limply by his sides. "Don't be absurd." He said, and then his gaze caught mine and he stared into my eyes.
I'm not sure how long we stood there gazing at each other, or what he saw when he looked at me.
His facial expression grew soft and warm almost. For the first time since Edward told me that he didn't want to see me anymore, I felt like things might turn out okay between us.
"So this is different. Why…" I was the first one to speak and the first one to look away. I wanted to ask him why he brought me out here with him. I wanted to find out why he cared what I did with James, but I didn't. I was afraid it would make him angry again.
"The last thing I wanted to do was hurt you." Edward stated. He held out held out his hand for me. I reach out, but right before my hand touched his I hesitated. Edward closed the remaining distance between our hands as he grabbed it and held it in his. He placed brought his other hand to rest lightly on my waist.
Turn the lights off in this place
And she shines just like a star…
Edward rocked us slowly from side to side to the music (Ne-Yo's Closer) that was coming out of the stereo.
And I swear I know her face
I just don't know who you are
"I thought…I thought you didn't want to see me anymore." I whispered. I still couldn't look at him so I stared at our hands as I spoke.
Turn the music up in here
I still hear her loud and clear
Like she's right there in my ear
Telling me
That she wants to own me
"Didn't I tell you how hard it is for me to stay away from you?" He whispered back. His hand slipped from the side of my waist to the middle of my back.
To control me
Then he cautiously pulled my body against his. I laid my head on his chest and listened to the rhythm of his heartbeat.
Come closer
"That's a good thing." I murmured to myself. I didn't want to be away from him either.
Come closer
"You never let me explain." He freed the hand that was holding onto mine and began brushing his fingers up and down my arm.
And I just can't pull myself away
Under a spell I can't break
I just can't stop
I just can't stop
I just can't stop
I just can't stop
"I came here alone. The only reason I came at all was because I hoped that maybe you'd be here."
And I just can't bring myself no way
But I don't want to escape
"Tanya… I ran into her here she—"
I just can't stop
I just can't stop
I just can't stop
I just can't stop
I just can't stop
"Shh…" I knew I would eventually have to face whatever went on between them, I refused to do this now. Not when I didn't know if I would ever see him again after tonight. I slid my hands up his chest, over his shoulders, and locked my arms around his neck.
I can feel her on my skin
I can taste her on my tongue
"Please Edward, not now…" For the first time since we started dancing I looked into his eyes. "Right now I just want to be close to you."
She's the sweetest taste of sin
Edward wrapped both of his arms around my waist and held me tightly. I tightened my grip on his neck, afraid he would disappear if I let go.
The more I get the more I want
"Why did you have to lie to me; all I ever wanted was to be with you."
She wants to own me
"I'm sorry…"
Come closer
She says "come closer"
"Please don't push me away again." I said, my voice barely above a whisper.
And I just can't pull myself away
Under a spell I can't break
I just can't stop
I just can't stop
I just can't stop
I just can't stop
"I don't think I could even if I wanted to."
And I just can't bring myself no way
But I don't want to escape
I just can't stop
I just can't stop
I just can't stop
I just can't stop
I just can't stop
"I haven't been able to sleep, I haven't been able to think, I'm going crazy being away from you."
Come closer
Come Closer
Come Closer
Come Closer
Edward leaned down and whispered against my ear, "I think…
I just can't stop nooooo
I just can't stop nooooo
I just can't stop nooooo
I just can't stop nooooo
"No. I know…I'm falling in love with you."
If the room wasn't spinning before it was now.
"Edward I…" I was starting to feel sick.
"Hey, you don't look so good." He said as he leaned back just enough to get a good look at my face.
Edward kept one arm wrapped around my shoulders, and helped me to sit down on the edge of the concrete patio. Once I was securely seated he sat down next to me. "Did you drive here?" he asked.
"No I came with Rose, she drove." I responded weakly.
"I'll find her." He said as he stood up.
"Edward wait!" I panicked, "I never got…I never got to tell you I love you."
"I know you do." He smiled. "I promise I will be back." He stroked my hair once before he went back into the house.
A/N: Please R&R