Disclaimer: I do not own Legion or a Christmas Carol.

11: 00

Kell coughed up seawater. A crab had just pinched his nose.

"Ow!" He yelled. And then, he heard giggling.

"Wha-?"

He looked up, and there were three Hawaiian beauties in grass skirts giggling, looking down at him. He saw up their skirts. He began to blush.

And a small bump in the sand rose up.

That caused them to giggle even more as they grabbed him, dusted off the sand and dried him off, before putting a wreath of poinsettias around his neck, and disappeared into the tropical forest beyond the beach.

"Wait a minute!" He yelled. Then he took in his surroundings. And then, music began to float through the air. That Christmas song by whats-his-name, Elfish. And a gorgeous spread of food, Christmas food, Hawaiian style, decorated by wooden menehunes and tiki idols.

Sand, palm trees, HULA GIRLS, tropical weather, HULA GIRLS, pineapple on everything, HULA GIRLS, ukulele music, HULA GIRLS, HULA GIRLS, tiki statues, HULA GIRLS, HULA GIRLS, and HULA GIRLS.

"I'm in Hawaii. Duh." And then his stomach growled. "And starving." He decided to feed the beast and reached for something on the table when this loud, horrible noise stopped him. It was like rabid dogs fighting one another as they were being thrown into a wood chipper.

"What the hell is that?!" He yelled.

He thought, and he realized it sounded familiar. From sleeping in a room next to Lightning Lad. It was snoring. He looked beyond the table, and there was someone laying in a beach chair, fast asleep, a copy of ETERNAL SUPERTEENS over their face as they made that horrible noise. Kell lifted the magazine up. He couldn't believe it. This guy, he looked like Superman too.

He had black hair, that curled like an S on his forehead. Shaved sideburns. A pair of those circle sunglasses hanging off, showing his eyes. The boy blinked.

"Sup?"

Kell jumped back. The boy on the chair in the Superman bathing shorts yawned. He got up and scratched his head.

"Who're you?" Kell asked.

"Name's Superboy."

"No you aren't. The last kid was Superboy."

"One Superboy." This Superboy corrected. "You can also call me Conner. Conner Kent. or Kon-El. Or the Ghost of Christmas Present."

Kell was about to eat something off the table, when Conner stopped him.

"No time flyboy. We're behind schedule. Up, Up-"

"Not again!"

"AND AWAY!"

And just like that, this Conner and Kell we're up in the sky. They zoomed past the tropical Hawaiian landscape. It went from blue to grey so fast Kell didn't know what happened as the blood rushed to his head. He shook off his delirium and it was replaced by cold. The snow was falling. It was noon. There were people walking the streets, saying happy greetings. Kell looked to his left. Conner was no longer in a bathing suit. He had on a variation of the Superman outfit, without the cape and a leather jacket. Kell looked down in surprise.

"It's New Metropolis." Kell said. "But when?"

"It's Christmas Day, stupid." Conner told him. "You see? All the people happy and cheerful?"

It was true. Usually people in the city acted so rude to one another, but this happiness, it was unnatural.

"Merry Christmas." One person said.

"Happy Holidays."

"Happy Christmas."

"Happy Hanukkah."

"Seasons Greetings."

"Why are they so happy?" Kell asked. Conner rolled his eyes.

"You ever hear about the season of goodwill?" Conner asked. "If people can stop acting like total jerks for just one day, doesn't that mean this holiday counts for something?"

"But what about the price? Don't these people know what it'll cost them?" Kell asked.

"COST THEM?!" Conner screamed. He then let go of Kell's hand and let him fall to the ground. Kell screamed all the way down until he fell in a snow bank. He got up and started to shiver, since he was still only wearing a tank-top and boxers. Conner landed in front of him.

"You always have to look on the dark side, don't you? Is one day of peace so stupid?" Conner asked.

"Yeah, peace, and then what happens the day after? You get to chummy with your enemies and then when you aren't looking they stab you in the back." Kell replied. "Some holiday."

"Does it mean anything to you that it proves that your enemies are still human, and that even they are capable of acting like sane, rational people instead the messed-up f&*k wads they are every day of the year?" Conner exasperated.

"No."

Conner rubbed the bridge between his eyes.

"Come on." Conner grabbed him again, and pulled him to their next destination. They disappeared in a flurry of white.

In an instant, they were inside again. Kell was glad to be warm again. Then he noticed something odd. Conner's costume had changed. No longer did he have the S-curl or the leather jacket. His hair was cut shorter and there was some stubble on his chin.

"When did you change?" Kell asked.

"Shh!" Conner motioned. "Watch."

Kell looked around. They were back in Legion HQ! The dining room. And everyone was sitting around for Christmas dinner. Another equally gorgeous spread. Although some of it looked rushed.

"Well maybe it wouldn't have been if someone had helped me!" Someone rasped.

Kell looked ahead. It was Timber Wolf, arguing with Nemesis Kid, who'd obviously just said something bad about the lupine legionnaire's cooking. Kell was amazed at how many Legionnaires were there.

Before the argument broke out, Tinya grabbed her beloved furball by the arm and forced him to sit down. She was sitting in-between her and Jo. The two decided to stop acting like jealous morons for Tinya as her gift. But decided to open a can of whoopass on the other after Kwanzaa.

There was Invisible Kid, Lyle, sitting with Jacques Foccart, Chemical King, Infectious Lass, and Jacques' little sister Danielle. Drura ruffled Danielle's hair and the little girl sneezed. It was like a squeak. Drura blushed for a minute before Jacques told her it was alright.

Brainy sat in between Andromeda, Laurel Gand, and Shrinking Violet. It looked like the two were trying to talk him out of whatever experiment he was working on at the table with Gear and sit down. Kinetix rolld her eyes. Rond did the same, wondering when his girlfriend was gonna give him some attention.

Gates was having yet another political argument Princess Projectra and Tyroc, this time about the exclusiveness of the holidays. Karate Kid rolled his eyes. Jeckie almost stopped for a moment. Did she see them? Probably not, as she went back to arguing.

Rainbow Girl was having an argument with herself, somewhat egged on by the other Subs who thought her annual one-woman Christmas show was funny. But poor Polar Boy was wishing the embarrassment would stop.

The Trips were cheering Bouncy on, and Nura was doing the same for Thom as the two went all head out for an eating contest. Thom was losing.

Dirk was making leering eyes at Shvaughn, Jan's date, and Catspaw was doing the same at Dirk.

Blok was a bit confused by the eating utensils, which caused some giggles out of Mysa as Dragonmage glared at Zyx for making the silverware fight one another, not knowing Quislet was helping out.

Tenzil was being spoon-fed, literally, by his two consorts, Calorie Queen and Saturn Queen.

Mon-El and Shadow Lass were feeding one another like lovebirds.

Wildfire was trying to sit closer to Dawnstar, but her wings were making that a little hard.

Tellus and Thunder for reminiscing about their old homes.

Theena kept her symbiote tuned to certain channels so Cham could watch his Christmas specials, which gave Abel and Ivy something to keep them busy. Theena sat next to Gazelle, the newest Legionnaire.

XS was running around the table at superspeed, trying to outrun Mara and her cousin Bart as Kent Shakespeare and Celeste laughed about it and Devlin O'Ryan tried to get to his deadline.

Even Gim and Yera were there, but were just visiting, since Chanukah fell on the same week as Christmas this year.

Magno was putting on a show with his abilities for Jazmin and Monstress.

And finally, Cos and Lydda were relaxing after last night without having to worry about his little brother Pol.

Suddenly, Garth and Imra walked in.

"GARTH! IMRA!" Everyone said like on Cheers.

"Hey has anyone seen-" Garth started.

"BIG BROTHER!"

Before Garth knew it, he just got glomped by his ten-year old twin Ayla. Mekt was behind them.

"Okay. Now that everyone's here. Let's eat!"

Dinner began. Everyone complimented Brin on his cooking, especially the large, frosted cake and the plum pudding he slaved to create.

"How long did it take you to bake that?" Lydda asked.

"All day." Brin said, exasperated and proud.

"My good little house puppy." Tinya cooed. Brin blushed.

"Chocolate." Ivy said, as she, Ayla, Able, Zyx, and Danielle exchanged smirks and went to get a fingerful of it before they were swatted away by a wayward spoon.

"Food no sneaking!" The spoon was possessed by Quislet.

"Where's Kell?" Imra asked.

"You know Mister Man of 41st Century." Garth joked. "Too good to come to Christmas dinner."

"What is his problem?" The Trips asked.

"You'd think the guy could loosen up enough for Christmas, but no. He didn't even buy us any gifts." Chuck added.

"And I bought him a Superman t-shirt and he didn't even open it." Vi moaned. "Or the gift Superman gave him."

"I even saved a seat for him." Cos added.

"I could've told you otherwise." Nura said, trying to ease Thom and his swollen and unmerciful gut.

"He is so pig-headed!" Tinya mouthed.

Kell felt himself getting madder and madder as they listed the reasons. While Conner smirked.

"And unnerving."

"Bossy."

"Arrogant."

"Rude."

"Cynical."

"Stingy."

"Wasteful."

"Brash."

"Egotistical."

"Violent."

"Smelly."

"Insensitive."

"Unintelligent."

"Pessimistic."

"Unrealistic."

"Nihilistic."

"Emo."

"Unable to pronounce simple words."

"Cheap."

"Mean."

"Heartless."

"We shouldn't talk about him like that." Imra said. Kell acted shocked. She was the only one who didn't say anything bad, except for Able and Ayla, but they didn't say anything really.

"Are you standing up for him?" Garth asked.

"Why not? How many times has he helped us?" Imra asked. "And he's never asked for anything in return."

"Exactly." Brainy said. "He doesn't ask for anything. He doesn't ask for help, he doesn't ask about battle plans, he doesn't ask our opinions before he does something."

"Some friends." Kell muttered.

"Wait for it." Conner told him.

"Give one good reason

"Because it's Christmas." She replied. Everyone fell silent, before Garth kissed her. Ayla made a gagging noise, and Mekt laughed at it.

"You're too good for your own good, you know that?" Garth asked.

"I guess." Imra blushed.

"But, when you're right, you're r-"

WHACK!

Garth stopped. Everyone gasped. A big glop of potatoes covered his cheek. His sister smirked as she held a spoon covered in mashed potatoes. He slowly raised his hand to his cheek and examined it. He looked at it like blood. Before he took a spoon of gravy and tossed it Ayla. She ducked and it hit Mekt. In retaliation, Mekt took a clump of yams and threw it at Garth. He missed, and it went at Nura, who ducked.

"Ha!"

Then she ducked from another hit. She laughed. It hit Thom in the face and he moaned.

"Is that all-"

WHACK!

"Okay that I didn't see coming." Gravy dripped from her white hair.

Bart high-fived his cousin.

"FOOOOD FIIIIGHT!" Garth screamed.

And within minutes, the teens were tossing food at one another. It was complete anarchy. Saturn Queen and Calorie Queen got in catfight as Tenzil watched in pleasure. Someone picked up the caked and hurled it.

"NO! NOT MY CAKE!" Brin cried. And within seconds, it hit him right in the face.

"HA!" Jo cried, before Tinya let out a battle cry and lunged at him with salted mashed potatoes and stuffing in each hand.

The Trips hid behind Bouncy and were using him as a human sheild, which he allowed so he could eat the incoming projectiles. They threw their stuff from behind him.

Jeckie and Val avoided the fight, and were making out under the table. As were Dirk and Catspaw. And Lyle and Chemical King.

Tellus, Blok, Gates, and Quislet were watching from the sidelines, wondering what was wrong with humans.

Kinetix was using her telekinesis to hurl food in all directions.

Ayla was on Mekt's shoulders, Abel was on Cham's, and Ivy was on Kent's as they hurled food at each other.

Lydda and Andromeda were using their boys as human bats.

Magno and Mon were shielding their loved ones.

Zyx was gorging on the plum pudding.

Mysa was the craziest of all, as she lunged in and made the food come to laugh and attack everyone.

Brainy just sat there scowling as Vi was playing around with his hair using green beans and mashed potatoes.

And Garth and Imra were still kissing in the madness.

Kell couldn't believe what he was seeing.

"So, what does this say to you?" Conner asked.

"That these people are bats&*t crazy."

Conner sighed.

"Come on."

He pulled him again, and they disappeared in white once again. They were in a dark field, near a lit-up farmhouse. The Kent Farmhouse. Conner had changed his outfit once again. Now, his black hair looked normal. He wore black jeans, and a black t-shirt with a red S.

"You remember that Clark invited you to dinner?" He asked. "Look what you're missing."

"More chaos?" Kell asked.

Conner sighed and dragged his face to the window.

There wasn't chaos. There was laughter. There was warmth.

Clark sat at the table with Ma and Pa Kent. Joining them was Lana Lang, Clark's old sweetheart. There was Pete Ross. And, there was also a girl with blonde hair. Clark's cousin, Kara. Supergirl. And, Lois Lane.

"Wonderful dinner as always Ma." Clark said. Ma beamed.

"It's too bad that friend of yours couldn't come." Pa said. "What was his name?"

"Kell."

"I don't know why you bothered to invite him." Kara said. "He sounds like a jerk."

"A little." Clark said. "But he's a good guy."

"If he was cloned from you I'll bet he is." Lois said.

"Still. Kinda sad that he doesn't have anyone." Pete mentioned.

"What about those parents of his? The robot ones you mentioned." Lois asked.

"I don't know. He doesn't talk about them that much." Clark said.

"Poor boy." Ma said.

"I wish he did come." Clark sighed.

"You can't save everyone, Clark." Ma said.

"I can try."

"My wonderful Superman." Lois kissed him on the cheek. Kara wanted to gag. "Always thinking of others."

Clark raised his glass.

"To Kell."

"To Kell!"

The scene started to fade.

"You see. You're friends were waiting for you."

"So they could call me names and belittle me." Kell said.

"Maybe if you took the stick out they wouldn't call you that. They saved you a seat. The Kents offered you a place at the table. People care. So what the hell is so bad about that?"

"Care? Yeah right. More like pity. I could sure use that. And I can also act like a wild monkey and through beets around too. If this is Christmas, then no thanks." Kell turned his back.

Conner shook his head.

"Well. I tried." Conner sighed. Kell gasped. Conner was now bruised, and bleeding. He was beaten terribly. He had a hand missing!

"I gotta go. Sorry Kell. Now it's the other guy's turn." Conner said.

Kell began to lose sight of him.

"I gotta warn you, though. The guy's a real douche." And he disappeared in the fog.

"W-wait! Who's the third guy?!" Kell screamed. The fog lifted. He was back on the beach. It was gray and dismal as snow fell. And washed on shore, was a grandfather clock.

12:00

Midnight.

Kell gulped.

The figure rose behind him. This wasn't over yet.