"Alright!" Calvin grinned, looking over the kitchen table. "Everything is ready for Santa, tonight!"
Hobbes and Socrates, who were both wearing red Santa hats, exchanged glances.
Calvin had taken half of the contents of the cookie jar and piled them up onto a dinner plate. Next to the plate was a full one-gallon jug of chocolate milk.
"Are you sure Santa has time to eat all this, Calvin?" Socrates asked, looking it over.
"Of course he does!" Calvin spat. "If that jolly old elf has the time and the stomach capacity to eat all the cookies and milk all the other kids leave out, then I'm sure he has time for this. Besides, this is an old trick I've been using with Santa over the past few years!"
Hobbes and Socrates looked down at Calvin.
Calvin winked.
"The more cookies there are, the better your presents will be! A couple years ago, I did an experiment. I left only one cookie out for him, and he gave me socks and underwear. The year following, I gave him three cookies, and I didn't receive any form of clothing, whatsoever!"
Hobbes rolled his eyes.
"With any luck, this amount should be sufficient payment for everything I put on my list, this year." Calvin said, crossing his arms, satisfied.
"What if it isn't?" Hobbes asked.
There was a moment's silence.
"Then my entire theory on Santa Claus psychology will be destroyed." Calvin replied.
Hobbes and Socrates sighed, heavily.
"Well, let me know how that works out for you, Calvin," Socrates said, glancing at his watch. "I gotta get back to the mansion!"
"What are you leaving out for Santa, Socrates?" Hobbes asked, as Socrates started off.
"Why, Swiss cheese, of course!" He grinned, glancing over his shoulder.
Calvin and Hobbes stared at him.
"Why?" Calvin asked, raising his eyebrow.
"Well, don't you remember that cheese commercial where the little girl leaves cheese out for Santa, and he fills her room up with highly expensive toys and cars?" Socrates asked.
Calvin and Hobbes exchanged glances.
"There's a science in this stuff, guys. Well, see ya! I have to go watch The Christmas Gift before tomorrow." And with that, Socrates raced out.
There was a pause.
Calvin looked back over at the pile of cookies on the plate.
"Well, if this doesn't work, I'll use cheese next year," He grumbled, turning and walking off.
Hobbes sighed.
"Well, anywho," Calvin said, looking up at the clock. "It's five thirty. What do you say we turn in early?"
"This is the only time of year I hear you say anything remotely close to that," Hobbes said.
"Yep," Calvin grinned. "We have to be up by five in the morning, ya know!"
Hobbes thought for a moment.
"Oh very well," He said. "It'll get me closer to seeing what you got me for Christmas,"
"Hobbes, you already know," Calvin said, his brow furrowing. "It's a can of salmon that you asked me to wrap up and put under the tree,"
"Yes, well, being a tiger, I couldn't possibly need anything else!" Hobbes said, proudly.
Calvin rolled his eyes.
"Well, goodnight, Mom! Goodnight Dad!" Calvin called, as he carried Hobbes past them on his shoulder. "I'm turning in! See you at the usual time on Christmas?"
"Five in the morning, as always," Dad sighed.
"You bethcya!" Calvin grinned. "And make sure you put out the fire before you go to bed. If you burn Santa he could sue us! Or worse! Decide not to give me any loot!"
Mom and Dad rolled their eyes.
Calvin did a salute, and marched up the stairs to bed.
"Well," Mom said, checking her watch. "It's five thirty. He's going to bed a little late this year."
"Maybe it'll give us more time asleep," Dad said.
'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;
"Well, Hobbes time for our annual present examination conclusion!" Calvin said, pulling the covers up to his chin.
"Good," Hobbes grinned, grabbing a clipboard and a pencil. "Our full three weeks of analyzing our presents will now pay off."
"Plus, there's nothing out there stirring right now, so it'll give us some extra silence to think!" Calvin added.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there;
The night wore on, and soon, Mom and Dad got up from their chairs, unplugged the Christmas tree lights, and headed up to their bedroom.
The only source of light was a dim lamp sitting on the table, lighting the dinner plate of cookies.
Outside, the snow was lightly falling onto the ground, creating a white Christmas.
Socrates was snuggled up on the couch in front of the fireplace, fast asleep. He held in his left hand a whoopee cushion and in his right a seltzer bottle. One can only imagine what he was planning at the time.
Andy was curled up in bed, breathing lightly, the covers pulled up to his head. On the desk beside him, Sherman was sleeping, also, in a more miniature bed.
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads;
"OK," Calvin said, chewing on a pencil and going over some notes. "The present that was wrapped up in the five by six box makes that really loud rattling sound when you shake it,"
"The box, evidently, is too big for the actual present, in other words." Hobbes said.
"Exactly," Calvin said. "Which means from our notes, it must not be the original box that this particular product came in. Going over the clues, this must mean that it either did not come in a box or Mom and Dad opened it and put in a different box before they wrapped it to throw us off,"
"This sure does beat dreaming about dancing vegetables," Hobbes grinned.
"You said it," Calvin said. "Now, where were we....?"
And mamma in her 'kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled down for a long winter's nap,
The night wore on, as Calvin and Hobbes went over their notes, make calculations, and tried to decide what had been given to them for Christmas.
After a while, they finally wrapped it up, pulled the covers up to their heads, and started falling asleep.
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
FOOOOM!!!
Calvin and Hobbes' eyes popped open.
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Calvin sat up.
"What the heck was that?" He demanded, still in a sleep daze,
"I'm going to go onto a limb here and say.... Santa?" Hobbes said.
Calvin grinned at Hobbes, and leapt from bed.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
Calvin stared at the window.
"What's a sash?" He asked, turning to Hobbes.
Silence.
Hobbes shrugged.
Calvin sighed, and turned back to the window.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below,
Calvin squinted through the window, trying to see past all the frost, which had accumulated on it.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer,
Calvin's eyes popped open and a grin spread across his face.
With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.
"Hobbes! Get up, quick!! It's Santa!" Calvin grinned, whipping around.
Hobbes sprung from bed, and rushed up to Calvin's side.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
"Now, Dasher! now, Dancer! now, Prancer and Vixen!
On, Comet! on Cupid! on, Donder and Blitzen!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!"
Calvin and Hobbes watched from the window.
"You'd think he'd wake someone up screaming and yelling like that," Hobbes commented.
Calvin shrugged.
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,
So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
With the sleigh full of toys, and St. Nicholas too.
"He's landing on our house, first, Hobbes!" Calvin grinned, excitedly, jumping up and down.
"That would follow,"Hobbes said, as Calvin rushed off for the door.
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
CRASH!!!
GALLOP!! GALLOP!! GALLOP!! GALLOP!! GALLOP!! GALLOP!! GALLOP!! GALLOP!!
Hobbes' eyes followed the reindeer's progress until they came to a stop.
He listened as he heard snow boots come down onto the roof.
THUMP!
He blinked.
"Ya know, I think I'll just let Calvin tell me about it in the morning," He said, turning around, and heading back towards his bed.
"Oh no you don't!" Calvin said, grabbing Hobbes' arm and leading him downstairs.
As I drew in my hand, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.
Calvin peeked around the Christmas tree, his eyes wide with excitement, as he watched the fireplace. Hobbes stood there, a little more nervously.
Suddenly, some ash fell down from the chimney.
Calvin's grin widened.
A pair of black boots fell down on top of the logs.
Thump!
A moment later, Santa emerged from the fireplace.
He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;
A bundle of toys he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.
His eyes -- how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow;
Calvin blinked.
The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath;
"I thought Santa gave up smoking," Calvin said his brow furrowing.
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook, when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly.
"Yeah, and when's he going to lose all that weight?" Hobbes asked. "It could be a bad influence, you know!"
Calvin rolled his eyes.
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;
Calvin smiled, warmly, as he watched Santa.
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;
"We have nothing to dread, Hobbes!" Calvin said, turning to his companion.
"Hmmm," Hobbes said, not moving.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
Calvin and Hobbes watched in glee as Santa placed small wrapped boxes into Calvin's stocking, thenHobbes' stocking, then Mom and Dad's stockings.
Then, Santa, giving them a wink, turned, again and started laying presents out around the tree. The gifts were all wrapped in bright red and green wrapping that stood out surprisingly well in the limited light.
And filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk,
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;
Calvin and Hobbes watched in amazement.
"How does he do that?" Hobbes asked, stunned.
"I'm sure it has something to do with interdimensional energy compressing his physical size in this universe, so that he can...." Hobbes cut Calvin off.
"Yeah, right. Something about a different universe. That's what you say about everything,"
"Well, do you have any other kind of explanation?" Calvin asked, raising an eyebrow,
Hobbes paused.
"Uuuh.... let's just watch him take off," He said, finally.
Calvin chuckled, and he and Hobbes ran up to the window.
He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
"Wow!" Calvin breathed, a wide, joyous grin spread across his face.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night."
Calvin and Hobbes watched him go.
"Wow!" Calvin said, again, still grinning from eat to ear. "That was amazing!"
"Yes," Hobbes agreed. "This must be the safest adventure we've ever gone on,"
"You said it!" Calvin grinned. "That had to be the shortest eight minutes of my life!"
"Indeedy-do!" Hobbes nodded.
Suddenly, the room around Calvin went hazy.
Calvin looked around, as everything around him went blurry and out of focus.
Suddenly, his eyes popped open.
He looked around.
He was laying in his bed. The covers were pulled up to his chest, and beside him sat Hobbes, sleeping soundly.
Calvin sat up.
He blinked several times and looked off towards the window.
It was still night.
Then, he realized something.
"It.... it was a dream?" He said to himself, rubbing his eyes. "How could it have been a dream? I mean... well, this explains the disembodied voice narrating the whole experience, but still..... it seemed so real!"
Calvin decided to ask Hobbes' opinion on the subject.
"Hobbes! Hobbes! Wake up!" Calvin grinned, nudging his friend. "It's Christmas!"
Hobbes yawned.
"Really?" He asked, sitting up and rubbing his eyes. "Wow... I had the.... the strangest dream," He yawned, again.
Calvin grinned.
"Was it a dream that Santa landed on our roof, and we went downstairs to meet him, and during the whole thing, some British guy was reciting The Night Before Christmas in the background?
There was a pause.
"Uuh... no, I dreamt about visions about sugar-plums dancing in my head, actually," Hobbes said.
There was another pause.
"...Oh," Calvin said. "Well, all weird dreams aside, I'd just like to say, Merry Christmas, old buddy!" He wrapped his arms around Hobbes, and gave him a big hug.
"Merry Christmas to you, too, Calvin," Hobbes smiled, returning Calvin's hug.
They sat there hugging for a moment, then Calvin sat up.
"Well, enough of that!" He grinned. "We got presents to open!"
"I get to plug in the tree!" Hobbes grinned, happily as Calvin jumped off the bed.
"Good!" Calvin said. "Quickly, now, what time is it?"
Hobbes checked his watch.
"It's 4:30," He said.
"Hmm, can't wake Mom and Dad up for another 30 minutes. What do you say we go back to bed until then?" Calvin suggested.
Calvin and Hobbes exchanged glances.
"Nah, let's just go get 'em now," Hobbes said.
"Agreed!" Calvin cheered, running out into the hallway. "MOM!! DAD! WAKE UP! IT'S CHRISTMAS!!!"
Happy Holidays