AN: Welcome back to Looking Glass. This time I give you a good, long chapter that I'm rather proud of. It took a bit of time to get this one ready. But now that it is, I'm happy. And this is the start of getting the plot really moving. I only wish I saw the end of this story. Most stories by this point I have the ending in sight... not so much for this one. But the other one was hard to write as well, so it's all good.
I'm also not commenting about the new Prez, lets just say he isn't the one I voted for.
On a happy note, Saturday I'm off to Islands of Adventure. My favorite park, my favorite place. Problem is... my sister (the one I always go with,) is knocked up, blah to that!
As always. If you spot the mistake, give me a heads up so it can be fixed!
Chapter Seven.
"That is and always has been the truth, Alice." Hare answered. "You can't change what has already come to pass, you can only deal with what is to come."
Alice smiled despite her pain. "Isn't that what I just said?" she teased.
Hatter smiled and removed his hand, a careful look in his eyes. "What will you do now?" he questioned.
Alice reached under her shirt and drew the orb out for all to see. "I guess I should try and return to Cheshire and White, give them to news of what has happened. And of what little use it all was."
"It was not useless," Hare exclaimed, shocked that the teenager would say such a thing. "You've gained Hatter back to your side, and with him, you have gained myself. We both will do what we can from our places here, but we cannot abandon the queens service just yet, not without terrible grief and rage being tossed onto all she hates and hunts."
Alice thought about this for a moment, "You are right about all of that," she agreed, "If I hadn't come here than I would still fear meeting Hatter," she gave him a smile, "and I would question whether all my friends had left me. But I believe that there are still many things I need to do, many people I need to ask about and search for… I wonder how many will side with me and how many with this fake queen." She looked at Hatter, "have you any idea on the numbers?"
Hatter looked at her for a moment, "There are some who stand against the queen, or do not respect her for power but out of fear that she will send them to me. I'm sorry to say that she has many good creatures that will aid her, many where made by me." He lowered his head in shame, "There are also many that will come to her aid if she calls. Hare and I will do our best from our place here, and I believe Hare has many contacts left on the outer isles that will come to his aid and perhaps their kings and queens will stand with you. But the truth is, Alice, you are out numbered. Too long has this queen spread her fear through wonderland, many fear her wrath."
Alice nodded in understand, "I will do what I can, and I'm sure White already has some plan up his sleeves."
"The bite is deep, Alice." Hare suddenly said.
Alice blinked and looked at him oddly, "What bite do you speak of?" she questioned.
"The bite that has been given to your soul by both Hatter and Caterpillar. I see the wisdom of Caterpillar in your eyes, and the way you are speaking, it is very like our dear Hatter." Hare explained. "Your power is a frightening thing, but I am grateful that you take such a large hurt from it, change must happen if things are going to return to normal. I believe that with you as our queen… winter will never touch this land."
"You know what will happen if Winter falls in wonderland?" Alice questioned.
Hare gave a grave nod of his head, "I know what it is I believe, whether that is truth or my own mind… I don't know."
"I keep hearing these words in my head, perhaps you will understand what I cannot." Alice whispered. "The stream will cease to flow; the wind will cease to blow; the clouds will cease to fleet; the heart will cease to beat; for all things must die. All things must die. Spring will come never more. Death waits at the door. Laid low… very low, in the dark we must go. And the old must die. So let the warm winds rage, and blue waves beat the shore; forever and a morn, that, you will never see. Through until eternity, all things will come never more, for all things must die." Before she had finished her voice had faded until she fell silence. The words seemed to echo long after they were said.
"Those are powerful words," Hare said finally, he looked at Hatter with a fearful gaze in his eyes. "They sound very much like a spell, though I cannot be sure. Perhaps they are meant for you… or some you will meet along the way. I cannot yet tell. But I bid you to remember them, they may very well be useful later on."
Alice finally lifted her head and looked at Hare, "I wish that none of this had ever happened, I wish I was back at home, living a life that had no problems and no worries. I didn't have to think about my future, everything was planned out… I just wish none of this had happened," She trailed off, tears dripping down her cheeks.
"As do all who live to see such things," Hatter whispered, "But it is not for them to decided what course their lives will or will not take, all you can do, Alice, is decide what to do with what is given to you."
Alice thought about his words for a moment before nodding her head slowly, "Once again, Hatter, you are right and I am being foolish. There is no use longing for what I cannot have, or wishing I could go back to the life I once lived."
"There is no shame in wanting things to be how they were," Hare said, "But the only thing you can do in life is move forward, look back for a time, but don't stay lost in the what ifs. It eats your soul away when you live there too long." He reached out and laid his hand on top of hers, "You will make a very good queen when all is said and done, my dear Alice."
Alice nodded her head, she fingered the orb around her neck, "Do you know much about orbs?" she asked.
Hatter's lips turned upwards, "I know enough about them to know that the one in your hand was made from mirror dust, and I know it is powerful and risky." He finished with a grave look in his eyes.
"You are right, once again. Cheshire tells me that it was made using the dust from the first looking glasses of wonderland. They believe it will work well enough to take me near enough to them, so long as my thoughts don't go astray."
"Then keep your mind carefully," Hare stated, "There are many dark things on all of our minds as of right now and being swept up into their lands would be a fate worse than true death." He added.
Alice shivered and nodded her head, "again, I agree." She said. "But right now what I truly want is to see the others again and give them the news of what has taken place."
"I think your thoughts are too dark for you to want to use that Orb," Hare commented, "Stay the night and in the morning you can go back."
Alice hesitated but finally nodded his head, "I am tired," she admitted, "Probably has something to do with those lovely drugs Hatter uses,"
Hatter simply smiled.
--
After dinner and a little more talking, Alice was shown to a bedroom. The room had the flare of Hare's love of cold colors. The walls were a soft baby blue, the sheets an icy silver. When she laid down on the bed she found that the mattress was feathers, she sunk into it and fell into a deep sleep.
She woke in the middle of the night feeling like she hadn't had any rest. She lay there for a moment, dreams flashing before her eyes, finally she sat up and pushed the covers off of her legs. She felt slightly ill, the room was cool after the covers had been removed.
She sat there for a moment, listening, just listing to the sounds of the night that came in front the slightly open window. She heard the sound of wings in the darkness. She swung her legs over the edge of the bed, stood, and rushed to the window. She yanked the door open and stared out into the night, but there was no sign of bird or feather.
She stared into the night, the cool air whispering against her face. Her eyes closed and her shoulders sank. She didn't know whether she felt relieved at the idea that her mind had only been playing tricks on her, or if she felt more afraid.
"So says the raven," Alice whispered into the night air.
It was many hours before she was able to calm her beating heart and slip back into the darkness of her dreams.
--
The next morning Alice woke to the feeling of being rested, or as rested as she could feel. She swung her legs over the edge of the bed and slipped into the her clothes, which had been cleaned by Hare sometime during the night or early morning. They felt crisp against her skin and smelled faintly of some unnamable source of sweetness.
She pulled her boots back on to her feet, flinching as they rubbed painfully against the blisters that had built on her heels, and, strangely enough, the back of her legs. Apparently just wearing pants wasn't enough to protect ones legs from the rubbing of boots.
She walked into the hallway and followed her nose to the kitchen.
Hare stood at the wood stove, he wore a white apron over his clean blue shirt. He turned when Alice walked into the kitchen. "You aren't leaving until you've had something to eat!" he stated.
Alice's lips twitched and she walked over to see what he was cooking. "It smells wonderful, what is it?" she questioned, staring at the white paste like stuff.
"It's a mix of sugars, oat, and flour." Hare explained, "It may not sound all that good but it is, I think anyway. Hatta' happily tells me that I am mad for liking it and he will be eating dry bread for breakfast if he says anything about my choice!" he smiled brightly.
Alice couldn't help but think about how nice his smile was. But she was grateful to find that it was still just a smile, pretty, lovely even, but just a smile. "Hatter always has to pick at something, his day isn't complete until he has doing it."
"Your hair wants cutting, and your mouth wants stitching!" Hatter said from the doorway. "And I can keep my tongue far better than you, dear Alice."
Alice chuckled and made a zipping motion over her lips.
Hare chuckled as well, turned around and pretended to unzip Alice's lips. "I prefer your voice over his anyway!" he laughed.
Hatter raised an eyebrow towards the younger and shook his head with amusement. "I feel neglected," he said sourly.
"You weren't saying that yesterday," Hare mumbled under his breath.
Alice's eyes widened and for a moment she was sure she had misheard his words. But there was no denying what had been said, but she decided not to dwell on it to long.
Hatter's cheeks had reddened and he looked away from the brown haired man. Instead his eyes turned to Alice and he smiled softly, "March has packed you some supplies, to see you on your way." He explained. "Since that orb is so unstable and, truly, it is one of a kind, we have no way of knowing if it will take you where it should, we don't want you going without food and a change of clothing."
Alice hesitated, then throwing caution to the wind, she walked over to him and wrapped her arms around his shoulders.
Hatter leaned down to let her hug him properly, he closed his eyes and sighed. "Why do you do what you do to me?" he whispered. His voice was so soft that it was no secret that those words were for her and her alone.
"I don't mean to," Alice whispered in his ear, "If I could stop it I would, I know another has your heart."
"As another will have yours," Hatter said.
They drew away from one another and said nothing more of the matter.
If Hare was bothered by their strange and secret conversation, he said nothing. And wisely he kept the fact that his sharp ears had heard every word. He knew that for the rest of his days, Hatter would always have a secret love in his heart for Alice, whether for good or ill, it was unknown to the young man.
--
After the breakfast of strange white oatmeal, that was what it tasted like to Alice, she was fitted with a pack of leather that draped over the left shoulder, but rested on the right hip. It was comfortable and light.
Inside were a shirt, pants, two canteens fill to the brim with water, and some carefully wrapped pieces of bread.
"The bread is used by the mine workers," March explained as he took one out of the pack to show it to Alice. "It's design is to be filling, there are things inside it that expand when they are eaten, in effect it fills you up twice as fast as normal foods, but it is only temporary and has little to no nutrition. You could, in theory, survive up to two weeks on it alone, but without something else in your diet you'd begin to feel sick, the signs would come slowly, but you'd wither and die. I say to you now, if you find yourself lost anywhere and relying on the bread, don't trust it too deeply, hunt around for something, anything, else to eat with it!"
"March, you are a very comforting soul, aren't you." Hatter said dryly. He looked at Alice and sighed, "He is right though, the bread is just to ease you on your way to finding other food. The miners found out about its ill effects the hard way, I would hate to see my favorite queen fall the same way." He reached out and brushed her hair out of her face. It had grown a little and the bangs now fell into her face oddly. "Go safely, Alice, and trust that you have friends yet who will stand beside you. I hope there are many more that will show themselves in time. But trust your gut, not all of us are still friendly towards you."
Alice leaned into his touch for a moment and then she stepped away, "I know, I knew from the moment I saw the twins that they would not aid me. Though I must admit that I was fooled once, but not twice,"
"Never twice," Hatter said. He looked pained, as if letting Alice leave was laying heavy on his thoughts. He once again started to stretch out his hand to touch her, but quickly changed his mind and let his hand fall limply back to his side. "Until our next meeting…" he said sadly.
Alice stepped back from him and studied both him and Hare, "Until then," she replied. She reached up and grabbed a hold of the orb around her neck. The stone felt hot, as if knew that the moment of its use had now come. There was an eager feeling to it, an untamable power. For a moment Alice hesitated to use it.
But it was her only sure bet on arriving back to the village. She shut her eyes tightly and drew a picture of the village in her minds eye, but the picture wasn't clear. Finally she drew one image that she couldn't quite wipe from her mind. Caterpillar's image appeared clear as day in her mind, a strange sense of peace rushed over her, and she whispered. "By the gift granted from the skilled hands of the gods, I, Alice, request your guidance and permission to use the gift that was crafted by the hands that be. Guide me, Guard me, and see me safely." She squeezed the orb in her hand and felt it break.
The ground beneath her dropped away. She was falling and completely unable to stop it. The air around her grew hot and sticky. She wanted to cry out, to scream as a sensation of utter despair washed over her.
"Despair not," A voice whispered. "You are the guiding light."
The ground became solid and her knees gave way.
"Alice!"
Alice cracked an eye open and stared at Caterpillar. From the smells around her she could tell she was in the garden. She let herself slowly fall down into a sitting position and let herself breath deeply. The fresh air felt wonderful. "I'm back." She whispered.
Caterpillar knelt down and brushed the sweaty hair from her forehead, "I can see that for myself, dear Alice," he whispered. He leaned forward and kissed the space he had just cleared. "Are you well?"
"I feel like someone stuck me in an oven… no… I think it was more like a dryer, and than turned it on." She explained. Seeing the blank look on his face she started laughing. "It's a joke, though I must admit that I will not be traveling like that for a very long time."
"I should think not. That orb truly was one of a kind."
"And she returns. Better late than never!"
Alice looked at Cheshire and smiled slightly. "With the story I have to tell, I think you should be happy to have me back at all!"
--
It took well over an hour to tell the whole story, and when she reached the part of kissing Hatter, Cheshire shifted oddly and took a long drink of whatever it was he was drinking, all Alice knew of it was that it wasn't tea.
"So, it's a sign of your powers as queen," Caterpillar said softly. "Hearts powers were so different and cruel that I assumed it was anything but that." He smiled bitterly, "though I must admit that your way of bringing about our changes is much nicer and… pleasant."
Alice laughed at that, a joyful sound, "Pleasant?" she questioned, "I don't know whether to kiss you again or hit you!"
"Don't kiss him," Cheshire muttered.
Alice looked over at him, "Are you feeling jealous?" she questioned.
Cheshire pushed away from the table and stood quickly, "I have things that need doing. White needs to be informed of this and the fact that Hatter and Hare will aid us." He turned to leave.
"Cheshire!" Alice said, standing up herself. She followed him out of the room, where she caught his arm just before he reached the door to the outside. "What have I said to upset you? I only meant that as a joke!"
"Alice, I have better things to do than listen to a child try to explain herself," Cheshire said, turning his head to look at her, his lilac eyes flashing. "Now please release me."
Alice let her hand drop away from him, hurt written all over her face. "As you wish," she said softly. She turned and walked away from him. She was set that she wasn't going to let him see her cry, and for some strange reason she wanted to cry for him, wanted to cry because of him, and wanted to cry for herself because she knew she was walking away from him when she most needed him.
Cheshire stared after her for a moment, he closed his eyes tightly and then he turned away, his fingers closed around the knob, hesitated, then he spoke. "I'm sorry."
"So am I," Alice whispered in return.
They both walked away.
---
Alice changed her clothes, brushed her hair, and took a cool shower. She walked down the stairs in a loose fitting pair of cotton pants, and a shirt made out of some sort of silk. It feel over her chest, leaving nothing to the imagination, and not for the first time, Alice was grateful for her bra, which was still holding up nicely.
She walked into the kitchen and found White talking with Caterpillar. "Hello, White." She greeted.
"Alice," White greeted. He stood up and walked over to her.
Alice almost took a step back but before she had finished even thinking about the action, she was wrapped in a tight embrace. "I'm glad your safe," White whispered.
Alice flushed and tilted her head to look at the side of his head, "I'm fine," Alice whispered, feeling something strange wash over her. She wrapped her arms around him and shook her head in amusement. "White… I'm really ok."
White made no answer, he simply kissed her cheek softly and stepped away.
Alice realized with a jolt that he'd had to remove or lift the mask in order to kiss her, and it had been the first time she had ever felt his lips on any part of her body. Even before the thought had finished a flush crept up her cheeks. She shifted. She wasn't going to think about him like that. She already had two… maybe three men in her life that she wasn't sure about, she didn't need another.
She ignored the urge to lift his mask and kiss his lips. His face was something that she had never seen before. He never removed his mask.
Alice knew that he came from the outer isles, from a race of people who believed that the first person to see your face was the person who would forever be your soul mate. That is why from the age of puberty onwards, boys and girls of the island were forced to wear a mask based off of their chosen name.
It was not her place to be his chosen when she wasn't sure if it was her own emotions or her power that wanted those soft lips to be against her own. It would be a cruel fate for them both, for her to see his face, the first ever since his childhood playmates and his parents, whomever they may have been.
If White sensed her troubled thoughts, he gave no sign of it. He stepped away and there was a kind look in his eyes. A look that said that he respected her. Any attempt by Alice to change their relationship would only gain her the loss of his respect.
This fact caused Alice's emotions to check themselves. She breathed deeply and gave him a fleeting smile. "Has Caterpillar filled you in on everything?"
"More or less," White answered. "I'm pleased to know that Hatter and Hare will aid us when we need them most."
"As am I. And it is some comfort to know that the strangeness that has been going on around me is something that every queen must go through."
"For the most part." White chuckled. It was a rare thing, to hear the masked man give any signs of amusement.
Alice couldn't fight the smile that slid over her lips. It pleased some part of her, to hear him laugh.
"I wish very much that I could stay and hear this tale for your own lips, Alice, but I'm afraid that I have to leave at once."
"Why?" Alice asked.
"I am needed in the outer lands, I am working to muster some to your aid. If all goes well, the kingdom of the waste, and the king who rules it, will come to your aid when we call." White explained. "Does this please you?" he questioned.
Alice looked thoughtful, "Isn't that the same kingdom who waged war against Wonderland… twenty some odd years ago?"
"It is, but they did that only because Hearts struck the first blow by taking the youngest prince for her own. She 'Changed him'." White explained.
Through the whole exchange, Caterpillar had remained silent, watching they way that Alice and White interacted together. He could see the tension that had been wrought around the two of them, as if some invisible fishing line was trying to tug the two together. But both were unwilling to admit they even felt the lure.
It was strange for him to feel as he did toward Alice, a girl whom he had never held much fondness for. Now all he could see about her was the fact that she was young, she was beautiful, and he knew that she would make a fine queen someday, if she didn't get herself killed first.
But the other thing he saw, one that he wished he were able to ignore, was the fact that she was still a child. She was a child in all the ways that counted. There was a sense of pain about her, as if someone had tugged her heartstrings one to many times. But there was maturity as well. But mixed in with both of those fine emotions was the one that was more dangerous. Fear.
She was afraid of what was happening around her. Fear could make someone run away when they were needed most, and though Caterpillar didn't believe for one second that Alice would abandon them… there were others, others whose aid they needed, who didn't know what had taken place when Alice left the first time, they only saw that she had left Wonderland and after her leaving wonderland had taken a bad turn.
That turn was his fault. His own pride had refused to let him call Alice back. Beg for her return. Though he wondered if choosing her as a queen would have been the right choice at the time. She had been a child then, a true child.
Children never made good choices, it was part of the growing up that turned them into a person who made a good or bad choice. But Wonderland didn't like growing up… it never had.
--
Later that same night, Alice was curled up fast asleep in a guest bedroom. Caterpillar had checked on her twice that night to make sure she was sleeping peacefully. Already he had had to calm her from the nightmares that seemed to haunt her dreams.
The nightmares worried him. It seemed that wonderland was set on Alice not being allowed a moments rest. In waking hours and in sleep there seemed to be dark omens all around.
Caterpillar wished that he could gather Alice up in his arms and hold her until the trembling passed. But he knew that it wasn't his place. He had not been asked to her bed, he had not been asked to hold her until the rays of mornings first light peeked. No… he would never take that place in her life.
"You're still awake?" Cheshire asked as he entered the kitchen through the backdoor. He had a nasty gash over his left eye, which was swollen and closed, partly to keep the blood out of it, and partly because it hurt.
Caterpillar rose carefully and approached the injured man. "What have you been doing to cause such an injury?" he demanded.
Cheshire smiled despite the pain. "Wouldn't you like to know!" he laughed.
Caterpillar shook his head in amusement and took the younger man's arm. "Sit." He ordered as he steered him towards the table.
Cheshire sat heavily in one of the chairs, a sigh slipping from his lips. "Someday I'm just going to throw in the towel." He said darkly.
Caterpillar mumbled a brief and sharp reply as he dug around in the cupboard for some cleaning agents. He found them and gathered them up. He then grabbed the bandages from the counter. He set all of this on the table and sat in the chair next to Cheshire.
He poured some of the liquids into two tiny bowls, mixing them. He then took a small rag and dipped on corner into the first bowl. Not waiting for Cheshire to jerk away, he pressed the tip against the gash, which hissed and steamed a little.
Cheshire yelped and jerked back, "God damn it!" he cried, "Why didn't you warn me first!"
"You wouldn't have let me help you if I warned you." Caterpillar said calmly. "Now if you'll sit still I'll put the soother on it, it'll take the swelling down and give you the use of your eye back."
Cheshire tensed but leaned forward again, "Will it hurt?" he asked, his voice filled with a childish tone that was very unlike him.
Caterpillar hummed softly as he dipped the other end of the rag into a light blue liquid. He reached it out and pressed it to the same wound as before.
Cheshire flinched and gritted his teeth. It stung, though he doubted anything could hurt as bad as the first liquid had.
When he'd finished dabbing the wound, Caterpillar patted it dry and then placed a small bandage over it. He then repeated this with the other cuts and scrapes, though he had to convince Cheshire that it was for his own good.
When they were finished, Cheshire leaned back in the chair and whimpered pathetically. "I'm never trusting you again," he mumbled.
"Cheshire, don't be a baby." Caterpillar said, rounding on him. He pointed a wooden spoon at the younger and shook his head. "You've been treated for enough wounds to know there is no way to make it not hurt."
"That's a lie," Alice said from the doorway.
Cheshire jumped and looked at her, "I thought you were sleeping." He commented.
"I was until someone started crying." She teased.
"I was not crying!" Cheshire said angrily.
"I'm sure you weren't, oh brave warrior!" Alice laughed. She walked over and took his left hand in her own, his hand had a bandage on it. "Sword slip passed the guard I take it?" she questioned.
Cheshire nodded, "A rookie mistake." He muttered.
Alice brought his hand up to her mouth and kissed his fingertips, "Feel better?" she asked when she let his hand fall back into his lap.
Cheshire swallowed hard and nodded, "Much." He answered. Though he had to wonder what Alice was thinking, her eyes looked to thoughtful.
For Alice's part, she was wondering why she had just done something like that with Cheshire of all people. Even she could see that it was a romantic gesture, and one that shouldn't be used on someone she didn't feel towards. Not that she didn't feel something towards Cheshire, she was just in denial about that.
Caterpillar watched the exchange and sighed. It was as if everyone but him was shown or allowed a bit of love from Alice. He finished mixing the potion and brought it over to the table. "Drink this, it'll cut the healing time in half." He explained, setting a mug in front of Cheshire.
Cheshire took the mug, and with complete trust, he downed it as fast as he could. When he was finished he set the mug down and wiped his mouth. "Thank you," he said to Caterpillar, "You may be cruel and twisted, but you are a good friend to me."
Caterpillar beamed despite his bitter mood. "I thank you for saying that, Cheshire. It is very nice to know I am needed and loved." He gave a sideways glance towards Alice.
Alice caught the remark and felt confused. Hadn't she shown in how much she cared for him? Or did he not understand how confused her heart was about him. She sighed aloud.
Cheshire stood up suddenly, "Well, I think I'll go to bed now." He looked toward Caterpillar, "do you mind if I use the third guest bedroom?"
"Not at all," Caterpillar answered.
"Many thanks," Cheshire walked down through the doorway and disappeared down the hall.
Alice and Caterpillar sat in a tensed silence for a couple minutes.
"What did you mean by that?" Alice questioned after the silence had stretched on long enough.
"Mean by what?" Caterpillar questioned, bring the mug and pot over to the sink.
"By saying 'it's nice to know I'm loved,'" Alice stated, she stood up and walked over to his side, "are you trying to tell me something?"
"I don't know Alice, what do you think?" Caterpillar said sharply.
"I think you should speak plainly, I'm no mind reader."
"Fine," Caterpillar let the pan drop loudly into the sink. "I feel like you are avoiding me. Am I that disgusting that you wish to have no contact with me?" he shouted.
Alice took a step back. She stared at him in surprise. "I would never think that!" she exclaimed, "how could you think that!"
"I was given no reason to think otherwise. You have barely spoken to me since you came back…" Caterpillar trailed off. "I have to watch you make eyes at everyone but me…" he closed his own eyes.
Alice reached out and touched his arm, afraid of the touch, as if she might be shocked by it. But as her fingers pressed against the soft fabric of his long sleeved shirt, it was just a gentle touch. The fabric felt softer than it should have. She closed her eyes and smiled. "I'm sorry," she whispered. She dropped to her knees and let her head rest against his thigh. "I'm sorry, I didn't even notice."
Caterpillar swallowed hard and let his fingers brush through her hair, "You mind has been elsewhere, I know that." He admitted. "I'm just selfish enough to want some of you for myself."
"It's not selfish at all," said Alice, looking up at him with a mixture of surprise and love. She realized that some part of her was completely gone on him, in that goofy first love type of way. It wasn't true love, or rather, it wasn't the type of love that means forever. It was puppy love, that urge to touch and be touched. A feeling of being insanely pleased by every smile and kind word. The feeling of his fingers lacing through her hair brought her back to his touch and made her lift her head to look up at him. She smiled a big smile. "I think I love you," she admitted.
Caterpillar's eyes widened and a big smile of his own spread over his lips. "But not really," he said calmly. "I know that I'm not the one who really has your heart. All of it."
Alice cocked her head slightly to the left, "What does that mean?" she questioned.
"The day you can answer that question for yourself is the day you'll know what I mean." Caterpillar said, he nudged gently away from her. "I think it's time we get ourselves to bed. White is hosting a meeting with some of the generals tomorrow. We need our queen at her best." He smiled.
Alice stood up, put both hands on either arm of the chair, and leaned forward. She pressed a soft kiss to his mouth.
Caterpillar smiled into the kiss and wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her towards him.
Alice put her legs on either side of his and when the kiss broke she rested her head against his chest, she smiled softly.
--
The next morning Alice woke in her bed, feeling rested and strangely cheerful. The talk and brief cuddle with Caterpillar had refreshed her in some strange way. A weight she hadn't known was there had been lifted and she could finally think clearly.
She knew she loved Caterpillar. She loved Hatter. And some strange sense of love was blooming between her and White, not to mention the tension that was building between her and Cheshire. But she was still in denial about that.
She washed and dressed in clean clothes. Some how White seemed to have a supply of women's dress clothes and had dragged up a very nice green dress. Alice paired it with black leggings that belonged to one of the boys, she hadn't asked which. Her hair, which hadn't grown much, was held out of her face by a red ribbon she'd snagged from the mending kit that Caterpillar had sitting in his sitting room. She studied her appearance and couldn't help but snicker at the fact that the red and green reminded her of Christmas colors.
She froze in mid chuckle. Christmas… she'd been here for a couple months now… back home it was probably nearing Christmas. How would her father be handling everything…? Perhaps he was relieved that he no longer had to deal with his melodramatic daughter. Or perhaps he was sitting at home, staring with teary eyes at a bright Christmas tree that had been decorated by hands other than Alice's.
She felt the tears prickle in the corners of her eyes but she refused to let them fall. There was no going back to her old life, this was the only life she had now and she'd be damned if she mourned for the old one.
She walked down the stairs and headed out onto the back porch. The smell of the flowers hit her with a pleasant jolt. She smiled and walked over to the rail, where she rested her forearms. She stared out at the ever growing garden. The bright colors looked so beautiful, even though just pass the fence line the trees were fading. The few which still held onto the their leaves were colored in fall. The reds and browns, a couple were orange, looked lovely, if only Alice believed that the leaves would return in the spring.
The dark thoughts that haunted her dreams told her otherwise, she knew that winter would be the end of wonderland.
The air was chilled; and the sky overhead was filled with cotton clouds, fluffy and white. They rolled across the sky, shaped in many different designs.
Alice tilted her head up and looked at them, the feeling of the wind tickling along her skin reminded her of the fall outings with her family.
Why were her thoughts going back to her family? she didn't want to think about them right now, she couldn't afford to think about them.
She closed her eyes, breathed deeply through her nose, and finally she opened them and turned around. Cheshire was leaning against the doorway, watching her with the strangest of looks in his eyes.
"Are you ok?" he asked.
Alice stared at him for a moment. Of all the questions he could have asked, he'd go and ask that one. She swallowed hard. She was supposed to be queen, wasn't she? She wasn't allowed to break down on them.
Cheshire sighed loudly and stepped forward. He walked to her and wrapped his arms around her, drawing her close to his chest. "Don't worry," he whispered, "don't worry."
--
Alice felt worlds better after she'd eaten breakfast. She guessed that at some point during the prep time Cheshire had shared the early morning problems Alice had dealt with.
There was a tense feeling in the air, a sense of both promise and sorrow. It was the same feeling that came with the first breath of spring. You wondered whether winter would truly end, or if it would linger on.
"Tea?" Caterpillar finally spoke. He looked at her with his chocolate colored eyes, a searching gaze in them that left Alice feeling like he was seeing something inside her that she didn't want seen. As if just from the brief kiss they'd shared last night, he knew her better than she knew herself.
It was a very discerning feeling.
"No thanking…" Alice answered.
The silence thickened again.
"Caterpillar," Cheshire suddenly chimed in, leaning his elbows on the table. "Did White talk to you yet?"
"About the treaty?"
Cheshire nodded.
"We've spoken a little, I wonder about their demands though. It may have a lasting effect." Caterpillar stated, taking a bite out of some toast.
Alice cocked her head to the side, "Treaty?"
"With Isis Island," Cheshire said, turning to look at Alice. "It's a –"
"Island off the cost of the Lost Woods, it's ruled by the Spades." Alice finished. "They tried to wage war last time I was here, why would they change?"
"That haven't. They simply believe they're going to get something out of all this." Caterpillar said. "They've asked to be allowed back into the courts good graces when we've overturned the false queen."
"You think that a good idea?"
"Not at all," Both Caterpillar and Cheshire said at once, "But we don't have a choice." Caterpillar added. "They have a large army that would help us greatly."
Alice nodded. "Would Gryphon be any help in this?" she asked softly, "He was always good at battle plans."
"…" Cheshire breathed out sharply and looked toward Caterpillar, shock in his eyes. He opened his mouth again.
"Gryphon is missing," Caterpillar said. "Has been so since the queen rose to power."
"Do you think…" Alice trailed off.
"We try not to think about him too much. It is all together too painful." Cheshire whispered. He wouldn't meet her eyes. It was almost as if he were afraid of what she might see in his gaze.
Alice was silent for a moment, then with a sigh she felt her head fall back against the back of the chair. "Why does everything change?" she asked. "I feel like I'm looking at a world I used to know, but someone's begun to paint over the old colors. I wish at least one thing was still normal enough."
"The Duchess's personality, is that not still the same?" Caterpillar commented dryly, a smirk sliding over his lips.
Alice sat straight again and stared at him for a long while, slowly a smile formed over her lips and she began to laugh softly at first, and then louder and louder. She laughed until tears trailed down her cheeks. But these were happy tears, the first time she'd had a reason to cry for happiness.
Caterpillar beamed and leaned his elbows on the table, "I'm glad I can make you laugh like that, Alice." He said after she'd stopped laughing. "I was afraid that I would only see the serious side of you, and that would be a great loss indeed."
"Would it?" Alice questioned, cocking her head. "I thought you wanted me to be queen."
"There are many different kinds of queens' Alice," White said from the doorway.
Alice turned around in her seat to look at him. "And what type am I?"
"You're ours." He answered.
Alice smiled, a flush creeping over her cheeks. "I like the sound of that."
"I'm glad." White answered.
--
"Absolutely not!" White said, crossing his arms against his chest. From beneath his mask his eyes flashed. "You cannot go with me!"
"Why not?" Alice demanded. She stepped forward until she had completely invaded his personal space.
White stepped back, annoyed. "Alice, no one knows that you are the queen, accept that and move on. We don't want the queen knowing until we have everyone on our side!"
"Are you ashamed to have me as queen? Am I only going to be used as a figure-head for you after all the fighting as been done?" Alice questioned, lowering her head until her hair fell over her face. It was a trick she'd learned from her older sister, and it had always worked on her father or any other male family member. "I want to be useful, White, I don't want to be forced to sit back and watched the people I love die all around me... please let me help."
White swallowed hard, cursed himself and his weakness for this girl. "Fine, but you must keep yourself quiet!" he snapped.
Alice smiled brightly. She hadn't believed, really believed, that White would allow her to out to the outer islands with him. And on a trip to the same island that Mock came from… it was a treat that she couldn't wait for... or maybe she could.