AN: Gasp, it's an update! I haven't died yet, so here ya go. I had a couple of re-writes that I had to do, and a lot of false starts. Alice wanted her story to be interesting, and she didn't want to listen to me. Lol.

Also, I know, I made a mistake in the last chapter that'll wait until the final re-write to be fixed. But the Jabberwock has gotten his name back, I don't know why I left the Y on it the whole of last chapter ugh!

So here you go! Enjoy!

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Chapter Eleven

--

The sun was setting when Alice stumbled back to Hare's door. she stood there in the twilight for a moment, feeling a weight on her chest that felt as if it would never be lifted. Cheshire had left her without so much as a goodbye.

For some strange reason, that reminded her too much of her mother, how she'd never said that final goodbye. She'd been too selfish to stand there and face the fact that the person she loved most had forgotten her.

"Alice?"

Hare stood there in the doorway, wiping his hands on his apron, a confused expression on his face.

Alice realized that she was a right ugly sight. Covered in dirt, her pants torn, her shirt bent out of shape from the strange tentacles of the Jabberwock. She smiled weakly and looked at the bone like staff in her hands. "I'm back." She said.

Hare stared for another second before he walked out of the house and over to her. and just because she looked like she needed it, he hugged her tightly. "Welcome back." He whispered.

Alice sighed and buried her face against his shoulder. "I think Dormy is angry with me." She whispered, slipping back into the use of an old nickname.

Hare sighed and his arms tightened around her, but he was careful not to brush against the Bone staff. "It's ok." He whispered, "He's mad at the world."

Alice laughed weakly, "that makes two of us." She lifted her head and her eyes locked at Hatter's form leaning in the doorway.

If she didn't know better she'd say that he looked very, very pleased by the sight of the staff.

"How was the darkness?" he asked.

Alice smiled, "Pleasant." She replied.

--

"The shadows have always kept to themselves, they side with no one." Mock snapped, his fists banging down on the table. "They'd never side with her!"

Alice flinched and lowered her face. It had been a week since she'd come back with the staff, and strangely enough, things seemed to be going in her favor, though in ways that she'd never have thought about before.

Suddenly creatures that served no one were siding with her. Though no one was quite sure how to feel about it.

Mock wasn't the first one to get upset by the fact that these dark creatures were waking to serve Alice.

"Mock, we told you. Alice has the bone staff, they're serving her because they've been ordered to serve her!" Hatter yelled back.

The arguments had been going on like this for a while. Back and forth they would bicker until one of them gave up and stormed off.

Alice closed her eyes and laid her head on the table, "You're both impossible." She wrapped her arms above her head and decided that ignoring the lot of them would serve her well.

Did they think having the nightmares of wonderland showing up on her doorstep was a treat? Because if they did… oh, she was so going to have to have a few words with them about it.

The Shadows in question were creatures that lived in the outer lands. A place that was basically off the map. The territory stretched for miles and miles and no one had thought about documenting just how far it went. Some people believed that the shadows lands changed when a new dreamer, a new child of wonderland as born.

They changed to suit that new child, the shadows changed into the most comfortable creatures of wonderland. Though sometimes a child's dreams easily stayed in the nightmare state and the child never found their own personal wonderland.

There were days when Alice herself wondered how she'd ever found wonderland on her own. No, that wasn't right at all. It was White had led her into wonderland, but he'd taken a strange approach to it.

Most children never truly entered wonderland, most were content to dream about it and the people who belonged to them. Alice had truly entered wonderland and met the knights who were until that moment, just a dream.

Mock stared at Alice and the look wasn't entirely friendly. Finally he closed his eyes and once again pinched the bridge of his nose, breathing slowly and evenly. "Alice, please, you don't understand how hard this is on all of us. These things were never part of wonderland, they're monsters and suddenly we're being asked to work with them. It's a task we're not pleased with."

Suddenly, Alice lifted her head and looked at him, a strange look in her eyes. "I didn't ask you to be happy about working with them, I simply ask that you do it." her eyes narrowed. The line was very alike to the one that Cheshire had used on her on their first meeting. She'd thought him rude and unkind for saying it, and yet here she was now, saying the same thing. What a hypocrite she was!

Mock stared at her in complete surprise. For a moment he looked hurt and then his expression became annoyed again. "Alice, you wouldn't understand…" he trailed off, obviously deciding that she was a lost cause.

Alice sighed, trading insults with him wasn't working, she was left with the last idea in her head. "Mock, am I queen or not?"

Mock's eyes widened, "Alice…" he sighed and rolled his eyes. "Don't play that card with me, I'm too tired-"

There was the sound of a fist connecting with the side of someone's face, and the tumbling of someone out of a chair.

Alice stood and sighed, staring down at Mock's form on the floor. His eyes were wide, his hair, which had grown long in the months since Alice's return, was spread around him.

Hatter glared down at him, his eyes blazing with furry. "She is Queen," he hissed through his clenched teeth. "If you think otherwise than I think it is time for you to go elsewhere."

Mock swallowed, "I-I never said she wasn't!" he cried, forcing himself to sit up. The look on his face was so helpless.

Alice sighed, "Hatter, enough." She reached out and laid her hand on his arm.

Hatter turned his head and looked at her, he saw the weary gaze, the way she looked pained. He stepped two steps back from Mock and let the angry blaze in his eyes smooth itself away. But it was always below the surface, waiting to spring. Mock seemed to set it off so easily these days.

Not for the first time Alice found herself thankful for whatever bond she had with Hatter. It seemed that with just a touch she could help him calm himself down. That and she just liked touching him.

She'd never say it aloud, but she missed Cheshire. She missed him and sometimes found herself feeling completely lost without him. It was like someone had taken a piece of her heart and thrown in away.

She wondered in Cheshire felt the same way, but when she really thought about it she realized that he was the one who'd left her, so in someway… he'd thrown her away as if they didn't know how much it would hurt the other.

Mock slowly picked himself up off the floor, reaching up to hold onto the table. He stumbled and slowly reached his free hand up to touch the red mark on his cheek.

Alice realized that Hatter had done worse than punching him, he'd slapped him. Slapping was, in most of the guys' minds, worse than being punched, it was as bad as being treated like a girl to them. Though Alice still couldn't wrap her mind around that bit of information.

Hatter closed his eyes and breathed through his nose, fighting the urge that told him that Mock was going to say something very stupid soon.

"Alice," Mock began. "I never said I didn't think of you as queen."

"I know that," Alice said, shrugging her shoulders. "I really don't care if you think of me as your queen, but I do care whether you act like I'm queen. If I'm queen than my word is law, and yet you and so many others completely ignore my ideas, you do as you please, and you overlook me when deciding things." She looked over at Hatter, "You do it too," she added as an after thought.

Hatter shrugged, "I still think of you as a child, Alice, so forgive me if I'm still wrapping my head around the idea that you're queen." He smiled in a friendly sort of way, but it was also the same smile that a shark had before it ate you.

Alice couldn't help the shiver the moved down her spine at the thought. Hatter was very shark-like though, that couldn't be denied. She moved on, "So, to end it, I don't give a damn what you think of me, but if you want me to be queen, than at least pretend to listen to what I have to say, it'll save us both annoyances and hurt feelings."

Mock gave a nod. "I can't promise I'll work nicely along side your… shadows, but I'll try." He sighed, "I'll try… is that enough?"

Alice nodded. "That's all I'm asking for. Work with them while we have them. You aren't the first person, nor the only person in wonderland who has a fear of them, use it!" she smiled, "Don't waste the gift that's walked right into our hands. I don't know how long they're going to be here, and so long as they think I'm in control of everything…" she shrugged.

"Think?" Hatter questioned, crossing his arms against his chest.

"Hatter," Alice groaned, "No one in wonderland really thinks I'm queen, they'd throw me under the bus the first chance they got, you know it, I know it, lets just accept it and move forward, thank you very much." She shrugged and forced a light smile onto her face. It was one of the smiles she'd learned to put on while attending to the daily tasks of her life back home. If you smile and pretend to be happy, people assume you're happy. It was, as she told herself back then, for the best, all for the best.

Hatter was beginning to know this new Alice, he was beginning to read her moods, and he knew how false that smile was, how much it pained Alice to know that the rest of wonderland thought of her as a figurehead and nothing more. They saw Alice as a sign that wonderland wanted them to fight, to keep going, they didn't see Alice as the next queen, or anything for that matter.

Hatter knew better and he only prayed that White and the others knew it as well. Wonderland would never forgive them if they tried to get rid of Alice a second time. Wonderland would finally fall and fail, like the children's rhyme, 'All the kings horses, and all the kings men couldn't put him back together again.' Wonderland would be broken without Alice.

They spoke a little while longer before Mock left and headed back out to the muster stations which were spread across wonderland, he was one of the generals of the sea. Mustering his older friends into battle.

Wonderland's creatures always amazed Alice. Just the shear number of them, and the way that, for the most part, they all could work together if they had a certain goal in mind. Over-throwing the queen who was destroying their home was a worthy goal, or so it seemed.

Alice watched Mock orb out before she turned to Hatter, "Please stop hitting people for my sake," she said.

Hatter blinked, "you waited for him to leave to say that?" he laughed. His shoulders shook, and the laugher was strangely mocking.

Alice sighed, "No one needs to see us bicker."

"It scares them more that we don't fight, they think you are too much like me."

"And I am, it scares me to say it aloud, but I am very much like you Hatter." Alice closed her eyes and leaned against the table. "I sometimes think that whatever bound us together made us more alike to each other than either of us has any right to be. Before, when I was at home… I would never have imagined being cruel, I'd never imagined that someday I could willingly agree to give a bunch of people over to a blood thirsty monster so he could eat them." She shook her head in amusement.

Hatter chuckled, "What child imagines feeding people to monsters, Alice." He shook his head. "No, you were innocent until wonderland called you back here. I guess wonderland and her people are just selfish."

"One question," Alice said, holding up one of her fingers. "Why do you refer to wonderland as 'she' when all of you have such low ideas about women?"

Hatter opened his mouth, closed it, and frowned. "I don't really know," he admitted. "and it's not that we don't like women-"

"It's just that men are jealous that we need women," Hare said from the doorway, a grin on his face.

Alice smiled at him. Their relationship was more like brother and sister than anything else, she was thankful for that, she already had enough men in her life, adding another wasn't on her list of things she wanted to do right now. "Hello," she greeted.

"Hello," Hare returned. "I take it that it didn't go well?"

"Hatter slapped Mock," Alice said, frowning at said man. "And Mock is pissed that I played the queen card."

"Well, you are queen." Hare said, cocking his head. "Why would he be upset about it."

"Because no one really believes I'm going to stick around long enough to be crowned queen." Alice said.

"Where'd you get that idea?"

Alice turned towards her right and stared at White, who'd just orbed in. "From the fact that people get pissy when I say 'am I queen or not'." She grinned and walked over to him to give him a tight hug.

White was still one of the few people that she felt the urge to hug when she saw him. Just because touching him made her feel a little safer.

White's arms snaked around her and held her against him. "You see far to much for a human," he murmured against her hair.

Alice nodded. "Sometimes I wish I could leave things well enough alone, but I can't, it's not who I am."

"and we wouldn't care for you if you weren't yourself." Hare chimed in.

White chuckled and shook his head. "I need to talk to you," he added, looking down at Alice.

Alice stepped back and took his hand. "Privately?"

"Yes." White lead her out of the house and into the gated garden. "I have a story for you, one that no one else has heard before."

Alice looked at him as they walked. His hair was longer, and his mask was a little off center, his ear was typed, all of this pointed to the fact that he was from the wastes. She felt like an idiot for not seeing it before.

Hatter had only found out because he'd been in battle with White when White made the choice to disappear. And he'd helped him, going so far as to tell the queen that White had vanished, feared dead.

Hearts had completely lost it after that.

They sat down on a fallen tree. Alice's legs hung over enough that she could swing them back and forth, playfully and child like. White sat stiffly beside her.

"When… when I was the Prince of the waste," White began, his voice sounding empty, "My father always expected great things from me, he was certain that I was going to be a great ruler… but that was never in my mind. I wanted to study, I wanted to learn how to avoid battle… I just wanted to figure out how to deal with people without having to take their lives away from them. When H-Rose came to visit us, pleading for aid against the armies that were invading wonderlands south border lands… I was amazed by her.
Here was this tiny little girl, but already she was a wise queen… she was the female version of myself, the version my father wanted to see that is. I guess that is why we fell in love, she was what I could never be… the nights in the castle, talking with her as if she weren't a female ruler of another land, a rival land." White hesitated, a strange look in his eyes, almost as if he were smiling but not quite. "They are my fondest memories. When she offered me a place in her library I thought things had finally gone my way. But my father wouldn't allow me to leave, he feared that this was a trick of some sort. Rose and I had already begun to fall in love, and his hatred of her was what finally pushed us both over the edge of reason. I fled with her into the heart of wonderland. I loved her so completely that I thought, if anything should happen to her… I would surly die."

Alice closed her eyes, "I know the feeling." She whispered.

"Cheshire?"

"Yes."

White's eyes flashed with a true smile, he tilted his head back and chuckled. "Rose told me the same… she begged me not to fight in the battle, but I had to, I had to protect my wife, I had to protect my unborn children. I didn't know at the time that Rose thought the same thing, she had to protect me. She changed the day my father announced his intent to fight, she changed because she had to… I left her with no choice because I didn't rightly understand what it was I saw in her eyes before I left." White stopped for a moment, he looked down at his hands. "I know now that what I saw was fear. Fear of what she would do if I died, what she'd do to herself should I not return home. She would join me in death if I never returned…"

"But she was pregnant…" Alice whispered.

"Which is more important… children you haven't met, or the man who is a piece of your very soul?" White cocked his head. "To Rose, I was the only thing she cared about. It wasn't until she held our children in her arms for that fleeting moment that she realized how much she loved them. I returned home to find her in that state, I almost died seeing her suffering so. I did what I thought was right, I needed Rose to stay alive… I was selfish enough to force her to stay alive, so I asked the gnomes to save my children. Even though I didn't know them… even though I didn't yet love them. I loved their mother and that was enough for me." White shook his head. "But Rose was never the same, she wasn't the woman I fell in love with. I'd gone away and returned to find some twisted monster in the place of the woman I loved." He finally looked at Alice, their eyes locking. "Cheshire is repeating my mistakes Alice, he'll return to find that you've changed, you've taken on the role that he is running away from."

"Cheshire isn't running away." Alice snapped, suddenly feeling like her skin was a little too small. She didn't want to be put in this box, she didn't want to fit into any role that Hearts had once worn.

White chuckled, "Alice, you can't hide it. I see the change in you, but you wear this skin better than Rose ever could, you are who you are, and Rose was who she was. She was never meant to be cruel, but she became that to protect me. You become cold to protect yourself from getting hurt, because you've been hurt too many times before." He reached up and tapped the edge of his mask, "I hide because I don't want to be who I was, I don't want to see that look on peoples faces when they remember that I was the one who broke Rose's heart. I shattered her mind to pieces, because she loved me."

"Love hurts, White, it hurts and it sucks, but we have a choice. We can either stand up and admit that we need someone to be there, we can be selfish and try to fit that person into a box and ask them not to leave it, or we let them go, risking it all because we know that they have to do it." Alice sighed, "Cheshire left, I didn't even say goodbye. But I'll be damned if I hinder what he is trying to do out there. If he dies… I'll never forgive myself, I love him enough that I wouldn't want to live… but everyone tells me that Wonderland is going to die if I die, I have something I have to live for, something other than love. Its called responsibility."

White laughed, a strange sound, deeper than the normal laugh. "Sometimes I wish that my Rose could have been like you, Alice. Sometimes I wish she'd been as strong and understanding." he looked at her with a smile in his eyes. "Sometimes I wish Cheshire hadn't gotten to you first." He looked away

Alice flushed and looked down at her hands, where were clenching her pants. "Oh." She trailed off. "That was a change of topic…"

White snorted, "just slightly."

Alice smiled. Suddenly an urge hit her that she didn't understand, but it was so strong that she couldn't stop it. "White…"

White turned and looked at her. "Yes?"

Alice leaned forward, she reached her hands up, skimmed her fingers against the smooth surface of the mask. Slowly she reached behind his head, her fingers brushing through the soft locks of his hair, and than they found the silky ribbons that held the mask in place. She held them in her hands.

White's breathe caught in his throat but he didn't make any moves to stop her. even when he felt her tugging the ribbons loose. He reached up and touched his fingertips to the mask, holding carefully.

Alice sat back and reached her hands out again, this time to take hold of the hand that held the mask in place.

White lifted his head and slowly let his hand drop.

Alice stared at White's face, somewhat surprising. She'd seen what those who lived in the wastes looked like, but for some reason, she'd never been able to put a face like that onto White.

His face was handsome, perhaps a little too rough. The skin on his face was a pale white color that looked more powdery than most of the skin colors of wonderland, it was lighter than the rest of him. His rose colored eyes looked tired now, because they were a little sunken, tired and rimmed with pink. His mouth was a cupid bow, and a soft pink color. His nose was straight and suited his face. but the cheek bones stood out a little too much.

Alice swallowed and forced herself to remember how to breathe. She laughed softly.

White cocked his head, lips pursing together. "You… laughed." He sounded worried.

"Sorry," Alice giggled, "it's just that this is so weird…" she trailed off for a moment. "I never imagined what you'd look like without the mask." She looked at the mask, a small smile slid over her lips. "You look better without it."

White laughed, "Thank you," he whispered.

Alice smiled and lifted her head, "I can see why Hearts… Rose fell in love with you, you are very handsome, but different…"

"I'm from the Wastes, Alice," White chided, "I don't have the same look as the native Wonderlanders have."

Alice nodded, "I meant," she said, frowning, "that it was strange to see someone like you and realize that for all the time I spent here… I never thought about meeting some of the other races, I mean, I met the ones that are near and around the main city but… I never thought about what was outside wonderland. I never cared."

White reached forward and laid his fingertips on Alice's face. "You were a child, you weren't mean to think about things like that." He smiled again.

Alice sighed and leaned forward, pressing a light kiss to his mouth. It was just a kiss, no pull, no sudden strange bit of magic. If anything she got a little shock that repelled her from him. "You're taken," she laughed.

White cocked his head, "huh?"

"Rose and you are still bonded, no matter how much you seem to dislike each other!" Alice found it amusing as hell.

White sighed, "great, I'm stuck with her than?"

Alice reached out and smacked him. "You love her still."

"Of course I do," White said, "I only meant that she hates my guts."

"Maybe… you should find her and ask her about that before you judge it as truth."

"Alice… she wants nothing to do with me… she hates everything about me right now… it'll only hurt us both if I go and ask her if she's still in love with me." White's face showed pain.

Alice almost slapped him. "You are such a guy!" she snapped, "think about it as a girl, it's hard for us to let go of hurt feelings, but just because we're hurt doesn't mean we stop loving, we always remember the ones who broke our hearts, we remember them even when we love another…" she trailed off. "You never stop loving someone, White, they're always there, always remaining a 'what if,' what if I'd done something different, been better, been prettier… they're always there. Love hurts and leaves scars, and if you can break up with someone and not feel a damn thing than it wasn't love, it was lust or something like that." She shook her head.

White closed his eyes. "You truly think… after all I put her through that she'd… forgive me?"

"I can't say she will, but being given the choice will mend some hurt feelings. Keep trying, she's your soul mate isn't she? The one you love more than anyone else in the whole world?" Alice leaned forward and looked him in the eye.

White smiled, "Yes."

Alice smiled brightly, "Than you aren't allowed to give up, you have to try, even if it hurts."

White reached out and touched her face, cupping her chin, "When did you get so wise?" he teased.

"Since I had a make-out with Caterpillar, it does things to the mind, you know?"

"No!" White laughed, "I wouldn't know what that's like!" he was laughing so hard that the words came out jumbled and he had to repeat them twice before Alice under stood just what he was saying.

Alice giggled along with him.

--

She walked back to the house by herself, White having gone to look for Hearts, wherever she might be.

Hatter met her halfway to the house, he was leaning against a tree, an expression on his face his face was carefully blank, bored even. But his eyes were studying her face carefully.

"Where'd the rabbit go?" He asked playfully.

Alice frowned, there was something biting in his words but she couldn't pinpoint what it was. "He's gone… on a personal trip." she explained. Shrugging her shoulders she walked over to him.

Hatter studied her face, "Did he finally tell you?"

"Tell me what?" Alice asked.

"What happened to Rose?"

"Yeah," Alice looked at her feet, the boots were scuffed and in need of polish, but that was a stupid thought so she quickly turned away from it. "He told me…"

"You're lying about something."

"No I'm not, I'm just not telling you something." Alice crossed her arms against her chest and smirked, "There is a difference you know?"

"Hmmm," Hatter reached out and laid his hand on the top of her head, "Sure, short stuff."

"That was low!" Alice yelled, swatting his hand.

"You don't say!" Hatter grinned.

Alice groaned. "Hatter… do you love me?" she asked, changing the subject.

Hatter frowned, "Do you have to ask?" he cocked his head.

Alice reached out her hand and touched his smooth face. "You should be mad at me,"

Hatter's frown deepened, "Why's that?" he asked.

"Because I made you love me," Alice said, lowering her eyes. "I made you fall in love, it wasn't you're choice."

Hatter laid his hand on top of Alice's. "Silly, I loved you before you left and I still love you now. It never changed."

Alice thought about this for a moment and laughed, "That should be really creepy, you know?"

Hatter grinned and cocked his head, "Changing the subject." He smiled, "You ready to go home?"

Alice laughed, she thought about her father and sisters', thought about them for a moment, let the pain wash through her, and than she closed it down. "Yes," she said, "I'm ready." She dropped her hands to her side.

Hatter took her hand in his and walked with her. A comfortable silence held between them.