Military Days Chapter 2: Tea Parties Aren't Supposed To Go BOOM!, a fullmetal alchemist fanfic

Tea Parties Aren't Supposed To Go BOOM!!!

Aryn was bored.

Aryn was VERY bored.

It is never a good idea to let Aryn get bored, as she may very well be prone to do something very stupid that one may consider insane. Aryn didn't care much about that, though. Sanity was boring, anyway.

She sighed. "Ayaka, I'm booooooooored. Fix it!"

"Go find something to do, then. I'm reading, so why don't you go bother Ember or Leah? I'm sure that will be entertaining." The brunette replied, blowing her stray lock of purple-dyed hair out of her honey-colored eyes. How she got only that part of her hair colored will forever be a mystery......

"But Ember will just kill me and stuff......and Leah's off who knows where......" Aryn pouted childishly. "Sooooo that leaves you." She plucked the book from Ayaka's hands. "Play with me!"

"HEY!" The victim quickly jumped up and started chasing the blonde-ish around the room, unsuccessfully trying to take back her novel. "Give that back!"

Aryn grinned wildly, . "Nope!"

"Give it!"

"No!"

"Give!"

"No way!"

"Gimme!"

"Whee!"

"Mine!"

"Mwahaha!"

"Surrender!"

"Never!"

"I'll do my annoying voice at you!"

"Oh noes!"

By this time both were laughing too hard to have any chance of hearing the knocking at the door to their room. Apparently whoever was at the door decided to screw manners after waiting a good five minutes and just walked in. Pausing at the ruckus, they took a moment to wonder how the hell these eighteen year old girls had ever been allowed to join the military.

"Come ooooooooooooooon!"

"The voice! It's draining my powers of awesomeness! Must......resist......emo......urges....."

Aryn collapsed in an overly dramatic fashion onto the floor. Sensing her victory, Ayaka dove for the novel, catching it before it hit the floor. She smirked and held the spoils of war towards the heavens. "I win!" She sang triumphantly.

The guest, not knowing what to say, walked past them as if they didn't exist and sat on a bed.

"Hey, lookie there, it's Ember!" Cried out the blonde-ish. Ayaka winced at her volume. "You are LOUD." the mostly-brunette complained. "Where's your off switch?"

"It's in my pants."

"Oh? In your pants? You mean with your soul?"

Ember, meanwhile, was trying to block out their hysterical laughter, and failing. Giving up, she sighed and gave them a look that said "You're both idiots". And she translated too.

"We aren't idiots! We're just insane!" They chorused. An amber eye twitched before its owner spoke again.

"Aren't you two supposed to be watching me? I was gone for a good fifteen minutes, and who knows what I could have accomplished in that time." She twirled a strand of coal black hair with feigned indifference. "I could very well have left for home by now. I may even have done something much worse than you can possibly imagine. Why take the risk?"

"BECAUSE!" Aryn boldly stated, jumping up and wrapping an arm around the stoic Ember. "We're all bestest buddies, and there's no way you'd ever do anything to hurt us! Friends forever! Always there for each other! Like bacon and eggs! We'll never leave you side-"

"Get off me before you die."

"Yes ma'am."

Ayaka snickered as Aryn jumped over to hide under the covers on her bed, which was directly opposite of Ember's. She poked her head out with a mischievous look on her face, green eyes darting around the room to make sure that it was only the three of them inside. Confirming that it was in fact only them, she gave a wide smirk. "Who wants to go have some fun?"

Ember raised her head, looking at the short-in-the-back-but-long-in-the-front blonde-ish haired girl across the room. "As I have come to know you in the past few days, I have come to this conclusion; anything and everything that goes through your head and out your mouth will undoubtedly be stupid, pointless, and get us into trouble. Seeing as I am already in deep shit with the authorities, I will ignore your question." She left to go change into her night clothes.

Aryn blew a raspberry at Ember's retreating figure. Turning to face the mostly-brunette, she regained her smug look. "So, what about you? In or out?"

"That would depend on a few factors."

"Such as?"

"What are the chances of us getting caught?"

"None, if we do it right."

"Who's coming?"

"Just us and one more."

"What will we need?"

"I'll tell you on the way."

"Last one, but definitely the most important.

"And that would be?"

"Will it annoy HIM?"

"Oh, he'll be ROYALLY pissed."

That was all she needed to hear. "I'm in." She said nonchalantly, heading towards the door. "What are we doing?"

Aryn followed her out. "Well I was thinking..." Their conversation was muffled by Ember closing the door, not caring to know what they schemed. She walked over towards the beds, picking up the (conveniently forgotten) book and laid down on her bed. As she read herself to sleep, her last thoughts were something like this.

How the hell was I captured by such idiots?

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Roy Mustang was not a morning person.

Quite frankly, he wasn't much of a midday person, or an afternoon person for that matter. He most certainly was not an evening person, or a midnight person, or one of those 'oh my gosh it's three in the morning let's party' kind of people either. Roy Mustang, however, hated mornings with a passion as bright as the sun (which had, ironically, woken him up today).

So Roy Mustang was not a happy Colonel in the mornings.

Eyes still closed, he muttered angrily words that shall not be repeated as to keep your brains as safe as possible, and reached out to close the blinds so the damn sun would let him sleep.

This was the first thing he did everyday.

BEEP!

"GWAUGH!"

Falling out of bed was the second thing.

"DAMNIT!" cursed the Flame Alchemist. Curse you Riza! Curse you for ever getting me that damn alarm clock! After a few more minutes of loathing various things (hot blondes, hard wooden floors, the sun, alarm clocks, etc.) he pushed himself off the ground and stomped over to his alarm which was oh so conveniently placed on the other side of the room. He would normally have 'accidentally' broken it by now, but Riza said if he ever did she would castrate him with her gun.

While Roy didn't know what the term 'castrate' meant, it did not exactly sound like fun.

Grumbling about women and their large vocabularies, he dragged himself back to the bed and sat down for a moment. Roy closed his eyes, thinking as he pulled on his gloves, which came on before anything, even his boxers.

I need a raise for always getting up so early. When I'm Fuhrer, I will never have to get up before noon! The sun shall bow before ME! All female officers will be required to wear TINY MINISKIRTS!!! Oh yes, I have much work to do if achieve this goal as soon as possible!

Third, he always unknowingly motivated himself to wake up and go to work.

He stood quickly, ignoring the slight dizziness that came with standing too quickly. The Colonel crossed the room, throwing open the closet. My reign will come! Beware, King Bradley, very soon your career will go up in flames! MY flames! Grinning like a madman, he grabbed his usual lacy blue dress and started towards the bathroom. Fuhrer Roy Mustang has such a lovely ring to it, don't you think? Soon, very soon it will be true, and none will stand between me and the miniskirt army! All who oppose me will go straight to hello, what' s this?

The ranting alchemist finally realized what he was holding (and about to change into) was not his uniform. It was a light blue dress with some kind of lacy apron in the front, which actually accented the dress quite nicely-wait, no! (A/N-Think like Alice in Wonderland.)

He quickly sprinted back to the closet, which to his horror, was empty, except for one piece of paper on the floor. Roy snatched it up and skimmed the letter.

Dear Colonel Bastard,

We took ALL your clothes. You have a very interesting choice in boxers, by the way. Kittens? Funny, we always took you as more of a dog person. If you ever want to see them again, come to the forested section of the military training grounds at eight-hundred hours to find out what to do to learn where they are. Don't forget the shoes and bow!

MWAHAHA!!!

A&A

He looked down. Sure enough, there was a big black ribbon and a pair of little black shoes where the paper had been. The Flame Alchemist crushed the little piece of paper as if it were the cause of all his problems, and threw it to the ground in frustration. "There's no way." He said, shaking his head. "There's no way they took ALL of them!" He dashed away to check the house for any spare clothes that their might be hiding from him.

Sadly for him, there weren't any.

His bed had never looked quite so tempting before.

A thought occurred to him, and he smirked. It was quite the creepy smirk, the kind you'd expect to see on someone who was plotting revenge. Which in fact he was. Oh, he'd go along with their petty little scheme for now. But as soon as they let their guard down, he'd make them realize......that they had forgotten to take his gloves.

Ember yawned as she pulled herself out of bed. A quick glance around the room told her that it was empty, and that it was safe to go and sleep a bit more. Sitting back on the bed, she took a moment to actually observe the rooms she'd been staying in for the past few days.

It was quite a nice place; coming in through the door, you immediately came into large rectangular room that was a mix between a living room and a kitchen. It was surprisingly organized, and most of it was decorated with the colors brown and green.

Walking past this room, you came into a hallway painted green, which gradually faded as you walked on. There were two doors going down this hallway; the left took you to the laundry room, while the right took you to a bathroom, also composed of browns and greens.

The end of the hallway was where the normal stopped.

Here there was a diamond shaped room that was obviously used as a bedroom, seeing as there were four beds in it, one backed up against each wall. Every wall was a different color. Ember slept in the bed that was against the red wall, which if you were standing in the middle of the room would be in front and to the right. Aryn slept directly opposite of her, against the blue wall. The yellow wall was behind you and to the right if you were in the middle of a room. That was Ayaka's. Across from there was a black and white wall, but Ember had yet to meet whoever slept here. She could only assume it was this 'Leah' person that they spoke of from time to time.

The girl sighed, pushing her jet black hair behind her ear. She didn't really feel like going to sleep right now, but there was much else to do. Being a prisoner was rather boring.

Oh well.

Where is that book I had yesterday? That might be a good thing to do......

Ember got up again searched for the book.

Half an hour later and there was no book and a seriously frustrated Ember. "Where the hell could it be!?! It's not like it ran away in the middle of the night!" She raged to thin air. It was intelligent enough not to answer back. "Screw this, that book can burn in hello, what do we have here?"

As she had been searching around Aryn's bed, she had come across something far more interesting than a book. Amber eyes bright, the girl almost purred in satisfaction. "Maybe today won't be quite so boring after all......"

Roy Mustang walked down the forest path with as much dignity that a man wearing a dress could.

Granted, there wasn't much, but he tried.

They are in for a WORLD of hurt when I get there. The Colonel fumed. I can't kill them immediately; then I would never learn where my clothes are. I'll have to make sure they're in pain, though, so that they won't be able to escape. After I get that information, the only question is what to do with the bodies. Hmm......what would be the least amount of paperwork?

A giggle startled the plotting alchemist out of his thoughts. He looked up to see Aryn and Ayaka pink in the face from holding in their laughter. "Hey there, Colonel......" said Ayaka, who was having much difficulty not laughing outright. "Love the new look......it suits you......" They couldn't hold in their amusement any longer.

Fury overtook Mustang, pushing all thoughts of clothes and paperwork out of his mind. He raised his arm, and with a cry of "Burn to oblivion!" snapped his fingers.

Nothing happened.

Three seconds of complete silence followed.

But only three.

The girls burst into laughter as Roy continued to try and light them on fire, with no success. Aryn fell onto her butt, clutching her stomach for all she was worth. "Burn to oblivion! Oh my gosh, that is priceless!" Ayaka pounded her fist against a nearby tree. "Hey Aryn, maybe we should try and become Colonels! Then we can say cool stuff like that too!" She fell to her knees, gasping for air.

The source of their amusement was not happy right now. The Flame Alchemist was greatly confused as to why they weren't dead already. "What the hell is wrong!?!" Roy shouted.

This was when he finally looked at his gloves.

They were unusually tight on his fingers, he noted as he pulled his hand into a fist. And the material seemed much thinner, and smooth. There was lace on the edge of it-oh no.

This is not happening.

Roy Mustang was wearing women's gloves.

It is happening.

Aryn and Ayaka seemed to have mostly finished their hysteria-

No, wait......

Okay, now they're done.

Grinning, the two girls wrapped an arm around him as if they did this sort of thing all the time. Which in fact they did. "Soooooooo, I'll bet you're wondering how to get your clothes back." Aryn questioned.

A dark eye twitched. "Only a little." He answered sarcastically.

"Well then." Ayaka took over. They started walking down the path, pulling Roy along with them. "That's a rather simple thing, actually. You see, we" she looked at Aryn "are bored."

"Bored, you say?"

"Yes, quite." Aryn caught the ball, or whatever the phrase is. "So we decided to 'invite'" here she quoted with one hand "you to a tea party!"

The Fuhrer wannabe died a little on the inside. "A tea party?" It was more of a statement than a question.

"Yup!" they chorused.

Lo and behold, they had led him to some sort of table set up with china cups and fancy little napkins that you only seem to find in those overpriced restaurants. There were three chairs surrounding it as if to mock him. Ayaka and Aryn pushed him towards it, and he sat down with the pride of any man wearing lacy clothing.

Which was practically none.

"Would you like some, tea, princess?" asked the smirking blonde-ish. Roy felt his eye twitch again. "Princess?" he questioned through gritted teeth.

"Ah ah ah." the mostly-brunette waggled her finger. "You wouldn't want us to 'accidentally' burn all your clothes, now would you?" The Flame Alchemist wisely shut his mouth, and she pat his head. "Good girl."

They sat down beside him. "So Ayaka, what were you saying yesterday about seeing a cat in Roy's bedroom?" the blonde-ish inquired.

Said man nearly choked on his tea. Don't tell me they saw Mew!

The girls didn't seem to notice. "Yeah, it was yellow with brown stripes, kinda like the one Al tried to keep a while ago. I was probably imagining things, though."

"Yeah, probably." The Colonel breathed a sigh of relief.

"Everyone knows the princess here is way too stiff to keep a pet." The twitching returned with a vengeance.

"Yeah, it still surprises me that he had kitties on his boxers."

"I'm still surprised that he wears boxers."

"Thought he'd wear briefs?"

"Yup." Steam came off of the man's head.

"Well I guess, but I can't see a player really wearing briefs, can you?"

"True, true. It's kinda like in that book I was reading."

"How so?"

"Well, a friend of the main character wears briefs, and later on he turns out to be gay......"

"Ah." Roy clenched his teeth.

"It's a good book. No sex or anything like that."

"Hmm. Hey Ayaka, are you still a virgin?"

"Yeah, you?" Oh, look, now he's turning red!

"Yuppers! Hooray for abstinence!"

"How'd we get from kittens to virginity?"

"Well, I think it started-"

"ENOUGH!"

The girls turned their heads to look at the very uncomfortable and rather angry Roy Mustang. "You two WILL tell where my clothes are or so help me I will PERSONALLY do all the paperwork required for your expulsion from the military! Do I make myself clear!?!"

"Crystal." was the reply, along with a left-handed salute (which, if I recall, is rather insulting in the military). They snickered for a bit, then fell out of their chairs laughing.

After they were finished laughing, they stood up and grinned at the grumpy cross-dresser. "Well, we've had our fun." Aryn giggled. "We'll take you to the clothes, since they're in our room, and you can't get in without a key."

Roy went pale. "Girls?"

"Yes princess?" They chorused.

"ALL of my clothes are in your room?"

"Yeah."

"Including my gloves?"

"Yeah."

"And only the people who live in this room can get in?"

"Yeah."

"And there is pyromaniac alone in said room with access to weapons of mass destruction?"

The girls eyes widened and blood drained out of their faces. They shared a look, and summed up their opinion of the situation in two short words.

"Oh shit."

Ember was having a blast.

Quite literally.

She knew she was going to get caught, and then be in even more trouble than she already was, but there was absolutely no way she would pass up the opportunity to blow stuff up with the infamous gloves of Roy Mustang. Granted she didn't really like him, but his gloves were practically made of awesome.

She wasn't a prisoner for doing anything particularly bad; it was in fact such a stupid thing she wasn't even going to bother tell you about it. So HA.

She walked out of the forest section of the military training grounds and into the mountainous part. There was no one here she could hurt by mistake, and no trees to set on fire either. Perfect. The girl prepared to blow up a large rock about ten feet in front of her.

BOOM!!!

Oh how she loved that sound......

BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!!

"EMBER!"

Said girl turned to face the group who had most likely followed the sound of the explosion. Or Ember's squeals of delight. Both were very loud. She didn't bother to ask why the Flame Alchemist was wearing a dress. "Ember, stop! You know you're not allowed to do that!"

Ember gave an uncharacteristic grin. "I know." She turned back to the rocks. "But I'll never have this chance again."

The trio jumped for cover as she started snapping her fingers again.

BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The noise abruptly stopped, and the trio looked out from behind the rocks they had been hiding behind they came out and saw-

"Riza? What the hell are you doing here?" A certain alchemist asked.

The woman turned her head, not moving her gun from the back of Ember's. She held up a camera and nodded her head towards Aryn and Ayaka, who waved back. "They asked me to take pictures."

The Colonel really wished he had stayed in bed now.

"Bu-bu-bu-bu-bu-but why?"

Riza gave a small smirk. "Consider this payback for the time you peeped on me in the showers."

Roy's jaw dropped, and the girls nearly died from lack of oxygen.

Ignoring the Flame Alchemist who was in obvious turmoil, she turned back to Ember. Prodding her with a gun, she held out her other hand to take the gloves from her. The black haired girl sighed and pulled them off. "You guys are no fun......" she complained.

"You have a weird definition of 'fun'." Riza stated blankly, taking the gloves and walking towards Headquarters. Roy snapped out of his emo corner and followed her.

"Riza, can I have those pictures?"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Oh, c'mon, I said I was sorry!"

"Sorry you got caught."

"Well, yeah but still-NO NO NOT THE FACE!!!"

Ayaka snickered as Riza proceeded to beat Roy into a bloody pulp. Ember walked over to watch the fireworks with her two roommates/captors/friends. Aryn just smiled.

She certainly wasn't bored anymore.

Gah, this took forever......so I hope you liked it. This is my first fic, so be nice, okay?

Merry Christmas!

:D: ------That's my signature, not a smiley!