Merry Christmas Ashleigh!

I don't own Twilight, or the character of Ashleigh. I don't own Kads because that is the nickname Ashleigh gave to the name that I DO own which is Kadalea. Wow, that made no sense….

Bella's POV

"ROSEEEEE! Don't do that to me!" Emmett whined.

"Then don't say that again." Her tone was sharp.

"He really does look like he got laid, though, I mean—" Emmett stopped speaking as he saw the look on Rose's face. Apparently she was not kidding when she said if he mentioned it again, he would never know what it was like again. Poor Emmett, haha.

Suddenly, the front door to the Cullens house flew open and a high-pitched scream pierced the air. I covered my ears with a wince and looked at Edward to see what was going on. Then a flash of blonde hair flew past me and attacked Emmett with a hug. His face was quizzical. Rose snatched the girl away with a growl. Suddenly the girl looked up at Emmett.

"Ew, you don't look like Kellan." She grimaced and started rubbing her clothes where she had hugged Emmett, brushing all traces of his contact off. I stifled a giggle.

"Who is Kellan?" Emmett looked upset at the fact that she had said 'ew.'

"Kellan. Kellan Lutz. My future husband." She got a dreamy look on her face and then returned to the present. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Edward's face twist in disgust.

"He plays you in the film. Oh, pardon me, my name is Ashleigh." Ashleigh? What the duck? I thought she looked familiar.

"Aren't you from Guilt Ridden and Love Lost?" She turned and looked at me with a blink,

"What? Oh, yeah. No, the Ashleigh with Daniel was based on me, but I'm not her. She's very much like me though, except I'm not a vampire. And I don't want Daniel because I want Kellan. But you know, that's how it goes." What the frell was she talking about?

"Excuse me, but did you escape from a mental institution by any chance?" Oops, did I really ask that out loud?

Ashleigh giggled hysterically. "No." She walked into the kitchen and came out holding a package of crackers.

"Yum. I thought I smelled these. Crackers are the heart of my soul and the soul of my heart, you know. Crackers and double deckers." She smiled and munched on a cracker.

"Double deckers? You eat metal buses?" Now I knew she really was from a mental institution.

"No, double deckers the chocolate. Don't look at me like that, I'm from the UK, we have different food. Speaking of, do you have crisp sandwiches here?"

"Crisp sandwiches?" I asked in confusion.

"You know, potato crisps? You call them chips. Put into bread, to make a sandwich."

"Um, ew."

Ashleigh gasped. "You are one deprived child."

"And you're crazy. Who do you think you are, coming in here and hugging Emmett and telling him he doesn't look like Kellan and then eating our food and ranting on insanely?"

She frowned. "I'll leave if you want." Esme quickly refused to let her with a 'no, no, darling, it's alright.'

"Just don't ever hug my Emmett again or you shall pay," Rosalie growled. Ashleigh rolled her eyes.

"What are you gonna do? Send Devin after me?" She scoffed.

"Who is Devin?" We all said, confused.

"Oh. Devin is a fourteen year old kid who likes to throw tree bark at my friend and shove fish into her face. He makes campfires in Canada, and giggles like a girl." We all stared at her, surely she was insane.

"And I'm not crazy either. Jeez, don't you have little inside jokes with your friends, too?"

"Of course we do. But here's the thing: Your friend isn't here, so no one gets your bloody jokes," Rose snapped.

"What the frell, Ashleigh?! Just leave me in the ducking car why don't you!!" A new voice yelled as the door slammed open again. Ashleigh turned to the voice.

"Kads, I tried to wake you up. It's not my fault you stayed up all bloody night long. Don't get your knickers in a twist, the Cullens are still here. But Emmett isn't lexy Kellan!" Ashleigh frowned and Kads laughed at her depressed expression.

"Now what were you saying about my friend not being here?" Ashleigh smirked at Rosalie. Rose glared at her, not happy about being proven wrong.

Suddenly Ashleigh squealed. "Kads! OMG Kads! They have crackers!" She started giggling hysterically.

"Hey, do they have pink highlighters? 'Cause now I can let you scribble all over my face." Kads smiled and Ashleigh started laughing even more. High-pitched squeaking sounded as the two girls laughed.

"YOU JUST SKEEKED!!!" Kads screamed at Ashleigh in the midst of the laughing and squeaking, causing Ashleigh to screech again.

"So'd you," Ashleigh managed to get out as Kads let out an even louder screech. All of the Cullens had their faces twisted in disgust and pain, some of them with their hands over their ears. I, too, grimaced in pain at the loud obnoxious sound coming from the girls' laughter. After what seemed like an eternity, even to me, they quieted down. I shot a look to Edward as if to say 'finally' and that made them start giggling again. My eye twitched of its own accord, but they didn't start the horrible squeaking again, thankfully.

"Ashleigh! What day is it?" Kads yelled suddenly.

"Uh, Friday. Why?"

"Duck it!!! We're missing Johnny!" Her eyes widened.

"That's ok, he's stupid anyway."

"Nuh uh! He's cute. But he likes that stupid Liane. I mean, seriously, did she get botox in the lips or something?"

"Botox?" Ashleigh looked at Kads as if she was crazy.

"The lip injections, whatever to make her look like Angelina Jolie.?" She explained.

"Oh," Ashleigh nodded. "I think they're natural."

"Ew."

Their odd conversation ceased and they look around the living room, taking everything in.

"Hey, Bella?" Kads spoke to me suddenly with an evil glint in her eye.

"Uh, yes?" I winced, wondering why I had chosen to answer her. These girls were seriously creepy. Why hadn't we thrown them out yet? Oh yeah, cause we're nice. And there's no mental institutions near her.

She threw a look at Ashleigh before turning to me and asking innocently, "Is Mike on speed?" Every person in the house blinked at the same time, dumbfounded. Then Ashleigh burst out laughing.

"Kads, I can not believe you just asked that!"

She giggled. "You're the one who said it."

"Oh, great. Get me in trouble for accusing one of Bella's many suitors of being hooked on drugs. Nice one, Kads." Ashleigh received a giddy I-know-I-got-you-in-trouble laugh from Kads. I rolled my eyes. If I thought Jessica and Lauren were bad, these girls were seriously juvenile. Why were they even here? And why would the Cullens allowing this insanity?

"Do you guys have any coffee? Stupid question, nevermind."

Esme spoke up, always eager to please her guests. "We actually do, yes. Would you like me to make you some?" Edward widened his eyes at Esme and shook his head subtly. We were afraid what these girls would be like once they had caffeine.

"Oh, Esme, that's very kind of you, thank you. But I think we've been outvoted. Seems like the vampires don't think giving us caffeine is a good idea." They giggled at each other and gave us all pointed looks. They looked amused, though.

Esme looked at us as if to tell us to be nice.

"You'll have to excuse them. We're not very used to having humans in our home, and we've never had humans with such…energy." I snorted. Energy was a polite way of putting it.

Kads gasped. "We're not… I mean, is Jasper ok? I wouldn't want to be causing any trouble at all—"

"No, no, dear." Esme cut off Kads' worrying. "Jasper is fine. We've all just recently hunted, so you don't have to worry. You are safe." Esme smiled.

Kads smiled back, but she shook her head and spoke. "I wasn't worrying about us, of course. I just don't want to be causing Jasper any trouble."

"It's no trouble at all, ma'am." Jasper strolled over to Kads, exaggerating his Southern drawl. He stood in the middle of Kads and Ashleigh and smiled at them. Ashleigh giggled and started to fall back, but grabbed Jasper's arm to regain her balance.

"Oopsie daisy," she said, dazed. Kads just stood there, staring at Jasper with an open mouth. Drool rolled down her chin and a drop landed on the floor. Jasper's smile widened immensely, and a goofy look spread across his face. I stared at them all in confusion, then glanced over at Alice who seemed to be watching them closely, waiting for anything to go wrong. She looked a bit jealous.

"He's just happy because they're happy, Alice." Edward murmured softly to her. She nodded absently, still watching them intently. And that's when I noticed that Ashleigh's hand was still on Jasper's arm from when she rebalanced herself. Ashleigh seemed to notice it at the same time, because she looked down at her hand and stared, much like Kads was staring at Jasper's face.

"Oh!" She said suddenly and removed her hand, almost with vampire speed. The force of it, and the fact that she no longer had anything to keep her balance, knocked her to the ground. Oddly enough, Kads' knees buckled and she fell down at the exact same time. They both landed on the floor with a soft thud. Barely a second had passed before they started giggling hysterically.

"Kads, he said—"

"And did you hear--?"

"But the way he—"

"I know. And the drool--?"

"My arm!"

"… Sooo cool!"

Their words got jumbled in the midst of their giggles, but each time they spoke, a new laughter came out; a more joyous laughter, close the squeaking from earlier.

Jasper suddenly looked at the air next to him in confusion, then he looked down and notice the girls laying on the floor. He sat down in between them and slowly stretched out to lay down. We all stared at him as if he was crazy.

He looked at Kads and Ashleigh, one after another, a few times before letting a giggle of his own escape.

"I love you guys," he said with a goofy grin on his face as he looked up at the ceiling in pure euphoria. Ashleigh and Kads' giggles stopped suddenly. They stared at each other with wide eyes and then gaped at him.

"What did you—"

"Did he just--?"

"Oh my gosh—"

"He actually said—"

"EEEEEEE!" They squealed together. Suddenly their arms started flailing around in front of their faces as they hyperventilated. And they continued 'discussing' what Jasper just said, but those sentences were so broken off that I couldn't understand them. They were very excited and happy. Definitely teenage fan girl-ish.

Alice growled lightly. "Why does my husband have to be an empath?" She rolled her eyes and walked over to the group. She grabbed Jasper's arm and pulled him to his feet, breaking him out of his trance.

"Wha, what? Alice? No! I… They're fun." He threw a glance back to Kads and Ashleigh as Alice continued to drag him away. Once they got to the steps, the emotions of the girls wore off of Jasper and he looked at Alice with a guilty expression.

"Sorry. I—"

"No, I know." Alice cut him off and smiled. They looked at each other with gooey expressions, causing me to turn away with a light shudder. Edward laughed softly and wrapped his arm around my waist. Now it was my turn to smile goofily.

"So addictive…" Jasper glanced at Kads and Ashleigh longingly before Alice dragged him up the steps. Once he got to the third step, he forgot about Kads and Ashleigh's emotions and picked up on Alice's. He ran the rest of the way upstairs.

Meanwhile, Ashleigh and Kads seemed to finally notice that he was gone. They looked at the space around them.

"Wha—where?" Ashleigh nudged Kads and nodded towards the steps, just in time for her to see Jasper's feet disappear and hear a door slam. They looked at each other with a smile and broke out in giggles.

"Oh." Kads exclaimed the discovery.

"Yeah." Ashleigh giggled again.

Kads sighed. "I wish I had a hot vampire husband to spend eternity with." Ashleigh whacked Kads on the arm.

"Eww. I can not believe you just said that."

"Well, don't you wish you had your own Emmett or Jasper or Edward?"

"Yes, but—"

"That's all I said." Kads smirked.

"But you were implying—"

"Hahahahahaha! Well, you know you wish that too." Kads winked at Ashleigh and laughed.

"Eew I do not!' Ashleigh swatted Kads' shoulder again and turned red. Kads just continued laughing. When she stopped, she looked at Ashleigh with a smile. Ashleigh rolled her eyes and smiled back, then nodded slightly. Kads giggled once and nodded in agreement.

Ashleigh looked up at us suddenly. "Oh. Hi." Kads made a sort of gasping-snort noise and they laughed at their own stupidity. It actually was quite amusing. Annoying, of course, but amusing. The rest of the Cullens seemed to be amused, too. Except Edward, he was staring at them and grimacing. I wondered why, but then I realised he was probably reading their minds and I knew that I didn't want to know. They were probably imagining unclothed male vampires mud wrestling or something. Dirty.

"Oh…. My…. GoshisthatwhatIthinkitis?!" Ashleigh squealed and ran over to the coffee table. She picked up Emmett's hat and held it to her chest, grinning widely and staring at it excitedly.

"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME YOU HAD THIS?!!? IT'S MINE!! I WANT IT!!! I NEED IT!!! KELLAN'S LEXY HAT!!!" Wow, I didn't know a human could yell that loudly.

Kads' eyes widened and she looked at Ashleigh.

"Is that his hat?!" Ashleigh nodded, still staring at the hat.

"OMG! You found his hat! You have to have it! It's Kellan's hat! You are in love with that hat!" Ashleigh ignored Kads and started stoking the hat. She was murmuring to it softly, but I couldn't tell what she was saying.

Ok, I'm beginning to get really creeped out by these girls. I looked over at Edward questioningly and he nodded, then looked at each of the Cullens subtly and nodded again. Seemed like everyone was sick of them, too. So we all went upstairs to let Esme kick them out, since she was the only one who could do it gently. (Of course I don't literally mean kick them out, I mean make sure they leave.)

Maybe once they're gone, we'll be able to enjoy Christmas. I hope they don't come around for any more holidays.

I'm sorry, that was a horrible ending. I ran out of ideas. :(
I had a good idea for a youtube video, but it wouldn't work. Sigh. This is the lamest Christmas present ever. My apologies, Ashleigh.