Chapter 4: Such a Pretty Boat!

Maria walked amiably down the dock, heading towards the spot where Jack made his brilliant, yet slightly pathetic entrance. She was thrilled about the fact that she got to stick with Jack the WHOLE time. She didn't favor Will or Jack more than the other, but Jack always seemed to have the most fun. And BOY DID SHE LOOOOVVVEE FUN!

Whistling, she finally found the right dock and strode all the way down to the end of it. There was no Jack in sight. She stood there for a good minute before getting bored and deciding to see if she had any cool weapons hidden on her person. After all, she WAS wearing super piratey clothing, so there had to be SUPER MEGA piratey weapons!

She reached into her boot, feeling around for something, anything that could mean a small dagger, but instead she fingered a small, round cloth covered object. After standing up again and flipping the bird at some sailor that was checking out her ass, she unwrapped it slowly, wondering what the heck it could be. To her surprise and awestruck amazement, it was a compass and it was pointing straight at the horizon. The horizon was NOT North. But, when she looked up Jack was about 200 hundred feet away on a rapidly sinking makeshift boat. It did not take Maria long to realize that this compass was EXACTLY like the one that Jack had.

Maria was still slightly confused as to why she had such compass, as Jack sailed, er… sank closer and closer but she quickly rewrapped it, taking care to secure it in her pocket before he could see it. Soon Jack was stepping up onto the dock, giving her the once-over but quickly strolling away. Of course the stupid, no-brained Harbormaster called out to him before he could get any farther.

"What? Hey! Hold up, there, you. It's a shilling to tie up your boat at the dock." He glanced at the "boat" and continued. "And I shall need to know your name."

Jack held up three shillings waving them tauntingly. "What d'ye say to three shillings and we forget the name altogether?" The Harbormaster, being the greedy conniving little pig he was quickly snatched the money and nodded.

"Welcome to Port Royal Mr. Smith." Jack turned and walked away, rolling his eyes and snatching the man's money pouch when he turned away. Maria swore she heard him mutter "jack ass" under his breath. Maria almost giggled, but restrained herself, seeing as she was not a fangirl and giggling was for retards. Instead she raced after Jack as he made his way down the dock, running in front of him, causing him to halt in his leathery steps. Upon looking into his kohl rimmed eyes, she almost died, but managed to keep herself standing upright. She glanced around, trying to buy time and remember what it was exactly that she was going to say.

"Uh…umm...Waz up dawg?"

"Jesus Christ OUR LORD IN HEAVEN!" Rachel heaved, digging her nails into the French room divider. Elizabeth gave her a reassuring smile as her maid; Bonnie proceeded to tighten the strings on Rachel's corset. Hers had already been laced up and Ray could tell she was already struggling to breathe because her voice was sort of raspy, like Satine's voice in Moulin Rouge when she's trying to seduce the penniless writer, Christian. Rachel on the other hand, was still planning on being able to breathe and was about to throw a right hook into Bonnie's smug little face.

"I am so beating up Maria when I see her again. That little mofo got me stuck in a corset! What ever happened to best friends for life?" She heaved, again, for about the 11th time since Bon Bon had started lacing her up. With one last, agonizing pull she finished and walked smugly away to get the dress the Governor had brought up for her to. Where she wondered did that guy get all these fancy dresses? And then a thought came to mind and she shuddered. The private lives of some people were not to be pondered.

It didn't matter anyways. She was still stuck here, about to be squashed inside a huge dress while her organs were screaming for air. Oh poor liver, I'm sorry you're suffering so! She needed something to get the pain out of her mind. And then suddenly, she had a brilliant idea. Something that would help the plot along. She could be helpful and kind once in a great while, couldn't she?

"Hey Elizabeth, whatever happens, don't reply to Norrington when he proposes. I know you'll probably want to say no, I mean DUH! but really just don't say anything okay?"

Liz's eyes widened at the fact that Norrington was going to propose, but she set her mouth in a grim line.

"I suppose I won't. I highly doubt I'll be able to talk at all by the time we get to the ceremony. This corset is rather constricting."

"Tell me about it!" Rachel grunted. "This thing hurts like a bizetch and I've only been wearing it for 3 minutes." She slipped on her powder blue shoes that were meant to go with the new dress she was decked in, as Bonnie slipped a string of pearls around her neck. Finally, after what seemed like a bazillion hours of preparation for some lame-ass ceremony that nobody cared about anyways, Rachel and Elizabeth were pushed out of the bedroom and began to make their way down the stairs, stepping "lightly" as stupid Bonnie had suggested. What a bitch!

As they started down the stairs Elizabeth suddenly gasped, obviously excited. There were Will and Jane standing with the Governor and the stringy-wigged servant. Jane was looking extremely pissed, probably because Will broke the sconce and she was still fuming over what a moron he was, and Will had just finished presenting the Governor with the sword he ordered.

Jane looked up when she heard Elizabeth gasp and suddenly the pissy look vanished from her face. Finally, a normal person! Rachel grinned back at one of her best friends and skipped the rest of the way down the stairs. Stupid Bonnie could go to hell!

"Will! It's soo good to see you! I had a dream about you last night." Rachel rolled her eyes as she skipped over to Jane. Honestly, Elizabeth wasn't really that bad, but she could lay off on the "come on baby, it was a wet dream!" attitude.

Meanwhile Will looked surprised, his brown eyebrows shooting up. "About me?" Jane leaned over and whispered into Ray's ear. " What a dip. I couldn't even stop him from breaking the sconce off the wall!" Rachel leaned over and muttered. "He may be a dip, but he sure is fine in person."

Jane rolled her eyes. Expect Rachel to stare at the body and not think about the brains. Will wasn't really dumb, he just wasn't…experienced. And until he got that, Jane was still a little iffy about him.

"Yes, well, is that entirely proper for you to?" Governor Swann stuttered looking quite flustered and scandalized for his daughter. Honestly, dreams about hot guys named Will that look ironically like the famous Orlando Bloom? Such madness! The conversation continued.

"About the day we met, do you remember?" insert batting of eyes

"How could I forget Miss Swann." insert Rachel, doubling over and pretending to puke

Rachel leaned over again and whispered in Jane's ear. "Jeez, this is the worst most sappiest conversation ever, and its not even a half an hour into the freaking movie. I don't know if I'll survive. Maria has got to be here. She'd love it but like to puke along with us." Jane nodded.

"I know. Gosh, how will I survive!?" Rachel agreed, knowing Jane hated romantic scenes with a fiery passion. She just wasn't that type of girl. Unless, of course, the romance was happening to her. Selfish child.

"Will, how many times must I ask you to call me Elizabeth?"

"At least once more Miss Swan." Rachel rolled her eyes, as Elizabeth frowned. Was the girl blind? Will was just trying to get on her father's good side!

"There! See? At least the boy has a sense of propriety. Now, we really must be going!!" Governor Swann practically chucked a parasol at Elizabeth's head, as he beckoned them out the door. "There you are!"

Jane held her breath to suppress a giggle as Rachel sighed and accepted a parasol from Governor Swann. Poor girl, stuck in a corset and ugly shoes. At least she had an excuse to fall off the wall.

Elizabeth frowned as she stalked out of the door. "Good Day Mr. Turner." She mumbled as Jane and Will trailed them out the door and the servant closed it behind them.

Jane waved and grinned at Rachel as she tried to climb into the carriage, tripped over her dress and almost landed a face full of mud. Rachel flipped her to bird, and then cringed when Governor Swann noticed and gasped. Oops.

Only Jane could hear as Will muttered "Good day," and then in an even quieter more pitiful sounding voice that almost made her feel bad. "Elizabeth."

"So you're tellin' me that you, a girl dressed in pirate's attire, are plannin' to follow ME around because of some reason that you won't tell ME yet?"

Jack and Maria were still in the same position except for the fact that Jack's head was cocked to the side like a confused puppy and Maria was quite annoyed and tapping the toe of her boot impatiently.

"Yes!"

"And this won't affect me plans in any way? How do you know so much about me? I haven't even told you my name and your referring to me as an old friend!"

"Jack, I already bloody told you that I know these things but I can't tell you until we are somewhere where our conversation won't be compromised! You're a pirate, you should know the importance of such things!! And no, this won't affect your plans! I just need to stick with you for awhile okay!?"

Jack still looked a bit iffy, and slightly suspicious but he nodded anyway. "Fine, just don't get in me way or else your fired from your post!"

"My post?"

"I don't know mate. All my good threats have been used up."

"Ohh…I know how that feels."

They continued down the dock, finally, with Maria more then a little annoyed, and Jack scouting the area for a nice little boat… err ship, to commandeer. They came upon Murtogg and Mullroy who were standing guard near the Interceptor.

Murtogg spotted them immediately as he always does and shouted. "This deck is off limits to civilians!"

Maria got right up in his face, her annoyment level increasing, and shouted back "Tone it down a little buddy, my head is throbbing!" before backing away and messaging her temples. Jack watched with a look of admiration before smiling convincingly, (except for the gold cap on his tooth and a few rotten looking molars) and saying "I'm terribly sorry! She's having her woman time, and sometimes loud noises upset her. If we see one we shall inform you immediately!"

He attempted to step away, but was again blocked by the two stocky soldiers. At least Mullroy was stocky. It was obvious that his mother fed him the 1800's version of Chunky for lunch.

Jack panicked but regained his composure. "Apparently there's something high-toned and fancy to do up at the fort, eh? How could it be that two upstanding gentlemen like yourselves did not merit an invitation?" Mullroy looked wounded, and Maria snorted.

"Face it, you guys sucked, so you didn't get an invitation to Norrie's little 'ole shindig!" She grinned evilly. These guys always pissed her off in the first movie!

"Well someone has to make sure this dock stays off limits to civilians!" Murtogg said, indignant.

"It's a fine goal to be sure but it seems to me that a ship like that," Jack pointed to the Dauntless, "makes this one here a bit superfluous, really."

Maria yawned. This conversation bored her to death already. She tugged on a curl of hair and sniffed it. Oh yeah, Herbal Essence was sooo divine.

"Oh the Dauntless is the power of these waters, true enough, but there's no ship as can match the Interceptor for speed. "

"I've heard of one, supposed to be very fast, nigh un-catchable; the Black Pearl." Jack, of course knew his boats err… ships and was ready for a nice banter.

Mullroy sniffed. "Well there's no real ship as can match the Interceptor."

"You half-wit, the Black Pearl IS real!" Maria snorted from where she was leaning against the wall. Mullroy looked at her, disgusted.

"Uh, no, no it's not!"

"Yes it is!" Murtogg spouted. Jack looked at them and sighed. This conversation was starting to bore him too.

"No, no, it's not!"

"Yes, it is, I've seen it!"

"You've seen it?"

"Yes."

"You haven't seen it."

"Yes, I have!" Maria looked at Jack. Jack nodded toward the Interceptor. She nodded and glanced toward her hand motioning a countdown. He half-grinned but then stopped and tried to appear interested when Murtogg glanced at him, and nodded encouragingly.

"You've seen a ship with black sails, that's crewed by the damned and captained by a man so evil that Hell itself spat him back out?"

UGH!

"No."

3…

"No?"

2…

"But I have seen a ship with black sails."

1…

Maria and Jack kept nodding quietly, while stepping backwards slowly until there was a free path to the Interceptor. Maria could practically hear Jack's thoughts. Oh yes, who's a pretty boat? You are! as the raced up the gangplank and onto the ship. She leaned comfortably against the rail and watched Jack play with the wheel; only a little sound from Murtogg and Mullroy's banter reaching her ears. God, those two were so moronic it was depressing.

"Hey! You two, get away from there!" Maria guffawed. She was not one to be ordered around. And neither was Jack, seeing as he made no move to "get away from there".

Murtogg and Mullroy, no doubt, remembered their jobs, and bomb-rushed the ship, yelling "You don't have permission to be aboard there, mate!"

Jack was not to be deterred. "We're sorry, its just-it's just such a pretty boat. Ship." Maria walked up behind them.

"Oh yes. It's fricking gorgeous." She muttered. God, this had to be the most boring part of the movie. Retards like them completely ruined her day.

"What are your names?" Murtogg demanded, and Maria crossed her arms.

"He's Smith. Or Smithy if you like, and I am Maria Angelica Depp. You'll be callin' me Miss Depp, if you like your tongues inside your mouths." She glared, even though her threat was completely empty. Honestly, she was weaponless as far as she knew.

Mullroy looked slightly afraid, while Murtogg winced. "What's your purpose in Port Royal, Mr. Smith and uhh…Miss Depp?"

"Yeah and no lies!" Maria frowned., but Jack took this as an opportunity to be truthful.

He held out his arms. "Well, then, I confess it is my intention to commandeer one of these ships, pick up a crew in Tortuga, raid, pillage, plunder, and otherwise pilfer my weasely black guts out!" Maria grinned. She loved that line. Finally, things were starting to look up!

Murtogg wasn't buying it, "I said no lies!" He puckered his lips like a whiny baby, and Maria half-expected him to stomp his foot. Jeez, the guy really needed to come off his binky.

"I think he's telling the truth."

"If he were telling the truth, he wouldn't have told us!"

Jack spoke up. "Unless, of course, he knew you wouldn't believe the truth even if he told it to you."

"See, I told you he was telling the truth, wait…what?" Mullroy looked dreadfully confused, and Maria decided it was time to drop this dud of a conversation subject and start a new one.

"Eh Jack, you should tell these brave soldiers the story of the cannibals and how you managed to trick yourself out of a terrible and painful death." She winked at him out of the corner of her eye, and he nodded.

"Ah yes. Well gents, one day I found me-self on an Island somewhere in the Pacific…"

Rachel and Elizabeth found themselves on top of the battlements of the Fort, struggling for air and, more in Rachel's general speech, swearing every 5 seconds. The ceremony had been a huge crapload of large, boring words, and ugly wigged men, while they stood in the sun, fanning themselves with fans, that probably weren't made in China and therefore did their job of fanning badly. Now, the girls were barely holding onto their lives as their corsets drained the air out of the ribs and made them look like anorexics.

"Must, gasp, get, gasp, out of this, gasp, CORSET!" Elizabeth gasped leaning against the battlement and fanning herself wildly. Rachel, who always took dramatic to another level, was sitting on the ground in a very unladylike fashion and trying to pull her dress over her head. You can imagine the stares, and gasps of "scandalous behavior from such a pretty young woman!" from the people nearby, who, very ironically, couldn't take their eyes off of Rachel's undergarments.

"This, my dear Liz, is the most fucked up, retarded shitload of a garment that I have EVER had to wear in my life!" Elizabeth, who was already much used to Rachel's swearing, nodded and swallowed hard.

"I hear ya sister." Apparently she was starting to use Rachel's lingo as well.

"Unh, excuse me ladies, but I'd like a moment with you Elizabeth." Norrington's voice scared the crap out of Rachel, who had almost succeeded in undoing the many buttons on the back of her dress and she yelped, pulling the dress back down again.

"Yes, well, my dear cousin here must not leave my side, so you may say what you've come to tell me in her presence." Rachel gave her "cousin" a thumbs up in her mind, and stood up, walking away with the two. She laughed inwardly when she noticed Norrie's twitching fingers. Haha what a loser!

She stood next to Elizabeth who was steadying herself on a wall, and blows a puff of air out of the side of her mouth, flicking a piece of hair out of her eye. Poor Norrington looked like he was about to have a nervous breakdown.

Uh, you looked lovely, Elizabeth" he started, and then plunged right in. "I, uh, apologize if I seem forward, but I must speak my mind. This promotion throws into sharp relief that which I have not yet achieved. Uh, a marriage to a fine woman. You have become a fine woman Elizabeth."

Rachel gagged and then inhaled sharply. Ugh, there was absolutely no leeway in this hellhole of a dress. Meanwhile Elizabeth gasped. Again.

"I-I can't breathe." Rachel looked at her in alarm. Oh crap.

"Yes I-I'm a bit nervous myself." Elizabeth started to tip over the edge of the battlement in a faint, and Rachel reached out to grab her sleeve. She managed to yank on some useless lace but with Elizabeth's dead weight and her dress, she was pulled over the side, as well, screaming blood murder.

"OOOOOHHHHHHH SHHHHHHHIIIIITTTTTT!!"

So there you have it!! The fourth chapter in all its shining glory. Sorry it took me a while, but I've been busy, and I probably won't update for a bit because I have a retreat to go to next week!! YAY RETREAT!! Anyways, read and review because reviews make the world go round!!

Xoxox Marsss