Himeno: Gomen minna-san! I've been so busy. I can't seem to update fast anymore. Boohoo… Internet of mine sucks these days and I have to go to a friend's house just to upload chapters.

Mikan: The important thing here is you updated.

Himeno: Yeah…But I don't want to keep the readers waiting.

Mikan: By the way, what's going to happen in this chapter?

Himeno: You'll be confronting Hyuuga.

Mikan: Eh? How? I don't know if he'll pay attention to me. With his mood, he'll just ignore me.

Himeno: Mikan-chan, if it's you, Hyuuga will definitely listen.

Mikan: What do you mean by that?

Himeno: That's because Hyuuga actually likes y— (Gets hit by a cake on the face)

Natsume: Quit yapping and start the story, baka author.

Himeno: You're the baka, Hyuuga! (Licks cake off face) Hmm… This is pretty good.

Natsume: And it's such a shame that it's wasted on you.

Himeno: I want to pummel you right now!

Mikan: Calm down, Himeno-chan. Let's get the story going now.

Himeno: Okay… (Grunts) I don't own Gakuen Alice. I always need to have proper disclaimer.

Natsume the Jerk

Episode 19: Making You Hate me or Love me?

Night has fallen and Natsume looked down at the city from the hospital rooftop, displeasure warring on his face. The city lights were pretty things to see, but not even those lights can bring a smile on his face. His mind was filled with the words of his uncle. No matter how he despised his uncle, he couldn't really blame the doctor for treating him harshly. The gruesome tragedy that happened to his parents—he can remember it clearly and it made him angrier at himself. His uncle had every right to be angry at him, he thought wryly. And maybe he wasn't supposed to love people anymore.

He grasped onto the fence and leaned his temple on his hand. As he thought about Mikan, he bit his lip and closed his eyes in frustration. It was his damn fault why Mikan was hospitalized. She protected him from the bullet that he was supposed to take. Though he wanted to see Mikan as of that moment, he couldn't muster up to face her. It was true that he cared for her more than anyone else. His heart was bearing feelings for Mikan, though he had denied it countless times to Tsubasa. Honestly, he was afraid of staying by Mikan's side. What if he'll bring more misfortune to her?

Life was way too cruel for him. He was probably a person not destined to be cared and loved for. He was destined to live a life alone.

"Natsume, you were here all along…" Mikan came out to the rooftop, dressed in her hospital gown, and approached Natsume. "I wanted to see you and talk to you about something…" She immediately paused when Natsume gave her a glare.

"Go away," he said rudely. "I'm not in the mood to talk to you."

Mikan arched a brow. "What's with that attitude, huh?" she asked, walking up to him until her body was just inches away from his. "I have something to say to you and it's really important, so hear me out. Besides, I know you're feeling pretty depressed right now."

Natsume gave her a light shove and turned his head away. "What do you know about me?" he muttered in a controlled voice. "Don't talk as if you know me."

Mikan gave him a puzzled frown. "Natsume, I've heard everything from Aoi-chan," she said, "everything that had happened to your parents. I know your uncle is blaming you for your parents' death and I think it's wrong of him to treat you like you're not family."

"That idiotic sister of mine really has a big mouth," Natsume said grimly, eyes burning in fury, as he looked at Mikan. "So what if you heard everything? I don't care. Besides, I'm also blaming myself. I killed my parents."

She shook her head and had reached for his hand. "It's not your fault," she uttered, squeezing his hand firmly. "Do you think your parents will like it if you keep blaming yourself like this? You're uncle has to realize how wrong he is too."

In an instant, Natsume forced her around him and pinned her against the fence. "Just shut the hell up," he said, his eyes more piercing as ever. "You have no business in my family, so stay out of it. It would be better if you get out of my life." He dug his fingers deeply into her skin, and Mikan started to feel hurt.

"I know I'm not part of your family and what I'm doing is basically just meddling into your affairs." Mikan lowered her head as tears started to come out of her eyes. "But I want to help you, Natsume. You've become someone very important to me."

Natsume was taken back at what she said. She actually thought of him as someone important to her? He didn't think he would hear those words from her. Somehow, he felt kind of happy yet frustrated at the same time. His uncle wanted him not to go near her again, but Mikan was making it harder for him to just brush her away. "Tch…You're really a troublesome girl," he said, taking his hands off of her. "A stubborn one to boot… You just wont' leave me alone, huh? I figured this much…"

"Please stop these pessimistic feelings about yourself, Natsume," Mikan said, clasping her hands together. "What happened to your parents is all in the past. Aoi-chan told me that your parents loved you very much, and I'm sure they're not blaming you for their deaths."

"How would you know? You never killed anybody before nor have you seen anyone dying in front of your face." Natsume caged her in by placing both hands beside her head. "You will never understand how I feel. How can a spoiled and happy-go-lucky girl like you, who knows nothing but to sing and cheer, know anything about what I've been through?! Know your place."

Then the sound of a hard slap was heard. More tears streamed down of Mikan's face, and Natsume realized the words he just said. What an idiot he was for saying such harsh words to Mikan.

"Natsume, you're such a jerk!" Mikan said, and ran away from him as quickly as possible.

As Mikan left the rooftop, Natsume leaned his back against the fence and placed a hand on his temple. Yeah, he was such a fool to hurt Mikan like that. After all, Mikan was only trying to help him.

"Hey, Natsume!"

Natsume looked up at the sound of his name and saw Tsubasa standing by the doorway leading to the stairs. Putting on his usual stoic expression, he straightened up and stuffed one hand in his pocket. "You're the least person I want to see right now, idiot," Natsume said.

Tsubasa groaned and marched up to Natsume immediately. "You're the one who's being the idiot!" he said, punching Natsume's face. He then grasped Natsume's collar and hoisted him towards him. "How dare you make Mikan cry?!" He was actually hiding behind the door when Natsume and Mikan were arguing. It made his blood boil when Natsume said mean things to his favorite kouhai.

So, that was Tsubasa's problem. He had always seen Tsubasa with a carefree and outgoing face. Now he was seeing a furious Tsubasa. He guessed that only when something happens to Mikan can rile him up. "As if I care for that clumsy girl," Natsume said, lying to himself. "If she cries, then be it. I only said what I felt like saying. It's no big deal for me."

"After she helped you, this is how you treat her?!" Tsubasa punched him again, making Natsume fall butt first on the concrete floor. "Natsume, let me tell you this… She, of all people, knows the pain of losing a loved one. She even blamed herself before for the death of her friend. But she managed to move on and stayed strong."

Natsume had his head low, but his eyes grew wide. Mikan actually had lost someone? She never told him about that.

"You keep on saying that she doesn't understand a thing about you," Tsubasa said, turning around. "But in reality, you're the one who doesn't understand her." After saying that, he left Natsume to ponder.

Natsume lay down and stared up at the night sky with a blank expression. He hated to admit it, but Tsubasa was right. He felt like apologizing to Mikan—even if it was against his pride. But will he risk her life again? He was convinced that he was a jinx. He didn't know if going back to being a cold-hearted again would be the best choice. So many perplexing thoughts lingered in his mind and he didn't know what to do.

Mikan burst into her room, crying, and locked the door. She leaned against it and slid down until she was seated on the floor. "Natsume…" she muttered, hugging her legs tight. "You're turning back to the Natsume I first met… I don't want you to turn back. I don't want you to push me away like before."

A knock was heard and Aoi's voice came from the other side of the door. Mikan quickly wiped away her tears and stood up, a bit shaky because of depression. She opened the door and tried to look as cheerful as possible. "Hi, Aoi-chan!" she said.

"Why did you lock the door, Mikan-chan?" Aoi said, stepping into the room, carrying a bag of snacks in her hand. "And what are you doing out of bed? I know you're wound is not that deep, but you have to stay in bed just in case."

"I know…I just got out from the bathroom," Mikan said in a shaky voice that made Aoi suspicious of her. Mikan was never good at lying. Thinking of changing the subject, Mikan eyed the bag. "What snacks did you bring, Aoi-chan? I could sure use something to eat."

Aoi smiled and pulled out a box of sweets. "It's your favorite Howalons," she said.

At that point, Mikan seemed to forget her problems with Natsume for a moment. "Howalons!" she exclaimed happily, her eyes glimmering. "I love Howalons! Thanks so much, Aoi-chan." She went and hugged the raven-haired girl with all her might.

"Arigato, Mikan-chan," Aoi replied.

"But how did you know that I like Howalons? I never mentioned it to you before, right?"

"Oh, since you're my idol, I've read your profile and memorized a lot of things you like." Spoken like a true fan girl, Aoi had deep admiration for Mikan.

Mikan felt flattered and gave Aoi a smile. She can consider Aoi as her number one fan already. Taking the box of Howalons, she sat down on the bed and opened the box.

Aoi sat down on the chair beside the bed and looked up at Mikan, who was starting to eat the delicious Howalons with delight. She merely giggled at Mikan's child-like behavior, because she found it so cute. "By the way, did you talk to Onii-chan already?" she asked. She had not seen her brother for the whole day and she was quite worried about him. She hoped he wasn't in any kind of trouble.

"Erm…" Mikan grimaced at the thought of Natsume again. She can't possibly lie to Aoi about her own brother. "I actually talked to him, but he pushed me away, Aoi-chan."

"I see…Is Onii-chan really going back to the way he was?" Aoi said, down-hearted and sad.

Mikan pursed her lips. She placed the box of Howalons on the bedside table and proceeded to hug Aoi. "Don't worry…" she said. "I'll make sure he won't. I will try my best to help him." And she felt the need to do something about his uncle as well. Dr. Akito Hyuuga was the source of all Natsume's misery.

Ruka kept on sighing as he threw glances over at Mikan's and Natsume's seat. They were absent for the day. At least, Mikan had an excuse to be absent. As for Natsume, Ruka knew he was out somewhere. He has not been able to concentrate well in class. When lunch break came, he wasn't in the mood for eating—even though the lunch food he brought was his favorite. He had gotten used to having lunch with Mikan. It was usually fun to eat with her and talk to her about so many things. Plus, they would sometimes share their food with one another. He was pretty lonesome all by himself at a certain table in the cafeteria.

The self-declared president of the Natsume and Ruka fan club, Sumire Shouda, spotted the lonely Ruka and decided to sit right next to him. "Hi, Ruka-kun!" she greeted, placing her tray on the table. "I hope you don't mind me sitting here."

The blonde didn't even bother to look at her and just nodded his head. I wonder if Sakura's all right now. Her wound isn't that serious, so I'm sure she's going to be discharged soon. His mind was just full of Mikan.

"Ruka-kun, why is Natsume-kun absent today?" Sumire asked, leaning closer to him. She was being a flirt, but she didn't care. It was her chance to make moves on her beloved prince. "It would be nicer if Natsume-kun was with us, right? I bet if the girls see me together with you two, they'll be jealous as hell. After all, you and Natsume-kun are so hot in my book." She placed a hand on Ruka's lap, snapping him back to his senses.

"What do you think you're doing, Shouda?" he asked, standing abruptly from his seat.

Sumire put on an innocent look and tapped her cheek with her finger. "I was just talking to you, Ruka-kun…" she said, winking an eye at her.

Ruka felt shivers down to his spine. "Please excuse me…" He hastily grabbed his luncbox and walked away.

"Wait a minute, Ruka-kun!" Sumire said, grabbing onto his arm. "Why are you leaving when you haven't finish eating yet? Sit with me, Ruka-kun, and let's continue with lunch."

"I don't feel like eating anymore," Ruka said, nudging his arm away from her.

"Why?" Sumire gritted her teeth in frustration. "Is it because Sakura-san isn't here? You don't care to eat lunch with me because I'm not Sakura-san, am I right?" She raised her voice, loud enough for others in the cafeteria to her. Most students turned their heads to look at her and Ruka.

Ruka didn't like the attention he was getting and he didn't want to hurt Sumire. "It's not like that, Shouda…" he said. "I'm not in the mood—"

"You're like this with the other fan girls too," she said, grasping onto his sleeve. "But when you're with Sakura-san, you look so happy. I can't stand it. Why Sakura-san? She already has everything."

Why Mikan? He had been thinking a lot about Mikan recently, especially after the mouth-to-mouth thing. It probably doesn't count as a kiss, but that was the first time his lips touched a girl's. He felt a little happy about it and confused. Mikan was a good friend to him. However, he desired something from her. His feelings for Mikan were not anymore friendship. It was love. "Sakura is…Sakura is different from the other girls…" he muttered, averting his eyes away from Sumire.

Sumire felt more heartbroken than ever. "Does this mean you like her?" she asked, and everyone in the cafeteria was waiting for Ruka to reply.

Before Ruka could even mutter a single word, Kokoroyomi bounced up right behind Sumire and covered her eyes. "Curly permy, you're being a bother to him," he said playfully. "You're a fan girl and you should know your place."

Fisting her hands tightly, she shoved Kokoroyomi away and faced him with a glare. "What did you just call me?!" she boomed, stomping her foot on the ground. "I dare you to say that again!"

"Curly permy!" Kokoroyomi said.

"Damn you! You piss me off every time you say that!" Sumire said, grabbing onto Kokoroyomi's collar. "If only it wasn't against the rules, I would definitely beat you up!"

"Oh, really now? I'd like to see you try." He winked an eye at Ruka, signaling him to leave at once. Kokoroyomi actually teased Sumire on purpose just to distract her. He knew that Ruka was missing Mikan a lot. "Curly permy, curly permy!" Kokoroyomi went on teasing.

Ruka took the opportunity and mouthed a silent thank you to Kokoroyomi. He then went out of the cafeteria.

"You never do change!" Sumire yelled out, and then she realized her talk with Kokoroyomi the other day. She released him quickly and turned away from him. "I don't ever want you approaching me ever again. Until now, I still hate you with all my guts!" With that she ran out of the cafeteria.

Kokoroyomi sighed, his cheerful expression ever not changing, but deep inside he was hurt. He never wanted Sumire to hate him so much. He loved teasing her and annoying her, but he never wanted to be an irksome guy in her eyes. Well, he had himself to blame. His past mistakes with her can't be forgotten so easily.

She couldn't sleep. The room was quiet: Serina, Tsubasa, and Aoi had gone home, and Natsume? Well, she didn't know where he was. Nothing on television appealed to her. She softly hugged her pillow and buried her face in it. It was depressing to think that Natsume doesn't want to be with her anymore. She had succeeded in warming up to him, but because of the incident he was back to being ruthless and uncaring. At least, she wanted to see Natsume again. Just even a glance would do, since he wanted her out of his life. And it also meant that she could no longer stay at his house.

She lay in bed and closed her eyes, trying to stop the tears. But they still came out. She can't help but cry for Natsume. Just then, she heard the door creaking open. She didn't know why, but she suddenly got the feeling it was Natsume. She shut her eyes and pretended to sleep, as the visitor made his way towards her bed.

"For all the things I've said…" The voice was definitely Natsume, Mikan thought, and she felt his presence right in front of her since she was facing a littlesideward on the bed while hugging the pillow. "I know I've hurt you." The way he was talking was soft and gentle, so unlike of him. Mikan felt like facing him at that moment, but she resisted her urge.

Natsume sat on the bed, locking his eyes gently on her angelic face. He caressed her cheek and brushed some strands of hair from her face. Mikan felt tingly inside and did her best to stay calm. "I don't want you to go away," he muttered, leaning closer to her, and Mikan's heart was pounding loudly. She could practically feel his breath against her sensitive skin. "But if you'll stay with me, more bad things can happen to you. I don't want to risk losing you like my parents."

So, Natsume was pushing her away not because she was annoying or troublesome. He was doing it just to protect her. She was happy that she could just hug him, but before she could open her eyes, Natsume did something very surprising to her. Unexpectedly, he kissed her on the lips. Her heart wanted to explode. Was Natsume taking advantage of her? Damn, this was going too far. She jarred her eyes open and pushed him away.

"What do you think you're doing to me?!" she uttered, blushing furiously. "You're such a pervert, Natsume!"

"I didn't think that would be enough to wake you up," he said nonchalantly, brushing the lower part of his lip with his thumb. "Besides, I've kissed you before, so why don't you get use to it?"

He was being insensitive again. Mikan wanted to give him a piece of her mind, but she realized that Natsume was only saying those things to make her hate him. She calmed herself and looked at Natsume composedly. "Why are you here?" she asked. She had to act like she didn't hear his words a while ago. "I thought you didn't want me in your life."

He shrugged. "I did say that," he said, rolling his eyes away. "But I really didn't mean it."

Mikan's eyes grew wide in surprise. Natsume actually admitted that? Woah! Unbelieveable! "Oh, really now?" she said in an irritated tone. "How can I be sure you're not lying? After all the things you've said to me before, I don't know if I can believe you, Natsume."

Grumbling, Natsume pinned her down on the bed and looked straight into her hazel eyes. "I've done a lot of thinking and I realized that you were right." He had gone out in the city for the whole day, thinking of nothing but his problems with his uncle and his feelings for Mikan. He tried to distract his mind with something else, but he found it difficult. In the end, he became conscious of his need for Mikan. Also, her words about his parents and being so pessimistic about his life lifted the burden of guilt a little from him.

Pinning her down wasn't necessary, yet Mikan couldn't find the words to say to him. She was too stunned at how close his face was to hers. Not only was he being sincere with his words, his cold eyes seemed to have softened up a bit. "Natsume…" she muttered. "Um…That's good to hear. I was really worried about you, you know." And she was getting more worried about him being on top of her.

"Worrywart," Natsume said. "I didn't tell you to be worried about me."

"Natsume, about your uncle…" Mikan said hesitantly. "You and your uncle can still work things out. I'm sure if you'll just talk to him properly, he'll understand you. I'll help you if you'd like. A family shouldn't have this kind of negative feelings toward one another. Your uncle has to change his ways. It will do you and also Aoi-chan good."

He sighed in frustration. "Even if I say no, you will still get involved in my problem, right?" he said, entwining his hand with hers. "That's why I say you're troublesome."

Mikan blushed more due to the fact he was holding her hand. Geez, Natsume was totally taking advantage of her. She doesn't have enough strength to struggle because of her injury. "Umm…Natsume, you're too close," she said in a stuttering voice. "If you'll back away for a bit, we can—"

"Just shut up," he cut her off. "Oh, yeah, this is my thanks for saving me, polka-dots." Mikan got flustered by the nickname, but she wasn't able to curse him because he brought his lips down to hers.

Natsume? He's kissing me again… But why does it feel passionate…? Yes, Natsume was kissing her like there was no tomorrow. Having such an intimate moment, Mikan didn't know what to say or what to do at that point. Yet, she admitted that his kiss was alluring. She was succumbing to it. Natsume… Slowly, she closed her eyes in pleasure, and let him kiss her lovingly.

End of Episode 19

Himeno: Okay, how was the Mikan and Hyuuga moment there?

Aoi: I'm blushing madly now! That was so sweet.

Tsubasa: What the hell? That bastard is kissing my cute kouhai!

Himeno: Calm down, Tsubasa-senpai. It's just a kiss. It's not like they're going to do it or anything.

Tsubasa: Don't make them do it! They're too young for that.

Himeno: I won't! I won't! They're just fourteen, I know!

Aoi: IT? Oh, you mean that naughty thing couples do?

Himeno: (Covers Aoi mouth) Now… there won't be anything like this in this fic.

Anna: We'll be appearing again in the next chapter.

Nonoko: Yeah, it's been a while.

Yuu: The next chapter is going to feature a love triangle moment.

Himeno: Awww…you guys beat me to it.

Anna: Please don't forget to review this chapter.

Nonoko: NO flaming!

Yuu: We'll see you soon, dear readers.