Anime Jeopardy

Here's the fourth game. Oh, and you know I only own Charles Tolle. Personally, I don't think this one is as good as the others.

Episode 4/ Part I

Charles- This is episode 4 of Anime Jeopardy! Here are today's contestants: Train Heartnet, Tôshirô Hitsugaya, and Usagi Tsukino, AKA Sailor Moon. Okay, let's get started. What, Train?

Train- Who was voted smartest?

Charles- Tôshirô and Usagi. They also agree with me that you're the biggest smart-ass.

Train- Okay, a hobo, a Finn, and a worm are eating lunch and they all agree that you're a piece of shit.

Charles- Thank you for the utterly tasteless joke. I hope you rot in hell. Here are today's first round categories, and Train, you can't ring in yet: FRUITS ENDING IN "ANANA", POTENT POTABLES, BLACK CAT, SAILORS AND PLANETS, TITE KUBO'S WORKS, and DOES IT EXPLODE. Tôshirô won the coin toss, and he'll be going first because someone didn't get naked like I'd asked.

Usagi- I'm not as whorish as people say.

Charles- And that's a huge disappointment.

Tôshirô- Uh, how about Tite Kubo for 100.

Charles- This Bleach character knows his schtick. Train.

Train- Who is Kon?

Charles- He's right. Choose.

Train- Wow, I'm right! Ha ha, this is easier than sweeping. I love when two things are easy: money, and women.

Charles- Usagi, why don't you select.

Usagi- Okay, Fruits Ending in "Anana" for 100.

Charles- Anna's favorite fruit. Tôshirô.

Tôshirô- What is a plum? ()

Charles- No. Anyone else? No? It's a banana. Pay attention to the category names if you want to win. Train, why don't you pick this time?

Train- Ooh, I get to pick. Fun! Okay, Black Cat for 100.

Charles- This titan is a- Usagi, wait for me to finish.

Usagi (whiny)- But I know the answer!

Charles- Do you have to pee?

Usagi- No.

Charles- Then shut up. This titan is a warlord. Tôshirô.

Tôshirô- Who is Epimetheus? ()

Charles- Sorry, snowy. Usagi, I won't call on you unless you lift that skirt.

Usagi- Screw you, Charles.

Charles- Eat shit, then. Time's up. It's Chronos. I hate this job. Okay, eeny-meenie-miney-mo, I don't want Train, so Usagi, please lift your shirt and pick a category.

Usagi- You're a sexist bastard.

Charles- And you're a freakin' slut. Tôshirô, choose again.

Tôshirô- Does It Explode for 100.

Charles- Dynamite with a lit fuse. Does it explode? Anyone? Train.

Train- What is yes?

Charles- You're correct, but I'm taking your money because I hate your guts.

Usagi- Whoa, whoa, whoa, that's not fair. You're basing this on preference.

Charles- Yes, I am, but which of us is hosting the show? It's me, so shut up. Tôshirô, why don't you make a selection.

Tôshirô- I'm not choosing because these questions are insulting my intelligence.

Charles- I know you're the smartest person on the show. I think your problem is that you're so smart that you forgot about the basics.

Tôshirô- That's probably true. But I'm still not choosing.

Charles- We'll be right back.

Episode 4/ Part II

Charles- Welcome back to Anime Jeopardy. I apologize to all people watching this crap. Okay, Train, I hate your ass with a passion and a half, so Tôshirô, what do you do when you're not fighting Hollows?

Tôshirô- I masturbate.

Charles- One hand or two?

Tôshirô- Uh, wait, is that a trick question?

Charles- Yes, it is. Usagi, do you masturbate on your days off?

Usagi- Must I tell you?

Charles- I just want to know.

Usagi- If you just want to know, no, and I seriously hope that erection goes down.

Charles- Well, since Tôshirô refuses to choose, Usagi, I'll let you choose.

Usagi- Does It Explode for 200.

Charles- Give me 200 and I'll make it explode. (Usagi throws her staff at Charles) Ow!

Usagi- You are a horny jackoff. Now just give us the answer.

Charles- (Sigh) Fine. A bomb thrown into a burning building. Does it explode? Anyone? Train.

Train- What is…ohhh, what is yes?

Charles- I'm going to kill you. Choose.

Train- Oooh, I'll take Does It Explode for 500.

Charles- A banana. Tôshirô.

Tôshirô- I know the answer, but first I want to know the point of that category Potent Potables. ()

Charles- Sorry, but you're out of time. However, because I hate Train, you can pick the next question. By the way, bananas do not explode.

Tôshirô- In that case, I'll take Bleach for 800 just for the hell of it.

Charles- You were lucky enough to choose the Daily Double.

Tôshirô- Okay, Tôshirô, don't screw up. You know you can do this. 800.

Charles- This Soul Society lieutenant would shoot his best friend if given the chance.

Tôshirô- Shit, who is it? My mind's gone blank! Dammit! Aggh!

Usagi- Calm down, Tôshirô, you're all over live YouTube right now. The whole world can see you.

Tôshirô- I can't take this shit anymore! (pulls off shihakusho) Ahhhh! (runs around and steps out of his clothes)

Charles- Tôshirô, for the love of God, put your damn clothes back on. Train, what the hell do you think you're doing?

Train- I'm following suit. It's fun. (strips and runs around like a maniac)

Charles- Well, Usagi, you're always allowed to follow suit.

Usagi- Let me think about it, uh, no. (goes up to Charles and punches him across the face)

Charles- We'll be right back with Double Jeopardy. Now's the perfect opportunity to watch something else.

Episode 4/ Part III

Charles- Welcome back to Anime Jeopardy. It's now time for Double Jeopardy, and for those of you who were unlucky enough to watch the show before the break, I sincerely apologize to all for the general programming quality and I'd like to assure anyone miserable enough to watch this crap that our male contestants are now fully clothed and tranquilized. Let's review the scores: Train Heartnet is in first place, unfortunately, with 200.

Train- I love this game.

Charles- And I hate you. Tôshirô Hitsugaya is in third, unfortunately, with -1 500.

Tôshirô- These freakin' questions are a fuckin' insult!

Charles- I think someone needs another chill pill. And lastly, Usagi Tsukino, AKA Sailor Moon is in second place with no score at all.

Usagi- I've chosen, but never once responded.

Charles- Show me those boobs and you might get lucky. And I mean after the game.

Usagi (flips Charles off)- After the show, I'm going to kill you.

Charles- Yadda yadda. Let's refresh the board. We have: IS THIS A STRING INSTRUMENT, THE NUMBER 7, ANIMAL; VEGETABLE; OR MINERAL, THE MEANING OF LIFE, WILL THIS HURT IF YOU PUT IT UP YOUR BUTT, AND WHY IS ED NEVER EVER ROUND. Now, that last category deals with Full Metal Alchemist. Yes, Train, what is it?

Train- If you take the first letter of the words in the last category, you get "WIENER". Hehhehheh!

Charles- You are an immature jackass. Tôshirô, select.

Tôshirô- Meaning of Life for 1 600. This'll bite Train.

Charles- I hope it does. Every time he found the meaning of life, they changed it. Tôshirô.

Tôshirô- Who is Mephistopheles? ()

Charles- No, I don't think the devil has anything to do with this category. Anyone besides Train? C'mon, Usagi.

Usagi- Screw you.

Charles- Fine, Train, what is it?

Train- Who is Carlin?

Charles- Rrrrrrrrrrgh! Okay, screw Double Jeopardy! I've had it with the idiot winning the game. Usagi, I'll let you pick a question from the board for Final Jeopardy. (relaxed) Just pick anything from the board, and that'll be the game's last question.

Usagi- Those are X-ray glasses, aren't they?

Charles- Yeah, they are. (removes glasses and puts on regulars) Okay, I swear these are regulars.

Tôshirô- Hey, could I wear those for a bit?

Train- No, they're mine.

Charles- Neither of you will have them. Usagi, what's your choice?

Usagi- WIENER for 2 000.

Charles- Okay, I'll take it out. (Charles unzips his pants. Usagi runs up and kicks him in the crotch.) Ohooh! Okay, answer: Ed and Al Elrich seek the Philosopher's Stone. If alchemists transmute metals, why doesn't Ed make different weapons for himself? 30 seconds, eat shit. ( ) Time's up. I guess I should know that none of you are likely to know the answer. Oh, well. Tôshirô, you wrote nothing because…?

Tôshirô- I am unfamiliar with FMA.

Charles- Haven't you seen ACDM? All three of you have been on, and so have they. You wagered nothing, but because you're 3 100 in the hole, I'll let you leave here with that 3 100.

Usagi- That's bullshit, he lost the game.

Charles- Hey, I'm the host, not you. For reminding me of how to play fair, I won't bother to see what you wrote. (pulls lever. Usagi is crushed by a box) Train, I seriously hope you screwed up. You wrote "What is the law of alchemy?" Well, I don't know jack about alchemy, but the computer says that you are right goddammit and you wagered 1 800. 1 800! 18 freakin' hundred! That's 30 freakin' 6 freakin' hundred. 3 600! Dammit, dammit, dammit! Dammit! We'll, I'm the host of this show, so Tôshirô wins. (pulls lever. Train is crushed by a box). Rot in hell, Train. There's another game tomorrow, but I really wish you wouldn't watch it.

See? But if you liked it, it's your opinion. The next game is another short one. Till then, ciao!