Anime Jeopardy

Here's the seventh game. Oh, and you know I only own Charles Tolle. Here's where it gets funny again. If you don't like it, wait for game eleven. But in this game, one of my rivals returns.

Yes, I know sight gags are critical for Final Jeopardy, but I'll explain them at the bottom of the page.

Episode 7/ Part I

Charles- Welcome to another Anime Jeopardy shitshow. If you have a Smart Bomb, send it here. We have Captain Kyôuraku Shunsui, Haru Glory, and Dr. Faust VIII. Let's look at the categories: ADVANCED MEDICINE, FLOWERS, INSTRUMENTS ENDING IN "RUMPET", TV THEMES, ACDM, and POTENT POTABLES. Faust, we voted you the smartest, so you go first.

Faust- Rumpet for 500.

Charles- This instrument ends in "rumpet". Haru.

Haru- What is a crumpet? ()

Charles- No, that's a pastry. Shunsui.

Shunsui- …I've got it right here. On the tip of my tongue. See? (sticks out tongue) I know this, it's on the tip of my tongue.

Charles- And it's fallen off your tongue, through your stomach, and out your ass. The answer is a trumpet. Try to remember that. Faust, it's still your board.

Faust- Medicine for 500.

Charles- Good idea. The beneficial fungus… Shunsui.

Shunsui- Herpes. ()

Charles- No. Not that. Faust, think of Fleming.

Faust- Oh, then it's penicillin.

Charles- Yup. What, Haru?

Haru- Do you know my friend Haywood?

Charles- I know Elie and Musica, but not Haywood.

Haru- You don't know Djablomee?

Charles- Haywood Djablomee?

Haru- No, I won't. Don't you have a girlfriend?

Charles (freezing as the joke sinks in)- I hate this job. (injects himself) And sadly, the illegal drugs don't help.

Faust- Can I take Flowers for 500?

Charles- Yeah, sure. Answer: Roses are red, violets are… Haru?

Haru- Green. ()

Charles- No. Haru, you already failed.

Haru- Yellow. ()

Charles- No. Shunsui.

Shunsui- Pussies are fun. I deflowered four flowers last night and got herpes. ()

Charles- That's disgusting. And you've also failed already.

Shunsui (whining)- My sake is gone.

Charles- No shit, Sherlock. Violets are blue, but because of you, we'd have also accepted violet or purple. Let's go to break.

Episode 7/ Part II

Charles- And welcome back. Because of what happened during the break, I'd like to apologize to all French people with speech impediments. Let's now review the scores. Shunsui Kyôuraku is right now in third place with -2 000. He's also drunk as hell.

Shunsui- Hey, Charles, ask me something.

Charles- Do you play the piano?

Shunsui- I threw up in one. It tasted like chocolate.

Charles- Okay, TMI. Haru Glory is in second place at -1 500. What's it like, being fairly new to the world outside Garage Island?

Haru- In truth, Charles, it sucks ass. But not as much ass as you suck.

Charles- And now I really hate you. Faust VIII is here in a commanding lead at 500. Are you sick of this game yet?

Faust- Somewhat. But that sickness is an ill that I plan on curing.

Charles- If you can cure this ill, I'll see if I can get you a job here. Okay, it's technically your board, but I want some variety, so Haru can pick this time.

Haru- Flowers for 1 000.

Charles- Goddammit, that's the Daily Double. I'll make the decsision for you. The universal wager will be the sum of your absolute values.

Haru/ Shunsui- What?

Charles- 5 000. The answer is: Bluebells are this color. Come on, I know you can do this. Shunsui.

Shunsui- Gray. () Orange. () And red. ()

Charles- How fucking stupid are you?

Shunsui- Not very.

Haru- What are gray, orange, and red? ()

Charles- No, no, and no. Ah, Faust.

Faust- They are blue.

Charles- Yes. Just remember to phrase your answer like a question.

Faust- Advanced Medicine for 1 000.

Charles- This fever turns people yellow… It's carried by mosquitoes, and it's called yellow fever. Oh, no. Haru.

Haru- What is syphilis? ()…

Charles- It's yellow fever. Okay, this is where I'd play the Final Jeopardy card, were this the second round. They're not allowing me to do that today, so we'll have to come back with Double Jeopardy. Please don't stick around.

Episode 7/ Part III

Charles- Welcome back to Anime Jeopardy. I apologize for what happened during the break, and I'd like to assure everyone that all three contestants are now wearing clean underwear. Now to the scores. Shunsui Kyôuraku is in second with -17 000.

Shunsui- I like pickles!

Charles- He's also very drunk. I am, too, but I'm still miserable, so I need to actually start drinking. Haru Glory is in third with -17 500.

Haru- Hee-hee-hee.

Charles- What's so funny?

Haru- Nuh-uhthing.

Charles- Hm. And Faust VIII is in first with 5 500.

Faust- You have an interesting game here, Charles.

Charles- That's a way to say it. To the second board. We have: EVIL MARILYN MANSONS, RAVE STONES, IS THIS A CAR, POINT TO YOUR LEFT HAND, ALLERGY MEDICINE OR ZOO ANIMAL, and SHAPES. Faust, you're in the lead, so we'll start with you.

Faust- Must I?

Charles- Okay, fine. Shunsui.

Shunsui- (belches) Banana peels for a million. (starts sucking his thumb)

Charles- Okay, Haru.

Haru- Is This a Car for 400.

Charles- All right. brings up a picture of a banana Is this a car? Is this banana a car? Haru.

Haru- It's a car. ()

Charles- And you're a dumb-ass. I'm just going to take Shunsui's money right now.

Shunsui- Hey, shoelaces have rights, too. (bangs sake bottle on podium)

Charles- The banana is not a car. Unfortunately, it's still Haru's board.

Haru- Allergy or Zoo.

Charles- How much?

Haru- Don't give a fuck.

Charles- I hate you, too. For 1 600: Claritin. Which is it? ... Is it an allergy medicine or a zoo animal? Is the allergy medicine Claritin a zoo animal? Or perhaps a medicine for allergies? shit Haru.

Haru- Is it a car? ()

Charles- N-n-n-no. goddamn Shunsui.

Shunsui- I'm scared to death of ice cream. ()

Charles- Seek some therapy and some rehab. Faust.

Faust- Is Claratin not a wünder medicine?

Charles- Yes, it is.

Faust- Is this a Car for 200.

Charles- Okay, is this a car? brings up a picture of a Ferrari For the record, this is a picture of a- Haru.

Haru- Car. What is a car? I'll take Sluts for 1 000.

Charles- WHAT? It's Shapes! I swear, the jokes at my expense, the spray paint, the sexual category. If you went on about how you think my sister is hot, I'd swear you were…you are Ash Ketchum, aren't you?

Haru- You got me. I had my hair relaxed a bit, I powdered it, and put on a different outfit. I fooled everyone.

Charles- I fucking hate you. For 1 000: This tri, or three sided shape has three angles. Please someone say "triangle". Ash.

Ash- Your sister's cleavage! ()

Charles- What? No! Shunsui.

Shunsui- Flower. (bites tongue) Horse dick, MY EYES HURT! (vomits) Sorry. I didn't know I could cum that fast. ()

Charles- I give. Final Jeopardy. Right now. The category is SMILES. Draw a smiley face and wager. ( ) Anyone can do this. ( ) Okay, Faust, you lead, so we'll start with you. You drew... I can't tell what his facial expression is, so that'll cost you… 100. Interesting. That takes you to 7 000. Okay, Shunsui, you've drawn the word "sake" in chicken scratch and wagered 5 087.

Shunsui- Sake makes me smile. (vomits).

Charles- Wow. You finish with -25 087. Ash. We come to you. You drew ... and wagered ...

I hate you.

Ash- C'mon, Charles, take a joke.

Charles- That's not a joke because it isn't funny. You're lucky I'm no longer allowed to kill contestants. Good night. This was Anime Jeopardy, I'm Charles Tolle, and tomorrow I'm getting a decent job.

Yes, I know Final Jeopardy doesn't work here. Let me explain: Faust drew a face with a neutral expression, so Charles couldn't figure it out and took his money. Ash drew a smiley face, but the face was the tip of his wager, which was a middle finger, thus making Charles angry. I'm sorry if you didn't get it. The eighth game will be pretty clever, but the best of this month is yet to come.