Anime Jeopardy
Here's the twelfth game. Oh, and you know I only own Charles Tolle. Sorry this one isn't as good as the previous.
Episode 12/ Part I
Charles- Welcome to our first Soul Society Anime Jeopardy game. Today, we are filming this live in the Soul Society, and three Soul Reapers are going to play for the charities of their choice. Our smart man today is Captain Aizen Sôsuke, who is playing to raise money for the Soul Academy, which trains future Soul Reapers. Welcome, Captain.
Sôsuke- Thank you, Charles. I'm glad to be here. I'd like to say hello to Fifth Company, and my former lieutenant Ichimaru Gin and his Third Company, and my old pal Urahara Kisuke, and anyone else who knows me.
Charles- Thank you, Sôsuke. Our second contestant is Lieutenant Abarai Renji, who is playing for Special Rukongai, which raises money for residents of Rukongai to become Soul Reapers. Welcome, Lieutenant.
Renji- Hi, Charles. Hi, Ichigo. Thanks for the survival tips, but I won't be playing with Ash today. And if he's watching, Ash, I thought you were funny as hell yesterday. Keep that up.
Charles- Please don't encourage the bastard. And finally, Madarame Ikkaku is our third contestant. He's playing so he can pay the Soul Society Guild of Blacksmiths for repairing his Zanpaku-tô. Welcome to the show, Ikkaku.
Ikkaku- I think you're a hack.
Charles- That's probably true. Okay, let's begin the first round, where the categories are: SOUL REAPERS, CORRUPT POLITICS, ŘÉÅĐ ŦĦÏŚ ÇÅŦÉĞØŘŶ which is nothing special, you just have to look past any accent marks, YOUR FEET, DAY OR NIGHT, and finally, 20 MATCHBOXES which is about the band Matchbox 20. Okay, Sôsuke, you're our smartest man, so you pick first.
Sôsuke- Thank you for the distinguished honor of that, Charles. I'll take Your Feet for 100.
Charles- This is how many feet you have. Ikkaku.
Ikkaku- Captain Zaraki. ()
Charles- How did you come up with your captain?
Renji- He's stupid. That's why he's in eleventh.
Ikkaku- I resent that, Whoopi.
Renji- Stop making fun of my eyebrows, Baldy.
Ikkaku- Whoopi, Whoopi, Whoopi.
Renji- Baldy, Baldy Baldy.
Charles- Dumb-ass, dumb-ass, dumb-ass. Sôsuke.
Sôsuke- Ten. ()
Charles- How'd you get that?
Sôsuke- I guessed.
Charles- You guessed wrong. Renji.
Renji- Four. No, six! ()
Charles- That's two wrong answers.
Renji- That's not fair.
Charles- Yes, well, life isn't fair. Get used to it. If you had half a brain, you'd know that you have two feet. Okay, in reviewing the logic of your answers, Renji had the closest number in his first answer, so he'll pick the next category.
Renji- Oh, boy, this'll be fun. I must now pick something that adequately challenges my mind.
Charles- I think he wants Day or Night for 500. And the answer is: reveals a picture of the moon and stars Is this day or night? Ikkaku.
Ikkaku- Day. ()
Charles- No. Sôsuke.
Sôsuke- What is day? ()
Charles- Thank you for remembering to phrase your answer as a question, but that's still not it. Renji.
Renji- When is day? ()
Charles- No wonder the Soul Society is having so many problems, it's got more dumbshits than the Pentagon. The answer was night. The moon is seen at night.
Ikkaku- I can recall many times where I've clearly seen the moon in the daytime.
Charles- You have, but you don't see the stars in the day.
Ikkaku- They're still there. And the sun is a star, right?
Charles- Yes, but the sky's not dark in the day. And the sun is one star, not millions.
Ikkaku- But the star is still there, am I right?
Charles- Yes, but the sky is…oh forget it. I'll just pick something.
Ikkaku- Shouldn't I pick?
Charles- No. Not until you say something somewhat intelligent. That might take a while, so I'll go with Soul Reapers for 1 000. That's something you all should know. This soul reaper is known for being a real hard-ass about policy…. Renji, you of all people should ring in right now. But I suppose Sôsuke could know the answer just as well.
Sôsuke- I just wanted to say that some of the soul reaper captains are very chill. I'm not as chill as Shunsui or Jûshirô, but I think that…()
Charles- Time's up. Try answering the question next time. Ikkaku.
Ikkaku- Ichimaru. ()
Charles- No.
Ikkaku- He is so a hard-ass! Looking at his ass makes me hard!
Charles(slightly disgusted)- Okay, I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that. Sôsuke, you already rang in.
Sôsuke- I know, but I just wanted to say something.
Charles- Really? And what is it that you wanted to say?
Sôsuke- Never mind. ()
Charles- One of my biggest problems with this franchise is that contestants seem to enjoy losing money. Add to that, I think they come here to take revenge upon me after they lose on ACDM. Time's up, the answer was Captain Kuchiki Byakuya.
Renji- Why is Captain Kuchiki the real hard-ass?
Ikkaku- Looking at his ass makes Charles hard.
Charles- Thank you for the unnecessary joke. It wasn't funny, and you'll never be Ass Ketchum. Moving on, I'll just take us to a break so I can recharge a bit. We'll be right back, so get the hell out of here.
Episode 12/ Part II
Charles- And welcome back to Anime Jeopardy. I apologize for what happened during the break and I will lay down the law right now. (pulls down a big chart) Does everyone see this chart? This chart has all the words that are considered swears, profanities, expletives, basically the really bad words. I'm laying it down right now, and this rule goes for everyone here, including me: no cursing. If I hear you curse, you'd better have your foot in a freakin' bear trap. Got it? (blank stares) Got it? (blank stares) You pea-brains had better get it. So, Sôsuke, I hear that you used to be a boxer back in your high school days. (brings up a picture of a younger Sôsuke with a boxing team)
Sôsuke- That's true, Charles. I remember I never set or broke a school record, unlike every other ass-wipe on the team.
Charles- I know I just told you: no cursing. As of now, I'm attaching a five thousand dollar penalty to cursing. Each time you curse, you lose five thousand dollars, and Sôsuke just lost five thousand dollars. Moving on, Renji. I hear that you're a known soul reaper and very popular around the town.
Renji- Shucks, Charles, flattery gets you nowhere.
Charles- I've also heard that you are actually a colony of army ants from Argentina in a man costume pretending to be a soul reaper with a Canadian mounty hiding from the mob in your spleen.
Renji- How can that happen?
Charles- Good question. Okay, Ikkaku.
Ikkaku- What the hell do you want?
Charles- You to stop cursing. I was going to ask you what I heard about you running headfirst into walls in your spare time.
Ikkaku- Did that bitch Yachiru tell you that?
Charles- No, I heard it from unknown sources.
Ikkaku- I have a question for you, Charles, if you don't mind.
Charles- Go ahead.
Ikkaku- When you interview the contestants, do you make that shit up off the top of your head?
Charles- I don't know, Ikkaku, but all I know is you lost fifteen thousand dollars without playing the game. However, you get to pick our next category.
Ikkaku-…I can't read.
Charles(very sarcastically)- Oh, you can't read? That's a real tragedy, but not. My. Problem. Since you're an illiterate idiot, I'll have to pick a category for you. That'll be Řéåđ Ŧħïś Çåŧéğøřŷ for 200. And the answer is: Ẁħåŧ. What does that say? Remember to look past the accent marks and read the letters. Renji.
Renji- I can't read Greek.
Charles- That's not Greek, it's English. What does it say.
Renji- I don't know. ()
Charles-Sôsuke.
Sôsuke- What is Lookin' Boy?
Charles- No, but I'll give you a chance to redeem yourself. You said the right answer in what you just said. Think it over.
Sôsuke- Lookin' Boy. () Dammit!
Charles- Why is that when I tell contestants to do things it goes in one ear and out the other? Ikkaku, you just told me that you can't read.
Ikkaku- So are you going to not allow me to answer because of that?
Charles- No. (mumbles)
Ikkaku- Huh?
Charles- Malngarkagbrd.
Ikkaku- You're not making any sense to me. ()
Charles- The message was "what." If you remove the accent marks, you'll see that it clearly says what.
Ikkaku- What does it say?
Charles- Yes.
Renji- That doesn't say yes, and you said it says what.
Charles- It does say what.
Sôsuke- What is that what?
Charles- What?
Sôsuke- What's it say?
Charles- That is what it says.
Ikkaku- No, you said it says what, not that.
Charles- It does say what, not that.
Renji- What's that?
Charles- Never mind. Let's move on. I'll pick again to keep us moving. Let's go to Corrupt Politics for 500. Okay, before anyone gets cocky, we're not going to bother with the Daily Double because the three of you are not very bright, which I find something of a pity. We'll instead go to Your Feet for 800. Answer: Your feet are attached to this longer part of your body. Renji.
Renji- The dick. ()
Charles- No. And you lose five thousand dollars for saying one of the forbidden words.
Renji- Why do you do this to me? I am shaming myself and my charity by falling victim to your rules! Why, why, why?
Charles- You're the one who can't answer a single question correctly. Sôsuke.
Sôsuke- The penis. () At least I didn't say dick.
Charles- You just said it, dummy. Ikkaku.
Ikkaku- What is the penis? () Motherfuck!
Charles- That's it. You can't handle this, so we'll go to Double Jeopardy when we return.
Episode 12/Part III
Charles- And welcome back to Anime Jeopardy. You may notice that contestants have less money than when they came in. That's because the no cursing rule applies until the end of Final Jeopardy, and the second round has not yet officially begun. That said, let's take a look at the scores. And remember, you'll still lose money for cursing. Captain Aizen Sôsuke is in second place with -28 600.
Sôsuke- This hasn't been my best game, but I'll pick it up. You see if I don't.
Charles- Thank you for not cursing. Lieutenant Abarai Renji is in first place with -11 700.
Renji- I wish I had more.
Charles- So do I. Thank you for not cursing. And finally, third seat Madarame Ikkaku is in third place with -42 600.
Ikkaku- This game is a fucking crock.
Charles- Make that -47 600. Better luck to all of you in the second round. Remember, everything is doubled in this round, so you'll now lose ten thousand dollars for cursing. I strongly advise you don't say a forbidden word. The Double Jeopardy round officially begins with these categories, we have: HEAVY LAND ANIMALS, IS THIS LETTER A VOWEL, WHAT TIME IS IT, DEAD DANGERFIELDS, MEN ON PENNIES, and finally, PATTERNS. Okay, Sôsuke is our smart man, but because I have to start at an end of the spectrum, I'll start with Ikkaku.
Ikkaku- You know I still can't read.
Charles- You did hear me read the categories, right?
Ikkaku- No.
Charles- Okay, Renji, you pick.
Renji- I'll take the heavy category for 2 000.
Charles- I'll assume that's Heavy Land Animals. For two thousand dollars: This animal has tusks and a trunk. Ikkaku.
Ikkaku- Aretha Franklin. ()
Charles- That is sadistic.
Ikkaku- Sorry. I don't really give a shit about your opinion on things, Charles.
Charles- Given how much you've been cursing off this entire game, Ikkaku, I'm getting the impression that you just don't listen. Renji. What heavy land animal has tusks and a trunk?
Renji- Jack Black. () Oh, yeah, who is Jack Black? () I don't know, what is Jack Black? ()
Charles- No. The answer was an elephant. I'll take us to Men on Pennies for 1 600. The answer is: This man on the penny is also on the five-dollar bill. (blank stares) Because you clearly don't know the answer, I'll tell you up front that the answer is Abraham Lincoln. You know, Ultimate Showdown? Abraham Lincoln popped out of his grave/and took an AK47 out from under his hat. I think the three of you probably have a learning disability. That got us nowhere, so we'll go to What Time is it for 200. And the answer is: digital clock shows time as 7:16 What time is it? Sôsuke.
Sôsuke- Nine twenty-four. ()
Charles- You have got to be kidding me. Ikkaku.
Ikkaku- Eight ninety-two. ()
Charles- That's not even a real time.
Ikkaku- It is so a real time, Charles. If you think about it, it's simply ninety-two minutes after eight.
Charles- So you're trying to say nine thirty-two. That's still not it.
Ikkaku- I say it's it.
Charles- Well, it isn't. Renji.
Renji- What is ten forty-three? ()
Charles- No.
Renji- Well, that's how I drive my car.
Charles- I certainly hope not. No the answer was seven sixteen, something you should have been able to figure out because it was a DIGITAL CLOCK!
Ikkaku- Cut us some damn slack, Charles. Not everyone's as clever as you.
Charles- I give up. Let's just go to Final Jeopardy, where the category is THE HISTORY OF PEANUT FARMING. Okay, I'll flip a coin on this one. Heads, we give it a shot, tails, I pick something else. (flips coin) Tails. We'll go to Is This Letter a Vowel for 400. And the answer is: I. All right, is the letter I a vowel or not? ( ) You don't need to write this much. A yes or a no will do, but for the record, I is a vowel. If you're taking this long, you've probably messed up. ( ) Time's up, let's see how you messed up. We'll start with Sôsuke, who wrote down…what.
Sôsuke- That's what I did.
Ikkaku- What did you do?
Charles- Let's not start this again.
Ikkaku- No, really, what the hell did he do?
Charles- You're losing money faster than 002, Ikkaku. Let's see how much Sôsuke wagered. Twenty dollars. Okay, interesting. You finish at -28 820. We move on Renji, who wrote down…you drew a picture of an eye.
Renji- I couldn't think of anything better to do. That's not right, is it?
Charles- No, it isn't. You know, Renji, this coupled with your performance throughout the game has convinced me that you were probably dropped on your head as a child.
Renji- It's a possibility.
Charles- It is. You wagered…seven dollars.
Renji- It was in case I got the question wrong, which I apparently did.
Charles- Even if you got it right, that's still not enough money to dig you out of the hole. You finish at –17 907. We finally come to you, Ikkaku, you wrote down…what the fuck is I? Okay, you automatically lose ten thousand dollars, and to top it off, that's not what I asked you. Let's see your wager…eleven thousand dollars. Wow. That takes you to -100 800. This confirms that you were dropped on your head as a child.
Ikkaku- Well, maybe I was.
Charles- There's no maybe, you were. Well, that's the end of this game. The minute I heard we were doing this, I knew this would happen, and I was right. None of our contestants won any money, so no money can be given to charity. This was Anime Jeopardy, I'm Charles Tolle, and I hope the three of you go to hell.
Yeah, could've used some work. With school up, I can't write as much as I want to, so it's not going to be good for a while. Sorry.