Anime Jeopardy
Here's the thirteenth game. Oh, and you know I only own Charles Tolle. I think this one might be better than Episode 12. Making fun of Lee is easy.
Episode 13/Part I
Charles- Welcome to our thirteenth game of Anime Jeopardy. Because thirteen is an unlucky number, I have an impending sense that this game will be worse than usual. Oh, well, it's best if I just get this out of the way. Today's contestants are Rock Lee, Hyuga Neji, and Tenten. They requested that they played the same game, and Gai agreed, so here we are. Good luck to all three of you, but I don't think it'll help. The categories are: LEAF VILLAGES, ACDM, HARD METALLIC GEARS ON PS2 that category's about Metal Gear Solid, so we might have to skip it, THINGS YOU SHOULDN'T PUT IN YOUR EAR, FIRE CROTCH, and finally, POTPOURRI. Okay, let's dumb this down a bit. I'll replace ACDM with COOKIES and the MGS category with TWO LETTER WORDS. Okay, Tenten won the coin toss and actually jacked me off, so she'll pick first.
Lee- Did I not also jack you off, Charles?
Charles- You started, then I realized it was you and sent you out here.
Tenten- Honestly, Lee. You can be as bad as Gai sometimes. I'll start with ACDM for 100.
Charles- It's not ACDM anymore, Tenten, it's Cookies. Cookies for 100, the answer is: This is the main ingredient in peanut butter cookies. Neji.
Neji- Who is Abarai Renji? ()
Charles- No. I told you, I replaced ACDM with Cookies. I know the old question is still there, but we're not using that one. The question I asked was what is the main ingredient in peanut butter cookies. And for the record, Renji wasn't even in that fight. The winner was Link.
Neji- I don't know the answer to your question. I hate cookies.
Charles- You must have been a deprived child. Lee.
Lee- Who is Link? ()
Charles- No! The question is what is the main ingredient in peanut butter cookies. Answer that question!
Lee- What is a cookie? ()
Charles- Are you retarded?
Lee- No, I am curious. What is a cookie? I want to know.
Charles- Obviously, your parents don't love you. Tenten. Do not say anyone's name. Just tell me the main ingredient in peanut butter cookies.
Tenten- What is butter? ()
Charles- I now have another question for you, Tenten.
Tenten- Shoot.
Charles- Have you ever stared at a carton of orange juice?
Tenten- It said "concentrate", so I concentrated on it.
Charles- I thought that was the case. Peanut butter is the main ingredient in peanut butter cookies. (blank stares) Clearly, the three of you need help pouring a glass of water. I'll keep this moving along and I'll give the board to Neji.
Neji- I refuse.
Charles- Why?
Neji- Religious reasons.
Charles- I don't buy that, but I'll move to Lee anyway.
Lee- I will take the ear category for 100.
Charles- Things You Shouldn't Put in Your Ear for 100. Answer: This yellow fruit that monkeys like is a big no-no for sticking in ears…C'mon, I know you all know this. Think of a fruit that grows in bunches and has a peel. Thank you, Lee.
Lee- You are welcome, Charles. What is a gyroscope? ()
Charles- That is something you shouldn't put in your ear, but it's not the answer.
Lee- Are you telling me that gyroscopes do not grow in bunches?
Charles- Gyroscopes don't grow at all. They're not plants.
Lee- Then why do they come up out of the ground?
Charles- Did you eat the mushrooms growing outside in my garden?
Neji- He thought they were good, so he put some on his pizza.
Charles- Did he get into my sake?
Tenten- I don't think so.
Lee- I am right here. I can hear every word you say.
Charles- Right, then. The answer was a banana. It's still Lee's board, so unless he thinks otherwise, I will pick a category for him.
Lee- I think otherwise.
Charles- No, you don't. I've noticed that you have trouble thinking.
Lee- I do not. I will take Potpourri for 200.
Charles- This animal wearing an article of clothing visits two kids in The Cat in the Hat. Tenten.
Tenten- What is an armadillo in a man-thong? () I have a sexual fetish for armadillos in man-thongs.
Charles- I don't want to picture that, and your sexual fetish is disgusting. Neji.
Neji- What is a cat?
Charles- You're almost there. What's the cat wearing?
Neji- You said a hat.
Charles- So put them together.
Neji- What is a bat in a shirt? ()
Charles- Hang on. (reaches into coat pocket and pulls out mushroom. Eats the mushroom with a disgusted look on the face before washing it down with a bottle marked Hard Nails Whiskey) That should kill me by the end of the show. The answer was of course, a cat in a hat. Great job, kids. You're now all tied at -300.
Lee- I refuse!
Charles- You refuse what?
Lee- To pay! I refuse to pay the fine when I have done nothing wrong!
Charles- What the hell are you talking about, Lee?
Lee- If one answers correctly, you give them money. You say I have not answered correctly, so I must give you money. But I refuse to pay for three wrong answers.
Charles- Lee, you don't owe me anything. If stupidity was a crime, you'd have been put in jail for life, if they didn't put you to death first. I'll pick the next category. Let's go to Cookies for 200. The answer is: You use this baking device to bake your cookies. Lee.
Lee- A toaster. ()
Neji- What is a toaster? ()
Tenten- What is a bonfire? ()
Charles- You make your cookies in the oven. You use a toaster to make toast, and bonfires are not for cooking.
Neji- I will carefully pick a category now.
Charles- You told me your religion doesn't allow it.
Neji- I'm an atheist now.
Charles- Okay, fine. Pick something.
Neji- I'll take Hard Gears for 500.
Charles- That's the Daily Double, but the category is no longer about MGS. It's Two Letter Words. How much do you want to wager?
Neji- Ten dollars.
Charles- That's a little low.
Neji- I like low.
Charles- Your choice. And the answer is: Is. What word is that?
Neji- What is is?
Charles- I don't believe it. YES! This will go down in my record book! (pulls out notebook and writes in it) Let's see, August 10, Game 13, Category: Two Letter Words, Answer: Is, Hyuga Neji says "is" and wins 10 dollars. Okay. We'll take a break, and when we come back, hopefully people will do better.
Episode 13/ Part II
Charles- And welcome back to Anime Jeopardy. You may notice that I'm a bit more depressed coming back onto the show than when we went to break. This is because I just realized that I'll die at the end of the show, my employees will resurrect me with our machine, and I'll have to do this again tomorrow. Now that I've gotten my lament out of the way, let's take a look at the scores. Rock Lee is half of second place with -500. So, I hear that you are a very hard worker.
Lee- That I am, Charles. I pride myself on my hard work and devotion to all forms of fighting.
Charles- All forms of fighting? I've seen you on ACDM.
Lee- I am working on my DeathMatch technique.
Charles- I'll take your word for it. Mr. Hyuga, you are in first place with -490. You and Lee also have something of a rivalry.
Neji- It's not so much a rivalry as Lee owing me seven thousand dollars.
Lee- I do not owe you a goddamn seven thousand dollars!
Neji- Yes, you do.
Charles- I'll let you two work that out. Tenten is also in second place with -500.
Tenten- Looking at them is how I know men will be men.
Charles- I can see what you mean. Fortunately, wildmen will be wildmen. So, you are a master of flying weapons.
Tenten- I am. In fact, I'm developing a weapon as we speak using my buzzer, podium, special pen, and a piece of soap.
Charles- Is your father MacGyver?
Tenten- How did you know?
Charles- I took a guess. Back to the game. Neji, you had the last correct response, so the board is yours.
Neji- I will take Leaf Villages for 800.
Charles- Answer: The three of you live in this village…C'mon, it shouldn't take you this long to figure out. (blank stares) If you don't know where you live, you clearly have the brain capacity of a dead horse. Thank god, Tenten.
Tenten- Is the answer Karakura? ()
Charles- No.
Tenten- Oh, what am I thinking? That's from Zombie Powder. We're from Naruto. What is Blue Note? ()
Charles- And you have just proven the abilities to speak and use flying weapons do not make one intelligent. Lee.
Lee- I will have you know, Charles, that Tenten is a very intelligent girl, and I do not like the way you are currently disrespecting her. ()
Charles- I see what you mean. Next time, try answering the question, pea-brain!
Lee- I am not a pea-brain!
Charles- You know what the difference is between you and a pea? Two fucking IQ points!
Lee- If you are insulting me, I am going to guess that you suffer from low self-esteem and you are trying to bring others down with you. Well, I refuse fall down with you!
Charles (trying to stay calm)- Lee, the main problem that I have is that the constant stupidity of the contestants is driving me somewhat mad. I think that if I got a good sleep every night instead of doing this bullshit which has put me on a long and haunting path of drug addictions, I wouldn't be so tempted to insult you like this. Let's just take a break and we'll sort things out. And for the record, the answer was Konohagakure. We'll be right back.
Episode 13/ Part III
Charles- And welcome back to Anime Jeopardy. I apologize for what happened during the break and I would like to assure everyone that we have cleaned up the urine. That said, let's take a look at the scores. Rock Lee is in second place with -1 300.
Lee- Prepare yourselves for Double Jeopardy, in which I plan to win more money!
Charles- You plan to win some money, so let's see you win some money. Hyuga Neji is in first place with -490.
Neji- I owe it to the Daily Double.
Charles- I'd just owe it to using your brain for once. And finally, Tenten is in third place with -2 100.
Tenten- My new weapon is almost complete. (she stands proudly over an unchanged podium) Now to find a way to conceal it…
Charles- Time for Double Jeopardy. The categories are: NAME THE MUSCLE BULGE, SITCOMS, LONG EARED ANIMALS, AMERICAN HISTORY, RICH PEOPLE, and finally, AUSTRALIA. Okay, time to go back through these. I'm afraid I'll have to once again call on backup categories. We have two again, so I'll use them wisely. We'll replace AMERICAN HISTORY with BODIES OF WATER and we'll replace RICH PEOPLE with COLORS. Remember American History and Rich People no longer exist as categories. Neji, you're in the lead, so we'll start with you.
Neji- I'll take Australia for 1 600.
Charles- People from Australia are known as this. Lee.
Lee- What are parasites? ()
Tenten- No, Lee, parasites are from the capital of France.
Charles- No, they are not. People from Paris are called Parisians.
Tenten- I thought Parisians were from Persia.
Charles- And you have a severe lack of basic intelligence. Neji, what do they call the Australians from Australia?
Neji (in a bad accent)- G'day, mates! We're gonna go out lookin' for some roos in the outback! Think you'll chumba from the heat? N'warries, mate, we're freakin' Australian! ()
Charles- And because of what happened with this question, I must now apologize to all Australians and Parisians. I'm not telling you the answer because it would defeat the purpose of you figuring it out. It's now Lee's board.
Lee- I will select the category that involves the use of a muscle.
Charles- I'll take that to mean Name the Muscle Bulge for 2 000. brings up picture of a bulging bicep What muscle is that? It's on the arm. It starts with "bi" and ends in "cep". That means the answer is Tenten.
Tenten- What is the gluteus? ()
Charles- You're a gluteus head. Lee.
Lee- It is not polite, Charles, to insult others. Have you and I not discussed that before?
Charles- We have. Do you want to answer the question?
Lee- No. () I did not say anything, so how could I lose money?
Charles- You rang in, then said nothing. The answer was the bicep. I'll try Colors for 1 000. The answer is: Ripe tomatoes are often this color. Neji.
Neji- What is green? ()
Charles- I said ripe tomatoes. They're red. Lee.
Lee- Are you doubting our abilities by giving us the answer up front?
Charles- I am. I know you're not going to say it. Red, red, red, red, red.
Lee- What is red?
Charles- I'm surprised, Lee. You surprised me. Pick a category.
Lee- I will take Long Eared Animals for 1 000.
Charles- You may wager up to two thousand dollars.
Lee- There are five two thousand dollar questions remaining. That makes ten thousand dollars. Those coupled with the four unpicked one thousand dollar questions makes a total of fourteen thousand dollars, and that shall be my wager.
Charles- Perhaps you misheard me. I said you could only wager up to 2 000.
Lee- Or I can kick you in the nuts.
Charles- I don't really care about that, but as I think about it, my girlfriend might care, and you're Rock Lee, so it'll hurt a lot. Okay, your wager is 14 000. The answer is: This long eared animal is known for eating carrots and multiplying like crazy.
Lee- Uh, what is the electric eel? ()
Charles- No! Eels don't have ears!
Lee- Then what is the manta ray? ()
Charles- They don't have ears, either.
Lee- The great white shark? ()
Charles- I hope one eats you. Neji.
Neji- What is a salmon? ()
Charles- Okay, let me try and clear up the obvious confusion here: fish don't have ears. Tenten.
Tenten- What is a perch? ()
Charles- That's another fish! Neji, I don't want to…
Neji- What is a snake? ()
Charles- I hope a venomous one bites your dick. Tenten, don't sp…
Tenten- What is a newt? ()
Charles (stifling rage)- I'm trying not to go off my rocker here.
Neji- You're already there.
Charles- GAAAAAAAAAH! (jumps up and down like a maniac) That's it, I can't take this anymore! Final Jeopardy! The category is...(suddenly calms down)…the category will be BODIES OF WATER, and the answer is whatever the 400 dollar question says: This great body of water gave Salt Lake City its name. Thirty seconds, good luck. ( ) (now speaking with slurred speech) Oookay, let's see what you did with…with…with…this one. Iiiiiii know that I am vveeerrrry drunk, but I can see who you are, what you did, and how mudge you wagered. We'll start with (drunkenly lumbers towards podiums and walks right into Neji's podium)…Neji.
Neji- You're supposed to start with Lee. (points Charles towards Lee)
Charles- Riiiight. (walks to Lee's podium and slumps over it)
Lee- You are clearly shamelessly drunk on that whiskey.
Charles- You've tried sag-gay. What's the divverence? Let's see your answer, Neji.
Lee- I am Lee.
Charles- Sorry, Tenten.
Lee- I am Lee!
Charles- I just want to see your answer, Gai.
Lee- I AM NEJI!
Charles- Right, Lee, let's see your answer. You wrote down…the Sea of Japan. That's salty water, but it's not a lake. Your wager is…twelve thousand dollars. That's…that's…too much money. You finish at negative sixty thousand dollars.
Neji- His podium says -57 900.
Charles- Do your own damn math. It's close enough. You wrote down…the porta potty. (whacks Neji upside the head with the whiskey bottle) That's a stupid answer, so I hit you. I hit you with the bottle. You've got -31 090. I'm so fuckin' drunk. (uncaps bottle and pees in it) Now I move on to you, Tenten.
Tenten- I have finally completed my new flying weapon! Thank you, Charles, for the supplies I needed!
Charles- I hate weapons. (hits Tenten with the bottle so hard it shatters) That'll teach you.
Tenten (covered in urine and some broken glass)- What the fuck!
Charles- You have -32 100. Congrats, Neji. This was Anime Jeopardy, I'm Charles Tolle, and…(pitches over drunk)
Better than any of the others? Worse than any of the others? Tell me! Does anyone know the SNL game from which I borrowed Final Jeopardy? And for that matter, can anyone tell me the same about the third game?